Old Scars, Future Hearts
by BeExtraordinary1229
Summary: It's the summer of 2004. In Manhattan, five years after Derek finds him in bed with Addison, Mark Sloan meets a four year old girl with Derek Shepherd's eyes and an inoperable brain tumor. This is the story of finding a family, of growing up, of forgiveness, of falling in love, of ferry boat scrub caps, and of Dream Houses. MerDer AU
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:**

Disclaimers: I don't own Grey's Anatomy (if I did, Derek would still be very much alive). Credit for the title goes to All Time Low.

This story is slightly different (ok, a little more than slightly different) than how Shonda's Grey's starts. You'll find many of the same faces carry a bit of a different story. You'll meet some new people, and I'll elaborate on characters we've only briefly seen.

I am and always have been, first and foremost, a Derek Shepherd fan. As we go forward, I think that will become very obvious. If I say anything more now, I'll give the story away, so I'm going to stop here.

Friendly reminder: You are reading ONE person's POV at any given time. There are always at least two parts to every story. Everyone has a story. Every character is this story is human. They make mistakes. They have flaws. No one is perfect. You will hear all of their stories in time. You just need to bare with me and give me time to tell them.

So, without further ado...

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter One**

* * *

 _We all have flaws._

 _We all make mistakes._

 _It's the bitter truth of being human._

 _Surgeon's don't like to admit they have flaws. We come at you with a scalpel and surgical drills- we are supposed to be perfect._

 _No matter the specialty- general, neuro, plastics, trauma, neonatal, cardio- your lives are in our hands when you're in our ORs._

 _Medical school is the easy part. Surviving intern year, residency, and fellowship are hard. Then, one day, you find yourself as an attending. You are the teacher now. You're on your own._

 _You are the one calling all the shots, all the medical decisions, and all the ethical decisions._

 _Ethics? Yea, they aren't my strong suit._

 _You see, I'm the jackass that slept with my best friend's wife and wrecked their marriage._

 _A 23 year friendship crumbled in less than 10 minutes. He hasn't spoken to me in almost 5 years. His ex-wife and I tried to make it work, tried to love each other to feel better about throwing away marriages and life long friendships._

 _We lasted a month and then she ran off with no explanation. I've always wondered why._

 _\- Mark Sloan_

* * *

"It's her birthday," the social worker said sadly. "What a birthday present."

Mark looked at him warily. He had just finished his last surgery of the day. He was tired of the hospital. He wanted to get to the nearest bar and find something to do for the night. He did not want some social worker he didn't know chatting his ear off at the nurses' station.

"I don't understand why her parents gave her up," he continued. "They are both richer than rich, they could have just hired a Nanny. Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be to get a practically inoperable brain tumor removed from a ward of the state?"

With a sigh, Mark turned to glance at the child in question. Even his cold heart could admit that finding an inoperable brain tumor in a four year old was a shitty birthday indeed. As he caught sight of her, his heart lurched.

He would know those eyes anywhere.

He hadn't seen them in almost five years. The last time he saw those eyes they were blazing with anger, hurt, betrayal, and all the other things a person feels when they catch their best friend in bed with their wife.

This little girl was a Shepherd.

Derek had wanted kids of his own since college. He had wanted kids with Addison, but she had been determined to put her career first. Mark knew that Derek had begun drifting away from her when he realized that Addison would never want the family he dreamed of.

There was not a chance that Derek Shepherd would willingly give up his child.

"How long would it take to get me cleared to foster her?" Mark asked quietly. "I'm a plastic surgeon, and I happen to have a best friend who they call the God of Neurosurgery."

The social worker's jaw dropped. "You'd be willing to take her?" he whispered. "Dr., I…"

"I have a three bedroom apartment, I can send a friend to make one of them a little girl's room," he said quickly. "There's a day care here she can stay in while I'm at work."

"I have to make a few phone calls," he said seriously. "This is as terrible as it sounds, but she's a huge burden in the eyes of the system. I don't foresee any issues. Thank you."

"Mark Sloan," he said extending his hand.

"Do you mind me asking what your income is?" the worker asked, turning red. "It's just…"

"I'm an attending plastic surgeon at a hospital on the upper east side," Mark said with a smirk. "My salary is enough to send her to college 20 times over. I make 4 million a year. Think that is good enough?"

The man's eyes bulged out of his head.

"This is my pager," Mark said, sliding a piece of paper towards him. "Page me when you get an answer. I'm going to track down a birthday cake."

"Wait!" the man called. "You mentioned knowing the God of Neurosurgery?"

Mark turned around, raising an eyebrow at the man. "I did. I take it you've heard of him?"

The man scoffed. "I've researched him, I was curious."

"Because you're dealing with a kid with brain cancer?" Mark asked, unease settling into the pit of his stomach.

"And because his name's on her birth certificate," the man spat.

"Quiet!" Mark hissed, pulling the man into the closest conference room and slamming the door shut behind him. "I figured that out the second I saw her, she's his clone. I have known Derek Shepherd since we were 5 years old, and I can promise you that he has no idea he has a child."

The man's eyes widened. "What?"

"Derek Shepherd has wanted kids since we were kids. Half the reason he divorced Addison was because he wanted a family and she didn't." Mark sighed, his anger at Addison growing by the minute.

"I'm Mike, Mike Gaston," he held out his hand for Mark to shake. "And I'm sorry to disappoint you, but Dr. Shepherd signed away his parental rights shortly after Abby was born."

Mark couldn't breathe. There was no way Derek would do that.

"I don't believe you," he said quietly. "He can't have known."

"Maybe he didn't want to stay married to Dr. Montgomery and felt a kid would get in the way. He is the one that filed for divorce, after all."

"He filed for divorce after finding me and Addison in his bed," Mark hissed. "I am telling you, Derek Shepherd does not know he has a child!"

Mike glared at the plastic surgeon as he pulled out Abby's file. He flipped through it quickly until he found what he was looking for- the form that said Shepherd didn't want the kid. With a smirk, he shoved it into Mark's hand.

"This proof enough for you?" he asked curtly.

Mark glanced at it, his eyes widening first with shock, then filling with anger.

Well, on the bright side, there was absolutely nothing stopping Derek from operating on her if needed. He would never think she was his, because just as Mark suspected, he didn't know he had a child.

"No," he snapped. "It's not. That is not his signature," Mark said coldly, shoving the paper back at the now shocked social worker.

"Do you think he would take her?" the man asked desperately. "If we could prove she's his and that he wants her, we could get someone to try. Wouldn't surgeons want to try for him, to try to impress him at least?"

"We aren't going to tell him anything until she no longer has a tumor in her brain," There was an edge to Mark's voice that caught the social worker off guard. "They don't call him the God of Neurosurgery for nothing- he can remove this tumor. He's my last resort because I'll be fired, but I have no doubt he can."

"I'm not sure whether you are doing this because you care about Abby or because her father is your best friend," Mike said softly, "but I have no doubt that you are the best option I have for her at the moment. I'm going to push custody through. I'll call you as soon as I can make it official. It shouldn't take long."

15 minutes later, Mark's pager went off.

"She's yours," Mike Gaston said gently when Mark called him back.

"I'll be in her room in 5," Mark said quickly. He turned to the intern assigned to him. "Shepherd, I need you to go buy me everything a four year girl's room would need. Have it shipped to my address, and take my card."

"A 4 year old girl?" Amelia raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you have a child you just found out about?"

"I'm fostering a 4 year old with brain cancer," Mark said softly. "So, if you can brainstorm ways to get your brother to answer my calls, that would be helpful too."

"Are you serious?" Amelia shouted chasing after him. "Since when do you foster kids?"

"Get out of here, Shepherd, or you'll be updating my charts for the next month."

Amelia was the little sister he never had. He'd been there through the death of Christopher Shepherd, through her descent into booze, boys, and drugs. He had been there through her stealing Derek's prescription pads and overdosing on oxycodone.

Liz Shepherd told him that Amelia had been living with Derek in Seattle while she was in medical school. It had done her a world of good, the entire Shepherd family could see that.

When she first got here, Amelia only spoke to him when absolutely necessary. Even then, it was one word answers with barely concealed anger. She clearly took Derek's side, not that he blamed her. He took Derek's side, and he was the ass that wrecked his marriage.

One word answers didn't cut it when she was on his service, however. He made that very clear. Amelia might be his baby sister, but he was her attending, and she would respect that. Over time, she softened towards him. He wouldn't say they were back to the relationship they had before he slept with Addison, but perhaps that wasn't possible.

After all, Amelia was a very different person now. She was happy. He hadn't seen her happy since the morning before her father was murdered in front of her.

They weren't as close as they once were, but she no longer hated him. Mark would even dare to say they had a budding friendship.

"There's no way Derek will speak to you!" she called.

Mark whirled around. "If he can't get the fuck over what I did to save a four year old's life, than your brother is the real jackass in this situation, isn't he?" he growled.

Amelia gaped at him. Who was this man, and what had he done with Mark Sloan?

She thought about it for a moment, her lips curving into a smile. Mark Sloan, foster father, were words that did not belong in the same sentence. Her smile fell a bit when what he said caught up to her. Brain cancer, foster kid; this had to be the same patient Dickens refused to waste resources on.

Amelia hated Dickens. After spending 4 years in Seattle with Derek, she could clearly see that the man was a medical dinosaur. He fit the neurosurgeon stereotype perfectly- he was arrogant, rude, and self-centered. He deserved to be taken down a peg. Mark was the perfect person for the job.

She glanced at the card Mark had shoved at her. His Black Amex. Sweet.

On her way out of the hospital to shop for Mark's new child, she grabbed her sister. No one could shop for kids like Lizzie. Besides, Derek wouldn't want to hear about Mark's change of heart and she needed to tell someone. Liz would do.

Once Mark told off his intern, he walked towards the girl's room. Abby, he reminded himself. The social worker told him her name was Abby.

He had absolutely no idea what to do with a child. He had played uncle to the sisters kids back when he and Derek were friends, but that had been years ago. What business did he have playing Dad to a four year old girl?

Mark hadn't seen the brain scans yet, but, clearly, the medical student hovering outside of Abby's room had. They didn't look good, he could tell by the look in the kid's eyes.

"Mark Sloan," he said quietly, extending a hand to the kid. "Abby's my new foster child."

"She's incredible," the student said hoarsely. "She's smart and funny, and she's four for fucks sake."

"Dickens is refusing to operate, isn't he?" Mark asked quietly.

Anger flared in the guy's eyes. "Dickwad says there is no point wasting the money or resources on a ward of the state."

Any thoughts he'd been having of telling Amelia the truth vanished. He was going to need Derek Shepherd, and in that case, no one could know what he had guessed. The knowledge that Abby was his daughter would be staying between him and Mike Gaston.

Mark looked at the boy critically for a moment.

"You were in the system, weren't you?"

The kid glared at him. "What's it matter?"

"Abby doesn't know she's getting a new home," His eyes widened. "I was hoping, since you already seem to be friends with her, that you would help me explain it to her. There will also be cake soon, I ordered one to be delivered."

He hated most foster parents on principle. They reminded him of his crappy childhood, so he sided with the kids and was a jerk to the parents.

The fact that this new foster father had earned himself the nickname 'McSteamy' didn't improve his perception of the man.

He mentioned a cake though, he thought. He's planning on celebrating her birthday, which already ranks him above almost every foster parent he's ever known.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked harshly. "What are you getting out of this?"

Mark deflated a bit. "You were in the system," he said quietly. "I'm not getting anything out of this. As to why I'm doing it, well I'm not that much of a heartless bastard. It's her 4th birthday, she's just been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, and Dickens has his picture next to douche bag in the dictionary. I make four million dollars a year in plastics."

The kid was gaping at him now.

"I am a bachelor, and yes, I know it was your friends who christened me McSteamy. I have no use for that money. I'm hoping my name will get some decent neurosurgeons to consider operating."

"Dickens is an ass," he agreed, "but he is one of the better neurosurgeons in New York. If he's saying it's not worth trying…"

"If I can't get anyone willing to try," Mark took a deep breath, "then I will do whatever it takes to get Derek Shepherd here to do it."

"Alex Karev," he said, finally shaking Mark's hand.

Of course, Mark thought with a smirk. Mention having Derek Shepherd's number in your phonebook and suddenly everyone likes you. If you had told him that in high school, when Derek's afro was practically the size of a city block and he was the band geek, he would have laughed until he couldn't breathe.

Times sure have changed.

"Just to warn you," Alex said smiling softly, "She's quite the chatterbox."

Alex pushed the door open, and Mark quickly saw what he meant.

"AWEX!" the little girl shrieked. "They're winnin, Wex!"

"Are they?" Alex grinned broadly, sitting down beside her. "That's awesome, Abby!"

"That's Dewek Jeta!" she squealed, pointing at the television.

Abby Shepherd. Head full of black hair, looks just like Derek. Likes the Yankees.

Mark smiled as he added that observation to the very small list of things he knew about the girl.

"You like the Yankees?" Mark asked softly, sitting down in the chair next to Alex. "I'm Mark, I like the Yankees too."

Abby titled her head, her small brain trying to work out who he was.

Alex glanced at him questionably. Was he going to tell her or what?

"So, I have a question for you," Mark began, forcing himself to look her in the eye. "How would you like to live with me?"

Her eyes filled with hope. He didn't miss her pleading look towards Alex.

"Mark wants to be your foster Dad," Alex said gently, squeezing her hand.

"I have cancer," Abby said seriously.

"I know," Mark whispered, rubbing his hand up and down her leg in an attempt to comfort her.

"No one wants a sick kid," Abby parroted.

Alex had angry tears in his eyes. Mark could hear the hurt beneath those words. The fact that a 4 year old was experiencing that much hurt cut through him like a knife.

"I don't care that you have cancer now," Mark said quietly. "You might be sick right now, but you will not be sick forever. We're going to fight and you'll be at Yankee games in no time."

"Can I have a Dewek Jeta shirt?" she asked, her eyes wide with excitement. "And popakown?"

Mark smiled. "Of course you can."

"Is da cancer why my Mommy and Daddy weft me?"

"No," Mark said forcefully, ignoring the agony he was feeling. "It's not."

"So why?" she asked, pouting. "Did dey not lub me?"

Alex's grip on the side of the chair tightened.

"Your Mommy was scared," Mark whispered, forcing away his hatred towards Addison. "Your Daddy had to go to Seattle for work…"

"Where's Seattle?" Abby asked curiously.

"Far away," he chuckled. "It's 5 hours by plane. That's 1 and ½ Yankee games."

Abby's jaw dropped. "Wow, dat IS far!"

He nodded. "Your Mommy didn't think she could be a good Mommy. She wanted you to be with a family that loved you."

Alex snorted, earning a glare from Mark.

"And my Daddy?"

Mark took a deep breath. "Your Daddy doesn't know about you," he said gently. "Your Mommy never told him."

For just a second, Alex dreamed of bashing Sloan's face in. What the hell was he playing at?

Abby looked confused. Mark didn't blame her; just the thought of the mess Addison created gave him a headache.

"Why did he have to go to Seatley?" she asked.

"Because he's a doctor too," Mark explained.

Amelia froze in the doorway. She'd been listening for the past few minutes. Seattle. He's a doctor too. Your Mommy didn't tell him.

One look at the girl told Amelia everything.

As she stood there, listening to Mark defend a guy who hadn't spoken to him in 5 years, her respect for Mark Sloan grew exponentially. He didn't decide to foster a kid because he felt bad for her. He did it because she was Derek's.

"That's what I want," Abby piped up.

All 3 adults were confused.

"What?" Alex asked. "What do you mean, Abby?"

"I wanna meet my Daddy," she yawned. "No more cancer and meet my Daddy, dat's my birfday wish!"

Alex caught Amelia's eyes and his widened in shock.

Amelia Shepherd and Mark Sloan were practically siblings, the whole hospital knew that. From what he had heard, Sloan had been raised a Shepherd after befriending the brother at the age of 5.

 _He's a doctor too. Your Mommy didn't tell him. Seattle._

It was like a light bulb had gone off in his head.

Amelia came from a family of doctors. Most of the residents were constantly after her about her brother's fellowship. How common was the name Shepherd in medicine?

 _Then I will do whatever it takes to get Derek Shepherd here to do it._

Abby was Derek Shepherd's daughter. Holy crap.

* * *

Two weeks later, the three adults in Abby's life were exhausted.

Abby was tired too. Mark had dragged her to 4 different neurosurgeons in the past week. They all had the same answer.

It's too risky.

Surgery could kill her.

The last surgeon he consulted had left him seething.

" _The only surgeon in the country that would even go near this mess is Derek Shepherd. He loses more patients than he saves- is that the man you want operating on this kid?"_

" _Considering if no one operates, she'll be dead in months?" Mark hissed. "That's exactly what I want, Dickens. Get Shepherd on the phone, ask his opinion."_

" _Sloan, the kid's a foster care hopeless case. Don't waste your time or money. Let social services give you another kid if you want to parent so badly. This kid will be a mess for the rest of her life if she survives, and quite frankly, I'm not willing to waste taxpayer money on that."_

Karev had called just about every surgeon and oncologist in the Tri-State area. He was supposed to be moving to the West Coast within the week to start his internship, and he was spending every waking moment with Abby, Mark, and Amelia.

Mark wasn't sure how he was getting away with claiming Amy for his service when he wasn't operating, but he wasn't about to question it.

Amelia and Alex had confided their realizations in each other. Mark was still clueless that they knew Abby was Derek's.

Alex was afraid Mark would assume he was doing this to eventually have favors to call in with Shepherd, which ,although that had briefly crossed his mind, was not the reason he cared so much.

So, when Mark had tiredly informed them he had been calling Derek on and off for several days with no answer, he did his best to appear shocked.

"You think we've reached that point?" Alex asked dejectedly.

Mark's tear filled eyes answered that.

Amelia promised she would try to call him, but two days later, she didn't have good news either.

"He's ignoring my calls now too," Amelia said quietly as Mark exited Abby's room.

Mark cursed angrily. Derek was being a jackass and he didn't know what to do. Abby was running out of time.

"Karev!" he shouted at the former medical student. "Get over here."

"Is Abby okay?" he asked breathlessly.

Amelia smiled sadly. "She's the same as she was this morning."

"Say goodbye," Mark said softly. "We've got to get going or you'll miss your flight."

Mark had agreed to drive Alex to the airport. He had come to really like the kid. Karev was going to make one hell of a doctor. Even though Alex said he wanted plastics, Mark knew he would wind up in pediatrics eventually. He was too good with kids to play with boobs all day.

"Keep me posted," Alex begged as they pulled up to the airport. "Please."

"I will," he promised, his voice laced with sadness and pain. "Karev, you know if we can't find someone, we're looking at months."

"We'll find someone!" Alex shouted, tears filling his eyes. "She's 4, we have to find someone."

"I'm not giving up!" Mark assured the soon to be intern. "I won't ever give up on her, I'm just making sure you get the point we are at."

"You have to call me," Alex pleaded. "If something happens, if she turns worse…"

"I will call you," Mark promised. "And I will get you on the first flight out. Talk to your Chief of Surgery as soon as you can, let them know what's going on. I'm sure they'll be understanding."

* * *

Alex was unpacking his suitcase in the hotel room when he spotted pink.

He left New York on such short notice, he had no time to find a place to stay. Mark Sloan had given him money to crash at a hotel until he could get his bearings, which he greatly appreciated.

What the hell had Amelia packed in here?

Pulling it out, he bit back a gasp. How did she know?

 _Liz told me your internship is at Seattle Grace. I don't know if I want to hug you or punch you. He's not as intimidating as he seems, he just really dislikes Mark._

She had given him Abby's latest brain scans. His eyes widened and for the first time in several weeks, he felt real hope.

In the morning, he would start working at the same hospital as one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. The guy might be able to ignore phone calls, but he couldn't possibly be horrible enough to ignore an intern holding brain scans. Could he?

It was at the very end of a grueling first 36 hours that Alex finally found his target. Grabbing Abby's scans from his locker he walked towards the office with his stomach in knots.

This was her last hope. Mark knew it, Amelia knew it, and Alex knew it.

If Derek Shepherd said no, they would never find anyone willing to try. The mixture of hope and fear made Alex want to puke.

Well, here went nothing.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Alex knocked on the door.

Derek had just silenced another call from New York, this time from Liz. He had a very long day, and just wanted to get back to the trailer.

"Nelson's the on-call neurosurgeon," he said curtly. He was sick of these interns already.

Alex counted to 10. "I know, my shift's over too. I get it you've had a crappy day, I've had a crappy month. I just need your help for a minute."

That was a lie and they both knew it.

Derek eyed the envelope in the intern's hands warily. They didn't use those envelopes here, but they used them at Sinai. Who was this kid?

"Fine," Derek sighed, holding out a hand. "What am I looking at?"

He flinched when he saw the tumor. No one would touch something like that at Sinai. Hell, he could only name 3 surgeons who would even consider trying and he was one of them.

Damn it.

He was never going home tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:**

My original plan was to do Monday/Friday updates for this story. However, I needed something to be smile about last night so I finished early.

This will never be an Addison-Derek story. I actually like Addison as a character quite a bit, but she's not the one for Derek. She may or may not be redeemed a little as the story goes on (I'm still debating), but I can promise that Addison will never appear as a love interest for Derek.

That said, yes, this will be Mer-Der. Eventually. As the summary says, it is five years after Derek caught Addison and Mark. He is in a very different place in life compared with the Derek we met in the Grey's pilot. This story will be Mer-Der when it ends, but we have quite a long road to travel before we get there. Hang in there. I promise, it will be worth it.

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

I've never been the one night stand kind of guy.

In high school, I was the band geek with a huge afro. Neither of those things made me very popular with the opposite sex.

Shortly after I finally figured out hair products, I met Addison. We were college seniors when we started dating and we got married right out of medical school. I thought she was the one.

They say hindsight is 20/20, but I still can't pinpoint the exact moment when Mark started to love her too. Trust me, I spent hours looking back on the years we were all 'just friends' after our divorce.

Addison and I were both in demanding surgical residencies, sure, but they were at the same hospital. We could have made it work.

Why didn't we? I wish I knew.

What I can pinpoint is the moment when I started doubting my own happiness.

I love kids. I want kids. I've always wanted kids and I never kept that a secret. Addison knew that. Addison married me knowing I wanted a family. She claimed she wanted one too.

As we moved up the medical totem pole though, our dreams began to change. We both wanted to be the best at what we did. I felt I could do it with a family. Addison didn't think she could.

So I accepted the 'not nows' and 'after residency' and repeated them to myself over and over like a lifeline. Over time, I realized Addison was more than happy with it being just the two of us.

She made comments about our nieces and nephews. She implied they came at the cost of my sisters' careers. I knew that my dream of a family would not be fulfilled if I was married to Addison Montgomery.

I was raised Irish Catholic. I wasn't raised to believe in divorce. Kathleen had been married to Rob for 15 years. Liz married her high school sweet heart at 19. Sure, Nancy was on marriage number 2, but she was Nancy. Who the hell would want to spend the rest of their life with her?

I wasn't happy, but I held onto hope that one day I would be able to change Addison's mind.

And then I found her in bed with my best friend.

My mother had considered Mark Sloan a second son since we were 5 years old.

He was my brother in every way that mattered.

In one night, I lost both my wife and my brother.

When I showed up at my mother's house at 1 in the morning, she had been comforting. The next day, I heard her on the phone with Mark and I knew.

My mother would never abandon her children. She might hate what Mark did, but she would still love him.

So, I ran. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but back then I just needed to get away. With the help of my long time mentor Richard Webber, I transferred my residency to Seattle Grace. I moved across the country, leaving my family and my life behind me in New York.

Seattle Derek Shepherd was very different than his Manhattan counterpart, and I found myself loving the West Coast. I lived in a trailer, not a condo overlooking Central Park. I didn't have a mansion in the Hampton's. I lived alone on acres of land and I was happy.

I have a thing for ferryboats. Seattle's got plenty of those.

I was happy. My career was thriving.

I was well on my way to becoming Chief Resident the morning I crashed into a medical student in the lobby. Much to my surprise, the medical student was my sister.

I remember being shocked. I hadn't seen Amelia since she overdosed on oxycodone after stealing my prescription pads years earlier. I had no idea she was living in Seattle. I had no idea she was in medical school.

In that moment, I realized it was time to stop running. I talked, actually talked to Amy. I called my Mom. I called Kathleen and Liz. I even called Nancy.

Amy and I had our share of ups and downs. Our relationship hit rock bottom the day she showed up in my office, tears streaming down her face, and a fake prescription for Oxycontin in her hand.

Furious wasn't a strong enough word for what I felt that day.

But she didn't relapse.

Richard Webber had repeated that line over and over to me for what seemed like hours before I let go of my anger. For the first time in almost 5 years, I really talked to my sister. I was shocked to hear her say that I was the reason she got clean. I was even more shocked to learn that she had been on the brink of a relapse the day I ran into her at work.

" _I was miserable," she whispered. "I was alone, none of the sisters speak to me, and even Mom thinks I'm a disappointment. I was struggling through school, through the rotation I was on. I'd met a guy at a bar the night before who promised he'd hook me up and I swear Derek, I came so close to saying yes. I had made up my mind to call him when I ran into you in the lobby."_

 _He didn't know what to say. His family had failed his sister. When he had first seen her here, all the anger he felt the night of her overdose came back. Amy had turned to run away and that made him even angrier. So he confronted her, demanded that she have dinner with him._

" _You were forceful and pushy and the Derek I hadn't seen in years," she laughed through her tears. "You were the big brother that felt he had to protect me. And you did protect me. You let me in, and whether you believe it or not, that saved me."_

I had let her in. It was grudgingly at first, but eventually we rebuilt our relationship from the ground up. On her days off, Amy had stayed at the trailer with me. She loved the space too, and being together made us both less lonely.

One day, I woke up to Amelia singing in the shower and a bright smile took over my face. My sister was back.

Amelia moved to New York for her internship, but we kept in touch. She told me everything, and in turn I told her about my surgeries, my research, and my day to day life.

Liz often accuses me of trying to push her towards neuro. I'm big enough to admit she's right.

I was the first person Amelia called when she realized she would be working with Mark. She was the first person I really talked to about how hurt I was by my former friend's actions, how I doubted I could ever forgive Mark for that betrayal.

Hearing about Amy and Mark's friendship from my Mom had stung. Amy was my sister. Mark had already stolen my wife, I hated the idea of him stealing Amy too.

So, when he started calling, I ignored him. I had nothing to say.

When Amy started calling on his behalf, I got angry.

When Liz called too, I got drunk.

I've never been the one night stand kind of guy. And then I met a girl at the bar.

She was beautiful. I am not a believer in love at first sight, but I imagine that's what it would feel like if it does exist.

I hadn't been with anyone since the divorce. I got caught up in my residency, my research, and my sister. I was 33 years old, one of the best Neurosurgeon's in the United States, and the newly named Head of Neuro at Seattle Grace. I held the world in my hand.

So I got drunk and I had sex and God was it good.

Considering the way she had thrown me out of the house that morning, I doubted I would ever see her again. Sober Derek did not like that idea one bit.

When I saw her at the hospital, at first I was thrilled for the chance to get to know her. At least, I was until I realized she was an intern.

This, ladies and gentleman, is why I am not a one night stand kind of guy.

* * *

For the second time in 72 hours, Alex Karev was on a red eye across the country.

He couldn't wait to tell Amelia Shepherd that, yes, her brother was just as intimidating as he seemed. Alex had thought up tons of possible outcomes to his visit to the Head of Neurosurgery's office, but this? This was definitely one outcome he never saw coming.

* * *

Derek sighed as he sat down behind his desk, still looking over the scans.

"Why do you have scans that say Mount Sinai on them?" he asked curtly, not bothering to look up.

Alex gulped, but stayed quiet.

After a minute, Derek spoke again. "I'm waiting, Karev."

His eyes widened. He had been here for 36 hours. How did the Head of Neurosurgery already know his name?

"My last rotation was at Sinai," Alex was practically shaking. "I was with…"

"Joseph Dickens," Derek cut him off. "So I've heard. He called me after your rotation."

Dickens hated him. The only reason Alex had even passed that rotation was because Mark and Dr. Liz Shepherd Kraft, the acting Chief at the time, intervened. This was bad.

"Dr. Dickens is one of the most well respected surgeons in New York," Derek said quietly. "And you did a hell of a job alienating him."

Alex saw red. "He's a jackass!" he steamed. "He's a heartless bastard and a miserable human being. He only sees the dollar signs. The only patients that matter are the ones with bigger bank accounts than his. If you aren't loaded and need brain surgery, you'd better pray you never wind up at Sinai because you're dead."

Derek barely managed to hide his smirk.

Liz was right. This kid had guts.

"I take it these scans don't belong to someone with a large bank account?"

"They belong to a 4 year old girl in foster care. Dickens's brilliant opinion is that she's a waste of resources. Why waste all that money on a kid in the system?" Alex spent many days dreaming of bashing the man's face in, but Mark always stopped him.

A four year old.

Dickens had really outdone himself this time.

"Did the foster parents seek other opinions?" he asked softly, his mind racing with ideas of how to save the girl's life.

"Between her foster father, the intern I was working with, and me, we talked to almost every surgeon in the Tri-State area," Alex said, the agony of defeat clear in his voice.

Derek had known that would be the answer from his very first glance at the scans. There were very few people in the United States that would even consider it. He might just be the only surgeon willing to try.

"How much neuro have you seen?" Derek asked, sitting back in his chair.

Alex shrugged. "Not a whole lot. Dickens hates me, so I didn't get to see much on that rotation."

"This tumor is going to be incredibly difficult to remove," he said softly. "It's taken over most of her parietal lobe. What are the risks?"

"Permanent numbness," Alex said quietly. "In one or both sides of her body. Temporary or partial paralysis."

"What are her symptoms?"

"She can't walk," He failed to stop his tears from falling and tried not to be mortified when Shepherd handed him a box of tissues. "She has trouble with her words sometimes. The Social Worker says she didn't struggle so much before."

"Radiation failed?" Derek asked.

"Sort of," Alex answered. "They tried, but Dickens declared it inoperable and terminal so social services stopped it. Her foster father just got her onto his insurance, but he is hesitating to put her through that if the tumor will just kill her anyway."

"I can call the foster father," Derek offered. "Explain that the more radiation she gets, the greater the chance the tumor will shrink and become operable."

"He's a surgeon too," Alex finally admitted. "He's weighed the risks and benefits extensively."

Suddenly, the phone calls from New York were starting to make sense.

"I take it he's friends with Mark Sloan?" Derek said drily. "My phone has been blowing up for weeks."

Alex really tried to calm himself down. Mark had explained why Derek hated him, and Alex admitted he would probably react the same way if he was in Derek's shoes.

That didn't change or take away the living hell that had consumed them as their hope dwindled with each passing day.

"The foster father is Mark Sloan."

Derek was grateful he was sitting down.

He didn't think he could take the embarrassment if an intern saw his legs give out.

There was no way, he told himself. No one in their right mind would let Mark Sloan play Dad to a four year old girl. It was impossible.

Mark was a man-whore. He worked with boobs and rich women all day, then got drunk at bars all night. Most nights, he took home a woman from the bar. It was rarely the same woman twice.

He wasn't the Dad type. He was barely the Uncle type.

Derek glanced at his phone. All the ignored calls. All the angry fights with Amy and Liz. He knew it wasn't one of his nieces or nephews. They would have told him.

His sisters still cared about Mark, he knew that.

 _You are an ass, McDreamy._

He shook his head. Barely 36 hours into their stay, the new interns had already nicknamed him and gotten him to adopt it.

He picked up the scans again, this time looking for the patient identifiers. When he found what he was looking for, he felt nauseas.

Sloan, Abigail.

Damn it.

He placed the scans back on his desk with a sigh. "What do you want from me, Karev?"

Alex looked at his boss questionably. "What?"

"You took these scans out of Mount Sinai and brought them across the country. You kept them in your locker for 36 hours before bringing them to me. What is it you are expecting me to do?"

"Actually, your sister buried the scans in my suitcase," Alex smirked. "I didn't know they were there until I got here and unpacked."

Derek snorted. Oh Amy. He should have known.

"I take it you've gotten pretty close to Dr. Sloan?" Derek questioned. "I am very sorry, Karev, but I can't discuss the case any further with you."

Now Alex was taken a back. "I'm sorry- what are you talking about?"

"You aren't family," he said gently. "You were a medical student on the case a month ago. You currently work in a hospital on the other side of the country. You are in no way involved in this child's care. To discuss it more is a privacy violation."

"How the hell is it a privacy violation?" Alex snapped, standing up angrily. "You aren't involved in her case either, why can't we talk about it?"

Derek raised an eyebrow. Karev needed to learn how to control his temper if he ever wanted to make it as a surgeon.

"I'd advise you to remember who you are speaking to, Karev." He warned.

Alex didn't care. "So you are going to let Mark Sloan sleeping with your wife be the reason this kid dies?"

Derek was pissed. "My personal life is none of your business," he said coldly. "I won't tolerate disrespect from an intern, Karev. Get out of my office."

"No," Alex's eyes widened even as he spoke the word. "I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd, but I'm not leaving. You are one of the only people in the world that can save her. So suck it up, put aside whatever you're crap is with Sloan for a while, and save that girl's life!"

"They call you the God of Neurosurgery," Alex mocked. "Because you try even when everyone else has walked away. Because you fight for your patients and you win. I wonder what people would say if they knew about this?"

"The Chief's Office!" Derek barked, pointing towards the door. "Now."

Crap. He was screwed. 36 hours into his career as a doctor and he had already blown it.

Alex slowly trudged down to the Chief of Surgery's Office. He wondered if this is what it felt like on Death Row.

When they got there, Shepherd held the door open for him. "Any day now, Karev," he snapped. "Take a seat."

Richard looked up in confusion. "Is there a problem, Dr. Shepherd?"

Yes, Derek wanted to say. This intern is an arrogant, rude, disrespectful, piece of shit.

"I have to go to New York," Derek said instead, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder. "I got called for a consult on a 4 year old with an inoperable tumor in her parietal lobe."

"When do you leave?" Richard sighed. He had been lucky enough that Derek rarely traveled for consults the past few years. People usually came to him.

"Tonight," he said evenly. "And I'm taking Dr. Karev with me."

"You are?" Alex and Richard asked in unison.

"She was Dr. Karev's patient at Sinai when he was a medical student," Derek informed Richard. "He's done quite a bit of work on her case already and he deserves to see it through."

An hour later, Alex was in Sea Tac waiting for a plane to New York.

Derek sat down next to him, handing him a coffee.

"I hope you know that if I was any other attending, you would be out on your ass for talking to me like you did," he said casually.

Alex nodded miserably. "I'm sorry."

Derek shrugged. "You thought I was saying no. Which, for the record, I wasn't. I decided to go to New York the second I saw those scans."

He hid his smug grin as the intern looked even more miserable.

"You fought like hell for this little girl," Derek continued. "You stood up to me because you believed it was in the best interest of your patient. I find that admirable. That's why you are on your way to New York with me and not fired."

"However," Derek warned, "If I ever hear you speak like that to another attending I will make your residency a living hell."

"I failed the boards," Alex said after a moment. "Maybe you should have fired me."

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "I'm aware you failed the boards. Dr. Webber told me. Things happen. You're being given an opportunity to retake them and you'll pass."

Alex snorted. "That's doubtful."

Derek let the subject drop for the time being. The kid had enough on his plate. He'd hound him about the boards after he helped him save Abby's life.

Once they were seated on the plane, Derek pulled out the scans again.

"Pretend you're me," he ordered. "What would you do? Where would you start?"

Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Derek chuckled. "I know you're close to the family, Karev, but that's not why you're coming. You are coming as my intern. As your attending, it's my job to teach you. This is me teaching. Tell me what you would do."

"Dr. Shepherd, I…"

"Do you want to see a real neurosurgeon in action or not?" Derek pressed. "Prove to me you aren't a clueless moron and I'll let you scrub in."

Suddenly, Derek Shepherd didn't seem like such an asshole after all.

* * *

Back in Manhattan, Mark Sloan was reaching his breaking point.

He had called Derek 320 times over the past three weeks.

He had left 320 pleading voicemails.

Abby was running out of time.

"Still nothing?" Liz asked sympathetically. "You should tell Mom. He wouldn't dare ignore her."

Mark shrugged. "If I don't hear anything by tomorrow night, I just might."

She rested her head on his shoulder as she sat down beside him. "She's been sleeping a lot today."

"Yeah," Mark whispered, getting choked up. "She has."

"Have you tried reaching out to her birth parents?" she suggested. "If they've got money, maybe Dickens would be willing to try."

He nearly snorted. If only Liz knew.

Neither of them had any clue that the answer to their prayers were currently on a red eye heading towards New York.

* * *

It was early morning in Manhattan when Derek Shepherd walked through the doors of Mount Sinai, an intern at his heels.

"Do you have privileges here?" Alex asked curiously.

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "Not currently," he admitted. "I doubt I'll have trouble getting them though. I am the God of Neurosurgery after all."

Alex snorted. He was really starting to like his attending.

"Besides," Derek said quietly. "The Chief of Surgery is my sister. I think that will help a bit."

"Don't call yourself God in front of her," Alex suggested. "I don't think Dr. Kraft will like that much."

"She'll hate it," Derek grinned. "Which is exactly why I plan on doing it."

Derek sat down in the cafeteria after buying them both breakfast. He had forced Karev to sleep for part of the flight and when they reached their hotel room.

"Do you really think you can save her?" Alex asked softly.

"I don't know," Derek sipped his coffee. "We've been over how risky it is. There are a million things that can go wrong."

"If you aren't sure you can save her, why are you here?" Alex demanded. "Why come out here if you don't think it will matter?"

"I never said that," Derek held a hand out to silence him. "I said I don't know if I can save her, which I don't. She is 4 years old and her body's been ravaged by cancer and radiation and chemo. She has a tumor eating up about a 5th of her brain. No surgery has a 100% survival rate, Karev."

"Abby has about a 1 in 20 chance of surviving the surgery," Derek said quietly. "There is a 5% chance that she will recover."

Alex could barely stop the sobs from taking over his body.

"However," Derek continued. "If I do nothing, if I say it's too risky, she will die within months, if not weeks. So I'm going to take that 5% chance and run with it. I am going to fight like hell and do everything I possibly can to ensure that she is in that 5% of survivors."

"Dickens said there was no shot at survival either way," Alex said shakily. "Why are you so sure there is?"

"Dickens believes there is no shot at survival because he's never operated on a parietal lobe tumor before," Derek informed him.

"And you have?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes," he said honestly. "I've operated on 5 patients with tumors in the parietal lobe."

"And Karev?" Derek said softly. "Four of them survived."

In a cancer that had a 5% survival rate, in tumors that no surgeon would touch, Derek Shepherd had a 80% success rate. Alex was in awe.

"Were their tumors worse than Abby's?" he asked curiously.

"Two were," Derek nodded. "And they both survived."

The medical world was right to adore him. He really was a surgical God.

"Are you done?" he asked, motioning to Alex's now empty plate. "We should go find Dr. Kraft."

* * *

Mark was having a crappy day. Some bimbo was insisting he perform her surgery immediately, and she didn't seem to care one bit that he had a dying kid.

So when a red faced Joseph Dickens stopped him in the hallway, he decided the universe was clearly out to get him.

"What the hell is he doing here, Sloan?" the man raged.

Mark took a step back as his eyes widened. What had gotten into him?

"I don't know," Mark said cautiously. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"The hell you don't!" he accused. "I am a senior attending here. You are nothing, you are…"

"Is there a problem here, Drs?"

Thank goodness for Liz, Mark thought.

Liz Shepherd Kraft did not look pleased, and Mark couldn't blame her. Her Head of Neurosurgery screaming at another attending in the middle of the hallway would not look good for the hospital.

"Did you know that fool is here?" he turned on Liz now.

"Yes," she said evenly. "Seeing as I gave him surgical privileges, I am well aware that he's here. If you have a problem with that, Dr. Dickens, we can take this conversation to my office. You will not verbally attack Dr. Sloan, any other doctor, or patient anymore today."

"What was that about?" Amelia asked, racing after Mark as he headed towards Abby's room.

"Damned if I know," he rolled his eyes. "The man's a lunatic, you know that."

"Have you heard from Alex?" she asked nervously. Mark didn't know Alex was at Seattle Grace. He didn't know she had hidden Abby's scans in his suitcase.

"No," Mark sighed. "I haven't. I was hoping you had. I'm sure he's just having a rough time adjusting to being an intern. He'll call soon enough."

When they got to Abby's room, Mark's day got even worse.

She was awake, but she was crying.

"What's wrong?" he asked, hurrying over to her bedside.

"Head hurts, Mark!" she sobbed, clutching the bear he had bought her to her chest.

He was pretty certain he felt his heart shatter.

"I'm so sorry, Princess," he murmured, sitting down on the bed beside her.

Amelia came back with ice chips a moment later. Abby could barely keep food down anymore.

"Am I gonna die?" she asked.

Outside the room, Alex was falling apart.

"Pull it together, Karev," Derek ordered gently. "Or you aren't coming in the room with me."

He nodded, angrily swiping away his tears.

This sucked.

Dying patients always sucked, but dying kids were always somehow worse.

But Abby wasn't dying. Not yet.

"Am I gonna die, Mark?" Abby repeated.

He had been unable to answer her the first time she asked, and Derek doubted he'd be able to now. For the first time in 5 years, Derek Shepherd felt something other than hatred towards Mark Sloan.

"No," he said softly, stepping through the doorway into the room. "You aren't going to die. I don't let my patients die."

Alex had to hand it to him. Derek Shepherd sure knew how to make an entrance.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far! I'm so glad you like it. Derek was my favorite character on Grey's, and I really feel like his character was never explored much. With every chapter that I write, I find myself falling a bit more in love with my McDreamy. I hope you do too. I have so much planned for Derek and his family and I am so excited for the ride.

Chapter 4 might be slightly delayed due to my working two 12 hour shifts this weekend, but I am going to do my best to have it up Monday morning. I promise.

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Three**

* * *

It's kind of funny what we actually remember from our childhoods.

I met Mark Sloan on the first day of kindergarten.

He was clearly wealthy, but I was 5 and knew nothing of financial status or designer clothing. My Mom bought me clothes and I picked out what I liked best.

Sometimes they matched. Often they didn't.

Mark was dressed like a Vineyard Vines catalog model. He was dropped off by his Nanny, picked up by his father's secretary.

On the second day of kindergarten, I asked him if he was my friend. He didn't really know what I meant. He was an only child and his parents were absent. Friendship wasn't a concept he grasped. But he said yes anyway.

On the third day of kindergarten, he told me he thought my sister Liz was pretty. I threw sand in his eyes. Then he punched me.

While we were waiting outside the Principal's office for our parents to arrive, he told me he didn't know who was going to come for him. His father was on a business trip and his mother was 'busy.' As we got older, I learned that his mother's definition of 'busy' involved a security guy that worked for his father.

5 year old me was horrified by the idea that Mark's parents wouldn't come for him.

The next day, I invited him to dinner. I didn't understand why, but that invitation rendered him speechless.

That was the first and only time in my life that I had ever seen Mark Sloan at a loss for words.

At least it was until the moment I walked into Abby's hospital room.

* * *

My brother has always been my superhero. He has been even before our father died and he still is long after he saved my life when I overdosed.

I am baby in a large family. I have 3 sisters, Derek, and Mark.

Kathleen is 13 years older than me.

Nancy is 9 and Liz is 7.

Derek and Mark are 5 years older. They have always been my favorite. I never knew Derek Shepherd without Mark Sloan attached at the hip.

I can say for certain that I never imagined a world where those two weren't thick as thieves.

What Mark did with Addison hurt my brother, sure, but was it really so unforgivable? It's not like Derek was overly thrilled with his marriage anyway. Maybe that was one of those things that happen for a reason.

Manhattan Derek Shepherd would have been successful, I have no doubt. He would have finished his residency at Sinai, probably completed his fellowship with Edwards at New York Presbyterian, and gone off into the land of rich and famous, also known as private practice. He would have been one of the greats eventually, it just might have taken longer.

Seattle Derek Shepherd worked at one of the top teaching hospitals in the country. The opportunities that he's had out there are the envy of budding neurosurgeons everywhere. He is freaking 33 and already a surgical legend. Why? Well, for starters, his Chief of Surgery thinks he walks on water. What Derek wants, Derek gets. Webber's believed in him since the day he met him years ago, and Derek thrives when people believe in him.

Manhattan Derek Shepherd was arrogant. He was pretentious and self absorbed. He wasn't happy.

Seattle Derek Shepherd lives in a trailer. He loves every second of it.

He might be called the God of Neurosurgery, and rightfully so, but he is not all ego anymore. Some people- okay, most people- would hear that title, hear how young and new to the game he is, and assume he's cocky and in it for the fame.

I'm only going to say this once- Derek does not care for the title. Honestly, he kind of hates it. Sure, he's a phenomenal surgeon. Sure, the title will open whatever door he wants opened. A title like that is like a wet dream for medical students, interns, residents, and even some attendings.

Except, Derek didn't become a surgeon for the fame and glory. He did it to save lives.

And, if I may say so myself, he's pretty freaking good at that.

So all things considered, you can only imagine how desperate I was for him to pick up the phone when we called him. How hard is it to answer the damn phone?

I am not the most optimistic person out there. I've grown up in a family of 6 doctors. I am not blind. Abby was getting worse by the day. Alex made me promise not to give up hope, but I was silently beginning to prepare myself for the chance she might not make it.

 _Am I gonna die?_

Break my heart, why don't you, kid?

I don't know what Mark was planning to tell her. I am so glad I'll never have to know.

Derek Shepherd had returned to Mount Sinai.

Hell yes.

* * *

The cup of ice chips hit the ground with a clatter.

For a moment, no one moved.

Alex was still trying to pull himself together. Attempting to talk to Abby would wreck that.

Amelia was the first to recover.

"You're here!" she gasped, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. Her eyes widened a bit more when they met Alex's.

"I am," Derek said softly, walking around to the other side of Abby's bed. "Hi Abby."

Abby, like most 4 year olds, loved anyone who paid attention to her.

"Hi!" she said with as much energy as she could muster. "Who you?"

Derek chuckled as he sat down in the chair closest to her. "Derek Shepherd. I'm Amy and Mark's brother."

Mark made a slight choking sound.

"I live with Mark!" Abby seemed excited. "Where you live?"

"Seattle," Derek said. "Is it okay if I check your eyes with this?" he held out a pen light.

Abby nodded, but kept talking as he did. "Doctor?"

"Yes," he grinned at her. "I'm a surgeon. Do you know what a surgeon is, Abby?"

"Surgeon's cut," she said seriously. "Mark surgeon too."

"That's right," Derek agreed. "Mark is a surgeon. I'm a brain surgeon."

Her eyes widened and she pointed to her head. "I has brain tumor."

Derek forced aside his sadness at hearing a four year old say those words.

"Yes, you do," he whispered, taking her tiny hand in his and stroking it gently. "Is it okay if I talk to Mark in the hallway? We'll be right back."

"Otay," Abby said with a yawn.

"Dr. Sloan," Derek said curtly. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

Mark, who was still speechless, stood up as he nodded.

"Karev go find Abby's chart. Amy, we'll be right back," Derek continued.

"I want to hear what you have to say too!" Amelia huffed.

Derek braced himself for a fight. Amy was emotional and would not think rationally about this. The only person who had the right to make a decision about Abby was Mark. He wouldn't talk to anyone else about her without his explicit permission. He gave Mark a questioning look.

'Do you want her to hear?' his eyes said.

Mark shook his head. He was just as good at reading Derek as he always had been.

"Stay with Abby," Mark whispered, his eyes pleading with her not to argue. "Please, Amy."

Amelia deflated. She knew Derek didn't want her to listen, and now that Mark said no too, she had no choice. "All right. I will."

Derek shot his sister a smile. "Thank you," he mouthed, before turning towards the door and following Mark out.

Once they were in the hallway, Derek turned to Mark. "Conference room?"

Again, all Mark could do was nod. They settled in to the closet conference room they could find at the end of the hallway.

"I'm sorry I ignored all your calls," Derek said quietly. "She's gotten worse in the past three weeks, hasn't she? If I had answered, things might not have gotten so bad. I am so sorry, Mark."

For the third time in 10 minutes, Derek Shepherd had rendered Mark Sloan speechless.

Derek Shepherd did not apologize. Ever. For anything.

When they were kids, Derek only apologized when he was forced to. He always believed he was right. When he was proven wrong, he brooded for a while and then just moved on.

Seattle Derek Shepherd could admit he was wrong. Seattle Derek Shepherd believed in apologizing. Huh.

"You couldn't have known," Mark said after a minute.

"I meant what I said," Derek said. "You are my brother. Regardless of what happened with you and Addison, you will always be my brother. You called me. I should have answered the phone."

Who was this guy?

"Parietal lobe tumors are not easy to remove," he said gently. "Most literature puts the survival rate of the surgery at 1 in 20, some say it's more like 1 in 50. Some surgeons think even trying to remove the tumor is hopeless and a death wish."

"What do you think?"

"I think that there is a shot. There are endless risks and a very good chance that she might die on my table. I think that if I do nothing, she'll be dead in a matter of weeks. I think that if I try and succeed, she will live. And I think that if I try and she dies, you can take comfort in knowing that you tried everything you could to save her life."

"There are two options here," Derek placed a hand on his shoulder. "One, we do nothing. We make her as comfortable as possible and keep her surrounded with people that love her. Two, I try to operate. We tell Abby she's going to be fine, even if we know that she might not. And we hope and pray with everything we have that I pull this off."

"A lot of neurosurgeons have said some terrible things to you in the past few weeks," he said gently. "You're scared, no, you're terrified. You're mad as hell that some of those 'no's came because she's a foster kid. You've been watching a four year old die before your eyes. You have had a horrendous month, and I am so sorry for that."

"You think there's a shot." Mark said, trying so hard not to get his hopes up.

"Yes," Derek nodded. "I do. I'm not God, Mark, but I will do everything in my power to make sure Abby survives this. I have a plan, and it's as good of a plan as I've ever had. The sooner I can get her into an OR, the better, but take some time and think about it."

"The tumor's bad, Derek," Mark said tearfully. "Really bad."

"I know," he said softly. "I've seen worse, though, I have. I've operated on worse. I believe that I can do this. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"You haven't even seen her scans yet," Mark said in disbelief. "How the hell can you know that?"

"I have seen her scans," Derek disagreed. "Amy put them in Alex Karev's suitcase and he showed them to me. I spent the entire plane ride here coming up with a plan. I've seen worse. I've saved worse."

Right, Alex Karev was here too. That had gone right over Mark's head in the shock of hearing Derek's voice.

"Karev shouldn't be here," Mark sighed. "He just started an internship, taking time…"

"Karev is my intern, Mark," Derek said, biting back a laugh. So Karev hadn't shared the location of his internship with Mark. Interesting. "He's working at Seattle Grace. He's here as my intern, not Abby and Amy's friend."

Mark's eyes widened. Alex Karev was his freaking hero.

"You brought an intern with you for a consult?"

Derek shrugged. "He fought really hard for her. I figured he deserved to be here, and besides, if he is as close to her as I suspect he is, there is no way he would survive week one of intern year while she's having brain surgery."

"I'm scared," Mark admitted. "She doesn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this," Derek agreed. "Least of all a 4 year old girl."

"Is it wrong that I'm considering option one?" he whispered.

"You don't want to say goodbye today," Derek sighed. "That's a perfectly natural reaction. Obviously, I don't have kids…"

Mark hoped Derek didn't notice his flinch.

"But if this was my kid? I would try anything not to have to say goodbye to her at all."

"If this was your kid, you would opt for surgery?" Mark questioned.

"Yes," Derek said simply.

Well, that answered that.

* * *

By the time, Mark walked back into Abby's room, he had already signed the consent forms for surgery and Derek had an OR booked for 8pm.

"He's operating tonight," Mark informed Amelia as he collapsed into the chair next to her. "He thinks there is a shot."

"Really?"

They had been drowning, her and Mark. If nothing else, Abby's cancer confirmed Amelia's dislike of pediatrics. Watching kids die freaking sucked.

"Well," Mark said with a gulp. "He also said that if Abby was his, he would opt for surgery."

"He said what?" Amy nearly screeched. This mess just kept getting messier.

Mark still had no idea that Amelia knew about Abby's birth parents.

"He wasn't trying to influence me one way or the other," he defended. "Derek was just pointing out that there are really only three outcomes to this, and if he were a parent, he would chose the one that held the highest likelihood of her living. That's the surgery. It was my decision."

"It became his decision the second he started talking about kids," Amelia said darkly. "Well, at least he can't be angry at you after the fact. He told you to do it."

"What are you talking about?" Mark sighed. "It was my call, I made it. I trust Derek's capability as a surgeon."

"And you are respecting his decision as her father," Amy said quietly. "I've known for weeks."

Mark deflated. "Oh. In that case, then yes."

"You aren't mad?" she asked in disbelief.

He snorted. "How could I be mad at you? For what? Not telling me that you knew I was lying to you? That would be hypocritical, even for me."

"Where is he?" Amelia asked, looking around for her brother. "And where's Alex?"

He smirked. "Let's talk about Karev for just a second. I take it you knew where his internship was, seeing as you hid Abby's brain scans in his suitcase?"

"Umm…" she stuttered. "I might have suspected."

Mark raised a brow at her, as if he were saying 'Do you think I'm stupid, Amy?'

"Okay, fine," she grumbled. "I knew he was starting at Seattle Grace. I packed the scans in his suitcase with a note telling him Derek wasn't as scary as he seemed."

"Thank you," he said quietly. "Alex strong armed Derek into looking at them, persuaded him to listen long enough, and is the reason Derek's here right now. I'm tired of secrets and lies and I'm tired of being angry. You did what you thought was best, and it worked. So, thank you."

* * *

"No gallery," Derek demanded. "I pick who is in that OR, and no one else gets in."

"This is a teaching hospital, Derek!" Liz argued. "You are performing a surgery that no neurosurgeon here would even consider. I'll let you call the shots in the OR, but the gallery will be open and our doctors can watch."

"No," Derek said angrily. "If you insist on having an open gallery, I will have her transferred to Sloan Kettering and operate there."

"She's not stable enough to be transferred!" Liz shouted. "That won't be happening, Derek."

"Mark trusts me, Liz," he snapped. "And she is perfectly stable enough to be transferred for an operation that will save her life. I want her transferred several miles, not hours."

"Why are you so against the open gallery?"

Robert Thomas was his sister Kathleen's husband and the former Chief of Surgery at Sinai. He'd stepped down to pursue his research, but he still helped Liz with the harder parts of being Chief.

It felt kind of good that Liz considered him enough of a force to be reckoned with that she called in Rob.

He took a deep breath before he answered. "This surgery is in no way guaranteed to be successful."

"Everyone fails, Shep," Rob said. "We all lose patients. No one would think any less of you if she dies on your table."

"I don't care about me," Derek scoffed. "I don't want people in this hospital gossiping about what happens in that OR. If she dies, I don't want Mark and Amy to have to live and work with that."

"For all intents and purposes, she is Mark's child," he argued. "Would either of you want a risky surgery on your kids to be the talk of the town? The gallery would become a circus. I don't want an open gallery for my brother's sake, not mine."

Liz's eyes widened. Amelia had told her Derek introduced himself to Abby as Mark's brother, but to hear him say it was still shocking.

And he had a point.

"Can we record it?" Rob asked. "If the surgery is successful, if Abby lives, we can show it. If she doesn't, we'll discard it. We'll have a closed gallery, but a tape still gives a learning opportunity."

Derek felt relief flood him. "Sure," he agreed. "If it's successful, we can show it tomorrow and I'll even lecture through it."

"Fine," Liz huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. "Closed gallery. Who do you want in the OR with you?"

"Alex Karev," he said immediately. "Amelia. And you, Liz. She's been through hell, I'll be shocked if we get through this without cardiac complications."

Liz and Rob exchanged concerned looks.

"Amelia has gotten very close to Mark and Abby, Derek," Liz said softly. "I don't know if that's the best idea."

"If you aren't letting surgeons who are close to Mark in that OR, who the hell is the neurosurgeon supposed to be?" he asked drily.

"Derek," Liz snapped. "Don't be an idiot."

"Mark's our brother too, Liz," he said. "I might not know Abby, but I barely remember life before Mark. There is zero difference between how Amelia will feel and how I will feel if it gets ugly in the OR."

"You haven't said a word to Mark in years!" she protested. "It's hardly the same thing."

"That doesn't matter!" he yelled. "He slept with my wife and wrecked my marriage, I'm allowed to be mad about that. Yes, it will be a very long time before I trust Mark again, but I am making a choice to put that aside. Mark has a child," he snorted. "If Mark Sloan can grow up enough to be a foster father, I can grow up enough to get over what happened between him and Addison to save her life."

Liz was speechless.

"What the heck has Seattle done to you, Derek?" she gasped in surprise.

He grinned broadly at her. "Very different from the guy you remember, huh?"

"Yes," she smiled. "But I think I like Seattle Derek better."

"Yeah," he shrugged, still grinning, "I think I do too."

* * *

It was now 6pm, two short hours before Abby's surgery would begin.

Derek walked back into the girl's room. Mark had agreed that Derek could talk to Abby before the surgery to give her a kid friendly version of what was about to happen to her.

He couldn't help but smile at the sight that greeted him.

Abby was sitting on Mark's lap in the arm chair, a Yankee hat on her head, babbling on about someone. Considering she was a little girl obsessed with the Yankees and living in New York, Derek assumed it was Derek Jeter.

"You like the Yankees?" he asked grinning. "Who's your favorite player?"

"Dewek Jeta!" she exclaimed, flashing him a toothy grin.

Of course it was.

"Oh really?" he asked. "Mine is Mariano Rivera."

Abby seemed satisfied with that answer. "He good too."

Mark laughed, though it didn't reach his eyes. Derek knew he was starting to panic.

"Can we talk for a bit, Abby?" Derek asked softly, perching on the edge of the bed.

She nodded, so he pulled out the basic brain picture and brain model he'd pulled from the Pediatric Service's office.

"So, we know that I'm a brain surgeon," he started. "And we know you that you have a brain tumor. Do you know what this is?" He held up the brain model.

"A bwain," Abby said seriously.

"Very good," Derek said. "This part here, that's called the parietal lobe. That's where your cancer is."

Abby felt the back of her head, a confused look appearing on her face. "Unda hair?"

Mark grimaced.

"Yes," Derek agreed. "The brain's inside your head, underneath your hair."

"Hair go bye?" she asked sadly.

Derek nodded grimly as Mark hugged Abby closer to him.

"Was dat?" Abby asked suddenly, perking up.

It took Derek a moment to notice she was pointing at the pocket of his white coat.

He had left for Sea Tac still wearing scrubs. He hadn't brought a change of clothes with him, and had just changed into Sinai's maroon attending scrubs when he got here. The only thing he had brought with him other than Abby's scans was his scrub cap.

"Oh this?" he smiled, pulling it out and handing it to her. "This is my lucky scrub cap."

"Was dat?" Abby asked distractedly as she looked it over, a small smile appearing on her face as she took in the ferry boats.

"A scrub cap is what I wear when I operate," he explained. "It covers my head."

"Like a hat?" Abby asked, looking up at him.

"Yes, just like a hat."

"Boats," Abby informed them, pointing at one. "I like boats."

Mark's smile finally reached his eyes.

Abby Shepherd: looked just like her father, liked the Yankees, had a thing for ferry boats. She was so Derek Shepherd's daughter.

"I do too!" Derek exclaimed in surprise. "These are ferry boats, we have lots of them in Seattle."

"I want," Abby decided.

"What do you want, Abby?" Mark asked softly.

"Cap," she said seriously. "Cover no hair."

Mission find Abby a ferry boat scrub cap had officially begun.

* * *

When Mark had called Abby's social worker to inform him she was having surgery, he immediately canceled his plans and came running.

Mike Gaston had known Abby since she was six months old. He had been so close to getting her third set of foster parents to consider adopting her when she began to get headaches. Once they determined the headaches were cancer, the foster parents backed out. It made him sick, honestly.

He wasn't sure if he believed in God.

Seeing all the terrible things that happen to kids gave him all the reason in the world to doubt.

On the other hand, he had some very good reasons to believe too. Meeting Mark Sloan, for example.

Mark hadn't given him much information over the phone, just that he found a surgeon willing to try.

Mike had done his research on Abby's birth parents when she was first diagnosed with cancer. He knew that Addison Forbes Montgomery, formerly Shepherd, worked in private practice in Los Angeles. He knew that Derek Shepherd was touted as one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. He'd seen pictures of the man in journal articles and on the Seattle Grace website.

Abby was her father's clone. He would be able to recognize the man in seconds if he had to. And when he walked down the hallways of Mount Sinai, he did.

Somehow, someway, Mark Sloan had managed to get Derek Shepherd back to New York. He had to be the surgeon willing to try. He had done hours of research on parietal lobe tumors too. Very few surgeons would be willing to try.

"You're Derek Shepherd," he said breathlessly. Abby's file in his brief case was almost burning him.

Derek sighed, looking briefly at the man.

"I am," he said. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Mike Gaston, Abby's social worker," he said breathlessly. Do not hyperventilate, he ordered himself. Do not act like a crazy person.

"Oh!" Derek relaxed. "It's great to meet you. Mark speaks very highly of you."

"Mark Sloan is basically my hero," Mike grinned. "I don't have enough words to properly thank him for what he's done for Abby."

"I never thought Mark would be a Dad," Derek smiled. "But he makes a pretty great one from what I've seen today."

Do not flinch, Mike's brain ordered.

"Do you have kids, Dr. Shepherd?" he asked.

Derek sighed. "No, I don't. I've been divorced for 5 years, and haven't been in a relationship since. My ex-wife didn't want kids, so we never had any. I want them more than anything though. Maybe someday."

Holy freaking shit.

Mark hadn't been lying. Derek Shepherd had no idea that his ex-wife was pregnant when they divorced.

This was a mess. It was going to get even messier if Abby lived and Derek found out Addison had forged his name on that form. But he would want her, Mike could see that. Derek Shepherd would want Abby more than anything. No more bouncing around from home to home. No more breaking Abby's heart. She would have a home and a family and a father that adored her.

He decided then and there that when Derek learned the truth, he would fight like hell to help make that happen.

Mark hadn't been lying.

* * *

"Shepherd."

Derek groaned. He had made it through almost the entire day without running into his former boss.

"Dr. Dickens," he said curtly. "Can I help you?"

Dickens eyed him warily. "You really think Sloan's kid has a chance?"

"Yes," he said immediately. "I do."

"It's at best a 1 in 20 shot," Dickens warned him. "If not worse. That girl has been through absolute hell. There is no saying that she'll be able to live a normal life, even if you can remove the tumor."

"Unlike you," Derek said icily. "I'm not afraid of that."

"You think I'm afraid?" Dickens asked in disbelief. "You think I said no to Sloan because I'm afraid? I said no to Sloan because I've never seen it be done without lasting complications. I said no to Sloan because what the hell kind of life are we damning that child with? She very well may wish she were dead. She's in the system, she'll never be adopted with that many medical conditions, and then what? She'll turn 18 and be thrown out on the street with a list of disabilities a mile long."

Derek's jaw dropped.

"You think I'm a heartless bastard," Dickens continued. "But that's the reality. I'm not saying I like it, but it is what it is."

"Mark's not going to abandon her," Derek snapped. "But regardless, we have a responsibility as surgeons to save lives, not decide they aren't worth saving!"

"She's four years old, she can't make that decision for herself," he argued. "No one would want the life she's going to have."

"With all due respect," Derek snarled. "I disagree. Now, excuse me. I have to go save her life."

* * *

Emotions were running high in the OR.

Amelia and Alex were scared shitless, which Liz and Derek were both very much aware of. He still refused to second guess his decision to have them present though. Learning opportunities like this didn't come around very often. After all of the effort each of them had put in to Abby's case, they both deserved to be there.

With the exception of Derek asking Amelia and Alex questions, the OR had remained pretty quiet throughout the surgery.

He really was an incredible teacher.

It was close to midnight when Liz spoke up.

"She's been under a long time, Derek," she warned. "We need to wrap this up."

"I'm almost done," he assured her. "The tumor is out."

Amelia let out a giant sigh of relief.

"What do I do now, Karev?"

Liz didn't hear the answer. Her eyes were glued to the monitors and she let herself start to panic. This wasn't good.

"Very good, Alex," Derek praised.

He was just about finished when Liz's panicked voice cut through his concentration.

"She's crashing!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to everyone who took the time to review chapter 3! Since many of you are guests, I can't reply directly, so I wanted to clarify a few things here:

1\. Why haven't we seen Meredith yet?

Meredith is going to play a huge part in this story. I've already said this is MerDer eventually. We haven't seen her yet for several reasons. First, most of this story has taken place in New York. Meredith is trying to survive her first week of intern year in Seattle. Second, I know she's in Karev's intern class, but he barely knows her. He went to Derek immediately after his first shift, and he isn't one of Bailey's interns. Third, this Derek is having a hard time accepting that a) he had a one night stand in the first place and b) that he slept with his intern. He comes around, but that's why you haven't seen/heard much yet.

Meredith is mentioned in this chapter, and she might appear in chapter 5. Honestly, this story is basically writing itself most of the time. I want her in chapter 5, but for all I know I'll blink and be at 10,000 words with no mention of Seattle. I know you all want to see her, I do too. We're getting close.

2\. "This is mostly a Derek story."

Yes and no. Right now, it is absolutely a Derek story. But it's also a Mark story, an Amelia story, an Alex story, and an Abby story.

One of the things that angered me the most about Grey's is that Derek was always the bad guy, especially in season 11. I am trying to make him a person in his own right, with friends of his own and the family relationships he supposedly had, so when things get rocky (which, yes, they will) he has his friends too.

It's my own personal way to get over the fact that I apparently spent 10 years watching a show for Patrick's two minutes of screen time.

Now, rant over. This chapter is a bit heavy at first, but I absolutely love the end. It's my favorite part of the story so far. Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Four**

* * *

 _Lesson number one in Derek Shepherd's teacher playbook: It's our job, our responsibility, as surgeons to fight for our patients. If your patient is still breathing and their heart's still beating you had better be fighting like hell to make sure they stay that way._

 _He's 33 and already a surgical God._

 _A large part of the God of Neurosurgery lore is because he doesn't say no. He fights and he fights hard. If you or someone you love ever need brain surgery, he's the guy you want holding the scalpel. No questions asked._

 _Lesson number two: Even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying._

 _Derek believes in going above and beyond. He believes in doing the absolute best he can and then some. Even when it's risky. Even when others have said it's impossible. Because, sometimes he wins. And although he takes the loses hard, he still takes the risk. Because sometimes he wins._

 _Lesson number three: Nothing we do can stop death. We can hold it at bay every now and then, but everyone dies. And that's not on us._

 _I learned all three of these lessons well while I was a medical student working under him at Seattle Grace. I know Alex has already learned number one. Knowing my brother, he's probably slowly learning number two._

 _I am praying with everything I have that he doesn't have to learn number three. Not today. Not in this hospital. Not with Abby._

 _\- Amelia Shepherd_

* * *

"Try again!" Alex demanded.

"Karev," Derek said softly. "We've already tried three times."

"Try. Again." He insisted, glaring daggers at Derek.

When Derek didn't move to shock her, Alex decided to take matters into his own hands. He grabbed the paddles and turned to Amelia.

"Charge to 450."

"Karev, stop," Liz said gently. "I'm sorry. Amelia, don't do it."

Amelia didn't know what to do. She looked towards Derek. He looked like he was about to be sick. He was giving up.

Her brother knew what he was doing. He never gave up on his patients until all hope was gone. If he was giving up, who was she to doubt that?

Derek saw the terror in Alex's eyes. He felt sick to his stomach. How was he supposed to tell Mark that Abby was dead?

They were so close to completing the surgery. He had been putting the skull cap back on. What the hell happened?

He knew exactly what happened. She was four years old and her body decided it couldn't take anymore. Her heart physically couldn't handle anymore.

They had already tried to resuscitate her three times and each time they failed to bring her back. In any other patient, he would be calling time of death. However, Abby wasn't any patient. He was pretty sure she was gone. If he had to make a bet, he would bet this fourth attempt wouldn't bring her back. It would take an absolute miracle to bring her back.

But what could it hurt to try?

He nodded at Amy. Go ahead, his eyes said. Try.

"Charging." she said, completely avoiding Liz's eyes.

This was exactly why Liz hadn't wanted either of them in the OR. They were too close to the situation to be objective.

"Derek, stop this!" she argued, tears falling from her eyes. "She's gone, you know that!"

"Sinus rhythm," Derek breathed out, his eyes widening as he looked at the monitors. "We have sinus rhythm."

Stepping back into position at her head, he said a silent thank you to whoever was watching over this little girl.

They had gotten her back.

* * *

"I was giving up too," Derek said quietly to Liz.

Liz had darted out of the OR the moment he finished. He asked Alex and Amelia to bring Abby to recovery, then went off in search of his sister.

He eventually found Liz crying in the attending lounge. Derek knew exactly how she was feeling. He felt the same way. If he had his way in there, Abby would be dead.

For the second time in two days, Alex Karev had fought for Abby. For the second time in two days, Alex Karev had saved her life.

His respect for the young intern had skyrocketed. He was a great doctor, and he was going to make one hell of a surgeon.

He made a mental note to have a talk with him about retaking the boards as soon as he could. Alex Karev was too good to walk away.

"At least you agreed to let them try," Liz sobbed, burying her head in her hands. "I saw you give Amelia the okay. I begged you to stop them. I gave up."

"In any other patient, I would have called time of death after the second try," he muttered, leaning his head back against the wall. "I tried the third time because of Mark. I only said yes to the fourth because Karev looked like I killed his puppy. I never imagined it would work."

They both sat in silence, wallowing in self pity for a while.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?"

Derek's eyes widened and he scrambled to sit up. Liz just groaned. Not now. They did not need this now.

"It looks like the two surgeon Gods aren't so perfect after all."

Nancy. And their mother.

Hadn't this day sucked enough already?

"Why did you have to bring her?" Derek asked his mother, glaring daggers at his least favorite sister.

"Mark called," Carolyn said. "And she has a name, Derek."

"Yeah, No help Nancy," Liz muttered, earning a laugh from Derek and a sigh from Carolyn.

Carolyn sat down on a couch across from where two of her children were wallowing.

"I take it something happened in the OR?" she asked gently.

While she wasn't a doctor herself, she had raised six of them. Surgery and medicine had taken over most of her conversations years ago. Besides, she knew her kids and one look at Derek and Liz told her they were devastated.

"Clearly everything turned out fine," Nancy rolled her eyes. "Amelia said she's in a recovery room. She's going to be okay."

"She flatlined," Derek snarled. "And it took 4 attempts to bring her back."

Carolyn gasped. Four attempts. She had been a nurse all her life. Surgeons didn't typically make four resuscitation attempts.

"I gave up!" He hissed, standing up, fury and pain evident in his voice. "After the third time, I gave up. My intern and Amy insisted on one more try, but I almost didn't listen and she would be dead."

"Oh Derek," Carolyn said softly. "Sweet heart, anyone would have given up at that point. You can't blame yourself."

"Yes," he said angrily. "I can blame myself. If my intern wasn't a hot headed kid who doesn't listen to a damn word I say, she would be dead."

Liz snorted. That was the best description of Alex Karev she'd ever heard.

"Your intern?" Nancy asked mockingly. "This isn't your hospital, Derek."

"Yes, his intern," Liz shot back. "Alex Karev is an intern at Seattle Grace. Derek brought him with him."

"So your intern convinced you try again?" Carolyn asked. "Your intern, who you brought with you from Seattle. That was your choice, Derek. You chose to have him come with you and you chose to have him in your OR. Those choices saved Abby's life."

"You aren't God, Derek," she said seriously. "I know it's easy to let your success go to your head, but you aren't God and anyone that expects you to be is an idiot. You are a human being. You are going to make mistakes. Luckily, Alex was there and Abby lived. There was no way you could have known that a fourth attempt would bring her back."

"Abby lived," Liz agreed. "But what about all the patients we have given up on? What if one more try would have saved them?"

Derek nodded his agreement. All the patients he had lost were flashing through his mind.

Nancy sat down beside her mother. "None of us are God. We do the best we can and we use our best judgement. When patient's crash, when they flatline, they die. Failing to bring someone back from the dead does not make us lesser doctors. That's what you did today- you not only removed a brain tumor from a four year old girl, you brought her back from the dead."

"You can sit there and wallow in your own self pity and your own guilt, but it's going to eat you alive," she said quietly. "Derek, you removed an inoperable tumor today. You saved her life. Think about that. Remember that."

"Removing the tumor would have been pointless if we didn't get her back!" he shot back.

Nancy rolled her eyes. All this talk about a different Derek in Seattle? She didn't buy it. He was still the same pain in the ass that he always had been.

"Fine," she sighed as she stood up. "Be that way. I'm going to go find Mark. Enjoy your pity party."

When she found Mark sitting down outside of Abby's recovery room, tears streaming down his face, her heart lurched. Yes, she did have a heart, regardless of what Derek seemed to think.

"What's wrong?" she asked gently, sliding to the floor beside him.

"She's going to be okay," he whispered in disbelief. "I've spent the past month preparing myself for the likelihood that she was going to die and she's going to be okay."

"Oh, Mark," Nancy felt awful. She couldn't imagine going through this with one of her kids.

"Where's Derek?" he asked, wiping at his tears. "I haven't seen him or Liz yet."

"Derek," Nancy bit her lip as she thought through what to say. "Derek is wallowing."

Mark's eyes filled with fear. "Why is he wallowing? Karev and Amy said she is going to be fine."

"She is!" she said hurriedly. "Abby is perfectly fine."

Suddenly it hit her that Mark might know what happened in the OR. Shit.

"Abby flatlined in there," she eventually said. "Derek's taking it hard."

"I know she did, Amy told me. But they brought her back," Mark said in mild disbelief. "Codes suck, but they brought her back. Her heart couldn't take it, she's four. He expected it, that's why he wanted Liz there too. What is he wallowing about?"

Nancy sighed. "It took them four tries to bring her back, Mark."

From the look in Mark's eyes, he realized what had hit Derek so hard.

"I take it Alex or Amy demanded the fourth try?" he asked. "And he hates himself for almost giving up too soon?"

Nancy nodded.

"Where is he?" Mark asked angrily.

"What?" she asked in surprise. Nancy hadn't expected Mark to be angry.

"He needs his ass kicked," he said in annoyance. "Where is he?"

* * *

Amelia was worried.

Alex hadn't said a word to her since they told Mark Abby was in recovery.

"You saved her, Alex," she said softly. "Liz had given up. Derek was giving up, and I wouldn't have argued with him. Abby's alive right now because of you."

"I don't think I'm cut out for this," he said angrily, ripping his scrub cap off and throwing it across the on call room they were in.

Her eyes widened. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Alex scoffed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! We almost lost a four year old girl on the table. Two of the best surgeons in the country were about to call time of death."

"But they didn't!" she protested. "Derek gave permission to try again."

"Because he thinks she's Sloan's kid!" Alex yelled. "If she was a random kid, she would be dead right now. The only reason your brother got on that plane was because she was Mark's. The only reason he let us try again was because she was Mark's. We all fought like hell for her because we know her. We should fight like that for everyone."

"Derek does," Amelia said with a sigh. "Derek gives everything he has to every patient, which is why he is so devastated by what happened in there."

She let him sit in silence for a few minutes before she tried again. "You think it's crap that not every kid has a Derek Shepherd to save their life? So do I. Which is why, even though this job really sucks sometimes, I still come here everyday. Derek is one man, he can't be everywhere. You want to save the kids who get a bad break? Then you stay in this and you become the very best surgeon you can so that we have one more surgeon in the world that will fight and fight hard."

"Walking away doesn't benefit anyone. It's the easy way out, and I never pegged you as a coward."

"I'm not a freaking coward!" he snapped. "You don't get to judge me. You are brilliant and perfect and come from a family of incredible surgeons. It's been hell for me to get this far."

"I am the last person in the world that would ever judge anyone," Amelia countered. "And considering I am a recovering drug addict, I wouldn't throw the word perfect around when talking about me."

Alex's eyes widened.

"I know failing the boards sucks," she pressed. "Again, I've been there. You didn't fail because you're stupid or because you aren't cut out for this. You failed because instead of studying you were researching brain tumors and fighting for Abby's life. You put your patient over your future, and if that doesn't say a lot about the great surgeon you're going to be, I don't know what does."

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me," Mark growled when he finally found Derek and Liz at the bar across the street from Mount Sinai. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"I'm not the drunk one," Liz sighed, standing up. "Our idiot brother is. And I need to get home. The kids are driving Dan up the wall. Can you make sure he gets to a bed somewhere?"

Derek was drunk. Fantastic.

"Go home," Mark told Liz tiredly. "I'll deal with him. It has to be tough being the God of Neurosurgery when you think you killed all your patients."

"Who told you?" Derek moaned. "I need another one!" he shouted at the bartender.

"Don't give him anything else," Mark ordered. "Derek, get up. You are being ridiculous and you are drunk as a skunk. We're going back to my place so you can sleep this off."

"I'm a failure!" Derek protested. "Don't talk to me, I'm not worth it."

Mark huffed. "I am in no mood for your self-depreciative crap tonight, Derek."

"You pulled off a medical miracle," Mark said after a moment. "Stop wallowing."

"I gave up!" he groaned. "I don't give up, that's why everyone thinks I'm so great, but I gave up!"

"Screw everyone," Mark insisted. "I think you were a hero tonight, Derek. You removed an inoperable brain tumor that was going to kill Abby. Karev made you try again. You both saved Abby's life. You share this win with an intern, so what? Your patient lived. You still won."

"But what about all the patients before tonight?" he insisted. "I failed them."

"Everyone dies," Mark said softly, placing a hand on each of Derek's shoulders. "And that is not on us. We aren't miracle workers. We do the best we can. Your worst is better than most surgeon's best. The patients you've lost wouldn't have lived if they had another surgeon. You are people's' best shot. We all lose patients. The fact that you take it so hard makes you a better surgeon."

"Good speech," Derek said with a smirk. "How did you get so smart?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm not feeding your ego. It's plenty big enough as it is."

He vividly remembered Derek's speech to their first group of interns. It was very similar to what he had just told him.

"Stop wallowing," Mark repeated. "Come home with me and get some sleep. Mom's staying with Abby tonight. We'll come back in the morning. When you're sober."

"I still don't like you," Derek informed him. "And I still think you are a jackass. You slept with my wife."

Mark silently counted to 10. He didn't want to talk about this with a drunk Derek. He definitely didn't want to talk about Addison with a drunk Derek.

"Yes," he eventually said. "I did. And I am very sorry for how much that hurt you."

Derek stared at him for what felt like hours, but was really only a minute.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Mark asked in disbelief.

"You were a jackass five years ago, I've been a jackass for the past month," Derek shrugged. "We've both apologized, so okay."

"Okay?" Mark repeated.

"Are you sure you aren't drunk too?" Derek asked suspiciously. "You aren't usually this thick."

"Are you really going to talk about thick right now?"

Derek snorted. "For the record, I'm not that drunk. I know what I'm saying. You slept with Addison because you were in love with her. I'm not blind. You didn't do it to hurt me, and you clearly regret it."

"But you did hurt me," he added. "You're my brother. We're supposed to have each other's back. You stabbed me in mine."

"I really was in love with her," Mark said quietly. "I tried to fight it, Derek, I really did. I knew what it would do to you, and I've felt horrible about it for five years."

"I don't know that I can forgive you for that," he said quietly.

Mark felt punched in the gut. Subconsciously, he had been hoping that Derek coming here and calling him his brother meant they were going to be okay.

"I want to move on from it," Derek said after several moments of silence. "I don't think I'll ever forget it, but I'm tired of being angry and I'm tired of running. I want my brother back. I need my brother back."

Between Abby surviving the surgery and Derek admitting he wanted Mark back in his life, Mark felt like he was living on some sort of high.

It would burst, he knew that. Soon, he was going to have to tell Derek that Abby was his daughter. And he had absolutely no clue where to even start.

* * *

When Derek woke up the next morning, everything that happened last night hit him like a ton of bricks. He was a bastard.

He sent an intern and second year resident to talk to Mark while he wallowed in his own misery and self-loathing. Then, as if that wasn't enough, Mark had to track him down at a bar and drag his sorry ass home.

On top of that, he decided to inform Mark he'd never forgive him for sleeping with Addison.

Ass. He was a selfish, stubborn ass.

"I've taken just about all the Derek brooding I can take this week," Mark warned from the doorway of the guest room. "Please don't turn into a whiney girl again this morning."

"I seem to be apologizing a lot this week," Derek said quietly. "I was a jerk last night. I handled things horrifically. You should have heard what happened in my OR from me, not my resident. You definitely shouldn't have had to drag me out of a bar."

"I don't care about that," Mark shrugged. "Yea, it would have been nice to hear about the surgery from you, but it's not like Amy's just some random resident."

"I've been where you were last night," he said softly. "And it's taken Mom, Kath, Rob, and Liz to pull me out of it. That's what family is for. Just because they call you the God of Neurosurgery, Derek, it doesn't mean you can save everyone."

"Everyone dies," Derek sighed. "I know that. I know it was nothing I did."

"I would have given up too," Mark admitted. "I would have told you to stop. If I was in the OR, or the gallery and I'd seen it, I would have stopped after the third attempt. You can't beat yourself up for that."

Derek hadn't realized how badly he needed to hear that. "Thank you."

"I'm heading back to the hopsital in a bit," he said. "Want to come with me or do you want more sleep?"

Derek grinned for the first time since Abby's surgery. "I'll be there in a bit. Rob texted me, the store by Columbia has ferry boat scrub caps. I know a four year old that requested one."

He would tell him Abby was his, he would. Just not right now. He couldn't bring himself to tell him now.

Mark was so screwed.

* * *

It was nearly 10 am before Derek found his way back into the hospital, still furious with himself for how he acted the night before. He wasn't wallowing anymore, but he was allowed to be mad at his actions. His mother was right. Nancy was right.

He hadn't wanted to hear it.

Abby had stolen a piece of his heart, and just the thought that he had almost given up on her physically hurt him.

Though it was tactless and crappy timing, he was glad for his talk with Mark at the bar. He would probably never forgive Mark for wrecking his marriage, but he was coming to terms with it. Mark made a mistake. Derek made mistakes in spades. As his mother had reminded him last night, they were only human.

At the end of the day, coming to New York made him realize how much he missed having his best friend in his life.

Abby was alive and tumor free. They were running tests now to determine if the cancer was gone. If they were lucky, she wouldn't even need more chemo.

Derek hoped they were lucky. Mark and Abby had been through enough.

Amelia had told Alex that Derek was having a hard time the night before, so he was a bit surprised to find a smiling Derek Shepherd waiting in line for coffee holding a gift bag.

"What's in the bag?" he asked curiously. He wasn't going to mention what happened in the OR unless Derek did.

"Abby liked my scrub cap," Derek said grinning. "So I bought her a matching one."

Just what Abby needed, something that would make her look even more like her father. How Shepherd hadn't noticed that she was his clone, Alex had no idea.

"Karev," Derek called as he was about to walk away. "We need to talk. Wait for me, Liz said we can use her office."

Alex's eyes widened. What did they need to talk about?

His nerves were about to make him sick by the time they reached Liz's office.

"Take a seat," Derek said gently. "So, you saved Abby's life last night. How does that feel?"

"Uh," Alex frantically searched for an answer that wasn't going to get him in trouble. "Good," he settled on. "It feels really good."

"You have incredible instincts," Derek said. "Better than most surgeons I've worked with. You have guts and you fight hard for your patients. I've never been this impressed by an intern after only a week before."

His jaw dropped. Derek Shepherd was impressed by him?

"Thanks," Alex muttered, his face turning red. He wasn't used to praise.

"I spoke with Dr. Webber this morning," Alex's eyes widened. "And I told him what you said to me in my office the other day."

Crap.

Derek smirked at the horrified look on Alex's face. This was kind of fun. He was starting to understand why Mark enjoyed torturing his interns so much.

"We've agreed that your attitude needs a major adjustment. It is unacceptable to speak to a superior the way you spoke to me. It is also unacceptable to go against the orders of an attending." Derek said seriously.

"I know that's a ridiculous thing to say after your doing so saved Abby last night…"

Alex was glad he bit back his retort.

"But it needs to be said. You were right last night, but odds are you won't always be. There is a difference between what happened last night and most other situations you will find yourself in. I need you to understand that."

"I do," Alex said quietly. "I was desperate last night."

"I'm sure you've heard that I didn't take what happened very well," Derek said.

"Amelia mentioned it," he replied. "You do know that you can't be perfect all the time, right?"

Derek snorted. "You're the sixth person to tell me that in the past 12 hours. Yes, I do."

"Being a surgeon sucks sometimes," Derek admitted. "Last night, when I thought we lost her, I was questioning why the hell I did this. I know it was nothing I did, her body had just been through too much in too short a period of time, but when I lose a patient I take it really hard. They tell you in med school you won't save every patient."

"But knowing that doesn't make it any easier when you lose one," Alex agreed.

"No, it doesn't." Derek nodded. "I've seen many surgical interns in my career. I used to start every year with this speech. I meant to do it this year, but I had a rough day when you all started."

Alex hid his smirk. Rough day? Sure, if that's what you'd call finding out your one night stand was your intern. He figured Shepherd would murder him if he brought that up though, so he stayed quiet.

"Can I hear it now?" Alex asked instead. The road to becoming a surgeon wasn't easy. If someone like Derek Shepherd had advice, he wanted to hear it.

Derek nodded.

"If you are in this for the money, get out now," Derek started. "Because this job will suck the life out of you. It will beat you to the point you can barely breathe, and it will kick you while you're down. You need to have a reason to get up and go to work every morning, and I can tell you honestly that wanting the money will not be enough."

"If you are like me, you wanted to become a doctor because you want to help people and because you want to save lives." Derek took a deep breath. "We aren't miracle workers. We can't save everyone. People are going to die. We are human. We are going to make mistakes, and those mistakes could kill someone. We call it malpractice and we talk about mistakes to keep them from recurring, but calling it malpractice doesn't help you get up in the morning."

"The first time you lose a patient, you will feel like you're drowning. That feeling will never go away. The surgeons that take their losses hard are usually the best surgeons. They will do anything and everything they can to prevent losing a patient, even if it's only so they don't have to feel that way again for a little while."

"When you feel like you're drowning, when you don't know which way is up, I want you to remember something- none of us are Gods. People die every day. We can't stop death. We might be able to hold it at bay for a while, but everyone dies. And that's not on us."

Derek Shepherd must have been one hell of a Chief Resident, Alex thought.

"It's easy to forget that," Derek said after a moment. "I forgot that last night, and I needed my mother, my sister Nancy, and Mark to remind me before I accepted it."

"It's good that you have your family for that," Alex agreed.

Liz told him that Alex had been in far too many foster homes as a child, which had been the thing that drew him to Abby in the first place.

"Come find me," Derek said suddenly. "When you forget, when you feel like shit and you can't remember why you put yourself through this, come find me. And I'll remind you."

"You're assuming I'll stay at Seattle Grace," Alex muttered. "Assuming that I'll pass the boards."

And finally, they had reached the main point of the discussion.

"If you walk away, you are an idiot," he said bluntly.

Alex gaped at him.

"I think you have what it takes to be a great surgeon. Not many people do. Sure, you have a temper and you don't listen and you piss me the hell off sometimes. I have a temper. Mark doesn't listen to anyone and he's been pissing me off since we were 5. Don't walk away from this, Alex."

"You told Webber I basically threatened you!" Alex protested.

"Basically?" Derek asked in disbelief. "You tried to blackmail me. And so what? I've said plenty of stupid things to Webber in my day. I didn't do that to get you fired, I did it to justify why I wanted you reporting to me and why you'll be working the pit for the next month."

For an intern, being assigned to the pit was the ultimate punishment. He tried not to show his frustration, though. He had tried to blackmail the Head of Neurosurgery. He was lucky to still have a job.

"I know everyone hates the pit," Derek knew that all too well from personal experience. "But I have my reasons. You failed the boards. The pit gives you the most exposure to the widest variety of medical situations. Handle that, and you'll pass the boards just fine. I want you to pass, I want you to be successful, and I want you to stay at Seattle Grace."

Alex was stunned. Not only did Derek Shepherd believe in him, but he was doing everything in his power to see him succeed.

"Okay," he whispered.

Derek grinned. "Great. You can head to the library and start studying. Start with neuro, I'll be testing you tonight."

* * *

Abby had squealed loudly when Derek gave her a ferry boat scrub cap of her own.

She called him Dr. Derek now, and she was holding the brain model hostage.

She told his mother that she wanted to be a brain surgeon when she grew up. He thought Mark would be bothered by that, but Mark had only grinned.

"Of course she wants to be a brain surgeon," he told him. "She's four. You're her new hero, Derek. Kids want to be like their heroes."

Hours later, Mark, Liz, Amelia, Alex and Derek were relaxing in Abby's room. She had worn herself out and was now sound asleep.

Mark was trying (and failing) to convince Liz that he hadn't slept with anyone since getting Abby. Derek didn't blame her for her doubt, Mark's picture was practically in the dictionary next to 'one night stand.'

Speaking of one night stands, Derek couldn't get his own out of his head.

Meredith Grey was an enigma. When she threw him out of her house, or her mother's house rather…

Oh God. He had a one night stand in Ellis Grey's living room. Webber would kill him if he ever found out, and he wouldn't care one bit that he was his Head of Neuro.

She'd refused to tell him her name at the bar, which now that he thought about it would have ended his night before it began. There is no way she wouldn't have recognized the name Derek Shepherd and he would have known she was a soon to be intern.

Maybe their secretiveness was a good thing.

She was going to be the death of him. He was attracted to her. She was beautiful and funny, and from what he heard from the Chief she was brilliant.

If she was an intern, he was almost eight years older than her. That's all he knew.

He needed to know more. He wanted to know everything about her. That scared the crap out of him. She was his intern. It was so wrong. And even worse- he was beginning to think he didn't care.

"Hey, Karev," Derek said suddenly. "What do you know about Meredith Grey?"

Mark's eyes widened as Amelia burst out laughing.

"How the hell do you know Meredith Grey, Derek?" Amy asked.

"Not much," Alex shrugged. "I was only at the hospital for 36 hours and we have different residents."

They had both been on the surgical rotation at Sinai together, but he hadn't really gotten to know her. She was attached at the hip to Cristina Yang, even here. The two met at orientation and became fast friends. Then, half way through the rotation, he met Abby and Mike Gaston and nothing else mattered.

"Oh yeah, before I forget," Derek took a sip of his water. "You're one of Bailey's interns now too, so I guess you'll be seeing more of her."

Other than her friendship with Yang, all Alex knew was that she had a one night stand with Shepherd the night before their internship began. But he couldn't say that. Could he?

He was already assigned to the pit for a month. How much worse could it get?

"Honestly, the only thing I've really heard about Meredith Grey was that you slept with her the night before our first day." he smirked.

"What?" Amy screeched.

"You slept with your intern?" Liz asked in disbelief.

Mark was laughing so hard Alex wondered how he was breathing.

"Derek Shepherd had a one night stand?" Mark's laughter was pushing him to tears.

Derek turned bright red. "I didn't know she was going to be my intern!" he protested, glaring at Alex. "Wait!" he turned towards Mark. "How do you know Meredith Grey?"

He really hoped it wasn't because he and Mark still had the same taste in women.

"Meredith did a rotation here last spring," Amy answered. "Her and one of her friend's nicknamed Mark 'McSteamy'."

McSteamy. God that fit.

Derek's embarrassment gave way to amusement, and he began to laugh right along with them.

"Her friend here was Cristina Yang," Alex supplied. "She's at Seattle Grace too. They've nicknamed Dr. Shepherd 'McDreamy'."

"Oh God," Liz moaned, tears leaking from her eyes. "McSteamy and McDreamy? Really?"

"You can call me Derek outside of work, Alex," Derek insisted. "I think you've earned the right."

This was fun, Derek realized. He was hanging out with his intern, Mark, and his sisters and he was enjoying the hell out of it. He really needed to come back to New York more. He missed this.

"Can I call you McDreamy outside of work?" Mark teased in between his laughter.

Derek responded by throwing his now empty water bottle at Mark's head.

* * *

Mark couldn't help but smile as he stood at the doorway to Abby's room the next morning.

Derek was perched on the side of her bed, listening attentively as she babbled on.

Abby's speech had returned to normal once the tumor was removed. Derek's professional opinion was that her speech had been effected more by her exhaustion and less by the tumor. Regardless, chatterbox was an understatement.

"Like father like daughter," Amelia had muttered to him earlier that morning after a solid half hour of Abby talking nonstop about her newest obsession- brain surgery.

He still had no idea how to tell Derek Abby was his daughter. Mike Gaston had been a step below useless when he asked for his advice. Mark knew she was Derek's from the moment he saw her, but he was so busy fighting for her life that he never stopped to think about how he would eventually tell Derek.

Abby had died in that OR. She would be dead right now if Karev hadn't demanded one more attempt at resuscitation. They had all talked about it until they were blue in the face, but Mark knew Derek was still taking it hard.

How was he going to feel when he learned it was his daughter he almost let die on his OR table?

"When did you go to Setle?" Abby asked curiously. Derek Shepherd was her new super hero and she was determined to know everything about him.

"Seattle," Derek corrected gently. "Sit up a second, the strings are coming loose."

Abby hadn't taken the ferry boat scrub cap off once since Derek gave it to her the day before.

"My Daddy lives in Seattle," Abby informed him. "Mark said so."

Alex looked up from his review book and tried to catch Mark's eye. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"Oh yeah?" Derek asked absentmindedly as he tied the cap tighter at the back of her head.

"Yes," Abby nodded. "He's a docta, he had to go for work. Is that why you went?"

What the hell was Mark playing at? Derek wondered. How could he possibly think telling Abby about her good for nothing parents was a decent idea?

"My Mommy didn't tell him 'bout me," Abby continued. "Cause Mommy and Daddy got unmarried."

Alarm bells were blaring in Alex's head and he tried harder to get Mark's attention. Was Sloan just going to stand there? Shepherd could not find out this way. He would go ballistic.

He wasn't successful in catching Mark's eye, but he did catch Derek's.

"Something wrong, Karev?" he asked. "I agreed you could sit in here and study, but only if you were productive. You've been on that page for 20 minutes."

"Nope," he tried to play it cool, but Mark was still in his own world in the doorway. Abby was going to talk them all right off the cliff. "I'm good."

"Dr. Derek!" Abby whined, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket.

"Yes Abby?" he turned his attention back to the girl who had just about stolen his heart.

"Do you hava wife?" she asked.

Alex kicked the table leg, but Mark still ignored him. Seriously?

"Karev!" Derek said warningly, before answering her. "I used to, but we decided to get divorced a few years ago."

"Divorced is unmarried?" Abby had never heard the word divorce before.

"Divorce is unmarried," Derek agreed, missing the way Abby's eyes had widened.

"And you moved to Seattle then?"

Alex buried his head in his hands. Here it freaking comes.

"Okay, that's enough," Derek snapped. "Get out of here, Karev. Go study someplace else. I suggest you study hard, because you had better be able to actually answer my questions tonight."

"Dr. Derek!" Abby said frantically, her eyes bright with excitement.

Mark finally snapped back to reality when Alex elbowed him on the way out the door.

"She knows," Alex hissed darkly. "And she's about a minute away from telling him."

"What?" Mark paled. This was bad. This was so bad. He wondered if Derek would notice him making a run for it. Where could he hide?

"Yes, Abby?" Derek asked, glaring at Alex. "I mean it, Karev, go study."

Abby quickly thought it through.

Mark had told her that her Daddy was a doctor who lived in Seattle and loved the Yankees. Mark told her that he had gone for work after her parents got unmarried.

Derek moved to Seattle after he and his wife got unmarried- divorced, she corrected herself. He was a doctor and he loved the Yankees.

"Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?"

Kids. They say the craziest things.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** See the end of the chapter. I know you don't really care what I have to say right now. Here we gooooo :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Five**

* * *

Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of.

And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget.

And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.

 _"_ _Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?"_

* * *

His breath hitched.

His eyes widened and he must have opened and closed his mouth at least twenty times.

He had five nephews and seven nieces, ranging from age four to nineteen. Kids said crazy things, but he had stopped being surprised by them years ago.

At least, he thought he had.

He felt like a fish on dry land.

Of all the things Abby could possibly have said to him, this was the last thing he could ever have imagined.

 _"Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?"_

His heart was pounding and he had no idea why.

He was not her father.

While this hurt his male pride a bit, he could freely admit that he had only slept with two women in his life. One of those was a one night stand a week ago.

Clearly, Abby wasn't the product of that.

Four years ago, his divorce had just been finalized and he was living alone in a trailer in Seattle.

He did not have a four year old. There was just no possible way that Abby was his.

And that hurt. Abby looked so hopeful, so sure she was right. A small part of him, okay a very large part of him, wished she was. Abby was funny, brilliant, adorable, and pretty much perfect. Her smile was infectious and she was perpetually bright and shiny.

Where the hell did he get the phrase bright and shiny from?

Abby had been through hell and back in her short life but that didn't stop her from smiling and loving life. She was genuinely happy to be alive in a way no four year old should ever understand. No matter how hard Mark tried to shield her from it, Abby knew she was dying. She heard the surgeons and the oncologists say there was no hope.

She took great pleasure in telling everyone she met that Dr. Derek was her superhero. She had told a mortified Joseph Dickens that he was clearly not as good of a brain surgeon as Dr. Derek, but that shouldn't make him feel bad. Derek would teach him.

God, he still didn't know how he kept a straight face through that.

Abby liked to color pictures of brains and stare at the brain model that was now a permanent fixture on her bedside table.

Abby was going to be a brain surgeon. He would teach her and they would save everyone.

He wished she could hang on to that innocence forever. If only he really could save everyone. If only he really was everyone's superhero.

Right now, he didn't feel like a superhero.

Superheroes were the good guys. They knew what to say, what to do to save the day.

Telling Abby that he wasn't her father would not make him the good guy. It was going to break her heart, and he hated that he had to do it.

"Abby," he said gently. "Sweet heart..."

Abby sighed knowingly. "Mommy didn't tell you, 'member? You wouldn't know."

And that was the issue, wasn't it?

But it just wasn't possible. He hadn't been with anyone other than Addison and Meredith.

His breath hitched.

Four years ago, he was living in Seattle, but it took nine months to make a baby.

The last time he had sex with Addison was on his birthday. She had surprised him by bribing the Chief Resident into giving them both the weekend off. For the first time in a long time, the two of them had talked and listened to each other. He had been falling out of love with her, but that weekend made him question that. Maybe he did still love her. Maybe they could make this work. He could wait a while longer for kids, couldn't he? He had just turned 29. They had time.

Two days later, he found her in bed with Mark and that was the end of that.

If you asked Abby how old she was, she would tell you four years and forty three days.

August 31st was roughly nine months before May 24th.

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He could hear his heart pounding through his chest. His hands were shaking beyond his control.

 _"Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?"_

His met Abby's eyes and his grew larger.

She had his eyes.

Oh my God.

* * *

Alex could only imagine what Shepherd was thinking. What a horrible way to find out.

Mark felt nauseous. While he hadn't been able to come up with a great way to drop this bomb on Derek, he had never wanted this. He never dreamed Abby would piece things together before he got the chance to talk to Derek.

"That was my birfday wish!" Abby exclaimed, her eyes shining. "I told Mark, no cancer and find my Daddy."

Mark knew the second Derek processed his name. He turned towards him, agony, anger and fear radiating from him in waves.

He had to get Derek out of Abby's room. Derek needed to wrap his head around this away from the watchful eyes of his far too observant four year old.

Seeing Derek wasn't going to respond, Abby huffed. "Mark, tell him!"

'I'm trying to figure out how the hell to do that, kid,' Mark thought, his heart breaking for Derek.

"Derek, can we talk?" he eventually said. "Alex, stay with Abby. I think the Yankee game's about to start."

"No!" Abby yelled. "Don't leave!" She grabbed onto Derek's arm and pulled it towards her. Large crocodile tears began falling from her eyes. "I sorry! You don't havta be my Daddy, Dr. Derek!"

Alex flinched. Abby certainly knew how to shatter hearts.

"Don't you ever apologize for asking me that," Derek said, his voice hoarse. "Not ever, okay?" He grabbed her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I am not leaving. Mark needs to talk to me, but I am coming back."

"Pwomise?" she said desperately, still clinging to his arm.

"I promise," he said softly, placing a kiss on her forehead, right on the ferry boat scrub cap she had yet to take off. "I'll be back, Abby. Stay here. Wait for me. Don't move."

This got a giggle from Abby. She couldn't move without help. While the leg weakness was fading with the tumor removed, she wasn't able to walk again yet. Derek and her oncologist were hopeful that with physical therapy she could regain normal function in time.

"Okay," she said, her tears slowing.

"Watch the game for me," he smiled shakily. "You can tell me all about it when I get back."

* * *

Mark led Derek up towards Liz's office. Hopefully it was empty. Either that, or hopefully she would take the hint and leave to give them privacy.

This wasn't a conversation for a conference room. They had glass walls, and Derek deserved better than to have half the hospital watch him fall apart.

The on call rooms weren't nearly sound proof enough. Mark knew that better than anyone.

Derek was a mess. He had a thousand reasons to be a mess.

But he still managed to comfort Abby. He still put her first. His entire world had just been turned on its head and he still put her first. Derek Shepherd was going to be one hell of a father. He already was.

Luck was not on Mark's side today. Liz, Amelia, and Nancy were in the office.

"Nance, Amy- get out," Mark demanded. "We need to talk to Liz."

He wanted Liz gone too, but she had always scared him and he didn't dare kick her out of her own office.

They'd made her Chief of Surgery at 36 for a reason, after all.

Amelia took one look at Derek and instantly knew that somehow he had found out.

"I should get back to work," she said quickly, hurrying out of the office. As she passed Derek, he grabbed her arm. "Stay," he pleaded. "Amy stays."

Liz was worried. The last time Derek looked like this was the night he caught Addison and Mark. What the hell had happened now?"

"Nancy, get out," Liz said softly. "Der, sit down. You look like you're about to pass out."

"Should I get Mom?" Nancy asked Mark worriedly, concern for Derek growing by the second.

"Do you want Mom, Derek?" Mark asked. Derek nodded as he collapsed into a chair across from Liz's, burying his head in his hands.

Nancy hurried out of the office to find Carolyn, leaving Mark with his favorite unofficial siblings.

"Amy," he said. "Go get the folder from my desk and come right back."

She nodded and raced to grab it.

The folder contained the two most important pieces of paper Mark possessed- Abby's birth certificate and the copy of the form containing 'Derek's signature' terminating his parental rights. Mike Gaston had given it to him after Abby's surgery.

"Say something," Mark begged. "Please, Derek, say something?"

Derek was drowning. Everything he thought he knew about his life was turning out to be a lie.

 _"My Mommy didn't tell him."_

How could Addison have done that? She knew how much he wanted kids. Hell, he probably would have rethought the divorce if he knew. How could she do this to him? How could she do this to Abby?

Other things were starting to make more sense.

They had seen hundreds of hopeless cases as interns and residents, but Mark hadn't taken any of those kids home.

Now that he was looking for it, Abby was his clone. Before the surgery, she had a head full of black curly hair similar to his and identical to his sisters. She had his eyes. The only thing he saw that reminded him of Addison was her nose, but for all he knew that could be his too. He barely remembered what he looked like before Mark broke his nose in 1st grade. He decided to ask his mother for pictures once he wrapped his head around this.

"Is she right?" he said, the mental and emotional exhaustion catching up to him.

Mark closed his eyes and prayed to anyone listening that he didn't screw this up. "Yes."

Derek clenched his eyes shut, tears leaking from the corners.

"What's going on, Mark?" Liz asked frantically. "What is he talking about? Is who right?"

Where was Nancy with Carolyn? Where was Amy with that folder? He didn't want to do this twice.

"How long have you known?" he hissed, his eyes blazing with anger. "Did you know then?"

Derek might as well have slapped him. "What?" he choked out. "No!"

"Who else knows?" he snarled, grabbing a picture frame off Liz's desk and throwing it across the room. It shattered when it hit the wall.

"Derek!" she gasped. "Stop it. What are you doing?" She turned on Mark, her own anger coming out now. "What the hell have you done now?"

That stung. That really stung.

"Don't yell at him!" Amelia had returned just in time. "He's not the bad guy here, Liz. He didn't do anything wrong."

At least Amelia had his back. It figured that the two black sheep in a family of perfect kids would take care of each other. With Derek fleeing to Seattle, Mark never faced a situation where the Shepherd sisters had to choose between him and Derek. He stayed, Derek fled. They were mad at him, but they never shut him out. Liz's accusation was a sudden reminder that he wasn't truly a Shepherd and that they would always put Derek first. And that stung.

"Derek, please!" Amy begged. "I know you're mad and hurt and God you have every right to be, but don't take it out on Mark."

"I found out on her birthday," Mark whispered. "I would never have hid that from you."

Derek laughed bitterly. "You've hid it from me for forty three days."

"What choice did I have?" Mark was yelling now. "She had an inoperable brain tumor and you were one of the only people in the world that could save her! You have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you. It's been killing me to hide it but I didn't have a choice."

Derek deflated a bit. That did make sense. If he knew Abby was his daughter, he never would have been allowed near an OR and she would have died.

His eyes widened. She did die. She was dead on his table and he almost walked away.

No one could read Derek Shepherd better than Mark Sloan, and the garbage pail made it in front of Derek in the nick of time.

Amelia squatted next to her brother, rubbing his back as he threw up almost everything he'd eaten in the last day. After a few minutes, he sat back on the floor, a mess of sweat and tears, dry heaving and trying to catch his breath.

"Derek!" Carolyn had finally arrived. She hurried over to Derek's other side and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him. "What's wrong?"

"Start talking, Mark," Liz ordered, crossing her arms across her chest. "What the hell is going on?"

Carolyn looked torn between comforting her clearly devastated son and snapping at Liz. At the very least, Mark knew Carolyn would still care about him no matter what he did.

"It's about Abby," he said quietly, sitting down on the floor across from Derek.

"Your foster child, Abby?" Nancy clarified, sitting down on a couch by the windows.

"Yes," Mark nodded. "Abby turned four on May 24th, the day I met her. She told me that her birthday wish was for no more cancer and to find her Daddy."

The only sound in the room was Derek's choked sobs.

"Start with Mike Gaston," Amy suggested. "That's when it really starts anyway."

Right. "Mike Gaston is Abby's social worker. I met him on her birthday. The second I saw her, I realized that I knew her parents."

Liz's eyes widened. 'No!' she thought, frantically looking between Mark and Derek. 'Oh my God.'

"He told me that her mother had given her up, and as we talked we realized that her father was unaware that she even existed."

"What?" Nancy snapped angrily. "What kind of bitch does that?"

"They were separated when she found out she was pregnant, and she just never told him." Mark sighed. "So I made sure to tell Abby that. She was convinced that nobody would want a sick kid and asked me if the cancer was why her parents didn't love her. I assured her that her father would adore her."

"That's quite the promise to make, Mark," Carolyn said softly. "How could you be so sure of that?"

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life," Mark met Derek's eyes. "I told her basic stuff- that her Daddy was a doctor who loved the Yankees and lived in Seattle."

Carolyn tightened her hold on Derek. She knew where this was going. Her poor baby boy.

"Nance, you called the mother a bitch," Mark laughed bitterly. "You are definitely right. I realized that her father didn't know because the signature on the form, the form that terminates his parental rights, wasn't his."

Derek's head snapped up. He couldn't believe what Mark was saying. "She forged my signature?"

"What?" Nancy gasped, horrified. "No! Mark, Addison wouldn't have done that."

Derek and Mark glared at Nancy. "Are you implying I would walk away from my daughter?" Derek asked icily.

Amy handed Derek the folder and he took it with shaking hands.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you, Derek," Mark begged him to believe him. "I planned on telling you right after the surgery, but with everything that happened I didn't know how to tell you. I never expected her to piece it together like that. That is not how I wanted you to find out."

"Why did you agree to foster her?" Derek asked quietly.

Mark snorted. "Have you looked at her?" Derek cracked a small smile. "She's a four year old girl version of you. I knew there was no way you would give up your kid, and when Gaston told me she had cancer, I couldn't walk away. I don't know how we got so lucky that he started talking to me that day, but I know that I will be grateful for that everyday for the rest of my life. When I went to meet Abby, Karev was there. He became one of Abby's strongest advocates. He got you here. He made you try again in that OR. I never believed in fate, but this makes me wonder if I should start."

Derek felt guilty for accusing Mark of lying to him. Mark had done everything he possibly could to save his daughter's life. Abby was alive and would live for a very long time because Mark Sloan saw Derek in her. Abby was fine because Mark, because 'McSteamy', had grown up enough to put his entire life on hold for a four year old with brain cancer.

Any lingering anger at Mark for wrecking his marriage faded away.

Addison was a bitch, of that Derek was certain. He knew she could be heartless and self absorbed but he never believed her capable of this. He didn't even want to think of the nightmare it was going to be to get custody of Abby when he supposedly gave up his rights to her. Not today.

Today, he had a little girl to get to know.

He was a Dad.

Carolyn opened the folder, biting back a gasp as the birth certificate told her what she had already guessed.

Abigail Mackenzie Shepherd

Mother: Addison Forbes Montgomery

Father: Derek Shepherd

* * *

Back in Abby's room, Alex had finally managed to cheer her up.

Well, technically it was Derek Jeter's dive into the stands to get an out against the Red Sox that made her perk up. But whatever.

Abby had just gone on for a good forty five minutes about why Derek Jeter was the bestest, greatest Yankee ever.

Sometimes, Alex wondered how a four year old understood this much about baseball.

Today, he was immensely thankful for the distraction it was providing.

"Is she asleep?"

Once he saw Abby's birth certificate, Derek broke down some more. He cried in his mother's arms until he had no tears left to cry. Then, he decided that he just wanted to be with Abby.

Mark talked him into a shower and change of clothes first. It was a good idea. He felt loads better by the time he made it back to Abby's room.

Alex nodded. "She wore herself out in her excitement. Jeter nosedived into the stands."

Derek whistled. "Didn't Nomar sit this game out, too? That doesn't look good for him."

He shrugged. "I'm not a huge baseball fan. I've gotten into it a little because the sun rises and sets with the Yankees for Abby, but I don't get the whole rivalry thing."

"Hmm," Derek said skeptically. "Not a huge baseball fan? Guess I'll have to work on that then."

"What do you mean?"

Derek smiled at him. "You saved my daughter's life, Alex. There aren't enough words to properly thank you for that. You are friends with my sister, and you've grown on me quite a bit. You don't have anyone in Seattle. You're an unofficial Shepherd now."

For a kid who lived with an abusive father his entire life, family hadn't meant much to him. He'd been in and out of 17 foster homes as a teenager. The idea of a family barely made sense to him, but he had to admit he was slightly envious of the Shepherds. For the past month, Mark, Amy and him had been sort of a family, but for Derek to say that? It meant a lot.

He wasn't alone anymore.

He had people who believed in him.

"You aren't going to like this," Derek said gently. "But you have to go back to Seattle."

Alex sighed. He had known that was coming. Before Abby's bombshell, Derek had been planning on heading out tomorrow night. Obviously, he wasn't going anywhere now, but there was only so long that he could get away with keeping Alex in New York with him.

"When?" he asked feeling defeated.

"Tonight," he said, a grim look settling on his face. "You have to work tomorrow morning."

Tonight? That was too soon. He wasn't ready to leave New York. He wasn't ready to leave Abby or Amy.

Amy. Where had that come from?

"I'm sorry," Derek said sincerely. "Webber called earlier and demanded it."

"In the pit?" Alex asked, trying to hide his misery.

Derek chuckled. Surgical interns were all the same. "No, I spoke with Dr. Bailey, your new resident remember, earlier. You'll be treated just like her other interns until I get back out there, and we'll reevaluate then."

 _Derek knew Alex wouldn't be happy about having to go back to Seattle tonight. He understood Webber's insistence, even if he didn't like it. He had to claim that Abby was having complications in order to get the okay to stay longer himself. It sucked having to sell Alex out, but he had to pick his battles carefully. Until he spoke with Mike Gaston, until he figured out how to get custody of Abby, he was keeping the fact that he had a child within his family. Richard Webber was not included in the need to know. Not yet._

 _His mind made up, he called Miranda Bailey. Who knew what she had heard about Alex? He did fail the boards. Derek wanted to ensure that he was treated like any other intern. After all, he failed the boards because he was researching brain tumors to try and save his daughter's life. Derek owed him._

 _"Well, you are alive," she said in mock surprise. "It's mighty quiet around here without your loud fool mouth."_

 _Derek rolled his eyes. Bailey had been giving him hell since she was his intern._

 _"Listen, I'm pretty busy being a hot shot surgeon out here in Manhattan," he said with a grin. "But I need to talk to you about your new intern."_

 _"The one you took with you on a consult?" Derek heard the jealousy in her voice. He had to end that now._

 _"Alex Karev came with me because he's the one who convinced me to come," he said tightly. "She was his patient as a medical student and he brought me her brain scans. She is alive right now because of his persistence and because he convinced me to try a 4th resuscitation attempt after she flatlined on my table. He earned the right to be here and he has earned my respect."_

 _He could tell he rendered Bailey speechless._

 _"He is going to be one of the greats one day," he continued. "Provided of course that we help him along the way. There is no room for jealousy on your part, Dr. Bailey, am I clear?"_

 _"You really think he's got that much potential?"_

 _"I don't like wasting my time." He had told her the same thing several years ago. "If I am taking the time to work with an intern or resident that means I believe they have what it takes. I believe Alex Karev has as much potential as I saw in you. I expect you to treat him the same as your other interns. I expect you to teach them the way you were taught. Am I clear?"_

 _He heard her sigh. It wasn't often that he pulled rank on her and he knew it drove her mad when he did._

 _"Webber said you sentenced the boy to the pit?"_

 _"He failed the boards," Derek admitted. "But I don't want him working the pit if I'm not there. He's not an errand boy. Get him with the good teachers, a variety of cases. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised."_

 _"And his temper?" she asked seriously. "Have you talked to him about that?"_

 _"I'll be in Manhattan for a while longer," he said quietly, "Which I haven't quite told the Chief yet. But if you have any issues with him, call me. He's still officially my intern even when I'm not there and I will deal with him."_

 _"All right, McDreamy," Derek groaned. "My interns are quite infatuated with you, so prepare yourself for their_ _ridiculous middle school drama whenever you do come back. I'll give him a fair shot. Any one who can blackmail The Great God of Neurosurgery and come out looking like sunshines and roses is a person I'd like to know."_

 _"Remember I'm your boss, Bailey," he teased. "Thank you."_

* * *

Alex found Amelia and Mark in the cafeteria and slid into the open chair at the their table.

"Hey!" Amelia smiled brightly at him.

Mark's eyes narrowed. What was that?

"Your brother's sending me back to Seattle tonight," he said with a sigh.

"You are an intern," Mark pointed out. "I know you're way ahead in neuro now, but you can't miss many more hours or you'll never catch up. I don't think Webber will consider hours spent hanging out with Abby as OR time."

"I was monitoring my patient!" Alex protested with a grin.

Mark shook his head. "Call if you need anything," he clapped a hand on Alex's back as he stood up. "I've got to go. You aren't the only one that's been ordered back to work now that we know Abby's going to be fine."

"Thanks," Alex said sincerely, "Really, thank you for everything."

He shook his head. "I should be thanking you, Karev. For what it's worth, you're going to kick ass out in Seattle."

Once Mark was gone, Amelia looked at Alex with a knowing smile.

"You're scared of the Nazi."

"I am not!" Alex protested.

Amelia snorted. "Well, you should be. Derek never lets her get away with telling him what to do. You do it and you get brought on a cross country consult, and get asked to scrub in on a rare surgery. You impressed him, Alex. That's very rare for an intern to do. He was Chief Resident when Bailey was an intern. Seattle hadn't mellowed him out quite as much yet. He didn't take shit from anyone, he still doesn't, but he was much tougher then. Bailey, for all her talk, respects him quite a bit. She's not going to like that you are seemingly getting away with blackmailing him."

"Freaking great," he groaned.

"I'm sure he's called her," Amelia said reassuringly. "But you should be prepared for her not to like you. Don't feel bad, she doesn't like anyone."

"I am worried about how people are going to view Shepherd bringing me out here," Alex admitted.

"Screw 'em," she said seriously. "They are interns, the bottom of the surgical totem pole. Interns don't get to question their attending's decisions."

"You sound like your brother," he smirked.

She grinned. "Derek and Mark have many of the same philosophies and speeches. And I worked with Derek as a medical student, I've heard it all. Besides, you want people to envy you. People like Yang and Grey? They live to be the best, and right now you are their toughest competition. Good for you."

He leaned back in his chair, wrapping an arm around her. "What a month."

She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "You're telling me. I watched my brother fall apart today, Alex. I've never seen him like that before, not since our Dad died."

If you asked him later, Alex couldn't tell you how that conversation in the cafeteria ended with them in an on-call room and him almost missing his flight.

Amelia was great. She was brilliant, independent, a little crazy (the good kind of crazy), and beautiful. She believed in him. They had grown very close throughout the whole 'save Abby' fight. He had never really been just friends with a girl before and he found himself enjoying it.

It wasn't until he landed in Seattle that he realized what he had done. He and Amy weren't just friends anymore. Crap.

* * *

Abby really had been exhausted. She showed it by sleeping through the entire night.

She woke up when the sun started trickling in through the blinds and realized with a start that she wasn't in her bed. Someone was holding her.

Mark was sound asleep in the other arm chair, which clearly left only one option for whose arms she was in.

He really had come back.

That made her really, really happy.

She snuggled deeper into his chest, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat.

"Are you awake, Abby?" he asked softly, rubbing her back.

Abby nodded, smiling when he chuckled. "Do you want to go get breakfast? We can eat in the cafeteria if you want."

Her face lit up. "Pancakes?"

"Whatever you want," he agreed. Derek Shepherd health nut was taking a back seat right now. Though, he did think he had enough internal strength and willpower to resist any pleas for ice cream.

He glanced at Abby. Then again, maybe not.

She was dressed in a pair of footy pajamas covered with fish he now knew were bought by Amy and insisted he tie the scrub cap on tighter before they left.

"I like your jammies," he said, kissing the top of her head.

Abby giggled, and he felt his world tilt.

This girl was everything.

"They're fishies!" Abby exclaimed. "Amy got 'em for me."

Derek was on cloud nine as he carried Abby down towards the cafeteria. His sisters and mother wanted to meet her as his daughter, but he had begged for some time alone with her first.

He was furious with Addison. He was devastated that he had lost out on four years of Abby's life.

He was terrified of the hurdles he would have to climb to get custody.

He was going to enjoy every second granted to him. He could have lost her before he even knew her. He fully planned to make up for that now.

"Can we talk, Abby?" he asked gently as she dug into her chocolate chip pancakes.

She nodded, a bit of fear creeping into her eyes.

"Yesterday, you asked me a question,"

"Dr. Derek are you my Daddy," she said seriously. "I did ask."

"I didn't answer, and I am very sorry for that. You surprised me," Derek couldn't help but smile at the look of hope in Abby's eyes. "I talked to Mark and he told me the truth. So, why don't you ask me your question again?"

Abby squealed, clapping her hands together and making a rather large mess with the pancake syrup. Derek didn't care.

"Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?" Abby didn't think that she had ever been happier than she was right now.

"Yea," he said softly, pulling her onto his lap. "Yes, Abby, I am."

* * *

He could hardly believe it had only been a week since he last walked through these doors.

Seattle Grace felt much less intimidating than Mount Sinai, in spite of it's higher ranking for the past few years. He couldn't put his finger on why, but Alex felt comfortable here. Maybe it was the peace and quiet. Maybe it was the slower pace of being outside of the city itself.

He could easily see why Derek- Dr. Shepherd, he was back in Seattle now- had fallen in love with the West Coast.

So much had changed since he pulled Abby's brain scans out of his locker and brought them to Shepherd at the end of his first intern shift.

A week ago, he had been convinced she was going to die. Now? He had a picture in his email of Abby fast asleep on Derek's lap from the night before. She had a Dad.

From the little he'd seen, Shepherd was going to be a great one. Abby was so lucky.

A week ago, calling Abby lucky would have been a sick joke.

A week ago, he'd been drowning in fear for a little girl dying in New York, suffocated by doubt in his own abilities, and reeling from finding out he failed his boards.

It was a very different Alex Karev that walked through those front doors today.

His confidence wasn't an act anymore. He had saved a four year old's life.

Derek Shepherd, one of the top surgeons in the country, believed in him. He was determined to prove him right.

"How the hell did you get to go with Shepherd on a consult?"

He was not going to let Cristina Yang ruin his good mood.

"I'm the one that asked him to go," he shrugged. "Take it up with him if it bothers you so much. I just did what I was told."

A girl Alex recognized as Meredith came around to sit on the bench next to Cristina. "Is he back too? Dr. Bailey said he was going to be gone a bit longer."

"He's still in New York," Alex said. "I didn't get an answer when I asked when he'd be back."

Probably because it won't be until he gets custody of Abby. And who the hell knows how long that's going to take.

"We were on rotation at Sinai together," Meredith said with a smile. "Meredith Grey."

"Alex Karev," he shook her hand. "I remember you, even though we didn't see each other much."

A whistle from the door had them all jumping.

"Are you fools planning on working today or gossiping?" Bailey glared at her interns, her eyes softening when she reached Alex.

Shepherd must have called her.

"Yang, you're with Burke. Grey, Webber's requested you. O'Malley, Stevens- pit. And Karev, you're with Dr. Robbins, the new pediatrics attending. Don't embarrass me."

Pediatrics. Shepherd had so intervened. Maybe this really would be as good of a day as he was hoping it would be.

* * *

It was nearly 8pm in New York.

Derek wanted to sleep.

Abby was exhausting.

He was less tired after 17 hour surgeries than he was after a day with his daughter.

He wouldn't trade a minute of it.

Eventually, he was going to have to figure out what to do about his job. How could he be Head of Neurosurgery and the heir apparent for Chief when Webber retired while being a kick ass single Dad? Suddenly, he cared way more about being a good Dad than he did a world renowned surgeon.

Addison had been right about that. Kids change everything.

"I think it's time for bed, Abby," he said, biting back a yawn.

"Not yet," Abby disagreed.

She had two of her dolls on the bed along with the brain model. When Derek asked Abby what she was doing, she informed him that she was teaching the interns the parts of the brain. He assumed the dolls were supposed to be the interns. "This is the temural lube."

Derek fought the urge to laugh. "I think you mean the temporal lobe, Dr. Abby."

"Oh right!" she nodded.

He sat down on the side of her bed, taking the brain model out of her hands. "You can teach the interns more tomorrow," he promised. "But it's time for bed now."

"I don't wanna!" she pouted.

'Resist. Resist. Resist.' Derek pleaded with himself. 'She is four. You cannot give her whatever she wants just because she pouts at you.'

"I'm sorry, but you have to," he said, moving the dolls off the bed too. "It's very late now, way past your bedtime."

Abby fell back into her pillows with a huff. "Okay."

"Thank you," Derek said, squeezing her hand. "I had a lot of fun today. Are you okay with Mark and Amy getting breakfast with us tomorrow?"

She nodded. As he leaned in to kiss her goodnight, she began to giggle.

"Your face itches, Daddy!"

Derek and Abby both froze. Even though they had spent the whole day together, Abby hadn't called him that yet. She had either called him Dr. Derek, or just avoided saying his name at all. From the look in her eyes, Derek realized she had been terrified of his reaction.

He, on the other hand, was ecstatic. Hearing Abby call him that was the cherry on top of an already amazing day.

He had a daughter; a smart, funny, friendly, adorable, perfect kid.

"I'll be sure to shave tomorrow before breakfast," he assured her. "Goodnight, Abby."

"Night," she whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"Sweet dreams, baby," Derek whispered. "And Abby?" She looked up at him, her eyes showing her nerves. "I would love it if you called me Daddy."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** No cliff hanger this time! I figured I've been torturing you all enough.

Sooo... Derek finally knows Abby's his. I cried a lot writing how he found out, but I had loads of fun writing his interactions with Abby.

Alex and Amy... that wrote itself. Seriously. I love my Amelia and my Alex, but I don't know that this will continue.

Alex is finally back in Seattle, and we've finally been introduced to Meredith! She's here to stay, even if it might take a few more chapters for her and Derek to be in the same place.

Chapter 6 will be up this weekend. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** Thanks for all the reviews for Chapter 5!

This is a small summary of the dates/events that we've seen so far, just to help keep things clear as to where we've been. As I was writing this chapter, I got confused myself. Hopefully this helps!

May 24th: Mark meets Abby on her 4th birthday

Wednesday June 30th: Alex goes to Seattle

Friday July 2nd: Alex shows Derek Abby's brain scans

Saturday July 3rd: Derek operates

Tuesday July 6th: "Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?"

Wednesday July 7th: Alex goes back to SGH

I am so sorry this is getting posted so late in the weekend. I was away in the mountains of Pennsylvania and the internet was basically non-existent.

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Six**

* * *

Life can change on a dime.

A split second decision can change the world as you know it.

This is not a new concept to me.

One gun shot changed my entire life when I was 10.

Finding Addison with Mark caused me to run to Seattle.

But nothing I've ever experienced could have prepared me for how much my world would shift when I saw that birth certificate.

Two weeks ago, if asked, I would have told you that I was happy. I was 33 years old, one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, the Head of Neurosurgery and future Chief of Surgery at a hospital I loved. I was single, I didn't have many friends, and my family was a five hour plane ride away, but that didn't matter to me.

In my hurry to escape the pain of my life in New York in the wake of the divorce, I pushed away the things that mattered most and embraced surgery.

Surgery is a high like nothing I have ever experienced. It's better than riding motorcycles. It's better than driving fast, though I would never admit to knowing how that feels. At least not in front of my mother.

I am a surgeon because I want to save lives. I firmly believe that I have a responsibility to my patients to do everything and anything I can to save them. That doesn't make me God, though I've heard people say I play the part in my OR. I just think it makes me a good surgeon and a good human being.

My dreams and ambitions lie in uncovering the mysteries of the human brain, of finding cures for cancer and other diseases that affect the nervous system, brain and spinal cord. Things like Parkinson's Disease, Epilepsy, even Alzheimer's devastate the lives patients and their families. My professors in medical school, my mentors through my residency told me I'd change the face of medicine.

I might not have cured any diseases yet, but I firmly believe that in time I can accomplish anything.

I have the world at my finger tips in Seattle.

Professionally, I have it all.

Personally, I'm a giant failure.

That didn't bother me until I returned to New York, but now it's all I can think about.

Things that matter. And things that don't.

Surgery is great, but it isn't everything.

Abby deserves everything.

For the first time since I entered medical school, surgery and success are no longer my top priority.

You have no idea how much that terrifies me.

* * *

 _ **Saturday, July 10th**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

"Derek, this is not going to be easy, you know that, right?"

Dan Kraft, Liz's husband, was a prominent Manhattan attorney. At work, he was driven, competitive, and almost impossible to beat. He was one of New York's rising stars and half the firms in the city would move heaven and earth to have him.

He shouldn't be touching this case with a ten foot pole. Family law, while something he'd dabbled in years ago, was not his strong suit. He was a corporate attorney representing some of the best on Wall Street.

He worked for Addison's mother.

When Liz came home in tears the other day, he assumed Abby died from surgical complications. It had been years since Liz became so emotionally invested in a patient, and Dan was worried about how she would take it should something happen to that girl.

Never in his wildest dreams did he expect the story she had to tell him.

Derek was a father.

Derek was Abby's father.

Going to work the next day, facing Addison's mother, had been hell. Dan had known Derek ever since he started dating Liz over twenty years ago. His heart broke for him.

Which was why, against his better judgement, he was sitting in the Mount Sinai cafeteria talking to Derek about how to win custody of Abby.

"I know that," Derek said bitterly. "I want her, Dan. She's my daughter."

Dan sighed. "You need a lawyer, Shep, and I don't mean me. You need a family lawyer with experience in cases like this."

Derek snorted. "You think this is a common occurrence?"

"No," Dan admitted. "I don't think it is. At least, I hope it's not. There aren't many notaries that would agree to notarize a form like that without it being signed in front of them."

Dan recognized the notary's name as a former intern and current lawyer at his firm. He had little doubt his job offer came as a direct result of that agreement. For the second time in less than a day, Dan considered leaving his job.

"What am I supposed to do?" Derek sounded broken. "I spoke with her social worker this morning. Mark still has custody. Gaston's hopeful that won't change until I can win custody for myself."

"That's good, Derek," Dan said softly. "I'm sure he told you that you can't live with Mark, but you'll still be able to see her. You'll be able to talk to her and get to know her. I know you want her to live with you. I know this whole thing is a mess and horrible all around."

"But she's living with Mark," he pointed out. "Abby is living with your best friend, a man you've considered a brother for almost 30 years. She's not with strangers. He'll take care of her like you would. You know that."

"I will always be grateful for what Mark's done for her," Derek said quietly. "I just wish it had never been necessary. Do you know any lawyers I can talk to?"

"I'm reaching out to some friends from school," he nodded. "I will give you their info if I believe they can help. There are some things you need to do though, things you can do before you talk to a lawyer."

Derek hated feeling useless. He knew getting Abby was going to be hard. If there were things he could do now to help with that, he wanted to know.

"I'll do anything," he said desperately.

"You need to decide where you want to live."

Dan and Liz had grabbed dinner with Rob and Kathleen last night. Derek had consumed most of their conversation, and whether he would go back to Seattle was the biggest question.

"I know you love Seattle," Dan grinned. "And Seattle has certainly done wonders for you. You've mellowed out, you aren't that hot head kid I once knew anymore. You've grown up. Your career is thriving and Webber's grooming you to replace him. There is a lot going for you out there."

"The question is do you think you can raise Abby alone in Seattle? If you came back to New York, you'd have Mom, Kath, Mark, Amy, Liz, and I to help you every step of the way. Who do you have in Seattle?"

From the look in Derek's eyes, he had been thinking about that quite a bit himself.

"If you do decide you want Seattle," Dan's grin turned into a smirk. "You're going to need a house or at least an apartment. No one is going to let you raise a four year old in a trailer."

Derek's eyes widened. He hadn't thought of that.

* * *

 _ **Sunday, July 11th**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

It was late afternoon in New York when Derek's phone began to ring.

Richard Webber.

It had been five days since the call that sent Alex back to Seattle and over a week since Derek had left SGH. There was no question what Webber wanted.

If he ignored the call, his boss would just call again and again until he answered.

He still wasn't ready to talk to his mentor about the mess his life had become since he left Seattle. Derek loved Abby more than he had ever loved anything, and although she turned his world on it's head, he would never call her a mess. Her mother and this situation, yes, but never her. Abby was the best thing that ever happened to him.

But Richard Webber, who had remained childless for the sake of his career, would see Abby's arrival in Derek's world as nothing short of a disaster.

The last time they talked, Derek vaguely mentioned that Abby was suffering from complications and he was still needed at Sinai.

That was three days ago. The complications excuse would not work much longer.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

Webber would want to know when his Head of Neurosurgery was coming back. Leaving at the start of the new intern year was horrendous timing. Who knew what Nelson was teaching them? Actually, he knew exactly what Nelson was teaching them- nothing.

"Derek Shepherd," he said with a sigh as he answered the phone.

"It's Richard,"

He didn't sound angry or even annoyed. That was a good sign. Maybe he was overthinking things.

"How's your patient doing?" Webber knew how hard he took dying kids. The first patient Derek ever lost as a medical student was a 6 year old with a brain bleed the neurosurgeon missed.

Derek sighed. "Stable for now."

The thoughts of what Abby could be if she wasn't made him feel sick. He forced those down.

'She is going to be fine,' he reminded himself. 'She's teaching Meghan about the brain and coloring anatomy books.'

Meghan Kraft, Liz and Dan's youngest girl, was five years old. She had been ecstatic to learn she had a younger cousin. The two were quickly becoming inseparable.

Could he tear her away from that? If he chose Seattle, he would be taking Abby away from a family she loved, a family that would do anything for her.

"Is it strange being back at Sinai?"

He flinched. He had been right to be wary of this phone call.

"It is strange, yes." Derek admitted. "The last time I was here I was a resident, and now Liz is after me to give lectures to their residents. It's a definite reminder of how times have changed."

"Kraft's not trying to steal you, is she?"

"Like Dickens would ever let me work here," Just the thought made Derek cringe. "I'll never agree to work for the man, Richard, I can assure you of that."

"Good," he said shortly.

Here it comes.

"I know you like to see your cases through to the end," Richard said gently. "But you went to New York as a consult. You have a department to run out here. You have your own interns and residents to teach. You have responsibilities to this hospital, Shepherd."

"I'm not done here, Richard," Derek pleaded. "I can't leave yet, things could still go wrong and no one here would do anything to help her."

"That's not your problem, Shepherd," Richard's voice turned colder. "You can't save everyone."

Now Derek was angry. "So you expect me to drop everything, leave a four year old girl whose life I saved, just because I have responsibilities to you? What about my responsibility to my patient here?"

"I can give you a few more days, but that's it," Webber ordered. "You need to be back by Friday morning."

"And if I'm not?" Derek hissed. "If I can't leave here, if something happens and I have to operate again, what then?"

Webber was stunned. He hadn't expected Derek to argue on that.

"You might be one of the best neurosurgeons in the country," Webber's anger was clear in his voice, "But you still work for me. If you like your job, if you want to keep your job, you'll show up for work on Friday."

Derek's eyes filled with angry tears. There was no way he would be ready to go back to Seattle on Thursday.

"As a professional courtesy," Derek said angrily, "I am going to tell you that if that's the case, you might want to start looking for a new head of neurosurgery."

He slammed the phone shut and had to force himself not to throw it across the attending lounge.

Damn it.

* * *

 _ **Monday, July 12th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

There was no such thing as lunchtime in the life of a surgical intern.

You ate what you could, when you could, and where you could.

Sometimes, that was actually at lunch in the cafeteria.

Other times, it was shoving food down your throat in skills lab, at the nurses station, or in the hallways outside of the operating rooms whenever you got a spare minute.

Meredith and Alex were having one of the those days.

Alex was with Preston Burke today. Within five minutes of meeting the man, he decided that he hated him.

He never wanted cardio, but working with Liz Kraft had briefly made him think of reconsidering. Not anymore. The man took arrogance to new levels. He wasn't even that great of a teacher.

Miranda Bailey was a great teacher and an even better mentor. He was thrilled Derek had insisted she take him.

Just yesterday, she had pulled him aside after a particularly rough day and told him exactly what he needed to hear.

 _"_ _Rough day, Karev?" she asked, sitting down next to him in the intern locker room._

 _He was so exhausted, felt so defeated, that all he could do is nod._

 _"_ _You can't let it get to you. I know it's hard sometimes, but you have to let the tough days roll off your back."_

 _Alex snorted. "Sometimes I wonder who I'm trying to kid by thinking I can do this."_

 _She sighed. "I thought Shepherd talked to you in New York. You aren't trying to kid anyone. You deserve to be here."_

 _"_ _Yeah, well, no one else seems to think that."_

 _"_ _Dr. Shepherd isn't like the rest of them," Bailey patted his leg gently. "He cares, not just about himself and his patients, but about every single person he works with and every single intern he teaches. If you aren't cut out for this, he would have told you at Sinai. The fact that he didn't, the fact that he urged you to keep trying, that means he sees something in you worth believing in."_

 _"_ _It's your job to prove him right."_

"I don't know why they are even putting interns on neuro," Meredith groaned. "Nelson doesn't teach, doesn't research, and I'm pretty sure his favorite phrase is 'It's too risky.' They should just wait until Shepherd comes back, this is a complete waste of time."

Alex agreed with her. He had been put on neuro his second day back and the differences between working with Derek Shepherd and Nelson were endless.

"Do you really believe the hype?" Cristina asked skeptically. "About Shepherd, I mean."

"Yes," Alex and Meredith said in unison.

"Trust me," Alex said seriously. "Shepherd's the best teacher in this hospital."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "We know you're in love with the guy, Evil Spawn."

"Oh like Grey isn't?" he said with a grin.

"What!" Meredith squeaked. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Cristina shoved a cookie in her mouth to hide her laughter.

Izzy couldn't help herself. As she slid into the open chair next to Cristina, she added, "Come on, Mer, half the hospital knows you were Shepherd's one night stand."

Meredith looked mortified. Alex couldn't help but think that Derek would be too.

"What kind of consult is Shepherd on, anyway?" Izzy asked. "A two week consult is pretty extreme."

"He removed a parietal lobe tumor from a dying four year old," Alex snapped. "The kid nearly died on his table, he's just being thorough."

Meredith and Cristina shared a horrified look. They had been at Sinai when Alex met Abby. They had been there when Dickens told him off for "wasting his time with a hopeless case." Suddenly, Alex going to New York made a lot more sense.

Izzy's pager went off minutes later, leaving the three interns Bailey had dubbed 'The Three Amigos' alone again.

"It was Abby, wasn't it?" Meredith asked gently. "The kid with the tumor, it was Abby. You convinced Shepherd to go operate on her."

"Were you in the OR?" Cristina asked, the jealousy she had felt rapidly disappearing. That must have been hell. "You said she nearly died on the table."

"Shepherd and Kraft almost gave up on getting her back," he whispered. "It took four tries."

"Is she okay now?" Meredith asked worriedly.

Alex shrugged. "Seems like it. Her scans came back clean, so she's got that going for her at least."

"I overheard the Chief say Shepherd will be back on Friday," Cristina offered. "So she's got to be doing better."

Alex forced himself to hide his surprise. There was no way Derek would agree to come back on Friday. When Alex talked to him the day before, he hadn't even found a lawyer yet.

If Webber made Derek choose between Seattle Grace and Abby, Alex knew he would choose Abby. He hoped it didn't come to that, because if they were stuck with Nelson, they were screwed.

What a freaking mess.

* * *

 _ **Tuesday, July 13th**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

Derek grinned at Abby's laughter.

Her physical therapist was working on helping her stand on her own again. Today, Abby had managed to stand without holding onto anything for over a minute. She was quite pleased with herself.

He couldn't go back to Seattle without her. He had missed four years of her life; he didn't want to miss another day.

"Daddy, look!" Abby shrieked, raising her hands in the air. "No hands!"

"Go ahead, Dr. Shepherd," the therapist said with a knowing smile. "We're done for the day anyway."

Derek didn't need further encouragement. Crossing the room in two strides, he picked Abby up, spun her around, and began to tickle her. "Great job, Abby!"

"St.. Stawp it!" Her laughter got louder. "Tickles, Daddy!"

"Don't torture the poor girl, Der," his mother chided from the doorway, laughter dancing in her eyes.

"Grama!" Abby loved his mother.

The feeling was completely mutual. Carolyn had met her a few times as Mark's foster child. She had loved her from the moment she met her, but knowing she was her baby boy's baby earned Abby a very special place in her heart.

"Hey, Ma," Derek said, placing a squirming Abby into her waiting arms. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see my favorite son and my new granddaughter before I headed home,"

Derek sighed. Here comes the guilt.

"It's been nice to actually see you," she scolded. "Ever since you ran to Seattle, I feel like I barely know you."

He could not glare at his mother. He could not.

Abby perked up at the mention of Seattle and looked at him questionably. "Daddy, you stay here, right?"

Forget that, he most certainly could glare at his mother.

Mark had agreed to talk to Abby with him tomorrow night. They had a lot to talk about. Abby clearly had no idea what was going to happen once she was finally discharged from the hospital in a few days. She had been so distracted recently that it hadn't even crossed the four year old's mind to ask.

At least, she hadn't asked either of them. Apparently she told Karev that she was going to be living with her Daddy and Mark now.

He was not looking forward to this conversation one bit.

"Webber said if I'm not back to work Friday, I'm out of a job," Derek said quietly to Liz and Mark at dinner that night.

Dan was teaching Abby and Meghan the art of 'Go Fish,' giving the Shepherd siblings time to talk.

Liz gasped. "He expects you to just up and leave your kid?"

"He hasn't told him he has a kid," Mark said knowingly. "Richard Webber is anti-family, pro-selling your soul to surgery. He always has been."

Derek nodded. "I want to keep this quiet for as long as I can. If he finds out, he'll tell Addison, I know it."

Liz and Mark exchanged surprised looks. "You don't want Addison to know?" Liz asked gently. "Kath and I were a bit surprised you haven't already called and read her the riot act."

A pained grimace crossed his face. "So what? So she can call her mother, the Manhattan Law Shark, and prevent me from having anything to do with Abby? Yeah, no thanks."

"Dan says Bizzy wouldn't touch this for anything if it comes out," Liz informed him. "She broke tons of ethical codes in helping Addison give her up without your knowledge. She won't want to be connected to that."

"I disagree," Mark piped up. "I think she would do anything he could to bury it. Bizzy won't want it coming back up, so she'll do whatever he can to hide it. Bribery, threats, the woman is a scum bag. She'll do anything to save her reputation."

"But I don't think Webber would tell Addison," Mark told Derek. "If you told him the truth, he won't like it, but he's always been closer to you. Telling Addison would hurt you, and I don't think he would do that."

They sat in silence for a while, watching Abby and Meghan team up on Dan.

"Meghan's already asked if Uncle Derek is going to come to New York for good now," Liz said softly. "Would leaving Seattle be so horrible, Der?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm happy in Seattle, Lizzy. It's been pointed out that I can't raise Abby in my trailer, but I love my land. I love my job. I've made a life for myself out there and I'm not ready to move back here. I'm not the same man I was five years ago."

"I don't want to raise her in Manhattan," he continued. "In order for me to keep doing what I love, I'll need to be working in the city. That means I either buy a house in the suburbs and have to spend hours commuting or buy an apartment here. Abby deserves a place to run around."

"Seattle's a city too," Liz pushed. "It could be the same thing there."

"Not as big as Manhattan. I don't want her raised in taxi cabs and subway rides," Derek said finally. "If I had to pick a city on the East Coast to raise a child, it would be Boston, but I am not willing to move there."

Liz rolled her eyes. "You can't hate an entire city because of a baseball team."

"Yes you can," Derek and Mark told her.

No matter how old they got, Derek and Mark would still be boys at heart.

"So are you going to go back?" Mark asked. "You seem adamant that you don't want to stay in New York. In that case, you need a job in Seattle."

"But you are all here," Derek conceded. "I have no clue what to do with a child, and Abby's gotten so close to Mom, Meg, Amy, and you two. How could I take her from that?"

"Kids are pretty flexible." Liz said. "Abby will be fine no matter where you wind up. You have to focus on getting custody first, then you can worry about how to deal with Abby."

"Are you going to look for a house?" Mark questioned. "Since you can't raise her in a trailer, you'll need something."

Derek grinned. "I want to build a house," he said quietly. "I was thinking that I could have a two bedroom cottage built by the trailer for now. Then, if I ever find someone and get married, I want to build us a real house."

"A Meredith Grey like someone?" he smirked. "That's kind of moving fast. So far you've only had one date. Wait, can you even call a one night stand a date?"

"Oh shut up, Mark."

* * *

 _ **Wednesday, July 14th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

Meredith was really starting to like Alex Karev.

Izzy Stevens had nicknamed him Evil Spawn on the first day because he had been a bit of a jerk. Cristina was all too thrilled to adopt the nickname too.

She suspected that part of Alex's attitude on day one had a lot to do with his heart being back in New York. Alex was a very private person, but Meredith could tell that he had grown very attached to that little girl.

Ever since he came back from New York, Alex Karev had been a different person. He worked hard, offered advice when she asked for it, and was a friendly face on the crappy days.

He was quickly becoming a vital part of her hospital family.

"Hey," she smiled, handing him a coffee when he walked out of the OR. "How's Robbins?"

Alex grinned. "Thanks. Robbins is good. Way better than Burke. How are Bailey and Webber?"

"Bickering," Meredith said bitterly. "Webber's in an awful mood and apparently Bailey's mad at him. I feel like a kid stuck between fighting parents."

Alex snorted. "I've been there."

"Me too," she sighed. "The worst part is every time I get near them, they stop fighting. I don't even know what the hell this is about."

"Probably a good thing," Alex informed her. "I wouldn't want to get in the middle of those two."

He left out that he would be willing to bet they were fighting over Derek Shepherd. Last night, Derek had told him he was considering staying in New York and Webber's ultimatum.

Alex didn't think Webber would actually fire Derek. The Board would probably have his head if he tried.

Miranda Bailey, in spite of striving to be a general surgeon, was a fierce defender of Derek. She would not like Webber threatening him.

"Speaking of bickering, I am getting very tired of Izzy and George living in my house," she groaned. "The two of them fight like a married couple."

"I can't believe you let Dr. Model and Bambi move in with you in the first place," Alex teased.

Meredith rolled her eyes. Alex and Cristina's friendship was starting to scare her.

"Yeah, well, I barely knew you and Cristina already had a place. They needed a place to live and I needed roommates." Meredith realized she had no idea where Alex was living. "Where are you living? Do you have an apartment?"

"I'm staying at the Archfield," he said, not meeting her eyes. "Sloan's been paying since I stayed in New York until the last possible minute. I need to start looking though, I can't live off his money forever."

"Wow!" she gasped, her eyes wide. "That's awfully nice of him. I got the vibe he was a bit of a douche, honestly."

"He's changed since meeting Abby," Alex said with a wry grin. "McSteamy has been McChaste ever since he was given custody."

"I don't believe you!" Meredith laughed. "That's not possible."

"McDreamy didn't believe it either."

Meredith looked nauseous. "He knows we call him McDreamy?"

"He thought it was funny," Alex shrugged. "Well, Dr. Kraft and Amy found it funny."

"Amy?" Meredith raised an eye at him. "You're calling Dr. Amelia Shepherd 'Amy' now?"

Alex ignored her.

"No way!" she gasped. "I'm not the only one who has slept with a Shepherd?"

"Shut it," he snarled. "That's none of your business, Grey."

"At least yours wasn't a one night stand," she sighed.

"Shepherd doesn't want you to be a one night stand," Alex said quietly. "He's pretty infatuated with you actually. Asks about you whenever I talk to him."

Derek Shepherd wanted more than that one night? Oh my God.

He was her attending. Interns weren't supposed to have relationships with their bosses. Derek Shepherd was her boss's boss. Bailey would kill her. Webber would kill them both.

Pursuing a relationship with him would be wrong. So freaking wrong.

She had started falling for him that night, back when he was just 'a guy in a bar' and not the God of Neurosurgery.

Meredith Grey was not a relationship type of girl. She was a one and done type of girl. She had that in common with Mark Sloan. But that morning, when she woke up to a naked man asleep on her floor, she had found herself wishing she could have another night with him.

When she arrived at work and found out that he was The Derek Shepherd, her heart had stopped. He had been no happier to learn he'd slept with an intern.

She was so sure things would be awkward as hell when they had to work together, and she was very grateful when she learned he would be away on a consult for several days.

He was charming. He was brilliant, she had thought that even before she had known who he was. He was gorgeous. He was very, very dreamy.

Meredith Grey had fallen hard for Derek Shepherd that night, and she had been falling harder with every new thing she learned about him. Even though it was wrong. Even though she shouldn't. And that seriously scared the crap out of her.

She was so screwed.

* * *

 _ **Wednesday, July 14th**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

They were going to tell her tonight.

They had to.

Abby was getting discharged in two days. She needed to know that she was going home with Mark.

Derek had a lawyer now. Erin Matthews was a friend of Liz's from college. She had been furious at the whole situation and promised Derek she wouldn't rest until Abby was living with him. She was cautiously optimistic that things would progress quickly, but warned him it that in situations like this, quickly could mean several months.

Abby wasn't in any danger in her current home. In fact, Erin warned him that the courts could feel the more stable environment for Abby was in New York. He had family and a support system here, compared to Seattle where he would have to juggle fatherhood and his demanding job alone.

If that was the case, Derek would quit Seattle Grace and move back East in a heart beat.

Yes, what Addison had done was horrible. Yes, Derek deserved to have custody of his daughter. That didn't make this urgent by Social Services' standards.

Months. He didn't have months.

He could take a leave of absence from Seattle, but would he really be granted custody without a job?

"You could still talk to her whenever you want," Mark said quietly, sitting down beside him. "They have webcams now, we could each get one so you can see her. I can take her to Seattle for a long weekend, you can come back here. We can make this work, Shep. You don't have to walk away from Seattle."

Mark had talked to Erin Matthews too.

What he didn't tell Derek, wouldn't tell Derek until it was official, was that he had started the process to become a foster parent in Washington state. If they were looking at months, he would move out there so Derek and Abby could be closer.

Mark loved New York. He loved Abby and Derek more.

"I have no support system out there," Derek said bitterly.

"That's not true," Mark shook his head. "Karev's out there, Miranda Bailey would help you. Hell, Adele Webber would be your live in Nanny if asked."

Derek grinned. Adele would adore Abby.

"And you know Mom will go out to Seattle with you for a while if you need her," Mark pointed out.

"I can't ask her to do that," Derek argued. "Kath, Liz, and Nancy count on her to help them with their kids. I know I'm the golden child, but that's not fair to them or their kids."

"I told Bailey," Derek admitted.

That had been an interesting phone call.

 _"_ _What the hell is wrong with you?" Bailey hissed the moment Derek answered. "You stupid fool."_

 _"_ _Can I help you, Dr. Bailey?" Derek asked, unable to hide his amusement._

 _"_ _You told Webber to look for a new Head of Neurosurgery?" she snarled._

 _Derek grimaced. This was not going to be fun._

 _"_ _He wants me back Friday and I can't do that," he said quietly. "He told me if I wanted to keep my job, I needed to be back at work. So I told him he should start looking for my replacement."_

 _"_ _What is so great about that consult and Mount Sinai that you are seriously questioning walking away from everything you've built here?" she demanded._

 _Derek sighed. The only way to get Bailey off his back would be to tell her._

 _"_ _I haven't told the Chief this yet," he told her. "And I'm not ready for him to know. The consult was a little girl named Abby. She is four years old and I've fallen in love with her."_

 _"_ _I think you're a little old for her," Bailey pointed out drily._

 _"_ _She's my daughter," Derek said. "Addison gave her up without telling me she existed."_

 _Very little surprised Miranda Bailey. Even fewer things shocked her. Nothing rendered her speechless._

 _Derek Shepherd just did._

 _Derek had a child. And Webber wanted him to leave her in New York?_

 _"_ _You worry about Abby," she said softly. "I'll handle the Chief. You stay in New York for as long as you need to."_

Mark whistled. "What did she say?"

"That she would handle the Chief," he snorted. "I have no doubt he's getting his ass handed to him as we speak."

They both smiled as Amelia came back with Abby.

"Daddy!" Abby happily settled into his lap, resting her head on his chest. "Aunt Amy gave me ice cream!"

"She did?" he asked in fake surprise. "And you didn't bring me any?"

"Only had chocolate," Abby said seriously. "No coffee ice cream."

Mark snorted. Abby certainly knew her father.

"Oh well, maybe next time," Derek said with a shrug, hugging her tight to him.

"Hey, Abby," Mark said gently. "We've got to talk, kiddo."

"Didn't do it!" she insisted, earning a laugh from Derek.

The things Meghan was teaching her.

Mark just shook his head. "We need to talk about what is going to happen once you leave the hospital,"

Derek hugged her tighter to him.

"Abby, you know how Mike G decided you could live with me?" At Abby's nod, he continued. "Well, before you can live with your Daddy, Mike G's boss needs to say okay."

"When he do that?" Abby asked, suddenly sensing that she wasn't going to like this.

"We don't know," Derek whispered, tears filling his eyes. "And until he does, you're going to keep staying with Mark."

"Where you go, Daddy?" Abby asked, clutching his shirt in her small fists.

Derek's breath hitched. Abby was breaking his heart.

"I'm going to stay with Aunt Amy for a while," he said softly. "I'll see you everyday, you just have to sleep in your room at Mark's."

"I love you so much, Abby," he whispered. "I need you to know that."

Abby was quiet for several minutes. Derek would have given anything to know what she was thinking. He was prepared for shouting, for tears, for Abby not to speak to him.

"What's dat mean?"

He was not prepared for that.

Neither was Mark.

Mark was wracking his brain for a time when he told Abby he loved her. To his disgust, he couldn't think of one.

Derek Shepherd had just become the first person to tell his four year old he loved her.

"What?" Derek asked, horrified. He had known Abby was his daughter for close to a week. He hadn't said it? How could he not have told her that she was his world now? He loved her from the moment he met her, first as Mark's foster child and then as his daughter. How could he not have told her?

"What's I lub you mean?" she asked curiously.

Mark looked like a deer caught in headlights. Derek knew he was on his own.

And that was okay. Abby was his daughter, he could explain this to her.

"It means a lot of things," he said softly, turning her around so they were face to face. "It means that your laugh and your smile make my day. It means that I would trade everything for another minute with you. It means that I will do everything and anything I can to keep you happy and healthy and safe."

"I love you is something you tell people who make you happy. I love you is what you tell the people that make you want to wake up in the morning. I love you is what you tell people you never want to live without."

"When I tell you I love you, it means that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. It means that I like how much you enjoy baseball and the Yankees and ferry boats. It means that I want you to live with me, because you are my baby and babies are supposed to live with their Daddy's. When I tell you that I love you, it means that you are my world now. It means I can't imagine my life without you in it."

"That's what I mean when I tell you I love you. That's what I love you means."

* * *

It was nearing midnight in New York by the time Derek could finally bring himself to leave Abby's room.

 _"_ _What's I lub you mean?"_

According to Webber's ultimatum, he should have plane tickets to Seattle booked for tomorrow. There was zero chance that was happening now.

His four year old had never been told that someone loved her before. If he had his way, she would never go a day without hearing that again. That was a promise, both to Abby and to himself. She was everything.

In order for him to keep his promise, there was something he had to do.

The phone rang five times before it was answered. Derek barely gave them a chance to speak.

"It's Derek Shepherd," he said curtly. "I've thought about our call the other day, and I've made my decision."

"I quit."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** Chapter 7 will be up by Wednesday night (hopefully sooner).


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes:** A whole day early :)

I am honestly blown away by the amount of reviews, favorites, and follows I've gotten on this story. I started writing it as a way to deal with the nightmare of season 11, and I wasn't sure about posting it. I never, ever expected this kind of reception. All your reviews, both positive and negative, honestly make my day. Keep them coming!

However, since this keeps coming up, I want to clear the air a bit re: Addison.

1\. In this story, Derek is about 6 years younger than he is on Grey's. He was only married to Addison for 3 years when he caught her with Mark. They didn't have 11 years and 11 Christmas's together. They were both still in the middle of residencies. He wasn't the God of Neuro yet, and Addison hadn't established herself yet either. They were both very different people.

2\. I like Addison as a character on the show and as a character in this story. She's only human, she's going to make mistakes. The tidbit about her mother in chapter 6 is important. The things mentioned in this chapter are important. I am not going to kill her off suddenly. I am not Shonda.

3\. This story so far is from mostly Derek and Mark's perspective. Of course they are going to hate her; from their standpoint how could you not? You haven't heard her story yet, but it's coming. By the end of chapter 10, if you still hate the way I've written her, okay. I can respect that. I considered starting to put her POV in this chapter, but I couldn't make it fit. Besides, I love the way she eventually enters the story and I hope you all do too. Whether you like her or hate her, I think her perspective is one of the more interesting I've written. I'm very proud of it.

So, if you are an Addison fan that hates me right now, I need four more chapters. Please.

Friendly reminder: You are reading ONE person's POV at any given time. There are always at least two parts to every story. Everyone has a story. Every character is this story is human. They make mistakes. They have flaws. Including Meredith, Mark, Alex, and Amelia. Especially Derek. You will hear all their stories in time. You just need to bare with me and give me time to tell them.

This chapter is very transitional, but very necessary as it starts to lay the groundwork for the rest of the story. Chapter 8 will be up by Friday morning (Thursday night if work doesn't completely destroy me the next few days).

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Seven**

* * *

 _It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game._

 _When we are children, they teach us about sportsmanship. They teach us to play by the rules, to play fair._

 _That's all well and good while we're young kids._

 _But as we get older, it changes. We have to compete. We want to be the best. Not everyone is going to win. A loss is a loss, regardless of how you played._

 _Surgeons are competitive people. It does matter whether you win or lose in an OR. We call it a game, but is it really? These are real human beings with real lives and real families. It's high stakes warfare and the sad reality is that sometimes, no matter how good you are, no matter how hard you fight, you're still going to lose._

 _That competitive drive doesn't turn off when we exit an operating room. It lives in us every day, in every moment, and every interaction._

 _Surgery is a high stakes game._

 _Some surgeons prefer to fight their battles in the OR, with a scalpel and surgical drills. Those are the best of the best. Their results speak for themselves._

 _My mother was one of the greats._

 _Mark Sloan, Liz Kraft, and Derek Shepherd are some of the best in their generation._

 _Other surgeons envy them. Some would do just about anything to knock them down. Even if it means playing dirty. Even if it means not playing fair._

 _Because, as adults, how you play the game is far less important than whether you win or lose._

 _\- Meredith Grey_

* * *

 ** _Friday, July 16th_**

 ** _Manhattan_**

Amelia dialed Alex's number as she sat down in Mount Sinai's Stern's Auditorium.

For the third time since Abby's surgery, Derek was lecturing to the interns and residents. Liz was certainly utilizing him to the fullest.

He was a great teacher, Amelia had always known that. He had been great as a resident and he was even better as an attending.

These pre-round, 6am lectures were usually the bane of every resident's day. People did everything they could to find some patient emergency that would give them an excuse to skive off.

That was not the case when Derek lectured. The auditorium was standing room only, packed not only with residents, interns, and medical students, but quite a few attending level surgeons too.

Dickens must be beside himself. All his lectures were a good for was a chance to nap.

If Derek really did leave Seattle, he would give Dickens a run for his money for the prestige of being known as the best neurosurgeon in New York.

Alex and his friends begged Amelia to let them listen in. Derek quickly said yes, and the three Seattle Grace interns were currently huddled around Alex's cell phone in Meredith's house, eagerly anticipating listening to a good neurosurgeon teach. Nelson was getting on their last nerve and Webber would never even bother asking him to lecture.

Her brother the chatterbox loved to talk, and he loved being the center of attention. Lecturing was one of his favorite parts of working at teaching hospitals. You could tell just by listening to him.

"Good morning," Derek grinned as he got started. "I hope you all aren't sick of seeing me yet, three times in a week? You would never know Dr. Kraft is a cardiothoracic surgeon with how much neuro she's subjecting you to."

Liz shook her head, an amused smile appearing on her face.. "Just get on with it," she mouthed.

"Today we're going to talk about surgical options for epilepsy. First, which patients are candidates for surgery?"

"Patients with drug resistant epilepsy," one of the fifth year residents called out.

"Which means what?" Derek prodded.

"Typically, patients who have failed two adequate trials of first line medications," an intern answered.

"What's an adequate trial?" he asked. "Come on, guys, I know it's early, but this is important. I'm not going to cut open someone's brain without ensuring they are truly a surgical candidate. These are the things you should be thinking about when you take patient histories and come up with care plans."

"If both medications have been titrated to the maximum tolerated dose without controlling the seizures," Amelia said.

"Good," Derek nodded. "There are several types of surgery for epilepsy depending on which part or parts of the brain are impacted. Today, I'm going to talk about a procedure called multiple subpial transections, or MST. Who knows what that is?"

"It's an option for patients with epileptogenic areas that cannot be safely removed. Instead of requiring removal of part of the brain, the procedure interrupts the nerve pathways that are allowing the seizures to spread."

Amelia froze. She knew that voice. She heard Meredith curse through the phone as she frantically turned around. Shit.

"Right," Derek said, looking for the person who had spoken. When he saw him, his eyes widened.

Amelia was a little afraid he was going to fall over.

Derek gulped. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, but he knew he had to say something.

"Thank you, Dr. Webber."

* * *

"What the hell is he doing here?" Liz snapped, glaring at Derek from behind her desk.

"How should I know?" Derek hissed. "The last time I talked to him, I quit my job."

"You what?" she asked in disbelief. "You quit your job?

Derek turned red. He probably should have mentioned that sooner.

"Uh, yeah," he said sheepishly. "The night Abby asked me what I love you means, I made a choice."

"You made a choice," Liz said drily. "You do understand that you won't be given custody without a job, don't you?"

"Yes, Mom," he said scathingly. "I've already put several calls in to hospitals around here. I'm working on it. I needed some time to accept that I threw away 5 years of work in Seattle before I told the masses."

"I don't think you threw everything away," Liz said gently. "Webber came here, Derek, and he sure as hell didn't do it for just anyone. I can count on one hand the surgeons in this hospital I'd chase after. Him coming here means something."

"He gave me an ultimatum," Derek seethed. "So I told him where to shove it."

Liz rolled her eyes. "You withheld some pretty significant details, Der. He would not have done that if you told him the truth. Regardless of his opinions of family and surgery, he knows yours."

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"Abby's getting discharged in a few hours," Derek pointed out. "I don't know what he's doing here, but I am not planning on talking to him."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," she glared. "You are not a child. He's your boss…"

"Former boss!"

"Who do you think the hospitals you are applying to are going to call?" she demanded. "Surgery is a small world, you cannot leave SGH on bad terms with the Chief of Surgery. That will follow you, and your reputation be damned, that will hurt you. Suck it up, grow up, and talk to him. Please."

Derek sighed. "Fine, if I have to."

"You have to," she said shortly. "I don't want him in my hospital, Dr. Shepherd. Deal with him and get him out."

* * *

 _ **Friday, July 16th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

"What the hell is Webber doing in New York?" Cristina asked them as they walked into the hospital the next morning.

"No idea," Meredith shrugged.

Alex remained silent. He had a very good idea of what Webber was doing in New York.

"What do you know?" she demanded. "We know you know something. You talk to Shepherd at least five times a day."

Alex sighed. "Shepherd might have tried to quit Wednesday night."

Meredith and Cristina froze in their tracks.

"He what?" Cristina gasped. "Why the hell would he do that?"

"Webber gave him an ultimatum about coming back today," he shrugged. "Shepherd doesn't take ultimatums from anyone."

"Holy crap," Meredith whispered to Cristina. "Think Kraft would take us at Sinai? I want neuro, and I won't learn anything from Nelson."

"But what about Dickens?" Cristina asked. "He won't give up Head of Neurosurgery and no way will Shepherd take a step back. You really think he'd stay at Sinai?"

Meredith had no clue.

"Let's just hope Webber can get him back to Seattle," she suggested. "At least until we learn more about where he's going."

"I wouldn't mind going back to Sinai," Cristina muttered. "I love Burke, but Kraft is pretty awesome too."

Meredith's smile turned into a smirk, a knowing look in her eyes.. "You love Burke?"

"As a teacher!" Cristina insisted. "As a teacher, not like you love McDreamy."

Meredith nodded mockingly. "Sure," she said. "As a teacher. You keep telling yourself that, Cristina."

"Sometimes I hate being your person," Cristina snarled, pushing past George on her way into the locker room.

* * *

 _ **Manhattan**_

Richard Webber was not happy.

Two days ago, his Head of Neurosurgery had quit, without notice and without warning. Since then, he had ignored 23 phone calls from him and another 15 from other doctors at Seattle Grace.

He had known Derek Shepherd for a long time. He knew that the man could be rash, had a temper, and thought more with his heart than his brain when it came to his personal life. He wore his heart on his sleeve.

Where did he go wrong?

Obviously, Shepherd was mad about his demand he return to Seattle today.

Derek was his department head. It was the start of the new intern year, he needed him in Seattle. If he had to listen to one more complaint about Nelson, he was going to lose his mind.

He never expected Derek to show up today. Richard knew he would leave New York on his own time table, when he was good and ready. Derek Shepherd did not take orders from anyone, not even his boss.

But to call him and quit? That came out of no where.

Derek had come to New York to operate on a four year old with a so called inoperable brain tumor. The girl nearly died on his table and had post-surgical complications. He understood that.

Was this case, this little girl, really worth throwing away years of work and hard earned respect in Seattle?

He didn't come to New York to convince Derek to change his mind. Nothing could change Derek Shepherd's mind if he didn't want it changed. He just wanted to talk to the man and try to make sense of what happened. The Board would be furious that he lost one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. He needed answers to give them.

Even though he had only been back at Sinai for a few hours, he realized talking to Derek was going to be easier said than done.

Derek was avoiding him.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost crashed into a man and a child. When he looked up to apologize, the words got caught in his throat.

Mark Sloan was holding a kid. His heart could not take many more shocks this week.

The little girl couldn't be older than three, four at the most. She was dressed in what looked like miniature Sinai attending scrubs. On her head was a ferry boat scrub cap.

This was Shepherd's consult in New York, he was now sure of it.

Meanwhile, Mark was in a panic.

What was Webber doing here? Did Derek know? What the hell was he supposed to say?

If Webber mentioned Derek's name, Abby would go all 'my Daddy's a superhero' on them and then Derek's secret would be blown.

He was screwed.

He had to get out of here. Now.

"Sorry about that," Mark said hurriedly, trying to get past the Chief of Surgery without any further conversation.

"Sloan," Webber said sharply. "Where do you think you're going?"

Mark sighed. He hadn't been the man's medical student in close to 10 years. Did he really think he was going to listen to him?

"I've got a four year old that needs to use the potty," Mark made his annoyance clear.

"I don't hafta use the potty, Mark!" Abby protested.

He bit back his groan. Someone really had to teach Abby how to lie. Or at the very least, how to play along when the grown ups did.

Webber smirked. "Well, look at that. Seems like you do have time to talk."

"I don't think I'm the surgeon you're looking for," Mark snapped.

"No," Webber conceded. "But your best friend is."

"Best friend? He hasn't been my best friend in five years," he scoffed.

"Stop lying, Dr. Sloan," Webber had reached his limit. He hadn't put up with their antics when they drove him mad as medical students. He wasn't going to put up with it now. The two were inseparable, and while their friendship had been tested with Addison and Mark's affair, clearly, they had made up to some extent. The child in Mark's arm was wearing Derek's scrub cap.

"Where's Shepherd hiding?"

At the name Shepherd, Abby perked up. This was so not good.

"I would assume Amelia is rounding," Mark said, trying to hide his smirk.

If humans could breathe fire, Mark guessed Webber would be.

"Derek Shepherd, Sloan," he hissed.

Abby's eyes widened. "You know Dr. Derek?"

Crap. Crap. Crap.

'Please stop talking,' Mark mentally pleaded. 'Please, Abby. Please'

Webber smiled at Abby. "I do. Dr. Derek works for me in Seattle."

Abby's eyes narrowed. "He stay here, he told me so."

"He did?" Webber asked, a little taken back. Why did this little girl care if Derek stayed in Manhattan? "Well, I hope he reconsiders. I like having him work for me. He's a very good surgeon."

"He's da bestest!" Abby agreed. "I had a tumor but it's all gone now! He took it out."

"That's great," Webber said softly. "My name is Richard, what's your name?"

"Abby!" she said excitedly. She loved making new friends. "Abby Mackenzie Shepherd."

Webber's eyes widened. "Shepherd?" he asked weakly.

"Dr. Derek's my Daddy!" Abby informed him, seeming quite pleased with herself.

Just freaking great.

At the other end of the hallway, Liz looked pointedly at her brother.

"And this, DerBear, is why we don't keep monumental secrets from our bosses."

"Shut it," he hissed. "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"If you enjoy your renewed friendship with Mark, I'd get over there," she said seriously. "Webber looks ready to either pass out or blow up, and Mark's done nothing to deserve either. You act like a rash, immature moron, you get to deal with the fall out."

With one last glare at his sister, Derek walked over to where Mark looked ready to vomit.

"Richard," he said curtly. "Hi sweet heart," he cooed, taking Abby from Mark's arms. "How was breakfast?"

"Unca Mark gave me chocolate!" Abby said cheerfully. "I ate a whole chocolate muffin, Daddy! It was so yummy."

"Was it?" he gave Mark an amused look. "I can see it made you a little hyper too."

"Nuh uh," she shook her head. "I just happy! I get to go to Markie's house today. No more hospital!"

Mark had insisted that Abby not call his apartment home. Her home was with Derek, wherever that happened to be when that day finally came.

"I know you do," Derek said softly. "That's so awesome, Abby."

Derek placed a kiss on her forehead before handing her back to Mark.

"I assume you're here for me?" he asked Webber coldly.

Richard had taken a minute to let his thoughts catch up to him and was feeling slightly better. He was confused as hell, but he no longer thought his heart was about to give out.

"You assume right," Webber's tone matched Derek's. "I think you owe me an explanation, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair and shooting Mark an apologetic look. "Yes, you're right. I do. We can use Dr. Kraft's office, I'll meet you there in a few minutes."

He turned to Abby a sad smile on his face. "I'm coming by Uncle Mark's for dinner so I will see you later, okay?"

Abby nodded, though it was obvious she wanted him to stay with her.

"I love you, Abby. So much." he whispered, squeezing her arm gently.

Abby planted a slobbery kiss on his cheek. "Lub you too, Daddy."

* * *

Joseph Dickens was not having a good month.

He hated being wrong. He hated not being good enough.

Mark Sloan's foster child had not only proven him wrong, the successful surgery had also reminded him that he was no longer one of the top neurosurgeons in the country.

He was glad the little girl survived. He was thrilled that so far, there had been no complications, the cancer appeared to be gone, and she was regaining function that the tumor had stolen from her. No matter what Shepherd and Sloan thought, he was not a miserable bastard.

As he told Shepherd the night of the girl's surgery, he felt that if she even survived the surgery, she would be doomed to a hard life with multiple disabilities that nothing could cure. Shepherd had disagreed.

And Shepherd had been right.

The first time he met Derek Shepherd, he had been a wide eyed medical student. At the time, he was the kid brother of Nancy Shepherd, a rising star of an OBGYN. Even Liz Shepherd Kraft hadn't been on anyone's radar yet.

That would quickly change. Shepherd's best friend, Mark Sloan, and his girlfriend, Addison Montgomery, had been the talk of Sinai throughout medical school. They were the Chief of Surgery's top 3 for their intern class.

Once upon a time, he had been Derek Shepherd's teacher.

He never expected that the day would come when he feared him. Shepherd was the best in the business. They recognized that when he was just a young resident, and his skill and reputation only grew larger and more impressive after he ran to Seattle.

When he first saw him two weeks ago, he was ashamed to admit that he panicked. That panic was growing with every day that Derek Shepherd did not return to Seattle Grace. He had even heard a rumor that Shepherd quit and was looking for a job in Manhattan.

He was no fool. If Shepherd wanted to return to Mount Sinai, he was screwed. He knew Amelia Shepherd referred to him as a dinosaur, and it was true that he was getting up there in years. His golden years were far behind him now, but he was not done yet.

 _"Abby Mackenzie Shepherd."_

He was probably just as surprised as Richard Webber.

Sloan's foster kid was Shepherd's daughter?

It was like a light bulb went off in his head.

It was playing dirty. It most definitely wouldn't be fair.

But in the game of surgery, it only mattered if you won or if you lost.

And this was one battle he was not willing to lose.

* * *

Derek leaned back in Liz's chair, doing everything he could to prolong starting this conversation.

Liz was right. He had acted like a moron.

"You have a daughter,"

Richard knew Derek wasn't going to start the conversation.

"Yes," Derek said, not meeting his eyes. "I found out the day you called about Alex."

"I take it Addison is her mother?"

Derek's eyes flashed. "I'm not willing to talk about Satan."

Richard sighed. "Is she here? I thought I'd heard she was working with Naomi out in LA."

"I'm not talking to you about Addison!" Derek snapped angrily. "Yes, I have a kid. Addison gave her up without telling me she existed and forged my name to terminate my rights to her. It could take months for me to get custody. Is that what you want to hear?"

Richard was shocked. That did not sound like the Addison he knew. It did, however, explain Derek's decision to stay in New York.

"Have you talked to Addison, Derek?" he asked gently. "Because that doesn't sound like the woman you married. I know she cheated on you, but there is a very big difference between cheating and this."

"My lawyer is handling everything," he said bitterly. "I don't want to hear her excuses. Clearly, I'm a crappy judge of character and my whole marriage was a farce."

"And I don't want her to find out about this," Derek snarled. "This stays between us, Richard."

"Of course," Richard agreed quickly. "I'm not saying she was right, Derek, clearly she's in the wrong here. I just don't see the harm in talking to her."

"Why are you here?" Derek said, ignoring the comments on his ex-wife.

"Why am I here?" Richard asked in disbelief. "Why am I here? Why the hell do you think I'm here, Shepherd?"

He shrugged. "I quit. I don't think there is anything left to say."

"Well I beg to differ." he said sharply. "I understand you have a child. I understand that you feel like your entire life is a giant lie. Your priorities have shifted, and that little girl comes first now. I also understand you. Your mother and I..."

"You talked to my mother?" Derek asked indignantly.

"Yes, I did. She called me to tell me that her son had clearly lost his mind," Webber chided.

Derek scowled.

"When things get hard, when things get scary, you run. You've been dealt a lot of crappy cards in your life, Derek. Your father, Amelia's addiction, your divorce, and now this? When things scare you, you run away from them as fast as you can. The thought of raising Abby in Seattle scares you. You're scared that you won't be given custody as a single father with a high profile, intense, demanding job. I'm sure your lawyer has talked to you about support systems and you think that your best shot at your little girl is to stay here."

Derek stared at Webber like he had never seen him before. The man had hit the nail on the head. Literally.

"Has anyone told you that you won't get custody of Abby if you are living in Seattle?" he asked gently.

Derek just shook his head.

"You might not have your family out there, but there are endless people that would do anything, would move heaven and earth to help you raise Abby," Webber said. "Your daughter might just be the only thing that can get Miranda Bailey out of an OR."

Derek snorted. Abby was the most adorable child in the world, and no he wasn't biased thank you very much. But even then, he doubted she could get Bailey out of surgery.

"Adele and I will help however we can," he promised. "The hospital has a daycare center. The three amigos would help..."

"Who are the three amigos?" Derek asked, though he had a feeling he knew.

"It's the nickname Bailey's given Karev, Yang, and Grey. The three of them are inseparable."

Richard knew that Meredith Grey would do anything to prevent another child from having the childhood she had. He also knew that Derek Shepherd was about as far as one could get from Ellis Grey. She never would have quit her job for Meredith's sake. He promised himself that he too would not let another child grow up the way Meredith had. He would blame himself forever for the part he had played in that disaster.

"I can't come back to Seattle without her," Derek said quietly. "I've already missed four years, I won't miss another day. The night I called you, that was the night I found out that no one had ever told her they loved her before. I had to explain to my four year old daughter what that meant."

No wonder he quit.

"I'm not trying to convince you of anything," Webber said. "But you have a reputation at Seattle Grace. You've earned the respect of your colleagues. You would be given the flexibility you needed to raise a four year old, no questions asked. If you start over, you'll be the low man on the totem pole again, regardless of the reputation that precedes you."

"I realize that," Derek agreed. "I don't really want to raise her in Manhattan. I love Seattle, I just can't go back without her."

"You aren't going to be granted custody when you live in a trailer," Webber pointed out. "You'll have to come out to Seattle to get settled into a new place."

Derek put his head on the desk. When had his life become so complicated?

"I'll work with you," he offered. "You can work 4 long days straight, come to New York on your days off. You can take a leave of absence if you really want to stay in New York for a while longer, though I think going back to Seattle and getting your life straightened out would be the best thing you could do for your custody battle."

"You are not quitting. I won't accept it. It's time you stopped running from the things that scare you."

* * *

Liz was exhausted.

Derek was exhausting.

Webber being here was exhausting.

Mark's panic over being alone with Abby was exhausting. He'd been back at his apartment for less than an hour and he had already called her five times.

"Dr. Kraft,"

Joseph Dickens made her want to gauge her eyes out.

She sighed, motioning towards the other chair at the table she was sprawled out on. Had she mentioned how much she hated Derek and Mark constantly stealing her office?

"Can I help you, Joe?"

Dickens shook his head. "I think it's best we stick to formalities here, Chief."

She bit back a groan. This day needed to end.

"All right," Liz nodded. "Can I help you with something, Dr. Dickens?"

"What is Derek Shepherd still doing here?" he demanded.

Liz resisted the urge to bang her head on the table. "He's taking a leave of absence from Seattle to be here for Mark."

"I heard he quit," he said coldly. "That Richard Webber flew out here to get him back. Are you going to offer your brother a job, Dr. Shepherd-Kraft?"

Hackles raised, Liz snapped. "Derek Shepherd's personal life is none of your business. He has not inquired about a job here. Last I heard, he applied to New York Presbyterian and NYU."

"Does Shepherd's sudden desire to return to New York have anything to do with Sloan's foster child being his daughter?"

Liz's eyes widened and she couldn't hold back her gasp. This was not good.

"Did Sloan know?" Dickens asked, a smirk on his face. "Did Sloan know that Shepherd would be operating on family? Amelia Shepherd was in that OR, I'm sure Sloan told her. Operating on family is not allowed in this hospital, Dr. Kraft."

Liz swallowed hard, wishing Rob would appear from his research lab to save her from this complete disaster unfolding before her eyes.

"In fact," he continued, "I believe the hospital bylaws state that violating this particular policy is grounds for immediate termination."

'Well if you weren't a crappy, subpar, medical dinosaur we wouldn't have needed Derek,' she thought bitterly.

"What do you want from me, Dickens?" she asked harshly. "Your brilliant idea was to let her die. Let go of your jealousy that Derek is one hundred times the surgeon you are. He saved her life. You don't have the blood of a four year old on your hands, you should be grateful."

Dickens saw red. "I want Sloan and Shepherd- both of them- out of this hospital, today."

Crap.

* * *

 _ **Seattle**_

"Where the hell is Chief Webber?" Bailey sighed, her annoyance shining through.

The new Chief Resident was a clueless moron. With Shepherd gone, no one was holding him accountable and he was drowning faster than a sinking ship.

The OR Board was a train wreck.

"Webber's in New York," Cristina said. "Trying to get McDreamy to stop being a McAss."

Alex snorted.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

Bailey looked like Cristina had canceled Christmas. "Webber and Shepherd aren't here today? No wonder this damn place is about to fall down. A bunch of clueless bimbos are running this floor! Go to the pit, all of you."

"Have you decided when you're retaking the boards?" Meredith asked Alex quietly.

He had confided his failure in them the other night. Shockingly, Cristina had been very supportive.

 _"Well, that's not all that surprising," she said evenly. "You were a little busy trying to save Abby's life."_

Alex really liked his co-interns. Well, at least he liked Meredith and Cristina. Dr. Model and Bambi annoyed him for the most part. Meredith said they grew on you. He would believe it when he saw it.

Suddenly, his phone lit up with a new text.

Amelia Shepherd: I think I'm getting fired.

His eyes widened. What the hell was going on at Sinai?

* * *

 _ **Manhattan**_

"Dickens said what?" Derek asked in disbelief.

"You heard me," Liz groaned. "What the hell am I supposed to do, Rob?"

Rob looked just as exhausted and annoyed as Liz and Derek. "I wouldn't put it past him to bring this to the board."

"He can't possibly have a leg to stand on!" Derek protested. "I saved her life. If he had his way, she would be dead. If I found out she was my daughter after she died, I'd be slamming him with malpractice suits for the rest of his career."

"Richard?" Rob asked tiredly. "What do you think?"

Webber sighed. "I think Dickens is afraid of Derek."

"What?"

"You're all still young," he said quietly. "The best parts and the biggest achievements of your career are yet to come. For surgeons like Joseph Dickens, those years are already in the past. He's probably terrified that you're here to replace him, Derek. After that surgery, after your lectures, it wouldn't be a stretch for Liz to offer you a job. Any Board would jump at the chance to have someone with your reputation work for them."

"But you think the Board will back him?" Liz asked. "I get what you're saying about why he wants Derek gone, but what is his rational for wanting Mark and Amelia gone?"

"Would Derek really agree to work in a hospital, for a Head of Neurosurgery, that got his best friend and his sister fired?"

"No," Derek whispered. "There's no way in hell I ever want to work with him again, let alone for him."

"He's banking on Derek and Mark's friendship and their loyalty to Amelia," Webber continued. "What are the odds that another hospital in New York would have room for all three of them?"

"Mark might not have my reputation yet, but he's still a phenomenal surgeon!" Derek protested.

"I agree with you, Shep," Richard nodded. "And I would take all three of you in a heartbeat."

Liz saw the hope bloom in her brother's eyes. Mark to Seattle meant Abby would be in Seattle. Maybe this wasn't the worst thing that could happen to them.

"Amelia won't want to work with me," Derek said. "But I'm sure we could convince Mercy West to take her. She wants her own career and she wants to make a reputation for herself beyond being 'Derek Shepherd's sister'."

"I'll make the call now," Webber promised.

* * *

 _ **Seattle**_

"Wait, explain that again!" Cristina shouted into Alex's phone.

They had a horrible day.

Each of them had lost multiple patients.

 _"Nothing we do can stop death. We can hold it at bay for a while, but eventually everyone dies. And that's not on us."_

Alex had been repeating that to himself over and over like a lifeline throughout the day.

This job really, really sucked sometimes.

Cristina and Meredith were currently sprawled out on the floor of his hotel room, empty shot glasses and a half empty handle of tequila in front of them. Amelia had called five minutes ago and was filing them in on the disaster that had struck Manhattan earlier.

"Dickens is afraid of my brother," Amy said, the smugness in her voice hard to miss. "So he threw a tantrum and demanded that Liz fire Mark and I."

"For what reason?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "What's he saying you did wrong?"

"Amy!" Alex shouted, trying to lunge for the phone. Derek didn't want anyone to know about Abby yet. He couldn't let Amelia tell Meredith.

Amelia seemed to understand. "Doesn't matter."

"Oh yes it does!" Cristina protested, glaring at Alex. "Shut up, Evil Spawn."

"It really doesn't," she insisted. "What matters is that Webber got me a job at Mercy West so I'll be homeless in Seattle starting tomorrow."

"You can crash on my couch," Meredith offered.

"Can't you just live in the trailer?" Alex asked.

"That's the other thing," she said sheepishly. "Derek's coming back too. He agreed to start back at Seattle Grace Monday."

It took every bit of willpower Alex possessed not to throw Cristina and Meredith out of the room so he could get the whole story.

"What about Sloan?"

"Mark's staying in New York for now," she said quietly. He understood what she wasn't saying. Abby was staying in New York too.

Shepherd was going to be a nightmare to deal with next week.

What is it Cristina liked to say? McDreamy is going to be a McAss.

What a wonderful week this was shaping up to be.

* * *

 _ **Saturday, July 17th**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

"Dr. Webber!" Mark shouted, racing to catch the man before he got in the cab.

"Dr. Sloan," Richard stopped walking and turned to face his soon to be Head of Plastics.

"Thank you," Mark said breathlessly. "Thank you for coming here, for talking sense into Derek, and for everything you're doing for Amy and me. I know you don't like me, but I appreciate it more than I could ever say."

He smiled. "I do like you, Mark. I hated you when you were my student, but you have done a ton of growing up since then. What you've done, what you're doing for Derek is remarkable. You saved Abby's life just as much as he did. You should be proud of that."

"Take care of that little girl," Webber said seriously. "She holds my Head of Neurosurgery's heart."

Mark grinned. "She's a pretty great kid."

"I look forward to getting to know her once you move to Seattle," Webber clapped Mark's shoulder and turned towards the cab. "I'll see you in September, Dr. Sloan."

As Webber's cab pulled away, Mark thought back on the conversation that had persuaded Derek to return to Seattle.

 _"It takes time for things like this to be approved," Dan said seriously. "I think two months is probably an accurate guess."_

 _"If it's going to take two months for Mark to get approved to move to Seattle with Abby, how long will it take for me to get custody?" Derek snapped bitterly._

 _"I'm sorry, Derek," Liz whispered, resting her head on her brother's shoulder. "This really sucks."_

 _"Can you_ _believe Webber wants me to talk to Addison?" he fumed. "I don't want to hear her excuses."_

 _Liz and Dan exchanged looks. The three older Shepherd sisters and their husbands had been talking about exactly that the day before. This was out of character for the Addison they had known. For her to have come up with all this on her own seemed impossible. At the very least, they now knew that Bizzy Forbes had been involved in some way._

 _Nancy and Kathleen were convinced that Derek should talk to Addison and try to learn the truth about what happened._

 _Liz, Dan, and Rob were not. As much as Seattle had mellowed Derek out, putting him in the same room as Addison right now was asking for trouble._

 _"I don't disagree with him in principle," Dan said softly. "Having Addison admit that you never signed the form could speed up the process. And I think eventually, you should talk to her, even if it's just for Abby's sake. One day she is going to have questions. You'll want to be able to answer them."_

 _Only the fact that Dan was speaking from personal experience made Derek bite his tongue._

 _Liz and Dan had been together for what seemed like forever. After four years, Dan broke up with a devastated Liz days before leaving for college. Liz partied hard to try and move past the pain, but she wound up pregnant from a one night stand shortly after the semester started. She had been 18, pregnant, and alone. Their mother had been less than thrilled, so Derek and Mark had stepped up to the plate to help her in anyway they could._

 _In their quest to be good brothers and good uncles to their unborn nephew, Derek and Mark tracked down Dan who was nothing short of horrified._

 _By the time Eric Daniel Kraft was born, Dan and Liz were back together and planning a wedding. 17 years later, neither of them regretted a thing._

 _Eric had asked many questions when he learned the truth._

 _Derek had no doubt that Abby would be the same._

 _He sighed. "Not right now. I know I'll have to talk to her eventually, but I can't face her now."_

 _"That's understandable, Der," Liz said gently._

 _"Even though I'm not allowed to move out there yet, I'm allowed to take her on trips," Mark said, trying to make Derek see the bright side of things. "Seeing as I am now unemployed, I can bring Abby out on weekends. Mom already found us webcams."_

 _"You think I should go back to Seattle now," Derek said miserably._

 _"Yes," Mark nodded. "Gaston said someone could contact you within a month to do a home inspection. You need to have a home in order to pass it. Go back to Seattle, get life in order, whip the new batch of interns into shape, deal with the Chief Resident so Bailey stops having aneurysms,"_

 _Derek cracked a smile. She had called him three times today alone to complain about the Chief Resident's incompetence._

 _"You have responsibilities in Seattle," Liz pointed out. "If you can get your work life under control, you'll have more time to spend with Abby once she moves in with you."_

 _"You aren't a bad father for wanting a career."_

 _Judging on the haunted look in Derek's eyes, Dan had reached the biggest problem._

 _"You'll never be the Dad that leaves his kid with Nanny's all day long," Dan insisted. "You will always put Abby first, you've already shown that."_

 _"You are a world renowned surgeon," Mark added. "And Abby adores you for that. You have a responsibility to save lives. Just think of how many people Nelson's telling no, how many people could die when you could have saved them if you stay in New York for two months?"_

 _"I have thought of that!" Derek snapped. "Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit."_

 _"So go," Liz urged. "Go back to Seattle. Go be Derek Shepherd, the God of Neurosurgery. Abby will be okay. We'll take care of her, you'll talk to her everyday. And then, in two months, you'll also get to be Derek Shepherd, Father of the Year."_

Derek Shepherd was heading back to Seattle.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes:**

'Oh my God' is basically the only reaction I've had for what my inbox has looked like since posting chapter 7. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who is reading this story; to everyone who is falling in love with Derek Shepherd all over again; and to everyone who has taken the time to review- you all make my heart so happy!

I tried so hard to get this up last night, but work has been kicking me hard this week. Chapter 9 should be up by Sunday morning.

Fun fact: My notes for this chapter contain the words "these two and elevators"- I wonder what that could mean...

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Eight**

* * *

 _ **Sunday, July 18th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

It was one of those perfect Seattle nights- clear sky, no rain, low humidity.

Basically, it was one of those days that happens about once a year.

Derek doubled back into a restroom, splashing water on his face in an attempt to erase the evidence of all the tears he'd shed that day.

Abby had been hysterical when he said goodbye to her.

How was he supposed to survive in Seattle for two months while his baby was in Manhattan? Coming back here was a mistake. He was sure of it.

He knew he had responsibilities here. He was Head of Neuro, he was Assistant Chief of Surgery. He had lives to save and interns to teach.

Kids change everything.

He used to live for surgery. Now, he was living day to day until Mark came out with Abby next week. He was living for the phone calls. He was living for video chats, once he figured out how to set up that web cam that is. He was a brain surgeon, it couldn't be that complicated to set up, could it?

Mark told him to find some hobbies.

He had hobbies. He fished and he watched baseball.

Mark's reply had been that he meant a woman.

He'd found a woman. Her name was Meredith Grey. She was his intern. Webber would probably regret chasing him down in New York if he found out he was sleeping with an intern.

Maybe they could just be friends for now.

He couldn't date his intern. It was inappropriate.

But God did he want to.

Work was going to be very interesting in the morning.

"Derek!"

What the hell was Alex Karev doing at Sea-Tac?

He turned to face the intern, a small smile settling on his face. Maybe he wasn't alone in Seattle anymore.

"Amy wanted to come get you, but she got pulled into a surgery last minute," Alex explained as Derek climbed into his car. "She left me your keys, I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is," Derek nodded. "You saved me from having to explain to a taxi driver why I lived in the middle of the woods."

Alex snorted. "Amy's been apartment hunting. Figured I should give you a heads up, she thinks you two should get one together."

He bit back a groan. He loved his sisters, he loved his sisters, he loved his sisters; even if they did tend to gang up on him.

"I won't even try to argue with her," Derek sighed. "No doubt Liz or Kath put her up to this."

"I'm sure they did," Alex agreed. "She's looking for two vacant neighboring apartments, your sister seems to think you and Mark would make good neighbors."

Derek laughed. He had a feeling he was going to love having Amy back in Seattle.

* * *

 _ **Monday, July 19th**_

Monday morning came far too early. Which was slightly ironic, because he got an extra three hours worth of sleep in with the time change from New York to Seattle.

"I hate Mondays," Derek muttered as he changed into his scrubs.

His morning only got worse when he made it to the surgical floor to find Miranda Bailey in a screaming match with the Chief Resident.

Her interns were leaning up against the wall, looking on with varying emotions displayed on their faces.

Cristina Yang looked ready for Bailey to throw a punch.

Alex Karev and Meredith Grey were barely holding back their laughter.

George O'Malley looked terrified.

And Izzie Stevens was trying to calm Bailey down.

'Good luck with that, kid,' Derek thought ruefully. He wasn't really sure he was capable of talking Bailey down right now.

"Dr. Bailey," Derek said evenly, clearing his throat to get their attention.

It didn't work.

"You ignorant, sexist moron!" Bailey seethed. "Maybe if you were capable of keeping this department running I wouldn't be nagging you!"

"Dr. Bailey!" Derek said louder. Since when was it acceptable to have fights like this in the middle of the floor? Had he been gone two weeks or two years?

"Listen, Mandy," Sam Hawkins said arrogantly. "Why don't you just run along and let me do my job in peace? Just because you don't have what it takes..."

Bailey looked ready to pummel the guy. Derek didn't blame her.

"When Shepherd gets back..."

Alex snorted and shook his head. He looked at Derek, shrugging his shoulders.

'All week.' Alex mouthed.

Of course.

"Dr. Bailey!" Derek was practically yelling at this point.

"You'll be out on your ass, you aren't capable of..."

"Dr. Bailey!" Alex interrupted.

"What?" Bailey and Hawkins snapped at him.

"Dr. Shepherd's right behind you."

It was slightly rewarding to see Bailey and Hawkins panic. Served them right. Screaming matches in hospital hallways? In front of interns? Yeah, Derek was not impressed, and he knew Webber wouldn't be either.

"Thank you, Karev," Derek said, clearly annoyed. "Dr. Bailey, my office. Now. Dr. Hawkins, clean up that Board and then head to the Chief's office. I will meet you there."

He turned to the interns. "Karev, pit. O'Malley and Stevens, Dr. Burke has complained about the quality of your chart notes from the weekend. Fix them. Grey, you're with Burke. Yang, with me. Go."

There was grumbling. He knew there would be grumbling.

After the past two weeks, the first thing he has to do is be the bad guy and yell at his idiot residents? He felt like grumbling too.

"Is there a problem?" Derek asked icily, glaring at them.

They all looked like deer caught in headlights. There reactions were reminders why Derek was in charge of the interns and residents. Webber couldn't handle everything. Clearly.

"What an ass," Izzie whispered to George.

Alex flinched. Derek was going to lose it.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Stevens, I didn't catch that. What did you say?" Derek asked, his eyes flashing.

Izzie looked positively terrified.

"Dr. Hawkins," Derek said sharply. "I don't know what the hell has been happening around here while I was in New York, but you had better get it together immediately. And you can inform the interns and residents that there is now a mandatory meeting before rounds tomorrow. You have all apparently lost your minds and I have had enough. Now get moving, all of you."

Still, no one moved.

"Am I speaking English?" he demanded. "Move. Now!"

* * *

The basement of the hospital had very quickly become Meredith's favorite place to hang out during downtime.

Not that she anticipated having much downtime in the near future.

Derek Shepherd was an ass.

Burke had been tolerable the past few weeks. He wasn't the warmest attending in the hospital, but he wasn't the worst either. Well, at least he hadn't been. Today, the man was on the warpath. Being on his service was a nightmare.

"Burke still got that tree shoved up his ass?" Alex asked sympathetically, sitting down on the gurney next to her.

Meredith snorted. "Burke? What the hell crawled up Shepherd's ass?"

"Careful, Mer," Cristina said drily. "He's probably got bugs down here recording every word we say. How the hell did you wind up sleeping with him?"

"He wasn't like this at the bar!" Meredith insisted. "He was nice, charming, and smart. I don't know where the hell he hid his ego, but crap, I wish he could channel a little more of the dreamy and a little less of the ass."

"He does have a nice ass," Cristina pointed out.

Alex pretended to gag, earning a giggle from Meredith.

"You're the one sleeping with the mini-Shepherd," Cristina turned to Alex. "Has she said anything about why her brother is suddenly a monster?"

Alex stayed quiet. Shepherd was being a bit of a jerk, but after the last two weeks, after having to leave Abby in New York, he had every right to be a jerk. Hawkins was incapable at best, lazy and incompetent at worst. Nelson had nearly run neurosurgery into the ground. The man had a lot on his plate.

"For the record, I haven't slept with Amy since the day I left New York," Alex defended. "She's been swamped with moving and adjusting to Mercy West."

"Sure," Cristina mocked.

"Seriously, Alex," Meredith pleaded. "What do you know? Why is he acting like an unhinged madman?"

"Maybe he's acting like an unhinged madman because his interns would rather be in the basement gossiping than on the floor practicing medicine."

Three heads snapped to face the end of the hallway, only to find a furious and unimpressed Derek Shepherd glaring at them.

Crap.

* * *

 _ **Tuesday, July 20th**_

"Think we'll ever be let back in an OR?" Cristina asked her friends as they sat down in the auditorium.

After Shepherd had caught them in the basement the day before, he had assigned them all to the pit until further notice. And he'd put Meredith on rectal exams. Indefinitely.

Alex shrugged. "Amy said to cut him some slack. It probably wouldn't hurt to apologize to him, though, Mer. The guy's just trying to do his job."

"Remind me which Shepherd you're in a relationship with?" Meredith snapped. "'Cause it sure seems like you're in love with the guy."

"Look," Alex eventually sighed. "Some pretty serious shit happened in New York. It's not my place to talk about it, but Shepherd's life got turned upside down. There's a reason he was out there for so long, and I know that he really wasn't ready to come back to Seattle. He's back because of his responsibilities to this hospital, but he's not happy about it. And it's not like things have been all sunshine and rainbows here since he's been back either. Cut him some slack."

Meredith sighed. She had figured out that Shepherd wasn't thrilled to be back at Seattle Grace, but she couldn't figure out why. She understood Alex feeling it wasn't his place to say, but she wished she knew. This Dr. Shepherd was not the guy from the bar.

A part of her wondered if he was treating her this way because she was the girl from the bar.

Cristina had disagreed when she asked her opinion.

 _"He's treating you like an intern who called him an unhinged madman," Cristina said seriously. "He's been a jerk to everyone, not just you. I don't think this has anything to do with the one night stand."_

Derek couldn't wait to get this over with. He hated being the jackass attending. He absolutely hated it.

He was a good teacher, probably one of the better ones in the hospital. He wasn't used to people calling him an ass underneath their breath. He definitely wasn't used to interns calling him a madman or a monster. Coming back to Seattle had been a massive mistake.

What no one knew, not even Amy, was that he and Mark were having some pretty significant problems with Abby. She couldn't understand why her Daddy had to go back with Seattle, why he couldn't stay in New York with her. She refused to talk to him on the phone, and spent most of their video chats glaring at him while angry tears fell from her eyes. While she hadn't taken the scrub cap off the entire time he was in New York, she'd refused to let Mark put it on her since he left. She now alternated between a Yankee hat and a bright pink scrub cap Derek knew to be Liz's.

Abby had told him that he didn't love her because he left her.

Yesterday when he called Mark, hoping Abby would be more willing to talk to him this time, she refused again.

Mark didn't know that he heard what she had been shouting in the background, but he had.

 _"He weft! He not want me, just like my Mommy."_

He didn't know how it was possible that a four year old kept finding new ways to break his heart.

So, yes. When he went searching for Alex and found him in the basement with Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang talking about what a jerk he was, he snapped.

Richard Webber was very concerned. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed so hard for Derek to come back to Seattle. It was very obvious that the man was distracted, and the state of the hospital upon his return hadn't made things easier.

There was a reason that Derek Shepherd, and not Preston Burke, was next in line for Chief of Surgery. Shepherd had been gone for two weeks, and look what happened.

"Are you okay, Shep?" Richard asked, pulling the man from his musings.

Derek sighed, taping his fingers on the arm rest of his seat. "No," he said eventually. "No, I'm not."

"I'm sorry," Webber sighed, sitting down next to him, the hum of the residents and interns coming in fading into the background.

"I didn't expect it to be this hard," he admitted. "I've only known for a little over a week, but the fact that I'm here and she's not is going to kill me."

"It's temporary, Derek," he said softly. "Mark will be on the first plane out the second he can. He told me that Abby's not making this easy- she's four and she has spent her short life bounced around from family to family. She doesn't understand the legal parts to this. But one day, she'll barely remember this."

"She hates me," Derek croaked. "She thinks I abandoned her. She won't talk to me."

"She is four years old," Webber repeated. "She doesn't understand. The important thing, and I know this is hard, is that you don't cave. You keep calling Mark, even if she won't talk to you. Show her that even though you aren't in New York you still love her. Keep doing the video chats. Keep showing Abby that no matter what hurtful things she says to you, you are always going to show up."

Derek considered the Chief's words. They made sense. Abby had been repeatedly abandoned throughout her life. Was it really so surprising she thought he was abandoning her too?

Standing up, he took a deep breath. "I should probably get going with this or we'll never get to rounds."

The hall went silent the moment Derek reached the podium.

"Good morning," he said evenly. "I'm sure by now you all know why you're here."

"You are doctors. Your job is to do everything in your power to save lives. Your job is to come here everyday and practice medicine to the very best of your abilities. If you are a resident, it is your job to learn as much as you can so that one day, when you're an attending you know what the hell you're doing. It's your job to teach your interns so they can become successful doctors and surgeons. If you're an intern, it's your job to work hard, ask questions, and prove to your peers and your superiors that you deserve to be here."

"It is absolutely unacceptable to be fighting with each other in hospital hallways," He noticed Bailey and Hawkins staring intently at their feet. "If you have issues with each other, take them to the locker room or an on call room. Fighting where patients can hear you will not be tolerated. Ever."

"You don't have to like everyone you work with, but you do have to be respectful. Gossiping, calling people names under your breath, and complaining about your colleagues is unprofessional. This isn't middle school. You want to vent after a crappy day, by all means go right ahead. I've been there. But if you want to call your bosses names, I suggest you do it at home or at the Emerald City Bar. Joe's a good listener, and we won't condemn you to the pit for what you say outside of the hospital."

"At least, I won't."

"There is no room for egos in medicine. I know we all have them; my family likes to question how I can still fit through doors with the size of mine."

Some of the residents cracked grins. This was the Dr. Shepherd they were used to. The interns were clearly still too terrified of him to dare.

"The important thing is that we keep our egos in check, that we remind ourselves that we all have the best interest of our patients as our number one priority. If that's not your first priority, please see myself or Dr. Webber, because we have no room for that in this program."

"In the past 24 hours, I've been called a monster, an ass, an unhinged madman, and countless other names. I can freely admit that I probably deserved some of that- I've been letting issues in my personal life affect my professional life and I am sorry for how that has effected all of you. I've been having a pretty shitty two weeks. And as a result, I've been slacking on some of my responsibility to you. For example, I'm just realizing now that there are many of you in this room who don't know me," he said with a slight smile. "To this year's intern class, welcome to Seattle Grace. My name is Derek Shepherd, Head of Neuro, and Assistant Chief of Surgery. Your Chief Resident reports to me, so therefore, so do all of you."

"One of my jobs as an attending is to be your teacher. Those of you who have worked with me have heard this before, but I think it's always good to be reminded. Those of you who haven't, listen up. In my opinion, in order to be a good surgeon and a good doctor, there are three lessons you need to learn."

"Number One,"

Miranda Bailey's face broke into a smile. This was the man she respected. He may have been through hell and back recently, but he was still there.

"It's our job, our responsibility, as surgeons to fight for our patients. If your patient is still breathing and their heart's still beating, you had better be fighting like hell to make sure they stay that way."

"Number Two: Even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying. And number three: Nothing we do can stop death. We can hold it at bay every now and then, but everyone dies. And that's not on us."

"Thank you for your time this morning," Derek said softly. "I hope that we can put the issues of the past few weeks behind us and focus on what's most important- taking care of our patients. You're all free to go."

* * *

Meredith had been hovering outside the Neuro office for close to 5 minutes now.

After Shepherd's speech this morning, she felt even worse for what she had said yesterday. She knew that Alex was right; she should apologize.

They hadn't spoken at all since the morning she threw him out of her house. The last time she'd been alone with him was that morning, when she woke up to him naked on her floor.

When she got to work later that morning and realized he was not only an attending, but The Derek Shepherd, she decided to do her best to avoid him completely. Now, that option no longer existed.

Using every bit of courage she possessed, she took a deep breath and knocked on his door.

"Come in!" he called out.

She pushed open the door, noticing how his eyes widened briefly when he saw her.

"Can I help you?" he asked, a cold edge to his voice that Meredith hated.

He was mad at her. He had every right to be mad at her. What she said the day before was not only unprofessional but it was rude. She knew him outside of work, she knew he wasn't a jerk. She had spent two weeks fighting with herself over how much she had fallen for him. He was her boss and it was wrong, but she couldn't help it. And then she had to say something like that.

"I wanted to apologize," she said quietly, playing with the hem of her scrub top. "I should never have said that yesterday. I was having a bad day, but that's no excuse for what I said. It was unprofessional and wrong and I'm really sorry I said it."

"That I'm an unhinged madman?" he asked, a smirk appearing on his face. "Yes, I'd have to agree. That was hardly a nice thing to say about someone you're attracted to."

What? Meredith froze. What the hell was that?

Derek was slightly horrified with himself, though he did his best not to show it. Where had that come from? Where was his brain to mouth filter?

"I'm sorry?" Meredith asked weakly.

"McDreamy?" he questioned.

'Shut up, Derek. Shut up!' he thought frantically.

Meredith wished the floor would swallow her. Her whole face was turning red. Embarrassed was an understatement.

"You're my boss," she whispered, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. "This is inappropriate."

"I know," Derek sighed, even though he wished things were different. "What happened cannot be repeated. You're my intern."

"Exactly," Meredith nodded, feeling better now that Shepherd wasn't hitting on her.

"I appreciate your apology," he said quietly. "But you are still working in the pit for the remainder of the week, as are Yang and Karev. I don't want to catch the three of you in abandoned hallways gossiping again. If you're that bored, come find me. I'm sure I'll be able to find something to keep you all occupied, something that involves actually doing your jobs and practicing medicine."

Meredith gulped. She'd heard rumors from other residents that Shepherd didn't take any crap. Apparently those rumors were 100% true.

"Oh, and Dr. Grey?" he called as she turned to leave. "I know you were on Dr. Burke's service, and I know he's had far better days. I think he was secretly hoping I stayed in New York.'

"Why?" Meredith couldn't help but ask. She'd also heard rumors that Burke and Shepherd hated each other. She was curious.

"Burke was Chief Resident when I first came here as a fourth year resident," Derek told her. "At the time, he was Webber's golden child, and a shoe in to replace him when he retired. Burke's an incredible surgeon and he's a good teacher. If you don't believe that yet, you'll see it in time. As I got more into the program and more comfortable here, things shifted and suddenly Webber was grooming me to replace him as Chief one day. Burke didn't like that. I can't blame him, I wouldn't be thrilled if I was in his shoes."

"The point is, everyone has crappy days, and no one deserves to be judged for how they act when life gets shitty. The next time you're on his service, try to keep an open mind."

Meredith had a feeling Dr. Shepherd wasn't just talking about Preston Burke.

* * *

 _ **Saturday, July 24th**_

"Come on, Derek!" Amy teased. "What's the matter, is that box too heavy?"

Derek glared at her as he carried yet another box of crap from his car into his new apartment.

Amy had found a four bedroom, two and a half bath apartment about 10 minutes from both Seattle Grace and Mercy West. While he would miss the wide open space of his land, he had to admit a 10 minute commute would be pretty fantastic.

He had been hesitant about living in the city, but the moment he saw the view out the apartment windows, he was sold. The apartment overlooked the Bay, with a perfect view of the ferry boats. Abby would love it, he was certain.

Abby still wasn't speaking to him. He was taking Webber's advice to heart and refusing to give up though. He called Mark at least three times a day, more if he had the time. Mark filled him on every single detail of Abby's life, including how often she pooped. If he was being honest, he could have done without that information. Derek's sisters had been over the moon when their kids learned to poop, but seeing as he hadn't had to change Abby's diapers or deal with potty training, he didn't really feel the need to know about it.

Last night, Derek had snapped. He was tired of Abby saying hurtful things to him, tired of being treated like the bad guy. This wasn't his fault.

 _"Put her on the phone, Mark," he demanded._

 _"Derek," Mark said hesitantly. He knew how much Abby's angry words hurt Derek. "I'm not sure..."_

 _"Please, Mark. There are things I need to say to her."_

 _"She's four," Mark said quickly. "She's a baby, Derek, she doesn't understand."_

 _"Oh I don't know about that," Derek disagreed. "I spoke with Kathleen. Abby knows what she's doing. She's trying to see how much I'll put up with before I stop calling, before I abandon her too. She is not a baby, Mark. She's four and she's smart. I'm not going to yell at her, but I want to make it clear that it's not okay to say hurtful things to people."_

 _"Please remember that I'm the one that's going to have a hysterical kid on my hands if you upset her," Mark said, annoyed. "I don't think this is right, Derek. You can talk to her when we come out to see you next weekend, I don't agree with doing this over the phone."_

 _"So you're going to play that card now?" Derek hissed. "I know you have custody, Mark, and I hate that every second of every day. You promised me that you would let me be her father, are you backing down on that promise now?"_

 _"Look, you barely know her," Mark said softly. "And that's not your fault and that really, really sucks. I'm not trying to stop you from being her father, but I am trying to protect her. You get mean when you're hurt, Derek, and to have this talk through the phone, when you can't watch her to see when she's had enough? I don't think that will do your relationship a bit of good."_

 _"That's why I'm counting on you," Derek pleaded. "You're there, you're holding her. I'm not going to yell, and I will stop if you ask me to. Please, Mark."_

 _"I hope to God neither of us end up regretting this," Mark warned. "Abby, come here. Your Daddy wants to talk to you."_

 _"No!" Derek could hear her stamping her feet. "Don't wanna."_

 _"Tough," Mark said gently. "You don't have to talk to him, but I want you to listen to what he says, okay?"_

 _"Can I have ice cream after?" Mark was bribing her to talk to him? Just great._

 _"I don't think so," he said. Derek heard movement. He assumed Mark was pulling Abby onto his lap. "Okay, Derek, she's here."_

 _"Hi Abby," he said softly. He wasn't expecting a response, so he continued. "I know you're mad and hurt that I had to come back to Seattle, and I am very sorry for that. I know you don't want to talk to me. It's okay to be mad at me, but it's not okay to say things to try and hurt me."_

 _"I miss you, Abby, every singe day that you aren't here. That's why I call so much, because I want to talk to you. It really hurts when you tell Mark no. And it really hurt me when you said that I didn't love you."_

 _He could hear Abby start sniffling through the phone._

 _"She's okay, Derek," Mark reassured him. "You can keep going."_

 _"I love you so much, Abby. I had to come back to Seattle for work, because I have to save people's lives like I saved yours. I had to come back to Seattle to get an apartment so there's room for you when you come live with me. Remember what I told you? I want you to come live with me. I can't wait for you to live with me."_

 _"So, even though you're mad at me, even if you don't want to talk to me, I am going to call you every single day. I am not leaving you. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I know you don't believe me right now, and that's okay, because I am going to do everything I can to prove it."_

"Your phone's ringing!" Amy said, handing it to him as he put the boxes he was carrying down in his kitchen. The kitchen was practically covered, floor to ceiling, with boxes. Where had Amy gotten all this crap from anyway?

"Derek Shepherd," he answered without bothering to look at the caller ID. It was probably the hospital, anyway.

"It's Mark,"

Derek felt his heart stop. Why was Mark calling him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Mark quickly reassured him. "Nothings wrong, and I know you're busy moving, but I was wondering if you could turn your webcam on for a few minutes?"

His office was already set up, he'd done that with Alex's help yesterday. Today they were moving in his and Amy's bedroom stuff and things for the kitchen. Tomorrow, they were tackling living room furniture.

"Sure, give me a second."

Derek sat down in his chair as he turned the camera on.

His jaw dropped.

Abby was sitting on a barstool in Mark's kitchen, with Mark standing behind her to keep her from falling.

"Hi Daddy," she whispered.

He couldn't help the smile that took over his face. The ferry boat scrub cap was back on her head.

* * *

 _ **Monday, July 26th**_

Meredith Grey was falling in love.

Surgery was amazing. It was a high like nothing she'd ever experienced before. It was better than tequila, better than the recreational drugs Sadie made her try while backpacking in Europe the summer in between college and medical school, and better than one night stands.

Well, maybe not better than a certain one night stand.

'Stop it,' she ordered herself. 'We both agree it's inappropriate. It can't happen again.'

"You did a great job today," Derek praised her as they entered the elevator. "You're going to make an incredible surgeon one day, Dr. Grey."

'Do not blush.' she mentally pleaded.

"That was such a high. I don't know why anybody ever does drugs."

Derek's eyes darkened slightly at the mention of drugs.

"Hmm," he said indifferently.

"I think we need to talk," Meredith said quickly. "About what happened. So we can put it behind us."

Derek pulled the stop button on the elevator, and turned to face her. She could tell he was trying to keep the smirk off of his face.

"Talk about what?" he asked, with a sly grin. "About that night at the bar, or about your throwing me out the next morning?"

"I'm not just a girl at the bar anymore," she insisted. "And you're not a guy in a bar. You're Derek Shepherd. You're my boss."

"I'm your boss's boss's boss," he agreed. "You report to Dr. Bailey, who reports to Dr. Hawkins, who reports to me."

Meredith glared at him.

"Just stating facts," he said, holding up his hands in surrender.

"So you agree that this can't happen?" Meredith asked. "There can't be anymore. No more sex, no more flirting."

"I kind of like the flirting," Derek admitted.

"I'm drawing a line," she insisted. "The line is drawn. There is a big line."

"You're drawing a line?" Derek asked, in confusion.

"Yes," she nodded. "I'm drawing a line. We can't do this. Even though you're very dreamy," Her face reddened. "Even if I think I like you, even if I think I fell hard for you in the bar, you aren't just a guy and I'm not just a girl. We can't do this. We..."

The next thing Meredith knew, Derek Shepherd had her pressed up against the wall of the elevator and he was kissing her.

Oh my God.

He leaned back, a big stupid grin on his face. "Can we do more of that?"

"You're sexually harassing me," she said weakly, feeling like her legs might give out beneath her.

"I'm riding an elevator," he teased.

"You kissed me!"

"Okay, fine," he agreed. "I'm kissing you while riding an elevator."

She initiated the kiss this time.

"Go out with me," he whispered. "Tonight, get dinner with me tonight."

This was wrong. So freaking wrong. They'd gone over why. But here they were, in a stopped elevator at work, making out like horny high school kids.

All the feelings she had for him that night at the Emerald City Bar came crashing back, and for a minute he was just a guy again.

"Okay."

His eyes lit up. "Okay?"

"I'll get dinner with you, Derek."

He leaned in for one more kiss, before restarting the elevator.

"I'm looking forward to it."

When the elevator stopped and he got off, he turned to look back at her, a grin still present on his face. "I'll see you around."

* * *

 _ **Wednesday, July 28th**_

Derek loved his trailer. It had a spectacular view.

Tonight, his view was even better.

"I don't think I can eat another bite!" Meredith groaned, leaning back in her chair. "No man should be able to cook this well."

"Are you complaining about my cooking skills?" he asked. "You? The person who thinks grilled cheese and cold pizza are good breakfast foods?"

"Not complaining, just stating facts," she grinned. "And admitting to some jealousy. How did you learn to cook like that?"

"I have four sisters," he shrugged. "My Mom didn't know what to do with a boy, so I wound up tagging along when she taught them household things, like cooking, baking, laundry."

"You seem too good to be true," she teased. "How are you still single?"

This was the third night in a row that he'd had dinner with Meredith Grey. He was falling in love with her a little more each and every day.

So far they had managed to keep it a secret from anyone at work, but he knew that wouldn't last forever. Eventually, someone would find out and gossip spread faster than _Clostridium difficile_ in Seattle Grace. He shook his head. Thoughts of infectious diarrhea and eating dinner were not a good combination.

His mind went back to her question. Meredith didn't know his past. She didn't know that he had been married and was divorced. She didn't know about Abby.

He adored his daughter, but he had a feeling if he told Meredith he had a four year old, she wouldn't be able to run away fast enough.

Did he really need to tell her? Abby didn't live with him yet, she wasn't in Seattle yet. Besides, there was no way he was going to bring a woman, any woman, around his daughter until he was sure it was going somewhere.

He would tell her when Mark moved out to Seattle. He would.

"I don't know," he laughed. "Probably has something to do with my basically living at the hospital for the past 8 years."

She grinned. "I'm surprised none of the nurses have tried to date you."

"Who said they haven't? People have, I guess I just never found anyone I was interested in before."

Meredith blushed. She was glad she wasn't the only one who had fallen hard that night.

"Tell me about yourself," Meredith asked. "All I know is that you're a hot shot neurosurgeon who has worked too much to have a life."

"What is this, a job interview?" he asked in disbelief. "Really?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Please? I barely know anything about you. If we're doing this, breaking the rules like this, I think I deserve to know the guy I'm risking everything for."

Derek sighed. "You aren't risking everything, Meredith."

"Yes, I am!" she protested. "I'm the intern sleeping with an attending. You've already proven yourself, I still have to. What is Bailey going to think?"

"Honestly?" Derek asked. "I think Bailey would be happy to know I found someone that can pull the stick out of my ass."

"Derek!"

"What? Bailey's been telling me I need to get laid for years. Will she love that I chose to do it with her intern, probably not, but who cares what other people think?"

"I want people to respect me," Meredith said. "I don't want people thinking that I'm getting picked for surgeries just because I'm sleeping with you. I think I want neuro and..."

"You want to specialize in neuro?" Derek asked hopefully. "Really?"

"See!" Meredith did a pseudo-fist pump. "We barely know anything about each other!"

He chuckled. "Okay. Fine. You want to know about me? Here it goes- My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have seven nieces and five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. My favorite novel is The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in this trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. I also have an apartment near the hospital, though that's a recent development. Amelia insisted we get a place together. Thanks for letting her crash at your house, by the way."

"You mentioned your mother didn't know what to do with a boy," Meredith commented. "What about your Dad?"

It took Derek over a minute before he could answer her. Twenty three years later, thinking about his father's death still hurt like hell. "He died when I was 10."

"Oh my God," Meredith whispered. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"I know you didn't," he said softly, squeezing her hand. "It's okay. It was a long time ago. I miss him, I'll always miss him though."

"So what about you?" he asked after he regained his bearings. "Tell me about yourself, Meredith Grey."

She grinned. "My mother is Ellis Grey. No sisters, no nieces or nephews. My parents divorced when I was 5. I'm dark and twisty. I was born in Seattle but spent most of my life in Boston. I went to Dartmouth. I backpacked through Europe in between undergrad and med school. I like eating cold pizza for breakfast. I love tequila."

"Oh I'm well aware," Derek teased. "What does dark and twisty mean?"

"It's a thing," she shrugged. "A complicated thing. I'm a pessimist, glass half empty kind of person. I don't believe in happy ever after. Life sucks. The universe is out to get you. That sort of stuff."

"You called me bright and shiny," Derek recalled. "When we got back to your house that night, you told me you were dark and twisty while I was bright and shiny. So if dark and twisty is glass half empty, is bright and shiny glass half full?"

"Basically," Meredith agreed. "I can't believe you remember that, I thought you were barely listening to me at that point."

"Oh I was listening," he assured her. "I was falling hard for you, Meredith."

"I've never done this before," she said nervously. "The relationship thing, it's not a dark and twisty thing. It's not a Meredith thing. I'm a one night stand person usually."

"I think we've moved past one night stand," Derek pointed out.

"I know," she whispered. "And that scares the crap out of me."

He would let her be scared. He was scared too. His first and only relationship had ended in divorce, he wasn't the most experienced relationship guy either.

"What was like it growing up with Ellis Grey?" he asked curiously, changing the subject.

A very large part of him was concerned about what Abby would have to deal with as a child of a single parent, hot shot surgeon. He was hoping for reassurance.

Deep down, he knew he wasn't going to get reassurance from Meredith. He'd met Ellis Grey, once, a long time ago. She hadn't struck him as the mothering type.

Meredith snorted. "I was raised by Nannies," she said quietly. "My mother was always at work. I'm a giant disappointment to her. Growing up as her daughter is what made me dark and twisty. I wouldn't wish being the child of single parent surgeon on anyone."

Yeah, that wasn't reassuring at all.

* * *

 _ **Thursday, July 29th**_

"How did you get five days off in a row?" Meredith demanded.

Derek and Meredith were leaving the hospital and on their way to dinner when she asked.

Webber had stood by his promise to give Derek the schedule he wanted. Mark was bringing Abby this weekend, so he'd worked the past 5 days to get these five days off. He would be working 11 straight days afterwards to make up for it, but he didn't care. Having the time with his daughter would be worth it. Derek briefly considered telling Meredith about Abby, but that would mean telling her about Addison and he wasn't in the mood to talk about that tonight. Her comments about single parent surgeons the day before didn't make him want to tell her either.

"Department head perks," he grinned, wrapping an arm around her as they left the hospital. "I'm sorry we won't be able to keep up our dinner traditions, I have a ton of work to get done at the apartment and some of my family is coming to visit."

"I'm not meeting your family!" she said frantically. "This is our fourth date."

"So we are dating," Derek commented. "Good to know. And did I ask you to meet my family? I thought I said that we couldn't go on dinner dates because my family was coming. We are far too new for you to meet my family. Don't worry, I'm starting to get dark and twisty."

Meredith smiled and kissed his cheek. "Thank you for understanding."

"More kissing," Derek pleaded, turning to face her. "Bright and shiny Derek wants more kissing."

She laughed as he leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

They existed in their own little bubble for who knows how long.

He was in love with her. Derek hadn't felt this way in ages. Honestly, he wasn't sure he ever felt this way about Addison.

Far too soon, however, their little bubble burst.

"Daddy!"

His eyes widened as his heart started racing. Mark wasn't supposed to get here until the morning.

He looked away from Meredith and met Mark's horrified eyes.

"I guess you didn't get my voicemail?" Mark asked quietly as Abby squirmed in his arms.

"Daddy, Markie took me on a aeropwane!" Abby exclaimed.

"That's so cool, Abby," Derek said, trying to force himself to focus on his child and not his probably frantic girlfriend. Was she his girlfriend? He didn't even know.

Mark handed Abby to him before she could wiggle out of his arms.

Derek risked a glance at Meredith.

Her jaw was practically on the floor, her widened eyes staring at Abby like she'd never seen anything like her before.

"Daddy?" she whispered, glancing back and forth between Abby, Mark, and Derek.

"I'm Abby!" Abby exclaimed, trying to be helpful.

"Umm," Derek gulped. "Meredith, this is my daughter."


	9. Chapter 9

**Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Nine**

* * *

Previously:

Derek risked a glance at Meredith.

Her jaw was practically on the floor, her widened eyes staring at Abby like she'd never seen anything like her before.

"Daddy?" she whispered, glancing back and forth between Abby, Mark, and Derek.

"I'm Abby!" Abby exclaimed, trying to be helpful.

"Umm," Derek gulped. "Meredith, this is my daughter."

* * *

 _ **Thursday, July 29th**_

Derek Shepherd had a child.

Those words repeated over and over in Meredith's head. She couldn't think of anything else.

His attention was focused on the little girl, giving Meredith plenty of time to mentally freak out.

"Grey,"

A voice broke through her internal panic. Mark Sloan. McSteamy.

Her eyes widened.

Abby. Derek Shepherd's daughter was Abby.

She wracked her brain, trying to remember everything she had learned about Abby while she was at Sinai. Abby was in foster care, her parents had given her up when she was a baby; that was half the reason Dickens refused to do anything.

Mark Sloan had agreed to foster her out of the blue. One night, Meredith and Cristina watched, completely disgusted, from a booth while he hit on half the females in the bar, and the next, the hospital grapevine says Sloan's a foster parent. It had made no sense, absolutely no sense then.

It made a hell of a lot of sense now.

" _Some pretty serious shit happened in New York. It's not my place to talk about it, but Shepherd's life got turned upside down. There's a reason he was out there for so long, and I know that he really wasn't ready to come back to Seattle."_

Derek hadn't known.

Holy crap.

Holy freaking crap.

No wonder he was acting like a psycho when he first came back to Seattle. He just found out he had a child.

Why hadn't Derek told her?

He kept claiming to be falling in love with her, though he hadn't said the words yet. Meredith didn't know if it was because he wasn't really sure that he did love her, or if he was scared saying them would send her running. Whatever the reason, she was glad that he hadn't.

The thought of hearing those words, never mind saying them, made Meredith feel sick. If Derek told her he loved her, he would be the first person to do so. At least, that she remembered. She had vague memories of her father telling her he loved her over twenty years ago, but she wasn't sure whether they were really memories or just dreams. Ellis Grey wasn't the huggy-feely kind of mother. Meredith didn't think she'd ever heard those words from her.

Why hadn't he told her?

Just last night, she had asked him to tell her about himself.

He told her about his sisters, his mother, about his father dying.

Though now that she thought about it, they hadn't talked about anything substantial. He hadn't even brought up Mark Sloan.

She hadn't been very forthcoming either, but she did talk about her mother.

Her eyes widened.

 _"I wouldn't wish being the child of single parent surgeon on anyone."_

Crap.

Maybe it wasn't so surprising that he didn't tell her about Abby, after she came out with something like that.

But wait. She'd made a comment about him being single.

 _"You seem too good to be true," she teased. "How are you still single?"_

 _"I don't know," he laughed. "Probably has something to do with my basically living at the hospital for the past 8 years."_

Well, he had to have been with someone in the past eight years. Babies didn't come from thin air.

His best friend was Mark Sloan. How could she possibly have believed that he wasn't a player too?

 _"Is this a good place to hang out?"_

It had been a crappy pick up line, but maybe that's how he got women to say yes to him.

Maybe women found the awfulness charming. He was certainly good looking enough to over look a crummy start. She would know. She had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.

 _"Shepherd's life got turned upside down."_

Of course this would be surprising. Finding out a one night stand you had nearly 5 years ago resulted in a child was definitely life changing.

Having a child would drastically impact his career. He wouldn't be the center of his world anymore. He was going to have to care about someone other than himself. He was going to have to worry about something other than hitting on interns and making out with them in hospital elevators.

What a freaking jerk.

If Mark Sloan of all people could step up and take care of Abby, how the hell could Derek not? How could he come back here without her?

She'd been abandoned by her father when she wasn't much older than Abby was now.

The adoration on Abby's face as she babbled on and on to Derek was nearly an exact replica of the looks that had been on her own twenty years ago.

She only hoped that Abby would grow up less dark and twisty for it, that Abby would recognize her father for the waste of oxygen he was sooner rather than later.

Fathers that abandoned their kids were scum.

Derek Shepherd was a lying, manipulative, piece of crap. And she hated herself for falling for him.

* * *

Mark was watching Meredith Grey carefully.

He felt terrible that they had caught Derek so off guard like this. He assumed that Derek would have listened to his voicemail.

He really regretted coming to meet him at the hospital, but Abby had begged him to see where her Daddy saved people.

Abby had him wrapped around her fingers.

Saying no to her was a very, very difficult task that he barely had a grasp of on the best of days. Tonight, after nearly a full day of traveling with a hyperactive four year old, it wasn't worth the effort.

He spent most of his adult life watching women and he considered himself pretty good at reading them.

As a result, he knew the exact moment when Grey started jumping to the wrong conclusions.

Derek did too.

"Meredith," he said softly. "Say something."

Abby looked curiously back and forth between her father and Meredith, attempting to work out who this new person was and what she meant to her superhero.

After Derek's phone call last Friday, the hero worship had resumed full throttle. Mark was surprised to find that he enjoyed it immensely. Kids should worship their parents, especially the good parents. Derek was going to be one of the best.

Grey looked furious, there was no other way to describe the expressions she was making.

"Grey, come to dinner with us," Mark suggested.

Derek looked like he was about to protest. See, great father in the making. He didn't even want his girlfriend who had just suffered a serious shock to interfere with his time with his daughter.

Meredith didn't give him the chance to say anything though.

"I have to go. Enjoy your time off, Dr. Shepherd," she said coldly, before bolting towards her car.

'Dr. Shepherd,' Derek mouthed, numbness filling him.

Mark bit back a groan as he yearned for the days when life hadn't been one complicated mess after another.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly to Derek. "I really didn't mean to ambush you like this, but there's a storm coming to Manhattan tomorrow. I was worried that our flight would be canceled, so I changed it to today."

"Don't apologize," Derek said seriously. "I'm thrilled you're here."

He would worry about Meredith next week. Right now, he had more important things to worry about.

Abby was in Seattle. And that was the only thing that mattered.

* * *

Alex hung up the phone in disbelief.

Of all the ways for Meredith to find out about Abby, getting blindsided like that had to be the worst.

It wasn't quite as bad as the way Derek had found out he had a child, but still, it was bad.

What made Alex angry, though, is how Meredith reacted.

 _"I have to go. Enjoy your time off, Dr. Shepherd."_

Dr. Shepherd? Meredith rarely ever called him Dr. Shepherd anymore. McDreamy, yes. Derek, yes. All the time.

It had been Derek this and Derek that all week.

Life got hard, life got complicated, and Meredith Grey bolted.

Mark was convinced she had come to wrong conclusions, but Alex didn't see how.

She knew that Abby had been in foster care.

Didn't Mark showing up here with Abby, Abby being thrilled to see Derek, and Abby calling him Daddy say enough?

Derek loved her. Derek adored her. Abby was his world.

Derek was also falling for Meredith. Alex knew that Meredith was head over heels for Derek too. How could she refuse to even let him explain? How could she run away like that?

"We need to find Grey," he said angrily, when he found Cristina at the end of her shift.

"She's with McDreamy," Cristina said, eyeing Alex like he had lost his mind. "Just like she's been all week."

"No," Alex shook his head. "She's not with Derek. I just talked to Mark Sloan. He's in Seattle and Meredith ran away from Derek hours ago."

Cristina looked confused. "Why would Mark Sloan being in Seattle cause Mer to run?"

Alex grimaced. "Because Sloan brought Derek's daughter with him."

For a moment, he was concerned that Cristina was actually choking.

She looked at him, anger building in her own eyes. "Shepherd has a kid?"

"Abby," Alex said quietly. "It's Abby."

Cristina gasped. "Abby?" she asked in disbelief. "Abby from Sinai? Abby who nearly died on his table while he was removing an inoperable tumor?"

"Yes," he nodded. "That Abby. Her mother gave her up without telling him. He found out after the surgery; actually, Abby figured it out and straight out asked him if he was her Daddy before Sloan was able to tell him."

"Holy Shit," she whispered. "Poor Shepherd."

Alex was pleased that Cristina wasn't angry. He was going to need all the help he could get to convince Meredith to stop acting like an idiot. Having her person on his side could only help.

"The guy's been a wreck," he admitted. "It's taking ages for him to get custody of her too. The last estimate from the social worker was that it could take close to six months. Luckily, she's living with Sloan still, so he gets to talk to her and he gets to see her, but it really sucks."

"Let me guess," Cristina said drily. "Meredith didn't give him a chance to explain and ran away?"

He must have looked surprised, because she continued.

"I know Meredith Grey. She's probably several tequila shots into her night at Joe's already." Her eyes widened. "We need to find her."

"That's what I said," Alex huffed.

"No," Cristina said, taking off towards the stairs. "Seriously. Meredith Grey copes by drinking tequila and having one night stands. We need to find her before she does something stupid."

Alex hadn't even thought of that. He assumed she was getting drunk, but the thought of her going home with a random guy hadn't crossed her mind. She was in love with Derek Shepherd, whether or not she was ready to admit it. If she did something like that tonight, Shepherd would probably never forgive her.

"Let's go," he agreed, chasing after Cristina out of the hospital.

Luckily, they found her at the bar before she had the chance to go home with anyone.

"She's done for the night, Joe," Cristina told the bartender, sitting down on the stool next to her. "What the hell are you doing?"

"McDreamy is a McBastard," Meredith snarled.

"Did you come to that conclusion before or after you gave him a chance to explain?" Alex demanded.

Meredith glared at him. "Go kiss Shepherd's ass yourself if you love him so much, Evil Spawn."

"Mer, Alex is right," Cristina said softly. "I don't know what's going through your head right now, but I'm pretty sure you've come to some wrong conclusions."

"Wrong conclusions?" she asked in disbelief. "What wrong conclusions? He's a lying, manipulative, scumbag."

"Those would all be wrong conclusions," Alex said annoyed. "You can think I'm in love with the guy, which I'm not by the way, but I'm not going to let you spew that crap about him. It's not true."

"How do you know?" Meredith hissed. "He's a great actor."

"How do I know?" Alex was trying really hard not to yell at her. Half the people in the bar were hospital employees and Shepherd wouldn't want his personal business put on blast like this. "Probably because I watched the man break down when she nearly died in surgery, long before he knew she was his kid. Probably because I watched him break down after Abby asked him 'Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?' Probably because I actually talk to him. He would do anything for her."

Meredith snorted. "That's why he left her in New York, right? Because he would do anything for her."

"He didn't have much of a choice, Mer," Cristina spoke up. "You can't just take a kid you don't have custody of across the country. That's kind of considered kidnapping."

"So he should have gotten custody!" Meredith said pointedly. "If he loves her so much, he should have fought for her. He should have demanded custody, he's her father."

"It's not the simple!" Alex snapped. "Her mother never told him about her and someone forged his name on a form giving up his rights to her. That has to be overturned for him to get custody. He lived in a trailer, he had to get a place with room for her."

Meredith wanted to believe him.

She wanted to be wrong about Derek so badly.

Could Alex be telling the truth?

He would know. Other than Amelia Shepherd and Derek himself, no one knew more about his time in New York than Alex.

If he was telling the truth, Derek hadn't abandoned his daughter. If that was the truth, if he was fighting for her, why hadn't Derek told her?

"I know you're all dark and twisty, Mer," Cristina said gently. "But Derek Shepherd is not Thatcher Grey. He's not the kind of guy that would walk away from his child."

"He lied to me," she said, tears forming in her eyes. "He told me he was single because he'd been too busy with work for the past eight years. Clearly, he's single because he's a manwhore like Mark."

Alex nearly choked on his beer, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

"What?" he gasped. "I could not possibly have heard you right."

"She does have a point," Cristina nodded towards Meredith. "Shepherd is very Dreamy. I could see him being a player."

Neither of them were expecting Alex to burst out laughing. Amy had told him all about Derek's past relationships. Before Meredith, the number of girls in his past stood at one. His ex-wife.

The mere thought that Derek was a player would be so absurd to anyone that knew him.

And there was the problem, wasn't it? Meredith didn't know him. Derek talked a good talk, but he hadn't let her in. He let himself start to fall for her, but he kept his own walls up. There was so much about Derek Shepherd that Meredith Grey couldn't even begin to imagine, let alone know.

She'd told him that Derek's father was dead.

He hadn't told her that he witnessed his murder.

She didn't know about any of the crap Derek had gone through in life.

Yes, Meredith had been dealt a lot of crappy cards. So had Cristina. So had Alex. They had a whole lot of dark and twisty to show for it. It's why they were such good friends. Like got along with like.

But Derek Shepherd wasn't dark and twisty. To use Meredith's words, he was bright and shiny. He still believed in the good. He still believed in miracles and happily ever after. He didn't believe the universe was out to get him, even though he had every reason to believe that.

It was a bit of a miracle that Derek was still who he was after all he'd gone through in life.

Meredith would see that eventually, if she gave him the chance.

If the two of them let their guards down and learned to communicate with each other, they would both realize how incredible the other really was.

Alex hoped it happened. Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd both deserved happiness.

He sighed. "Okay, look, this is so not my place to tell either of you, but I'm going to anyway. You can't tell anyone else about this- not Izzie, not George, not anyone. Shepherd will murder me if this gets out. Promise me that this will stay between us."

They quickly agreed.

"Shepherd was married," he said quietly. "To Addison Montgomery."

"The Addison Montgomery?" Cristina asked, her eyes wide. "The top neonatal surgeon on the coast, Addison Montgomery?"

"Yes," Alex nodded. "That Addison Montgomery. They met in college, got married right out of medical school, and divorced in 1999 after Derek found her in bed with Mark Sloan."

Meredith's eyes were practically bulging out of her head. "Holy crap."

"She's Abby's mother," he continued. "She got pregnant right before her affair with Mark, and never told Derek. He thinks she didn't know until after he sent her divorce papers, that she didn't tell him to hurt him for demanding a divorce."

"What a bitch," Cristina whispered.

Meredith was horrified. How could anyone do that?

She felt sick. She had been awful.

She hadn't even let him explain before she ran off.

He hadn't followed her. That had bothered her when she first got to the bar.

But now that she thought about it, of course he hadn't. He wasn't Thatcher. His daughter, who he hadn't seen in close to two weeks was here, in Seattle. Derek would be spending time with her. He wouldn't have the time to waste to go chasing after his stupid girlfriend.

Was she his girlfriend? She didn't even know.

"I have to go," she said, standing up quickly.

Alex grabbed her keys from the counter before she had a chance.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" he asked skeptically. "And what on earth makes you think you can drive right now?"

Meredith sighed, but didn't bother to glare at him. He was right. She wasn't that drunk, but she was definitely too tipsy to drive.

"I need to talk to Derek," she said quietly.

"Now?" Cristina asked her in surprise. "Mer, it's after 11. He's probably sleeping."

"It's way too late to go over there," Alex agreed. "If he's not sleeping, Abby should be and she's a terror to deal with if you wake her up. It's 2am in Manhattan, remember."

"I'll bring you over in the morning," he assured her. "Amy invited me over for breakfast. I'm sure as long as you agree not to call her brother a bastard or a scumbag, she'll have no problem with you tagging along."

* * *

 _ **Friday, July 30th**_

Alex wasn't sure how it happened, but somehow, he, Cristina, and Meredith all had the same days off for the next few weeks.

Considering the current circumstances, it was probably a good thing.

When he called Amy to make sure it was okay for Meredith to come to breakfast, she suggested he bring Cristina too. This way, if things got tense, there would be enough people to deescalate the situation before Abby could pick up on it.

He wasn't sure that was possible. Abby was a pretty observant child. But, it was worth a shot.

"What if he hates me?" Meredith whispered to Cristina as he pulled into the parking lot of Derek's building.

"Did you call him any horrible names in front of Abby?" she asked.

"No."

"Did you say anything hurtful? Other than 'I have to go, Dr. Shepherd.' Though I have to admit that probably did hurt him a little."

"No," she sighed. "I barely said anything and then I ran away."

"Then he can't hate you," Cristina pointed out. "He did keep a pretty big secret from you, even if I can understand his reasoning."

Meredith huffed. "You know, I thought you were my person! But you take Derek's side almost as much as Alex does."

"I am your person." she said seriously. "And if you ever need help hiding a body, I'll be there. But just because I'm your person doesn't mean I'm always going to agree with you. I'll always have your back, and sometimes that means pointing out when you're being an idiot. You were an idiot last night, Mer."

"I think you and Alex have made that perfectly clear."

"Oh grow up, Grey," Alex snapped. "You were wrong, it happens. You're only human. Get over it."

"I'm your person," Cristina said. "And sometimes that means that I have to do what's best for you, even if you don't see it yourself. Derek Shepherd is good for you, which I cannot believe I'm actually saying, but he's a good guy."

"He has a kid," Meredith groaned. "I'm in a relationship with a guy who has a four year old kid! This is too complicated for me."

Alex pulled out of the parking lot and started driving away.

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked.

He parked the car on the side of the road and turned to face her.

"You need to decide what you want to do," he insisted. "And you need to do it now, before you go up to Derek's apartment and before you meet Abby."

Cristina, as much as it pained her, could see where Alex was going with this. She agreed with him.

"I'm allowed to be confused!" she protested.

"I know," Alex said more gently. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't be confused. But I am saying that you should not be anywhere near Abby as Derek's girlfriend until you're sure you can handle it. Abby's been abandoned enough, she doesn't need to get attached to you only to lose you too."

Meredith hadn't thought of that.

"What if she didn't go as Derek's girlfriend?" Cristina asked after a moment. "What if we go as your friends?"

Alex thought it over. That could work. "Abby loves making friends," he said with a grin. "I think I would win some brownie points if I brought some more people for her to play with."

"Let's do that," Meredith nodded. "There's no pressure if I'm just your friend. We just have to let Derek know what's going on. He can't flirt with me."

"Trust me," Alex said, as he re-entered the lot and parked. "Derek won't have a second to flirt with you. Abby isn't going to give any of us a second of peace."

When they exited the elevator on Derek's floor, Alex was surprised to find him standing outside the door waiting for them.

"I need to talk to Meredith," he said evenly, not giving away anything. "Karev, Yang, go inside."

"I kind of told her," Alex said quietly. "About Addison."

Derek sighed. "I know. Amy told me. It's fine, it was only a matter of time anyway at this point. Abby's really excited you're here, Alex. Don't keep her waiting."

With both of her friends inside the apartment, Meredith allowed herself to panic. Derek was mad at her. He had to be. Why else would he be doing this?

"Let's talk in here," he motioned to the apartment across the hall from his. "Amy insisted that Mark and I should be neighbors when he moves out here in the fall, so he signed the lease early."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't handle last night very well."

Derek didn't say anything in response.

"I was caught off guard and I freaked out."

"Abby couldn't stop asking me who you were," he said. "All night. She's a bit of a chatterbox to begin with, but she was unstoppable last night. Were you my friend? Why was I kissing you?"

Meredith flinched. She'd forgotten that Abby saw them making out.

"I know you were freaking out," he continued. "And I'm sure you were mad I didn't tell you I had a child. Amy said Alex filled you in on the situation between me and Addison. Abby's been in and out of foster homes for the past four years. She nearly died from brain cancer and she knows she nearly died. When I came back here, because I had to in order to keep my job and find a place for her to stay if and when I ever get custody, she was convinced I was abandoning her too."

Meredith felt tears forming in her eyes. No child deserved that. Derek didn't deserve this either.

"I considered it," he admitted. "Wednesday night, when you asked me to tell you about myself, I really considered telling you about her, about Addison. But I rationalized keeping it a secret with the thoughts that we were too new. I thought if I told you I had a four year old daughter, you wouldn't be able to run away fast enough. I was right."

"I'm falling in love with you, Meredith," Derek said, meeting her eyes for the first time. "I have dreams and hopes for where this could go. I know this is early, I know dark and twisty is going to want to run from this, but I can honestly say that I feel more strongly for you than I ever did for Addison."

Meredith's eyes widened. Oh my God. Too fast. Way too freaking fast, McDreamy.

"But that's not enough," he said softly.

Her jaw dropped. Was he ending this?

"It's not just about me anymore," Derek said seriously. "I like you, hell, I might even love you, but that doesn't matter."

"What are you talking about?" she asked. He was confusing the hell out of her.

He pointed towards his apartment, "She comes first."

Meredith's breath hitched. This was about Abby.

"It doesn't matter how I feel," he said, his eyes beginning to water. "We're a package deal. The reason I didn't tell you about Abby is because I never want to bring a woman around my daughter if I'm not sure it is going to last. She's been abandoned too much already, I won't put her through that again."

She hated herself for every horrible thing she'd thought about him last night.

"I know I'm asking for a lot," Meredith heard the desperation in his voice. "And I'm not asking you to agree to marry me or anything, we've barely been together a week. But you need to make a decision on whether or not you are willing to be my girlfriend. You need to decide if you can handle the fact that your boyfriend has a daughter. Our jobs are time consuming, so most of my time off is going to be spent with her. You need to be okay with having a kid crash our dinner dates, and only having alone time once she's asleep."

"You're so young," he said quietly. "And to ask this of you is so monumentally unfair. If I was a better man, I'd walk away. This is complicated and messy. You're an intern; you should be with a guy who can go out with you for drinks after work and take you on romantic dates on your days off. You deserve more than a single father trying to make up for four years of missed time."

"I am young," Meredith agreed. "And this is complicated and messy and way more than I thought I was getting myself into. I don't know if I'm ready for this, Derek, to date a man with a child. It's a big step for me. I'm not a relationship person, and taking that step was scary enough. The thought of adding a child to it absolutely terrifies me."

Derek looked crushed, but understanding. She quickly continued.

"I can't give you an answer today," she said softly. "Because you're so right. Abby doesn't deserve to be abandoned again. I need to think. I want to get to know you better. I think I'm falling in love with you too."

Derek's jaw dropped. For Meredith to admit that was huge. So huge.

"Abby doesn't live with you yet," she pointed out. "When Mark leaves, why don't we keep getting dinner together? We can continue to get to know each other, and then we'll both be able to make a better decision when the time comes."

"Okay," Derek whispered. That was more than he'd ever hoped for.

"But there's something you should know, regardless of how we work out," Meredith said, grabbing his hand. "Wednesday night, I said that I wouldn't wish being the child of a single parent surgeon on anyone."

Derek flinched. He remembered that clearly. Why was she bringing that up?

"My father abandoned me," Meredith stared Derek in the eyes. "And my mother put surgery first. My mother put her happiness first. I always came in second, sometimes even third. I would give anything," she squeezed his hand. "Absolutely anything for my mother to have cared about me even a tenth of how much you care about Abby."

Hope erupted on Derek's face. "Really?" he asked.

"Really," she smiled. "Abby is so lucky to have you as her father, Derek. So freaking lucky."

The relief Derek felt made him weak at the knees. He was incredibly worried about being good enough for Abby. For Meredith Grey to say that meant more than he could say.

"Thank you," he whispered, pulling her into his arms.

They didn't kiss, just stood there in the middle of Mark's empty apartment enjoying the comfort of the other's embrace.

Meredith was pretty sure she knew what her decision would be. She wanted to get to know Derek more before she gave him her official answer, but the thought of walking away from this man was like a knife to her heart. She might not know Abby, but considering how hard Alex had fallen for her and how much Derek adored her, she was sure she would have no problem falling in love with her too.

Maybe it was time for her dark and twisty to become a little more bright and shiny.

Not all fathers were Thatcher Grey.

Not all surgeons were Ellis.

Maybe happily ever after wasn't such a crazy idea after all.

* * *

 _ **Thursday, August 12th**_

Meredith hated traffic. She hated it almost as much as she hated being put on scut or charting.

It had been two weeks since Mark came out to Seattle with Abby, and now Derek was going to spend his four days off in Manhattan.

Cristina had joked that Mark and Derek had a strange long distance relationship going on.

Amelia had found that hysterical. Derek? Not so much.

She let out a giant sigh of relief when she finally reached the airport. They'd gotten dinner after work and she agreed to drive him to Sea-Tac for his flight.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked gently. Derek had been acting strange all day.

"Nothing. I'm fine," he said quietly.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're fine?" she asked. "Sure you are. And I'm Mary Poppins."

Derek snorted. "Fine. I'm Meredith fine."

"So what's wrong?" she pushed.

'Meredith fine' was what he and Alex had dubbed her 'avoidance phrase.' Her friends never let her get away with using it. She wasn't about to let Derek.

"I spoke to Mike Gaston today," his voice was hoarse.

He'd been crying. How the hell had she missed that?

"What did he say?" she asked, placing a hand on his knee. "Derek, what did Gaston say?"

"The courts are backed up," he said angrily. "And since it looks like I voluntarily gave Abby up, they aren't in any hurry to get to her case."

"But you didn't!" she protested. "Gaston knows that!"

"It's not his fault," Derek said bitterly. "He's doing the best he can in a very broken system. He asked his boss how to speed it along, and she tried her best, but we're getting told no sooner than January."

Damn it. This was such crap.

"And on top of that, Mark's application to foster her in Seattle is being met with a ton of red tape. Gaston doesn't even have a time line on that anymore."

"What did Gaston say?" she asked. "He had to have some advice for you."

Derek hiccuped. "Yeah, he did," he said. "Get Addison to admit that's not my signature."

Well shit. Addison Montgomery was not going to risk her reputation with a scandal like this. There was no way.

"Have you talked to Addison at all?" Meredith asked.

"I tried to call her this morning," he admitted. "But she didn't answer, and she hasn't called me back."

"I'm so sorry, Derek," Meredith whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. "So, so, so sorry."

* * *

It was close to midnight by the time Meredith got back to her house.

Alex and Cristina were watching one of her mother's old surgery tapes that Izzie had dug out the other day.

"You look like shit," Alex commented.

"What did Shepherd do?" Cristina demanded.

She shook her head, collapsing into an armchair. "Derek didn't do anything. There's just some issues with him getting custody and he's really upset."

Alex's eyes widened. He hadn't heard of any recent developments.

After Meredith filled them in, Cristina and Alex were both fuming.

"Montgomery deserves to rot," Cristina seethed. "This sucks for Derek and Mark, sure, but this really sucks for Abby. She's the one who is really getting screwed over by all this."

"Gaston said he thinks if Addison admits that's not Derek's signature, it might help speed things up," Meredith said tiredly. "Something about then it could go through Derek's lawyer and not the social service system. Right now, since she's a ward of the state, everything is so complicated."

"Has anyone tried to talk to her?" Alex asked. "I know Derek hates her, but I think one of his sisters might still be friends with her."

Meredith's eyes widened. "What if someone went down to LA to talk to her in person? This would be a pretty terrible conversation to have over the phone, but in person she might be convinced. If she saw a picture of Abby, she'd be a real person, a real child that her actions are hurting. She can't be that horrible of a person, can she?"

"No!" Cristina said quickly. "I know what you're thinking, Mer, and no way."

"You want to go talk to Addison?" Alex asked in disbelief. "Are you crazy?"

"Mark can't do it," Meredith pointed out. "He's got his hands full with Abby and keeping Derek from jumping off a cliff. Derek won't do it. He tried to call her, but he'll never go see her. And that's probably a good thing. He's so hurt and angry that I don't think anything would get accomplished."

Alex looked like he was contemplating the idea. He loved Abby and living with Derek was the best thing for her. Derek had quickly become his mentor and a very good friend. He was sort of dating Amelia. It wouldn't be too outside the realm of rationality for him to get involved.

Meredith was in love with Derek. She would do anything for him. Alex knew that when Abby did eventually move out here, Meredith would be ready to give Derek the answer he dreamed of hearing. Derek and Abby were a package deal, and Meredith Grey was well on her way to falling for them both. This idea, this bat shit crazy idea, only furthered that belief.

"I'm in," he said. "I'll go with you to LA."

"You're insane!" Cristina shouted. "Both of you have lost your minds. We get one day off a week, how do you plan on making it down to LA and back in one day?"

"We could call out sick," Alex suggested. "We're all so close, it wouldn't be that crazy for the three of us to come down with a stomach bug at the same time. That would give us an extra day off in LA."

"Woah!" she protested. "What 'we', Evil Spawn? I am not going along with this insanity. I refuse!"

"Do you have Mike Gaston's number?" Meredith asked Alex. "We should probably run this by him first to make sure it's okay."

* * *

 _ **Friday, August 13th**_

"I cannot believe I'm going along with this madness," Cristina huffed as they boarded a plane to LA the next morning.

"Says the one who volunteered to call out for us," Alex scoffed. "You're just as in on this as we are."

"Well no one would ever think that I'd play hooky," she snapped. "It strengthens our cover. If I'm calling out of work, we are clearly near death. That's the only way I'd miss a day of surgery. Bailey knows that, Webber knows that."

"We appreciate you, Cristina," Meredith said sincerely. "I'm not the world's greatest liar."

"Understatement," Alex coughed.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Cristina, thank you for agreeing to come with us."

Cristina sighed. "I'm your person. If you killed someone, I'm the one you'd call to help hide the body, right? The way I see it, this is pretty similar."

"Going to LA is similar to killing someone?" Alex asked in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"We faked a stomach virus," Cristina held up one finger. "We are on a plane to LA to convince the Head of Neurosurgery's ex-wife that she should admit to being a lying bitch. When Shepherd finds out, we're pretty much goners."

Meredith flinched and even Alex suddenly looked concerned.

"I think that when this gets back to him," she said seriously, "and if you think it won't get back to him you're both morons, we are going to be in such deep shit. Like, suspended from the program deep shit, if not straight up murdered in his office. I'm coming along because Seattle Grace would suck without you. If you're going down, I'm going down too."

"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Meredith whispered. "You're right, Derek won't be happy about this."

"But what if it helps?" Alex asked after he recovered from his moment of panic. "What if we can convince her to speak up and that helps Derek get custody of Abby faster?"

Meredith and Cristina stayed quiet.

"We have no idea what will happen when we land. It might be a disaster and then yes, he will kill us. But it might not be. Maybe, Addison isn't the bitch we think she is. Maybe there is some explanation, some justification we're missing. Maybe she'll agree to speak up. If you don't want to risk it, you can get right back on a plane when we get to LAX. I'm staying, though. I'm willing to risk it, because there is so much good that could come from this."

"Even the biggest failure," Meredith whispered. "Even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying."

She had no idea how this was going to go, no idea what consequences she would face after the fact. But Derek was worth it. Abby was worth it. The slight chance that some good could come of this made it worth it.

For better or worse, at least she could say she tried.

'I'm all in, Derek,' she thought. 'I'm so freaking in.'

* * *

 _ **Friday, August 13th**_

 _ **Los Angeles**_

Summer in Los Angeles was her favorite time of the year.

Even amongst the hustle and bustle of the big city, she felt relaxed and at peace. She was happy here, far happier than she'd ever been in Manhattan.

She thought that she was happy in New York. When she was married and pursuing her dreams at Mount Sinai, she thought she'd never be happier.

She was still a big city girl, but there was something less stressful about LA. And she loved the city more for it.

Her last appointment of the day had ended on a happy note. A mother who had previously been at severe risk for complications was doing great and the baby looked perfectly healthy.

She was looking forward to a glass of wine and a night out with her friends, and was grabbing her things to leave when there was a knock on her office door.

"Dr. Montgomery, are you still here?" the receptionist asked.

She opened the door, concern filling her eyes. "Is everything okay, Kelly?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "There are three interns here, they said they are from Seattle Grace, asking to speak to you."

Addison's mind went to the missed call from her ex-husband the day before. Would he really send interns after her because she ignored one phone call?

She sat down behind her desk with a sigh. "Send them in, Kelly."

Moments later, the three interns entered her office.

"Take a seat, Doctors," Addison said evenly. She noticed the male intern had closed the door. What the hell was this about?

"I assume my missed call from Dr. Shepherd yesterday and your visit today are related?" she asked, raising a brow at them.

The blond squirmed a little. Or maybe not.

"Yes and no," the male intern said.

"Names," she said. "Dr. Shepherd doesn't know you're here, does he?"

The Asian one looked horror stricken. Derek definitely didn't know they were here.

"No," the blond admitted. "He doesn't, but we are here because of the missed call from yesterday."

"And you are?" Addison asked again. "I want your names."

"Meredith Grey," she said. "Alex Karev and Cristina Yang are my co-interns. But we aren't here about hospital business. Derek didn't call you about a medical issue."

Derek? Addison tried to hide her surprise. This intern called her Assistant Chief of Surgery and Head of Neuro by his first name?

"Are you sleeping with my ex-husband, Dr. Grey?" she asked coldly.

"Yes."

Addison wasn't sure who was more shocked by that admission.

Meredith took a breath. "I am. I'm his girlfriend. He called you yesterday because as much as he hates you, he needs your help."

"He needs my help with a non-medical issue?" Addison asked in disbelief. "We've been divorced for close to five years, Dr. Grey. I haven't seen him or talked to him since the night he caught me in bed with his best friend. He never answered my calls after we separated and he sent lawyers in his place to the divorce hearings. Why, after nearly five years, does Derek Shepherd need my help?"

Alex Karev was holding a folder in his hands that Addison hadn't noticed before. What was in that?

"He doesn't know we're here," Cristina Yang spoke for the first time. "And honestly, we probably shouldn't be here. But here's the thing- there is no one else that would come. Mark hates you nearly as much as Derek does..."

"Mark and Derek talk?" Addison gasped.

How on earth had their friendship recovered from their affair?

Derek had answered one call from Mark afterwards, only to tell him that he was dead to him.

The thought that she hadn't totally destroyed their friendship made her feel relieved. She'd been carrying that guilt around for years.

"Yes," Alex said. "They do."

"Look, Meredith," Addison sighed. "I understand the whole 'he's a brain surgeon' thing. For a young intern, it must be incredible thrill to be sleeping with your boss, but you're jeopardizing your career. No one likes a slutty intern."

Meredith saw red.

"You want to hate Derek? Fine, go ahead. You can hate him." Meredith said angrily. "I think that makes you a hypocritical bitch, but whatever, you're the one that has to live with yourself. You want to say horrible things, call me a whore, belittle my friends, go ahead."

"You wrecked your marriage, Dr. Montgomery. Not Derek and not Mark. You made the choice to sleep with a man that wasn't your husband. I don't care that he was distant- he turned distant after he realized you would never want the family he dreamed of."

Addison was staring at Meredith like she'd never seen anything like her. The word 'family' sent shivers down her spine.

"You want to be mad that he refused to see you and sent lawyers in his place? Fine. You want to be mad that he didn't answer your phone calls? Fine."

Meredith ripped the folder from Alex's hand. "But that doesn't excuse what you did."

Addison took the paper with shaking hands, her breath hitching when she realized what it was.

"Where did you get this?" she croaked.

Derek needed her help on a non-medical issue. Oh my God. This was about as personal as it got.

"How can you live with yourself?" Meredith snarled. "He wanted a family more than anything and you stole that from him!"

Alex placed an arm around Meredith comfortingly.

"I want to know how you got this," Addison demanded, her heart pounding in her chest.

As Alex Karev told her the story of how Derek met Abby, she felt sick. Abby had brain cancer. Abby nearly died on Derek's table.

One part especially stood out- Derek had no idea he had a child.

She looked down at the form again, angry tears beginning to fall from her eyes.

That wasn't Derek's signature.

"I didn't do this, Dr. Grey," Addison said quietly once Alex was done.

Three shell shocked interns stared back at her.

"You're here for a reason," she said softly. "Derek called for a reason. You said Derek's fighting for custody. I assume you need me to do something. What is it?"

Meredith looked at Alex in complete disbelief. If Addison hadn't forged Derek's signature, who had?

"Abby's social worker told Derek that the process would probably get sped up if you agree that's not his signature, if you agree that he didn't know he had a daughter." Cristina said. Alex and Meredith were in too much shock to speak up yet.

"His name's Mike Gaston," Meredith offered after a few minutes. "He's been really helpful to Mark and Derek. He told us that it would be a huge help if you called him."

Addison thought over all that she had just been told.

Derek wanted her. He was so devastated over not having custody that his girlfriend and her two friends were risking massive trouble at work to come to LA.

She might not have forged Derek's signature, but she was just as guilty. If she could make this up to him, even a little, she had to try.

"Give me his number."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

This chapter got massive quickly, but after the cliff I left you with on Friday, I figured you'd all appreciate a long update.

I won't say much, because so much of what I'm dying to say is straight out of chapter 10- which will be posted Monday (tomorrow) afternoon.

As always, thank you so much for reading and a million billion thank yous to everyone who takes the time to review! Reviews make my day, I love hearing what you think :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter 10**

* * *

 _According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, more than 1 in 10 women experience depression at some point during pregnancy. Some sources claim that number is even higher- one has the risk of developing symptoms of depression at 14-23%._

 _For a long time, the medical community believed that pregnancy protected against depression. It's such a joyful, happy time. How could a woman possibly be depressed during it?_

 _It was believed that a major cause of post-partum depression was the sudden plunge in hormone levels after birth._

 _Let's think about this logically. If depression can be caused by hormone levels returning to normal, non-pregnancy levels, doesn't it also make sense that there is a risk of depression when the hormone levels skyrocket over night, like they do at the start of a pregnancy?_

 _Women who are at the greatest risk of depression during pregnancy are those with some or all of the following risk factors:_

 _\- Personal or family history of depression or anxiety_

 _\- Relationship difficulties_

 _\- Fertility treatments_

 _\- Problems with pregnancy_

 _\- Stressful life events_

 _Relationship difficulties? I think cheating on your husband with his best friend counts for this one._

 _Stressful life events? And your husband filing for divorce probably fulfills this one._

 _Want another striking statistic? Nearly 1 in 2 of American marriages ends in divorce._

 _When we are young and in love, we ignore that statistic with everything we have. We love our partner. We can't imagine life without them. Isn't that why we decide to get married in the first place?_

 _One study puts the rate of depression in adults following a divorce at 10%. Another says divorced women are 3.5 times more likely than non-divorced women to suffer from depression._

 _Depression._

 _Mental Health._

 _These aren't popular words in America. In fact, mental health is one of the most underfunded areas of the healthcare system. It also carries one of the biggest stigmas._

 _Depression and other types of mental illness are underreported and under-treated; meaning, the rates are probably substantially higher than reported. Higher than 1 in 10 pregnant women. Higher than 1 in 10 adults post divorce. Higher than the proposed 1 in 5 Americans that suffer from some sort of mental illness._

 _As doctors, we know the facts. We know the statistics. Therefore, when I think back on the fall of 1999, I don't understand how I missed the signs._

 _I was tired all the time, but could never fall asleep. That's not terribly uncommon in pregnancy, so I wrote it off._

 _I was sad, in a deep, empty sort of way. Of course I was, I was getting divorced. I was pregnant and I didn't know if the baby was my husband's or his best friend's._

 _I felt guilty, but I felt I deserved all of it. Not only did I destroy my marriage, I destroyed a life long friendship. Although my friends and even Mark pointed out that it takes two to tango, the fact is that I started it. I made a decision to pursue sex with another man. I fell in love with a man who wasn't my husband._

 _Was it really that surprising that Mark Sloan went along with my advances?_

 _Derek had been growing distant for months, ever since I had a less than enthusiastic reaction to the news that Liz was pregnant again. She was 30, starting her cardio fellowship, and she had two kids at home already. I couldn't see how she was comfortable letting children get in the way of her career._

 _I think that was the day that Derek started falling out of love with me._

 _No one wanted a family more than Derek Shepherd, and the realization that I didn't hit him like a sledgehammer._

 _Maybe I would one day, but at that time, all I wanted was to become a successful surgeon. I didn't want to be 'Mommy tracked', passed over for opportunities because I had a child. Times have changed since Ellis Grey fought tooth and nail to get opportunities as a female surgeon, but things were still far easier for men._

 _One day, when we were both successful, when we were attendings, when we didn't have to fight for every single opportunity, then maybe I would consider having children. Maybe._

 _Derek hated that, and I think he started to hate me for that. He would have been a terrific father, and he would have supported me in every possible way, but at the end of the day, there is no such thing as being 'Daddy tracked.'_

 _My career would bear the brunt of a pregnancy and a child, no matter how much of an adoring husband and father Derek would be._

 _The divorce papers came 30 minutes after I took the pregnancy test._

 _Derek wanted a divorce. I don't know why that shocked me so much, but the finality of it, of seeing the actual papers, hit me hard._

 _I'd thrown my marriage away, destroyed Derek and Mark's friendship, and didn't even know who the father of my baby was._

 _Of course I was depressed. I had every reason to be._

 _But I refused to even consider that possibility. I mean, depression wasn't something that could happen to me. It was just the hormones._

 _Sometimes I wonder if things would be different now if I had recognized the signs and sought help. Would anti-depressants have helped give me a different perspective? Would I have been less exhausted and miserable? Would I have gone out to Seattle to try and win Derek back?_

 _Would I have made the choice to give up my baby?_

 _I think about her every single day._

 _The second she was born, any doubts about who her father was disappeared._

 _She was his clone. With his eyes and a head full of Shepherd hair, there was no question. I got a paternity test anyway, using a strand of hair off a brush Derek had left behind, and it was no surprise when the results came in._

 _I listed him on her birth certificate, gave her his last name._

 _I considered not signing the papers. I considered reaching out to Nancy and asking her for help in getting him back to New York._

 _Our divorce had been finalized in March, but I didn't care about our marriage any more. I cared about Derek and I cared about Abby. I cared about doing the best thing for both of them._

 _Derek was thriving in Seattle. He was being groomed for Chief Resident. His recent research article put him at the forefront of neurosurgery, as a resident. He was going to be one of the greats. In many ways, he already was._

 _Abby deserved a family. She should be raised in a two parent household where they had time to love her and give her the attention she deserved. She didn't deserve to live with surgeons who lived for their jobs, who spent more time at the hospital than anywhere else. She didn't deserve to be raised by Nannies or strangers._

 _Abby deserved better than either I or Derek could give her._

 _He would try, Lord knows he would try so hard to be enough for her, but there was no possible way he could be. Not while working towards becoming a rockstar neurosurgeon, there was just no way._

 _My parents convinced me that giving up Abby was the best thing for her, but I still wanted to talk to Derek._

 _My mother went out to Seattle and came back with his signature on the form giving up his rights to her. She told me he agreed that she deserved to have a family, that he agreed with my decision._

 _My father had been shocked. He was firmly on Team Derek and convinced that Derek would fight me on giving our daughter up._

 _I was so tired from the disaster my life had become that I accepted my mother's words without question._

 _It wasn't until the following year on her first birthday that I began to have doubts._

 _There was nothing in the world that Derek Shepherd wanted more than children. He would give up everything and do anything to be a good father._

 _What if my father had been right? What if my mother lied?_

 _I had accepted that I wasn't ready to be a mother, that I didn't want to be a mother to her. I didn't regret giving her up, but the thought that I'd done so without Derek knowing, without Derek having a chance to be her father, horrified me._

 _It haunted me every single day._

 _And then Meredith Grey had shown up in my Los Angeles office and confirmed my very worst fears._

 _Derek hadn't known._

 _\- Addison Forbes Montgomery_

* * *

 _ **Friday, August 20th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

It had been a week since their expedition to LA.

There had been no questions when they all returned to work. No suspicious looks or trick questions meant to catch them off guard.

Cristina was still convinced the shoe was going to drop at some point.

Mike Gaston told Alex that Addison had called him. Against his better judgement, he was keeping their secret from Derek for now. Though, he did warn Alex that eventually Derek was going to find out, and they should probably confess before they got caught.

Yeah, not a chance.

Meredith hoped against hope that Derek wouldn't find out until he was awarded custody. How mad could he really be at them if it resulted in him winning Abby?

Right?

Before they left LA, Addison had also told them they should tell Derek.

 _"He's going to be mad," she conceded. "Of course he will. Three of his interns called out sick and got on a plane to LA. He has to be mad. You're going to get in trouble. It's his job to get mad when you pull stunts like this and it's his job to punish you."_

 _"I've known Derek Shepherd for a long time," Addison sighed. "I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. The longer you wait to tell him, the angrier he will be. If you tell him as soon as possible, he'll be mad, but I'm willing to bet he'll be a little grateful too."_

 _"You did this as some sort of grand gesture, Meredith, didn't you?"_

 _She shook her head. "That's not why I came here."_

 _"But it's a nice bonus, right?" Addison smiled. "What better way to show Derek you're all in than something like this? Suffer through the yelling, take whatever he has to give you. Remember that regardless of whatever he says to you at work, as your boyfriend, and as your friend, he is going to be touched beyond belief that you care so much about him and Abby."_

The three of them had talked the entire trip back to Seattle about what getting Addison involved could mean.

She told them that she had no desire to be Abby's mother. Her actions, regardless of her intentions, had caused Abby a great deal of hurt. She deserved to be with a parent who would do anything for her. Abby deserved to be raised by Derek.

The thought that Addison might change her mind about Abby hadn't crossed their minds when they got on that plane to LA. Thankfully, it wasn't something they had to worry about. If that had ben the outcome of their trip, they had no doubts Derek would kill them. Mark would probably help.

Honestly, Meredith was having a hard time hating Addison as a person. Sure, she hated her actions and the pain they had caused Derek, but she seemed like a decent person.

Alex still referred to her as Satan. But, then again, Alex had months of pain and anger from his time with Abby in New York that Meredith didn't.

She doubted that Mark or Derek would ever be able to feel something other than hate towards Addison either.

"Meredith!"

Derek was holding the elevator open for her, a grin on his face.

After Addison asked her if she was sleeping with Derek, it had occurred to her that, no, they hadn't been having sex. That realization had blown her mind.

When he came back to Seattle Tuesday night, Meredith surprised him with a romantic dinner (cooked by Izzie) at the trailer.

The sex was... she didn't have words.

The best part, though, was the following morning. Derek made her breakfast and they sat outside on his makeshift patio. Neither of them spoke much.

Meredith was surprised to find that just being with each other was equally as exciting as the sex.

Which was a good thing, a great thing. Sex was great, but getting to know the guy you were falling hard for was even better.

They weren't perfect, not even close. Communication still wasn't their strong suit. And ever since Alex flipped out at them at lunch last week, they both agreed that they needed to work on communicating better.

 _"You know what would make my life easier?" Alex snapped. "The two of you learning to communicate. Why is it so freaking hard to just talk to each other without using middlemen? Amy's tired of it, Mark's tired of it, and I'm freaking done with it. Talk to each other. Please. Stop torturing the rest of us."_

 _"Hear, hear!" Cristina had agreed._

Derek had been through a lot of crap.

Meredith had too.

There were still some things she was holding back, and she knew the same was true for him.

But they were getting there.

When she reached the elevator, she leaned up and kissed Derek on the cheek. He responded with a laugh as he pulled her close to him, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Meredith was in love with this man.

And that scared her a little less with each passing day.

* * *

 _ **Sunday, August 22nd**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

The best thing about being on good terms with Derek again was that the rest of the Shepherds no longer held him at arms length.

He made mistakes, but if Derek could forgive him, they could too.

He was Uncle Mark again.

He hadn't realized how much he missed that title.

Eight nieces and five nephews were exhausting, but he wouldn't trade a second of it. Even if he was glad he could send 7 of the girls and all the boys home with their parents at the end of the day. Even if he couldn't wait for the day when he wasn't both Uncle Mark and a stand in father.

Luckily Abby was mostly a good kid and he didn't have to be the bad guy often.

That still shocked Kathleen. She had been fully expecting Abby to throw tantrums left and right to see if Mark would leave.

They were all nervous for what would happen when Abby moved to Seattle. She might not be testing him, but she was absolutely going to test Derek.

"... I'm going to apply to Columbia, but I want to go to medical school there like you and Uncle Derek, so I don't know. Maybe I should pick a different city, it would be nice to see someplace else for four years right?"

Eric Kraft was his favorite nephew, not that he would never admit to having favorites. Mark could not believe he was already thinking about college. The kid had just turned 16 a few months ago.

"Why don't you enjoy high school first," Mark suggested. "You'll have plenty of time to worry about college in a few years."

"I know but..." Eric trailed off. "Uncle Mark?"

"What's the matter, Eric?"

Abby had fallen asleep in the car on the way back from the supermarket. He had his hands full of Abby and groceries as he stepped off the elevator in his building.

"Why is Addison standing outside your door?"

"Hi Eric," she said softly. "Mark."

"Eric, take Abby," Mark muttered to Eric, passing the sleeping four year old to him. "And run."

"She's not Voldemort, Uncle Mark," Eric rolled his eyes.

"No," Mark agreed. "She's worse. Go inside and put her in her bed."

Eric sighed, and gave Addison an encouraging smile as he entered the apartment. The Shepherd grandchildren knew that Uncle Derek had a daughter, but they didn't know the whole story. They knew that Addison and Derek were divorced, but the adults hadn't figured out a way to explain Abby's situation to them. They barely understood it themselves.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he snarled the moment he heard the door to Abby's room close. He closed the apartment door, leaving him trapped with Satan in his hallway.

"I'm worse than a mass murdering Dark wizard?" Addison asked, a smirk appearing on her face. "Wow, I didn't realize I one upped a Dark Lord. Go me."

"Don't make jokes," Mark hissed. "You're Satan and an adulterous whore."

"Oh you are definitely friends with Derek again," she said in mock surprise. "And if I'm an adulterous whore, what were you? My dirty mistress?"

"You were the biggest mistake of my entire life," he said coldly. "And if I never see you again, I'd consider that a good thing."

That hurt. Addison knew she'd made mistakes, after talking to Alex and Meredith she knew how much Mark hated her, but to see it in person and to hear it hurt like hell.

"It takes two to tango," she said softly. "Isn't that what you told me when we got caught? We both made a decision to have an affair. I was in love with you, Mark. I hadn't been in love with Derek in a long time, but I was in love with you. That's why I stayed, why I let Derek run off, why I never chased him. I didn't even try to fight for my marriage because I was in love with you."

His breath hitched.

Think of Abby, he urged himself.

Think of Derek.

Think of what her actions had cost both of them.

"If you were in love with me," he said quietly. "Why did you run off the day you received the notice that Derek filed for divorce?"

Addison took a deep breath. Here went nothing.

"Because 30 minutes before I was served with those papers, I took a pregnancy test that came back positive," she couldn't meet Mark's eyes. "As I sat there, completely terrified, I realized that I had no idea who the father was."

"Why would that have mattered?" Mark demanded. "Derek's my brother, Addison. He was your husband. Why would I have been surprised by that?"

"It bothered me!" she said, tears forming in her eyes. "What kind of mother was I going to be if I couldn't even figure out who the baby's father was?"

"Derek might not have divorced you," he pointed out. "You could have saved your marriage. Clearly, he was the baby's father anyway."

"What kind of marriage would it have been?" Addison asked bitterly. "I cheated on him. I was in love with a man he considered a brother. That's no type of family to raise a child in. You know better than anyone what a loveless marriage can do to a child."

"That's true," Mark agreed. "But I would also never even think that Derek could treat his daughter the way my parents treated me. Have you met the Shepherds? They are a small army of suffocating love and affection. Even if you and Derek weren't happy, the sisters and their kids would have been there."

"I was married to him, Mark," she sighed. "Of course I've met the Shepherds. And I realize that. But I can say for certain that I wasn't thinking of them at the time. All I could think of was my own parents. My father adored me, but he was always busy with work. My mother barely tolerated me. I was scared, I was terrified that I'd turn out like her. No matter how much affection my father showed me, it never made up for my mother's lack of caring. That's exactly what my child would have grown up with and I didn't want that."

"Why are you here?"

Mark didn't want to talk about why Addison had made the choices she made. He hated her and he didn't want any of her excuses to change that.

"How is Derek with her?"

Mark's eyes widened. How the hell did she know he had Abby?

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said quickly.

Addison took a deep breath. "I know that was Abby, Mark. I know about the cancer and the foster parents and you taking custody. I know that Derek saved her life. I know that he knows she's his daughter. And I know that he's fighting one hell of a custody battle because my mother is a lying, heartless bitch who forged his name on that form."

* * *

Thank God for the Shepherd sisters, Mark thought as he sat down at a diner near his apartment later that night.

Kathleen had been in the City helping Kevin, her oldest, and Katie, her oldest girl, move into their apartments. Kevin was 20 and a junior at NYU. Katie was starting freshman year at Barnard. She had been more than happy to spend the night getting to know her newest niece.

Abby had been thrilled to find out she had more Erics and Megs. They were working on the her grasping the word 'cousin', they really were.

Bizzy had forged Derek's name on the form.

Ever since Dan recognized the name of the notary and realized that Bizzy played some part in this, Mark had wondered.

Now he knew.

Liz was meeting him here in five minutes, Addison thirty.

Dan wanted to come, but they talked him out of it.

Having a lawyer present might make Addison run.

Having a lawyer present who worked for her mother might make her less likely to tell them the truth.

"What is Satan doing back in Manhattan?" Liz asked as she sat down.

Straight to the point as always.

"Great question," Mark said, taking a large sip of his scotch. "Hell if I know. She was standing outside my door when we got back from shopping."

"Why are we meeting with her?" she asked. "Shouldn't we call Erin, make sure it's okay that we're doing this?"

"Bizzy forged Derek's name," he said quietly. "That's what she told me. And then she asked to get dinner to discuss the rest."

Liz gaped at him. "And I can't even drink? Well this sucks."

Mark's eyes widened as a grin spread across his face. "You can't drink, Lizzie? Something I should know?"

Her face broke into a small smile. "Three months."

He pulled her in for a hug. "Congratulations! That's so exciting. We were wondering if you and Dan were done."

She snorted. "This wasn't planned, I assure you. But it is very exciting, and it gives me an exit strategy from Chief."

His eyes widened. "Why do you need an exit strategy?"

Liz shrugged. "You and Amelia aren't the only ones facing consequences for letting Derek operate on family."

"What?" he whispered. "Liz, I..."

"Stop," she said sincerely, placing a hand on his. "I'm okay with it, Mark, really, I am. We were thinking of relocating anyway. Dan doesn't want to work for his firm anymore, and this just gives us one more reason to leave Manhattan. Derek is definitely right about the downsides to raising kids in the city."

"Yeah, but you've worked so hard at Sinai," he protested.

"I have," Liz agreed. "And I don't regret a thing. If I had to do it all over again, I would make the same choices. It's just a job. Derek's my brother. You're my brother. Abby's my niece. Family comes first. There will be other jobs. I'm resigning before I can get forced out, I'm going to be fine. I would trade my job for Abby's life any day. Don't worry about it. Please."

Mark sighed. "Okay. But tell Derek soon, please? I don't think I can keep this a secret from him for long."

"Did you tell him she's here?" Liz asked, getting back on topic.

"No."

"Mark!" Liz exclaimed. "She's seen Abby, she knows where you live. You have to tell him!"

"I'm not going to try and kidnap her, Liz."

Addison had arrived.

Liz glared at her former sister in law with more hatred than Mark had ever seen her give anyone.

"We aren't friends any more, Addison," she said coldly.

"I know," Addison said quietly. "And I owe you both and Derek an explanation."

"You owe Derek an explanation," Mark agreed. "Not Liz and not me. We're just here to find out what your intentions toward Abby are."

"One can't come without the other," she said seriously.

They talked for over an hour.

Addison cried.

Liz cried.

Mark would never admit it, but he'd teared up too.

When she told them that she called Mike Gaston, he was shocked.

"I'm meeting with my mother tomorrow," Addison informed them. "If she wants this kept from the press, she'll do what I ask and find a judge that can expedite this."

"The press?" Mark asked weakly.

"Derek will never go for that," Liz snapped. "You can't do something like this without his okay, Addison!"

"I know that!" Addison insisted. "I'm hoping she'll cave, that she won't realize that I'm bluffing. If she can lie to me and put words in Derek's mouth, I can too."

"You're going to say that you've talked to him," Mark said, suddenly understanding where this was going. "That he wants to go to the press."

"Yes," she nodded. "It's his signature she forged, and he's the one who involuntarily lost four years with a child he didn't know he had. It would make sense for him to want vengeance."

"Unless you really know him," Addison continued with a sad smile. "Then you'd know that the only thing he wants is Abby."

* * *

 _ **Monday, August 23rd**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

Mark agreed to go with Addison when she confronted Bizzy.

He still hated what she had done, but he no longer hated her.

She had the best of intentions, even if they didn't have the best execution or the best end result.

The very thought of Addison Montgomery going up against Bizzy Forbes would have been laughable to him just days ago.

Addison was stepping up.

Threatening Bizzy? Huge. Very huge.

If anyone in Manhattan had the power to get a Judge to rush this case through, it was Bizzy Forbes.

"Are you ready?" he asked Addison gently.

"No," she said, grimacing. "I have to call my mother a liar and a home wrecker. I have to try and blackmail Bizzy Forbes."

"You don't have to do this," he said softly. "Addison, you don't have to do this today."

"Derek deserves her," Addison said quietly. "And Abby deserves to have a family. Derek's world already revolves around her, and I have a feeling Meredith Grey isn't going anywhere soon."

"How do you know Meredith Grey?" Mark demanded as Addison looked horrified with herself.

She hadn't meant to say that.

"I heard a rumor," she said shakily.

"Addison!" Mark hissed.

"You can't tell Derek," she pleaded. "I promised them I wouldn't tell him."

"Them?" Mark asked in disbelief. "What the hell did Grey, Karev, and Yang do now?"

"They called out of work and came to LA," she said sheepishly. "Meredith read me the riot act and shoved a copy of the form Derek supposedly signed in front of me. Karev filled me in on what's been going on, and they begged me to call Mike Gaston."

Mark's eyes widened. "Derek is going to kill them."

"As Dr. Shepherd, yes," she agreed. "He probably will. But you have to admit, that was one hell of an all in from Grey."

He couldn't help but smile. It sure was.

"Addison, what do you want?" Bizzy sighed, coming out of her office. "I'm very... Mark."

"Bizzy," Mark said coldly.

"I think we should take this into your office, Mother," Addison's tone echoed Mark's. "You won't want this conversation broadcasted for everyone to hear, I'm sure of it."

Bizzy nodded. Mark Sloan being here had caught her by surprise.

She was under the impression that Addison no longer talked to him, just like she no longer talked to any of the Shepherds.

"What can I do for you?" she asked, sitting down behind her desk after Mark closed the door.

"I have two documents I'd like you to look at," Addison said, her voice clipped. She pulled two envelopes from her bag, removed the contents, and placed them on the desk in front of her mother.

"There is a major difference between these two documents. What is that?"

"One's a divorce agreement," Bizzy said with a sigh. "Addison, I don't see..."

"And the second?"

"It's..." Bizzy's eyes widened. Where had Addison found this?

"It's the form I signed to give up my daughter," Addison said when her mother made no attempt to continue speaking. She'd shocked her. Good. "But I know how to read, Mother. I know what the forms say. There's another difference between the two, I would recommend taking a look at the signatures."

Mark took great pleasure in watching Bizzy turn white as a ghost. Served the bitch right.

"Nothing?" Addison mocked. "You see no differences in the signatures? Well, that would be the ideal situation, wouldn't it? These forms were signed by the same two people, their signatures should be similar on both forms. Let's take a look. On the divorce papers, Dr. Derek Shepherd signed his full legal name. Isn't it funny how different his name looks on this form?"

"What do you want me to say?" Bizzy finally asked.

"I want to know what you were thinking!" Addison snapped. "I want to know what right you thought you had to lie to me. You told me Derek agreed with my decision, that he agreed he couldn't raise her and that she deserved a family."

"What's done is done, Addison," she said tiredly. "I don't see the point to this."

"The point?" Mark asked in disbelief. "The point is that Derek found out, actually I found out because Abby was dying of brain cancer. I'm her foster father right now and Derek's fighting to get custody of her for himself. That fight has been made exceptionally difficult because social services has a form supposedly signed by him that say he gave up his rights to her."

Bizzy gasped. She'd never expected this. She assumed that Abby would be adopted and raised in a family. She never dreamed that Derek would find out.

"Derek would never have agreed to give her up," Bizzy said quietly. "Addison, you were convinced that Abby deserved more than you or Derek could give her, but he never would have bought that. You went through hell after he up and left you."

"I had an affair!" Addison hissed. "The divorce was my fault. Mine."

"He couldn't even be bothered to come to the hearings," Bizzy scoffed. "He would have poisoned Abby against you, he still will if given custody."

"That's a load of crap!" Addison seethed. "Derek would never do that. And God help you if you do anything to hinder him getting custody of her. That's what I want, and you owe me."

"As for why Derek never went to the hearings," Mark added. "He moved his entire life out to Seattle and had to start from the bottom at his new hospital. He couldn't take random days off to fly back and forth to New York."

"You don't have the right to dictate anything about Abby's custody situation, Addison. That's the point of signing this form."

"But Derek does," Addison yelled. "Derek has every right because he never signed that form. You did. You forged his name. What would people think if that got out? Your reputation would go up in flames."

"What are you talking about?" Bizzy demanded. "Are you threatening me?"

"Yes," she said curtly. "Derek and I..."

"You've spoken to him?" Bizzy asked, becoming slightly frantic.

"Yes," Addison snapped. "I have. And he's requesting that you use your power to get this sped up. You have countless friends in the courts. Get Abby's case made a priority. Get this done. Because if Derek still doesn't have custody by October 1st, we're going to the press with everything. Every lie, every law you broke. It's your choice, Bizzy. Think carefully. You underestimated Derek Shepherd. You've never liked him, so you never got to know him, but that man is going to be the best father Abby could ever ask for. He's everything she deserves and more. He would move heaven and earth for her."

"I went through hell while I was pregnant. My marriage crumbled. I was fighting depression I didn't even know I had. My head wasn't in a good place then, but it is now. I was a fool. Just because I wasn't ready to be a mother, and I'm still not, that doesn't mean that Derek wasn't ready to be a Dad."

"You stole that from him," Addison said, her voice shaking. "And I let you. I should have questioned you. I never should have trusted you. If you care about me at all, you'll do this for me, so I can go to sleep at night knowing that my daughter is happy, healthy, safe, and loved. And if that's not reason enough, if my asking you to make this right isn't enough, do it to protect your reputation. Because I'm not bluffing, and neither is Derek."

* * *

 _ **Tuesday, August 24th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

Derek couldn't wait for this day to end.

Alex, who had recently decided that he couldn't take living with Stevens and O'Malley any more, begged Mark to let him crash in his apartment. Mark felt Alex living there was better than having the apartment stay empty and gladly agreed. As a result, Derek had spent every night for the past three days helping Amy furnish the apartment. He was exhausted.

He had dinner plans with Meredith tonight, and he was hoping she could be persuaded to put the sex ban on hold. They'd agreed to once a week so they couldn't hide behind it instead of communicating. It was psych crap he was pretty sure someone in his life had gotten from Kathleen and passed along to Meredith.

It was driving him crazy.

Don't get him wrong, he loved talking to her and getting to know her.

But he was a guy who was just coming off a nearly 5 year drought.

Give him a break.

He was in love with Meredith Grey. He was close to telling her that he loved her. If it weren't for the pseudo-ultimatum he'd given her after she found out about Abby, he would have already said it. Meredith had come a long way in the past few weeks. He was optimistic that she really was going to be okay with him being a single father. He was hopeful that she would be as all in once Abby got here as she was right now.

She asked about Abby all the time. She cared about how hard this custody mess was on him.

On Sunday, Meredith spent half the day with Amelia decorating the room in the apartment that had been designated as Abby's. The Social Worker that came to inspect his apartment yesterday had been pretty impressed, and a little amused. Let's just say they had gone slightly overboard.

She'd also apologized for how long it was taking in New York.

Derek shook his head. He couldn't keep letting the hurt and anxiety suffocate him. He had to live his life here and now. He was doing everything he possibly could.

'But you haven't called Addison again,' his subconsciousness said.

He hadn't tried to call her again. She must have seen the missed call, must have seen his voicemail. She hadn't called him back. What was the point in continuing to try?

A knock on his office door interrupted his thoughts.

"Come in," he said, closing the chart he was supposed to be reading.

Anger.

Fear.

Hurt.

Betrayal.

Rage.

It was like a tidal wave of emotion crashed down on him. Everything he had thought or felt since the day he met Abby slammed into him at once. He was drowning. He couldn't breathe.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek hissed as he stood up.

He didn't remember the last time he felt this angry.

He wasn't sure he ever had.

"We need to talk."

"Like hell we do," he snarled. "Get out of my office."

"Derek,"

"No!" He was so angry he was shaking. "You don't have the right to come in here and tell me what to do. Get out of my office. Now."

"I told Mike Gaston that wasn't your signature on the form," Addison said quietly. "Can I come in? Close the door so the whole hospital doesn't hear your personal business?"

His jaw dropped. Addison had spoken with Gaston? Why hadn't Mike told him?

How did Addison even find out about this?

"Fine," he seethed, still furious. "Sit down."

"Thank you," she said quietly. "I know it's not enough, it could never be enough, but I am sorry, Derek. I am so sorry for how much I've hurt you."

I'm sorry? She was trying to calm him down. How could she possibly think that 'I'm sorry' could calm him down?

"How could you do this?" he asked, his voice breaking though rage still flashed through his eyes. "Did you ever love me?"

"What?" Addison gasped. "Derek, of course I did. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Then how could you do this to me?"

Addison let out a choked sob. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop!" Derek hissed. "Stop apologizing. I want to know why. I want to know why you thought it was okay to hide Abby from me. I want to know why you never told me I had a daughter."

"I found out I was pregnant the day you sent the divorce papers," she said quietly.

"So you did this to get back at me?" Derek spat. "Gee, Addison, I am so sorry I sent you divorce papers after finding you in bed with another man!"

"No!" she shouted. "I didn't do it to get back at you. Do you really think I'm that terrible of a person?"

"You're Satan," he said. "You're a monster, Addison. I can't believe I ever loved you. Not only are you an adulterous whore, you're also a lying, selfish bitch."

'Derek gets mean when he's hurt.' Addison reminded herself. And no one had ever hurt Derek Shepherd the way she had.

"Look," Addison pleaded. "We can either keep going on like this, with you calling me names every other sentence, or you can sit there and hear me out. If you still hate me when I'm done, I can live with that. But, Derek, if you ever loved me, even a little, I am begging you to hear me out."

He sighed. His sisters had told him that he would eventually need to talk to Addison. He hadn't realized that eventually would come so soon.

If he heard her out today, he would never have to speak to Addison again. There was something very appealing about that thought.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "I'll hear you out. I'm retaining the right to call bull shit or interrupt you if I need to, but I'll do my best to sit here and listen."

"I wasn't ready for kids back then," she started. "I'm still not, I want you to know that. I'm not here because I want a part in Abby's life, I'm not."

"If I didn't hate you with everything in me, I'd feel sorry for you," Derek said coldly. "You're missing out on knowing an incredible little girl."

"I found out I was pregnant 30 minutes before I received the divorce papers. My marriage was crumbling, I'd destroyed your friendship with Mark, and I didn't even know who the baby's father was."

Derek flinched.

"I called you, Derek, nearly every day for a week and you never answered."

"So you're saying this is my fault?" he asked in disbelief. "You could have left a message, Addison. I was half convinced you were drunk calling me."

"I'm not blaming you," she said quietly. "I'm just trying to make you understand where my head was at. My marriage was over. I was pregnant. I left Mark and moved back to Connecticut. I couldn't deal with the looks at Sinai anymore. Half the hospital hated me for being an adulterous whore. Imagine what it would have been like once I started showing? I had to get out and Naomi was working at Yale too. I wouldn't be alone. I wouldn't be the former She-Shepherd and Mark Sloan's latest booty call."

Derek had never thought about that. Sinai must have been hell for Addison after he left. His family practically ran that hospital, and he was the Chief of Surgery's Golden Boy. He had heard people call Addison the She-Shepherd, but up until now, he never thought about how much that must have stung to her. No matter how good she was, at Sinai she was known as Derek Shepherd's wife. After she cheated on him with his best friend? After she drove him to flee to Seattle? That must have sucked.

He hated her, nothing she could tell him would change that. But he had loved her once.

"It was sometime after I realized that you were never coming back to New York that everything really crashed into me. I missed the signs back then, but I fell into a bout of depression. I felt worthless, constantly guilty for how badly I ruined our lives. I was tired all the time but I couldn't sleep. You know how my parents were, I was constantly terrified that the baby would grow up just like that. I wanted more for them than that. I wanted them to grow up in a two parent household, with parents who were able to give him or her the time they deserved. I didn't want my child to be raised by nannies or strangers."

"You were on the brink of becoming one of the surgery Gods," she said quietly. "And I couldn't stand the thought of that potential being destroyed by you taking on the job of single father too."

Derek's eyes flashed. "That wasn't your choice to make."

"I know," she whispered. "God, I know. But I stand by what I said- you would have sacrificed everything for her. I was afraid that down the road you would resent her. And no matter how much you sacrificed, you were still a surgeon. You would still work crazy hours and where would she be then? I thought giving her up was the best thing for both of you."

"Even though I was convinced that giving her up was the best thing, I still started to fall in love with her. Anyone who feels a child moving inside of them and claims not to love them is lying, they have to be. And then, when I was six months pregnant, I was in a car accident," Addison felt the tears pouring down the sides of her face. "And it took the emergency department nearly 15 minutes to find a heart beat."

Derek's eyes widened and he surprised himself with the tiny sliver of sympathy he felt for her.

"I was terrified," she choked out. "On top of all the guilt and hopelessness I already felt, I thought I'd killed my baby. I detached myself from the entire thing- being pregnant, being a mother, I went numb to everything. Sure, they eventually found her heartbeat, but I didn't let myself care. I was poison, I destroyed everything I loved."

"Addison," Derek said softly, his own eyes wet.

He had gone through something very similar that night in the Mount Sinai OR. Back then he had no idea Abby was his daughter. If he had known then...

Just the thought made him feel sick.

"Please don't talk," she pleaded. "Please, just let me finish."

Derek nodded, remaining silent as pushed a box of tissues towards her.

"So I decided that if my loving this baby was the reason she nearly died, maybe it would be better if I stopped caring. On top of all the emotional mess, after the car accident, I developed pre-eclampsia."

"By the time she was born, I was so physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted I could barely think straight. The moment they placed her into my arms, I knew she was yours. I don't know if you noticed, but she's basically a mini-Derek Shepherd."

He grinned, a bit of fatherly pride coming through. "It's a pretty hard thing to miss."

"I had a paternity test done anyway, using an old hairbrush you'd left behind. Once it was official, I listed you on her birth certificate, gave her your last name. And my parents asked me what I wanted to do. I'd detached myself so much from the pregnancy and the thought of being a mother that I immediately knew I could never raise her. I believed she would be better off getting adopted by a family that loved her than by a single father and a rising star in neurosurgery. But I wanted you to agree with me."

Derek was confused. He was so confused. How had she gone from wanting his agreement to forging his name on the form?

"I thought about calling Nancy," Addison said softly. "I thought about calling Dr. Webber and asking him to strong arm you into calling me. I thought about calling your mother. And then my mother offered to fly out to Seattle to talk to you herself."

"Your mother hates me," Derek said in disbelief. "She has always hated me."

Bizzy. It was Bizzy. Addison hadn't forged his signature. His ex-mother in law had.

Addison sobbed harder. "I know, God, Derek, I know that. But she seemed so sincere and I was so tired of being tired. Abby was your child. If I had gone after you when I first found out I was pregnant, we might have stayed married."

No. They wouldn't have. It took five years and a dying child to get him to the point where he was able to forgive Mark. He never would have been able to forgive Addison back then. A part of him still wasn't.

"That wouldn't have been a good situation to raise Abby in," Derek said softly. "And, baby or not, I don't think I would have been able to forgive you for what you did with Mark enough to stay married."

"I know," she whispered. "That's what I told Mark when he suggested I could have saved our marriage."

"You've talked to Mark?" Derek asked in disbelief. Why hadn't Mark told him?

"I was in New York over the weekend," she admitted. "I confronted Bizzy."

"What?" he asked, completely surprised.

Addison had been afraid of her mother for ever. The woman was like Creulla De Vil. Ruthless, terrifying.

She had never shown Addison any affection. Nothing Addison did was ever enough.

Derek imagined that Bizzy Forbes and Ellis Grey took similar parenting classes. They certainly had the same ideas.

"She came back to the hospital after supposedly going to Seattle. She told me that you agreed with my decision to give her up. She said that you agreed you weren't capable of being a good father to her with the stress of your job. She said that you wanted her to be adopted and raised in a family. My father didn't believe her, but I was just so relieved to be able to move forward that I never questioned it. I had already signed the papers so I never saw them again. If I had, so many things would have been different."

"That's not your signature. My mother signed the papers, forged your name. I went to New York and confronted her about it, and she admitted it. She admitted what I'd secretly always known- you would never have agreed to give up your daughter. So, she decided not to go talk to you and just make it seem like she had. She never dreamed you'd find out, and she was pretty horrified when I informed her that you had."

"Abby had brain cancer," Addison cried. "She nearly died and if she had that would have been my fault. I never once questioned my mother, even though I've had doubts for a while now. I moved to LA after she was born, and slowly I moved past the depression that had been suffocating me for over a year. On Abby's first birthday, I got drunk and rethought the entire mess. The thought that I had given her up without you knowing became my worst fear. I would never have done that to you, Derek, not ever."

"I know I'm Satan and an adulterous whore, but I never would have stolen your child from you."

Derek was stunned.

Deep down, he had been having a tough time reconciling the woman he had loved enough to marry with the woman who gave up his child without telling him. He didn't love Addison anymore, not like that, but she had been his family. For better or for worse, she was Abby's mother. No matter what happened, she would always be Abby's mother, even if it was in name only. Abby's birth certificate would always say Addison Montgomery was her mother.

"You told Mike Gaston that wasn't my signature?" he asked quietly.

He recalled the conversation he'd had with the man close to two weeks ago. Having Addison admit it could help speed things up.

"I did," she said softly. "I want to make this right, Derek. You deserve to raise her. Abby deserves to have a father like you. I was wrong, so wrong. You are capable of being both a surgeon and a father. You already put Abby first. I've caused her so much pain that I don't deserve to have a place in her life. She almost died of cancer, and that would have been my fault. But I want to know that she's happy and loved, and you will give her all of that and more."

"How on earth did you come to the conclusion that the cancer is your fault?" Derek asked tiredly. "Addie,"

Her breath hitched. He hadn't called her Addie in forever. She never imagined he'd call her that again.

"Seriously, I admit that you made a ton of mistakes, but Abby having brain cancer is not your fault."

"If she was living with you, it might not have gotten so bad. You would have freaked out the second she complained of a headache and the cancer would have been caught so much sooner."

"You can't know that," he said softly.

He had briefly considered the same thing. Miranda Bailey had set him straight.

"You can't know that catching it sooner was possible, or that catching it sooner would have made it any easier to remove."

He took a deep breath. He had been thinking this ever since he had spoken to Bailey, but had been denying the thoughts with everything he had.

"I am one of three surgeons in the country that would have agreed to even try to operate on her," he said, fighting back the tears he felt building. "There's no saying that any more surgeons would have been willing to try just because she was my daughter. If Abby was living with me, I never could have touched her."

Addison gasped. Derek wasn't saying what she thought he was. There was no way.

"What if I had known, what if I took custody of her, and she got cancer anyway? What if the tumor was still considered inoperable and I couldn't find anyone to operate on a tumor I knew I could remove. No hospital in the country would have agreed to let me operate on my own daughter, not even Richard would have allowed that. Abby would have died, Addison."

He was. Who was this man and what had he done with Derek Shepherd?

"Your mother is the one who ultimately stole Abby from me," Derek couldn't hold back his tears anymore. "All you wanted was what was best for Abby, and for me. You were fighting depression you didn't know you had. Your life was in tatters. I'm not saying that I'm happy with what happened. I would do anything to have the four years I lost, but we can't change the past. What we can change is the present and the future. You calling Mike Gaston was a huge help, Addie. I hope he told you that."

"When I confronted Bizzy, I told her to use her pull to get this expedited," Addison said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I fibbed a little, told her that we had talked, and that if she didn't use every bit of influence she had to make sure you had custody by October 1st, we were going to the press with what she's done."

"You blackmailed Bizzy Forbes?" Derek asked in disbelief, a smile of his own appearing. "You threatened the wicked witch?"

"I did," Addison laughed, her smile getting larger as Derek began to laugh too.

They sat in silence for a while, each of them trying to regain control of their thoughts and their emotions.

This had been one of the most emotionally draining conversations either of them had ever had, but they both were glad they had it.

Derek was tired of being angry. He would always regret missing out on the first four years of Abby's life, but there's nothing he could do about that now. All he could do was be the best father possible to Abby from here on out.

In order to do that, he had to let go of the suffocating hatred and anger. It wasn't complete forgiveness yet. Addison could have handled things differently. They both could have. But what was the point on holding onto all of that? He had a daughter he loved more than life.

Addison could have had an abortion. She would have had every possible reason to do so.

She didn't. For whatever reason, she decided to go through with the pregnancy. He had Abby as a result.

"What do you want me to tell Abby?" Derek asked gently. "When she asks about her Mom, what should I tell her?"

Addison didn't think it was possible for Derek to surprise her anymore today. And then he asked that.

"I," she gulped. "I don't know."

Derek thought for a moment, before replying, "What about this?"

"Your Mommy loves you," he said softly. "She loves you so much and she only wanted what's best for you. We weren't married anymore, and she wanted you to grow up in a family that loved you. She had no idea that you weren't adopted, that you were being bounced around from the home to home. And the second she found out, she did everything in her power to help me and Uncle Mark get you to Seattle to live with me."

Addison started tearing up again. When she walked into Derek's office today, this outcome wasn't even in her realm of possibilities.

"Calling Gaston was massive, but going to Bizzy?" Derek whispered. "She's one of the most powerful people in the City. If anyone can get this through faster, it's her. And I cannot say thank you enough for that."

"But I do have one question," he said. "How did you even know to call Mike Gaston in the first place? Who told you what was going on?"

Addison knew that was going to come up. All three of the interns had asked her to keep it from Derek, but in her opinion, Derek deserved to know how much they cared about him. He deserved to know that he did have a family in Seattle, even if the majority of his blood family lived in New York.

"Meredith Grey, Alex Karev, and Cristina Yang came down to LA on Friday the 13th. Your girlfriend was quite the advocate for you, Derek."

Derek's eyes widened. "What?" he asked in disbelief.

He had been in New York that Friday, but he knew for a fact that Meredith was supposed to be working. How had she gone to LA?

 _"Are you feeling okay, Shepherd?" Webber had asked. He called him Friday afternoon with a question about his neurosurgery fellow._

 _"Yeah, why?"_

 _"Well, Grey, Karev, and Yang are all out today with a stomach virus, and I know how much time you tend to spend with them."_

"You have got to be kidding me," he growled.

He was going to kill them.

* * *

Meredith collapsed on a bench by the entrance to the hospital. She was so ready to go grab dinner with Derek and relax for a while. Being an intern was more exhausting than she ever imagined, even without the added boyfriend and his daughter issues she had going on.

Alex sat down next to her, looking just as burnt out as she was.

They enjoyed the quiet for a while.

And then their dreams of a relaxing night went down in flames.

Cristina raced up to them, breathing heavily like she just ran a marathon.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Cristina asked, her voice a bit panicked.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that, Yang." Alex yawned.

"Satan."

Meredith's eyes widened.

"What?" She gasped.

"Montgomery and Shepherd are walking down the catwalk towards the stairs. Together. Right now."

Meredith's head jerked up, her heart pounding through her chest. What was Addison doing here? What was Addison doing with Derek?

Derek met her glance, and she gulped.

He didn't look angry.

But as his eyes met hers, they definitely looked stern. He might not be angry, but he wasn't happy with them either.

"Crap," she whispered.

They were screwed. He had that look about him, the 'I'm an attending and you're my stupid intern and now I have to yell at you' look. It was the look that most interns (and residents) quickly learned to try very hard to avoid.

"We should go," Cristina said, "Give him the night to calm down."

"I second that," Alex said, the panic he felt evident in his voice.

"Run." Meredith whispered. "We should run."

Derek's jaw dropped as he watched Meredith, Alex, and Cristina bolt out of the hospital.

"I think your interns are afraid of you, Dr. Shepherd," Addison said, barely containing her laughter.

Derek just shook his head. Those three were going to be the death of him.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

So, there it is. Addison went through hell. She's a different person than she was on GA and PP. As a result, she's made different decisions. She's not completely to blame for what happened, but she is still partly responsible. Derek doesn't hate her anymore, but they aren't going to be good friends again either.

We have a serious mental health problem in the United States. There is a huge stigma attached to mental illness, and as Addison says in the chapter introduction, it is massively underreported and even more under treated. Depression doesn't discriminate- it can affect people of all genders, race, age, and socioeconomic status. It's a medical condition, just like having high blood pressure, cancer, or diabetes. Just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

I've been writing Addison's story on and off since chapter 2 and I am very, very proud of it. It was really hard to write, and I won't lie that there were many times where I had to close my computer and go search for a box of tissues.

I'm also very proud of Derek Shepherd in this chapter. Forgiveness has never been his strong suit, and for him to be able to start to forgive Addison is huge. I think he's grown a lot from the beginning of the story already. He's only going to continue to do so.

Every conversation, every interaction between characters in this story means something. You might not understand it at the time, but I have plans (sometimes it seems like endless plans) for all of them. Things that might seem like fillers right now will come back to play huge parts down the road.

As for the interns, Dr. Shepherd is going to be mad at them. Playing hooky is not something he can really condone.

Derek, on the other hand? We'll see :)

I also want to say that I absolutely love how much you all love Abby! She is definitely a force of nature, and these past two chapters are really the only ones in which she doesn't have a lot to say. She's back in Chapter 11, oh is she back.

Chapter 11 will be up either Thursday night or Friday morning.

And lastly, as always, thank you to all of you for reading and to everyone who reviewed chapter 10!

Have a great week!


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes:**

I am SO sorry that I'm posting this so late. Real life got kind of crummy this week, and I didn't have the time I was expecting to be able to write this chapter. Life's still throwing me some less than wonderful cards at the moment, and so I don't want to make any promises about when Chapter 12 will be posted. It will be next week, and I am desperately hoping I'll be able to get it up by Tuesday morning, but I can't promise that.

A million thank yous to all your wonderful feedback for chapter 10.

Addison is happy in LA. I personally don't see how she would be happy in Seattle, with Derek and Mark there, with Derek raising the daughter she gave up, and with Derek dating another woman. The best thing for all of them is for Addison to stay in LA. However, as Derek said quite clearly in Ch. 10, Addison is Abby's mother. Addison will always be Abby's mother. She won't be a permanent fixture in this story, but she will more than likely make appearances.

In many ways, chapter 10 was like an ending to the first part of this story. We know the backstory of how Mark found a foster child with Derek Shepherd's eyes. Derek's moving past the anger he's held towards Addison. He's forgiven Mark. Now the real fun gets to start. A lot is happening in this chapter, even if it doesn't seem like it, and it all leads up to my absolute favorite scene in this entire story so far, which starts off Chapter 12.

As always thanks for reading!

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Eleven**

* * *

 ** _Previously:_**

But as his eyes met hers, they definitely looked stern. He might not be angry, but he wasn't happy with them either.

"Crap," she whispered.

They were screwed. He had that look about him, the 'I'm an attending and you're my stupid intern and now I have to yell at you' look. It was the look that most interns (and residents) quickly learned to try very hard to avoid.

"We should go," Cristina said, "Give him the night to calm down."

"I second that," Alex said, the panic he felt evident in his voice.

"Run." Meredith whispered. "We should run."

* * *

 _ **Tuesday, August 24th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

Derek walked back to his office. It was after 9pm and this day had been pure hell.

Seeing Addison again had been hell.

Hearing her story, her nightmare of a story, had been hell.

She wasn't blameless, but neither was he.

There was no point in remaining angry. Anger wouldn't change anything. Anger wouldn't get him four years with Abby back. Anger wouldn't get him custody faster.

Anger wouldn't help him figure out what the hell to do about his interns.

Seattle Derek Shepherd went to Richard Webber with his problems. He didn't have many friends, not since Webber made it clear to Burke that he was next in line for Chief. The only other real friend he had here was Miranda Bailey. She still didn't technically know about him and Meredith, so going to her was out. Amelia had been his best friend in Seattle before she went back to New York, but he couldn't go to her either. She was far too close with Alex and Meredith to be objective.

Manhattan Derek Shepherd went to Liz or Mark when he had work problems.

He thought back on his conversation with Addison over dinner. After Meredith and her friends had fled the hospital, Addison suggested they grab a bite to eat.

The conversation had quickly moved away from Abby and onto their failed marriage.

Addison might have had an affair, but he hadn't been there. They were both to blame for that whole mess.

Admitting that felt strange. It was the truth, but it was strange.

They also talked about Mark. And it was the part of Mark that kept replaying in his head.

 _"Mark was in love with you too," Derek said quietly. "Have you thought about giving it another try?"_

 _Addison looked at him like he had grown a second head. "You can't be serious."_

 _"What?" he asked defensively. "I'm an adult. I'm being mature. Our marriage didn't work, but you were in love with Mark and he was in love with you. Why wouldn't you try again?"_

 _"Was is the key word there," Addison said pointedly. "Five years is a long time, Derek. I was in love with Mark, and there is a part of me that will always love Mark Sloan, just like there is a part of me that will always love you. But I'm not that person anymore. I love living in LA. I love my job and my friends and I'm happy. These past two weeks, they've been hell, but to be honest, the past five years have been hell. I already told you that I've thought about Abby every single day, that I was haunted by the thought that you didn't know. Once you get Abby, once she is living with a man that would do anything for her, I can put that behind me. I can move on with my life."_

 _"Being with Mark wouldn't be moving on with my life. I'm so glad the two of you are friends again, but for a long time you weren't, and if it weren't for Abby I doubt that would have changed. I started it, Derek. Not Mark, me. It's not an excuse, but he's Mark. When has he ever been able to resist a woman's advances?"_

 _Derek snorted. Wasn't that the truth._

 _"And besides," she continued, "Even if I wanted to try again, Mark would never."_

 _"He told me he was in love with you," Derek repeated._

 _"Was," Addison insisted. "Was, Derek. He was in love with me. You are so thick sometimes, it blows my mind that you are a brain surgeon. Mark would never give it another try, because whether you realize it or not, it would hurt you. You would try to be an adult about it, but the idea of your brother with your ex-wife would hurt you."_

 _"No it..."_

 _"It would," she repeated. "It would, Derek, and he knows that. You have no idea how thrilled Mark is to have you back in his life. He'll never do anything to jeopardize that, not again."_

Derek had to admit that he was pretty thrilled to have Mark back in his life too.

But was he really back in his life? He talked to him every day, but they talked about Abby. Almost every conversation Derek and Mark had since he went to Sinai revolved around Abby.

When he had lived in Manhattan, when he was growing up, Mark was his best friend. They talked about everything, knew each other's secrets, and would have done anything for each other. They had each other's backs. Mark had been there through nearly every life event Derek could remember. From his father's murder, his early college years of rebellion (that they would never, ever discuss in front of his mother), his motorcycle accident, Amy stealing his prescription pads and overdosing, and everything in between, Mark had been there.

He had been there for Derek through his awkward high school years. He was as much of a brother to Kathleen, Nancy, Liz, and Amy as Derek was. He had been there when Derek fell in love with Addison. Before that night, Derek had very few memories without Mark in them.

And so, without another thought, Derek pulled out his phone and called Mark.

"Hey," Mark said tiredly through the phone. "Abby wore herself out in PT today, can I call you back when she wakes up?"

"Sure," Derek agreed. "But I wasn't calling to talk to Abby."

Silence stretched for close to a minute. He'd caught Mark off guard.

"Oh," he said quietly.

"Meredith, Alex, and Yang played hooky," Derek said, exasperated.

"Again?" Mark asked before he could catch himself. "I mean..."

"No, not again," Derek laughed. "Addison filled me in on their adventure to LA."

"You talked to Addison?" Mark asked, a sinking feeling appearing in the pit of his stomach. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Eh, don't worry about it," Derek said sincerely. "It's over and she's not exactly Satan anymore."

Mark was shocked. Derek had actually listened to Addison? He assumed Derek would turn into a rage filled psychopath and throw her out of his office.

"Oh," Mark repeated.

"What am I supposed to do?" Derek whined. "I mean, them going to Addison made her call Gaston and threaten Bizzy! How the hell can I be mad at them for that?"

"Wait," Mark said in disbelief. "You're calling me for advice about how to handle your interns?"

"Yes," Derek snapped. "Would you please try to keep up?"

In Manhattan, Mark was grinning ear to ear. Derek was having one hell of a day. Talking to Addison, no matter how it ended, had to have been one of the hardest things Derek ever had to do. On top of that, Derek now had three interns to deal with. Interns he had no clue how to deal with.

And Derek called him.

Maybe he really did have his brother back.

* * *

"Ugh go away, Izzie!" Cristina yelled at the knock on the door.

Alex, Cristina, and Meredith were all sprawled out on Meredith's bed. They had settled for ice cream since drinking before the morning they were sure to have was out of the question.

The empty containers were in heaps on the floor.

Pizza boxes sat beside them.

The door was pushed open.

"Seriously, Izzie, leave us alone!" Alex snapped.

"I'm not Izzie, though Stevens did let me in."

Alex nearly fell off the bed in his scramble to sit up.

"Derek!" Meredith said, her voice rising several octaves. "You're here. In my house. At…" she glanced at her alarm clock. "10:42pm."

"I am," he said, evenly, his voice and facial expression giving nothing away. "I've been looking all over for you three."

"You have?" she squeaked.

This was so bad.

She couldn't get a read on him.

Derek Shepherd was one of the most expressive people she had ever met. He wore his heart on his sleeve. One look at his eyes told you exactly what he was thinking. He sucked at the poker face concept.

Right now, he was rocking it.

"Want to tell me why all three of you ignored my pages tonight?" he asked, his tone still not giving anything away.

He flicked on the light, his eyes widening a bit at Alex Karev in bed with his girlfriend. His eyes moved to Cristina, and suddenly he was amused.

Empty pizza boxes.

Empty ice cream cartons.

He was right. Mark was right. They were hiding from him and they were moping.

"You paged us?" Alex asked, trying to play it cool. "Huh, we didn't hear anything. I hope it wasn't important, we aren't on call tonight."

"Hmm," Derek smirked. "Important? Not terribly, nothing that can't wait until tomorrow morning during rounds at any rate."

Cristina looked horrified.

That's right, he thought smugly. I'm going after you geniuses during rounds tomorrow. That's what you get for running away like children.

"During rounds?" Meredith croaked. "Can't we talk about it now instead?"

"No," Derek said curtly. "I'm not going to be the asshole attending in my girlfriend's bedroom."

They all flinched.

"And besides," he smiled at her, catching Meredith completely off guard. "Dr. Shepherd, the Head of Neurosurgery, is the one that thinks you're a bunch of idiots for playing hooky and believing you wouldn't get caught."

"Are you not Dr. Shepherd?" Cristina asked drily. "Mer, your boyfriend's developing multiple personality disorder."

"Oh shut up," Derek rolled his eyes. "I was going somewhere with that."

Meredith fidgeted nervously.

"Look, you're all in trouble at work for that stunt. If I let you get away with it, people would cry favoritism. I have to do my job, and I would really appreciate it if you let me."

"But as your friend," he said quietly, sitting down at the foot of Meredith's bed. "As Derek Shepherd, Abby's father, I've never been more grateful for a group of people in my life."

* * *

 _ **Wednesday, August 25th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

Rounds the next morning came far too quickly.

"How bad do you think this is going to be?" Alex asked them quietly as they changed into scrubs.

Cristina shrugged.

Meredith looked nauseous.

"Amelia didn't know anything?" Cristina asked him.

"No," he groaned. "Derek told her to mind her own business when she tried to get it out of him."

"What can he really do to us?" she questioned. "I mean, he already said our jobs aren't on the line."

"Thank God for that," Meredith sighed. "We could be suspended though."

"Banned from the OR for months," Alex added. "The pit until Christmas."

All three of them flinched.

"Stop talking," Cristina said. "He's everywhere, and we don't need to give him any ideas."

Derek was everywhere.

Literally.

But he didn't say a word to any of them. He pointedly ignored them when they rounded on his patients, choosing to call on Izzie or George instead.

Bailey was shooting them dirty looks the entire time.

"I don't know what the three of you did to piss Shepherd off," she hissed as they walked towards their last patient's room. "And you had better hope I don't find out."

Alex gulped.

Meredith had been wondering how Derek was going to ambush them during rounds. He had a zero tolerance policy for yelling in front of patients, and she doubted he would be willing to break his own rules because he was mad at them.

When they reached the room, she froze.

Derek was leaning up against the door jam, arms crossed across his chest, waiting for them.

"Can I help you Dr. Shepherd?" Bailey asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "I was under the impression that this patient was pregnant. You may be the Great God of Neuro, but you are not an OBGYN last I checked."

Cristina's eyes widened.

Meredith sputtered.

Alex wished the floor would swallow him whole.

It was happening now. Right now.

"I just thought I'd introduce you to the attending on the case," he said smoothly. "Dr. Lawson called out today, and she was in town so she graciously agreed to step in and cover Lawson's cases."

"Does she have a name?" Bailey asked drily.

"Yes," Derek said, a smirk appearing on his face for a moment. "Her name is Dr. Montgomery."

Meredith grimaced. They were so screwed.

"Dr. Montgomery?" Bailey asked in disbelief. "From LA, the top neonatal..."

"Surgeon on the West Coast, yes, Dr. Bailey. That Addison Montgomery." Derek cut in. "She's a brilliant surgeon, Dr. Bailey, you should work with her while she's here. Just ask your interns. Isn't that right, Karev?"

Alex had no response.

"Nothing?" he asked in mock surprise. "Grey? Yang? None of you have anything to say about Dr. Montgomery? Considering you felt meeting her was worth faking a stomach virus and calling off work two weeks ago, I would think you'd have something to say."

George and Izzie were looking at them like they had never seen anything like them before.

They probably hadn't. Surgical interns didn't play hooky and fake stomach viruses to take trips to LA.

Bailey's jaw dropped.

Cristina was pretty certain Bailey was moments away from blowing up at them.

Derek was too, and as much as was enjoying making the interns sweat, he was not about to let Bailey start yelling.

"I suggest the three of you start heading to my office," he said coldly. "I'll be right behind you, so don't even think about making any pit stops, or running away."

* * *

It took Derek nearly twenty minutes to calm Miranda Bailey down enough that he could leave.

 _Her shock had quickly turned to anger. "How dare they?" she seethed._

 _"Dr. Bailey," he warned. "Remember where you are."_

 _Having to yell at Bailey for acting like a lunatic in hospital hallways would be the icing on the cake to this crappy 24 hours._

 _She glared at him. "What's your plan for them?"_

 _"You'll find out after I talk to them," he said evenly, motioning to O'Malley and Stevens. "Send your interns in to start rounds, I don't want to keep Dr. Montgomery waiting."_

 _Once Izzie and George were in the patient's room and outside of hearing range, Derek sighed._

 _"Dr. Montgomery is my ex-wife," Derek said quietly._

 _"I'm aware of that," Bailey nodded. "That doesn't explain what the hell Grey, Karev, and Yang were thinking!"_

 _"Meredith Grey is my girlfriend," he admitted. "And the night before this stunt, I told her that it was going to take even longer to get custody of Abby. I was devastated and hardly thinking clearly, and I told her that the social worker said Addison admitting I'd never signed the form could expedite things. I called her, but she never answered. I never dreamed Meredith would get it in her head to skip work and fly to LA to confront her."_

 _Bailey's eyes had narrowed at his admission that he and Meredith were dating. "Grey's your intern, Dr. Shepherd."_

 _"I know," he sighed. "I didn't know that when I first met her, if that makes anything better."_

 _"You can't favor her," Bailey ordered. "I thought she had been spending a lot of time on neuro."_

 _"I am not favoring her!" Derek snapped. "She's been spending time on my service because she thinks she wants to specialize in neurosurgery, the same reason Yang's been with Burke and Karev with Robbins."_

 _Bailey couldn't argue with him there. "You do favor all three of them pretty heavily."_

 _He groaned. "I try not to. But you have to admit that they are probably the three top interns in the program."_

 _"I know," she agreed. "They definitely are. So, Dr. Shepherd, what are you going to do? You could have chosen to ignore their idiocy, but now that you brought it up during rounds, you can't."_

 _"I considered doing nothing," he said. "But I need to make it_ _clear that just because she's my girlfriend, just because Alex saved my daughter's life, they won't be getting any special treatment from me. I highly doubt all three of them will get through the next five years without landing in trouble. I'm their boss, and I have a job to do. Am I going to enjoy punishing them for this? No. Am I going to do it anyway? Yes. I have to."_

 _Bailey eyed him critically. "Huh."_

 _"What?" he sighed._

 _"You aren't as much of a fool as I thought you were."_

When he reached his office, Meredith and Alex were sitting on the floor while Cristina paced back and forth in front of them.

"I left the door unlocked," he said as he approached them. "Go in."

Ten minutes later he still hadn't said anything to them.

He was working on something, though they had no idea what.

"Dr. Shepherd," Alex spoke up.

"Quiet, Karev," he said harshly without looking at them.

It was another five minutes before he looked up.

They looked terrified.

He knew they weren't terrified of him. All three of them spent enough time with him outside of Seattle Grace to know they had no reason to be terrified of him.

But they were definitely terrified of what he was going to do to them as the Head of Neurosurgery.

Good.

"I know you had good intentions," he said quietly. "And there are a lot of people who think I should have just let this go, including Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Kraft, and Dr. Sloan. Letting it go, letting you get away with this never crossed my mind. I'm sure you're wondering why."

"The truth is that my being friends with you is wrong," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Dr. Webber doesn't approve and I just got an earful about it from Dr. Bailey. People are going to cry favoritism. Other interns are going to say that you get in on all the best surgeries because you're friends with me, or, " he looked at Meredith, "because you're sleeping with me. Which is not only a false assumption on their part, but an insult to all four of us. I do have favorites, I'm not going to lie and say that I don't."

"I told Dr. Bailey this morning that the three of you are some of the best interns in this program, and I mean that. My favorite interns and residents are the ones who work hard, who know their stuff, and who prove to me that they have what it takes to make it. They are in this for the right reasons. Alex, you've been my favorite intern since you stood in my office and told me not to let Mark sleeping with my wife be the reason a four year old died."

Meredith and Cristina looked at Alex in complete shock. He had said that? To Derek Shepherd? After only being in the hospital for all of 36 hours? Holy crap.

"All three of you are incredibly talented, and I never want people to doubt that. You're here because you deserve to be here. If you scrub in on a surgery, it's because you've earned the right to be there."

"Therefore, I can't let this go," he said evenly. "There have to be consequences. I mentioned this briefly last night and was accused of developing multiple personality disorder, but there is a line."

Meredith snorted, shooting Derek an apologetic look.

 _"I'm drawing a line," she insisted. "The line is drawn. There is a big line."_

 _"You're drawing a line?" Derek asked, in confusion._

 _"Yes," she nodded. "I'm drawing a line._

He shook his head. "In this hospital, I am your boss first and your friend second. If you screw up, I'm going to have to deal with it. That said, I don't want what happens in this hospital to impact our relationships outside of work."

"Is that really possible?" Alex asked. "To keep the two separate? I mean, lines are great in theory but life is messy."

"No," Derek agreed. "It's probably not going to be possible all the time."

Another snort from Meredith. Derek Shepherd sucked at lines.

"But I'm going to try. Right now, yes, I think it is possible. As your boss, I cannot accept playing hooky. You are surgeons. Patients in this hospital count on you. What if there had been several major accidents that day? I was already gone, and then to be down three interns? The wait time in the ED could have turned disastrous. People could have died."

They looked horrified.

"You have a responsibility as surgeons to put your patients first," he said evenly. "If you are scheduled, you show up. If you are actually sick enough to miss a day of work, then of course take off. If your life is falling to pieces, if you need a personal day, talk to Webber or me and take one. But do not lie. Don't call out sick and then get on planes to Los Angeles."

"You are all suspended," Derek said quietly. "Until Monday morning."

Meredith and Cristina looked like he killed their puppy.

Alex's expression, though, made Derek smile.

"On Monday, Dr. Grey, Dr. Yang, you will start on my service. Dr. Karev will join you on Tuesday, as he will be retaking his boards on Monday. You will be on my service until further notice, and none of you will step foot in my OR for two weeks. You will run labs, monitor my pre and post ops and spend a hell of a lot of time charting. You will not scrub in. Your schedules will also be changing. Clearly, the three of you having the same day off only leads to trouble. That will not happen again for the remainder of the year."

"The suspension is effective immediately," Derek said as he stood up. "Go change and get out of the hospital."

* * *

When Derek got back to his apartment that night, he grinned broadly at the sight that awaited him.

Meredith and Alex were each sprawled out on a living room couch.

Amy was curled up in an arm chair.

And Cristina was using a white board to review cardio.

"Where did that white board come from?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.

"You bought it," Amy grinned. "Well, your credit card did anyway."

"Is this what you three have been doing all day?" Derek asked Meredith.

She sat up, leaving room for him to sit beside her on the couch.

"We're helping Alex study," Meredith smiled as she sat back and rested against his chest.

"I hoped that would happen," he chuckled. "Though don't tell Webber I said that. He's up in arms I suspended you, by the way."

"He didn't understand your line theory?" Cristina teased.

"Line theory?" Amy asked. "I don't think I've heard this one yet."

"Derek thinks there should be a line that separates how he treats us at work and how he treats us outside," Alex answered.

"He kissed Meredith in an elevator," Amy said slowly, her disbelief clear as day.

"I never said I was good at following it," Derek frowned. "I'm just saying that..."

"We get it," Meredith assured him. "Really, we do. And we appreciate you looking out for us."

Amelia's eyes filled with understanding. "Oh. This is an attempt to avoid the slutty intern thing."

"Amy!" Derek said, his eyes wide. "That's rude! And what's the slutty intern thing?"

Meredith didn't meet his eyes, but she turned red.

"Mer?" he asked. "What's the slutty intern thing?"

"Montgomery asked Meredith if she was sleeping with you and she said yes," Cristina told him. "So she told her that she should be careful, something about how sleeping with your boss could wreck your career, and then said no one likes a slutty intern."

Before Derek could get too angry, Meredith spoke up.

"It's basically what you were saying earlier," she insisted. "Addison wasn't calling my slutty," At least, Meredith didn't think she had been. "She was just trying to point out the implications this could have on my career. You said the same thing - you don't want people to think I'm getting then best surgeries because I'm your girlfriend."

Derek didn't look convinced.

"Really, Derek, it's fine," Meredith said. "I'm not upset by it."

"You aren't slutty!" he protested.

He noticed her eyes darken, but recognized that this was not the conversation to have in front of her friends and his sister.

"Okay," he sighed. "It's fine. What do you all want for dinner?"

They would talk about it eventually.

Derek knew Meredith was slightly embarrassed by the number of sexual partners she'd had compared to him.

But he didn't think any less of her for that. She shouldn't either.

And he was going to make sure that Meredith knew that.

* * *

 ** _Friday, August 27th_**

 ** _Manhattan_**

Abby hated physical therapy.

That was something Mark was well aware of. Abby's tears, pouting, and full blown temper tantrums before each session made sure he knew how much she hated it.

"Daddy wouldn't make me go!" she insisted as he tried to get her dressed and out the door.

"Your Daddy is the one that said you have to go," Mark snapped.

He instantly regretted it.

Abby looked terribly betrayed. "What?"

Mark sighed and sat down on the bed next to her. "When he was still Dr. Derek and not your Daddy, he decided that you needed to go to physical therapy. It's to help you walk again, Abby. Don't you want to walk again?"

She huffed. "It hard."

"I know it is," Mark rubbed her back gently. "And I know it makes you tired, but just think- wouldn't it be cool to be able to show your Daddy that you've gotten even better when we go to Seattle next week? I think that would make a great birthday present."

Derek had shifted his schedule around so he was off from Tuesday afternoon to Friday next week. His birthday was Tuesday, and he wanted to spend it with Abby. Mark had plans to fly out Sunday night. He knew Alex was freaking out about the boards, and Mark figured at the very least Abby would provide some comic relief to make him laugh a little.

She was very good at that.

Just yesterday, Abby had insisted that Mark take her shopping for presents for Derek.

He must have spent several hundred dollars on Yankee jerseys, only one of which was for Derek. Abby had talked her way into four of her own.

 _"You're already getting a Jeter jersey," Mark said with a sigh._

 _"But I wuv them too!" she sniffled._

 _Mark hated to see her cry._

 _He flinched at the price tags and looked at the shirts Abby had in her hand._

 _Jorge Posada._

 _Bernie Williams._

 _Mariano Rivera._

 _He knew he was going to have to get her Rivera's jersey at least, seeing as that was the one they were buying for Derek._

 _"You're going to spoil her rotten, Uncle Mark," Eric warned him. "And then Uncle Derek's not going to have enough room in his apartment for all the stuff you're buying her."_

 _"Can you tell her no?" Mark hissed._

 _When Eric shrugged and shook his head, Mark sighed. "Yeah, me neither."_

 _"Okay, Abby," he accepted defeat. "We'll get them."_

 _"Yay!" Abby cheered, all traces of tears gone._

 _"I think we just got played by a four year old," Eric told him matter-of-factly._

"We got him pwesent," Abby informed him.

"I think he would like you walking better than the Rivera shirt," Mark shot back.

Her physical therapist said Abby was so close to walking on her own. She was doing awesome with walkers already, but she got stuck every time they tried without one.

Abby started to cry, and it broke Mark's heart.

These weren't tears meant to guilt him into buying her something, or tears meant to get out of doing something.

These were real, I'm scared out of my mind, tears.

"I scawed, Mark," she sobbed. "I want but I scawed."

"I know you are," he whispered, pulling her into his arms. "But you have nothing to be scared of, Abby. You can do this. I know you can."

* * *

 _ **Sunday, August 29th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

It amused Derek how much time Meredith, Cristina, and Alex spent at his apartment during their suspension.

Thrilled, because it meant he got to see Meredith every day, but amused.

"Well it's not like you can come over to my house," Meredith rolled her eyes. "If Izzie saw you there, it would spread around the hospital in seconds. Bailey would freak."

Derek flinched. "I might have told Bailey you were my girlfriend."

Her jaw dropped. "Derek!"

"I'm sorry!" he pleaded. "It was when I explained the LA thing to her. She couldn't understand why you three had gone. I didn't see another way of explaining why I wasn't really mad, but why I had to be. If it makes you feel any better, I think I've managed to convince her that you don't get special treatment."

"I guess it is better she found out from you, then by walking in on us somewhere," Meredith giggled.

"Could you imagine?" Derek laughed. "And knowing Bailey, she would have found us in the worst possible position. Like, having sex in my car or something."

Meredith looked horrified. "Webber still doesn't know."

Derek paled. "Right. No sex in cars, got it."

"Good," Meredith agreed. "Because that would be awful."

They stared at each other for close to a minute, before they burst out laughing. Meredith was nearly doubled over, wheezing from how hard she was laughing.

That was how Amy and Alex found them when they got back from grocery shopping.

"Everything okay in here?" Alex asked with a smirk.

Meredith smirked right back at him. He was spending quite a bit of time with Amelia Shepherd. Meredith wasn't sure how Derek hadn't guessed there was something between Alex and his sister yet. Luckily for Alex he hadn't.

She thought he was really pushing his luck this week.

"Are you ready for tomorrow, Alex?" Derek asked gently.

Alex shrugged. "As ready as I'll ever be. I think."

"You're going to do great!" Meredith assured him. "You've been getting all of our questions right all week, you'll be fine!"

"I've taught you almost everything I know, of course you'll be fine."

Meredith grinned at Cristina's voice. Her arrogance rivaled Derek's sometimes.

Derek flung his head back and groaned loudly.

"Yang, you don't live here."

"Neither does Mer or Evil Spawn."

"Alex lives across the hall," Derek rolled his eyes. "And Meredith's my girlfriend. They're allowed."

Cristina ignored his protests and collapsed into the arm chair.

"I'm bored," she admitted. "Burke's working..." Cristina's eyes widened as she realized what she just said.

"I knew it!" Meredith shrieked, bouncing up and down on the couch.

Derek was shocked into silence.

Preston Burke was sleeping with an intern? After he had outrightly threatened Derek the week before when he speculated that there was something between him and Meredith?

 _"Shepherd!"_

 _Derek sighed and did his best to hide his grimace. "Dr. Burke."_

 _The man was smirking. This couldn't end well._

 _"I heard a rumor, Shepherd," Burke said, a sense of glee filling his voice. "That you had a one night stand with an intern."_

 _Derek had known that's what this was about. Nothing could get Burke this excited like a chance at sabotaging Derek's path to Chief._

 _"I did," Derek admitted, hiding his own smirk at Burke's shock. "Before I knew she was an intern, I had a one night stand. It was before the intern year started, and nothing has happened since."_

 _And Meredith said he was a bad liar. Hah!_

 _Burke's eyes narrowed, like he didn't believe him._

 _"I suggest you keep it that way," he said coldly. "Because you wouldn't want this getting back to the Chief. The intern would probably be fired, and your reputation wouldn't recover."_

Derek was going to have to talk to Meredith tonight and Richard in the morning.

If Cristina was seeing Burke, sooner or later he would find out about Derek and Meredith.

Whether or not dating Meredith would hurt his career, Derek didn't care. He was in love with her.

But Webber had to hear it from him.

And so, later that night, after Alex and Cristina had both gone home, Derek sat Meredith down in the living room.

"I have to tell Webber," he said bluntly.

Meredith's eyes widened. "What? Derek, no!"

He sighed. "Yes. For the sake of your career and for mine, I have to tell Webber before he finds out from someone else."

"Bailey won't tell him," Meredith insisted. "She worships you, Derek. And clearly Alex and Cristina won't either. We're hiding it from Izzie and George."

"Cristina might not tell the Chief, but she might tell Burke," Derek said quietly. "And Burke will tell the Chief. He would view it as a way to knock me down and get a shot at Chief himself."

"So I'll tell her not to talk to Burke about us," Meredith said, shrugging her shoulders. "She's my person, Derek. If I ask her not to tell Burke, she won't tell him."

"Meredith," Derek said incredulously. "I know that she's your person and there's some strange loyalty there that I don't really understand, but if she falls in love with Burke, she will tell him. Telling Burke is what's best for Burke's career. Dating an intern and hiding it, that could end my chances at ever making Chief of Surgery. Bringing an unethical situation to the Chief of Surgery could put Burke back in the Heir apparent spot I stole from him."

"If she falls in love with him, she will tell him, Meredith. That's not a chance I can take."

"She's my person," Meredith snapped, getting annoyed. "She wouldn't do something that would hurt me."

"What if the roles were reversed?" he asked quietly. "What if Cristina told you something that would drastically impact my career? Would you tell me? If Cristina said to you, Mer, you're my person, don't tell Derek, would you tell me?"

"Cristina asked me not to tell you?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, Cristina told you to keep something from me. Something that directly or indirectly could alter the entire course of my life."

"She's my person," she said softly. "I don't know, Derek. I don't know what I would do. Don't ask me to choose."

Derek gaped at her. "Ask you to choose?"

"She's my person and you're my boyfriend," Meredith said. "You are both important to me."

"But Cristina comes first," he said drily.

"I didn't say that!" she yelled, standing up and glaring at him. "You're asking me to turn on my best friend!"

"What are you talking about?" Derek snapped back. "I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm trying to make things easier for all of us. Webber knowing about us takes the pressure off Cristina to have to lie to Burke. It saves you from asking your person to choose between you and a guy she loves."

"Cristina doesn't love Burke," Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's the thrill of the chase with them."

"The thrill of the chase?" Derek felt a giant pit growing in his stomach. Several weeks ago, Meredith had accused him of not liking her, but what she represented. Breaking the rules. The thrill of the chase.

Meredith bit back her gasp. Damn it. She hadn't meant to say that.

"I know it's not the chase for you, Derek," she said softly, sitting back down beside him. "You're falling for me. For my tiny ineffectual fists. We aren't a game."

Meredith sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Fine. If you think Webber needs to know about us, you can tell him."

Derek smiled but it didn't meet his eyes.

He was in love with Meredith Grey. After his daughter, she was the most important person in the world to him.

The problem was, Derek was beginning to think he would never be the most important person to her.

* * *

 _ **Monday, August 30th**_

 _ **Seattle**_

It was barely 6am when Derek found himself waiting outside Webber's Office.

"Derek," Richard said, clearly surprised to see him. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," Derek said quietly, nerves nearly overwhelming him.

Meredith had been right, that day in his office. Their relationship was wrong. It wasn't allowed. It was inappropriate.

"Everything okay?" Webber's surprise turned into concern. "Do you need to go to New York?"

"No," Derek said quickly. "This isn't about Abby."

Richard bit back his sigh. He had been wondering when this was coming.

He wasn't sure why his staff thought that he stayed out of the hospital gossip. He knew everything that happened in this hospital.

And everything included the budding relationship between Meredith Grey and his Head of Neurosurgery.

"I'm dating an intern," Derek spit out. "Meredith Grey. We've been dating for over a month now."

Richard was proud that Derek was telling him. He had to be worried about the possible consequences for both Meredith and himself, but he was admitting to it anyway.

"Thank you for telling me," he nodded. "Now don't you have two interns to torture?"

Derek's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "What?"

"I don't have a problem with you and Dr. Grey dating, Derek. You've proven that you don't play favorites, and that you can be her boss when you need to be. You more than proved that last week. She went to LA to talk to Addison, didn't she?"

"Yes," Derek admitted. "She did."

"You could have ignored the whole thing," Webber pointed out. "I had no idea they weren't actually sick, and what they did could tremendously help your custody battle. But they were wrong, and you are their boss. I'm probably just as surprised as you, but you are doing a remarkable job at handling being both her boyfriend and her boss. Unless that changes, I see no reason why your relationship should change anything, for Dr. Grey or for you."

Derek was almost positive he was grinning like a madman when he ran into Burke later that day.

"Preston," he said cheerfully.

Burke ignored him.

"I just wanted to tell you," Derek moved to stand next to him. "That Meredith Grey is my girlfriend. And that Chief Webber had no problems with that when I informed him I was dating an intern."

Derek walked away, whistling. The smile wouldn't leave his face all day.

Derek Shepherd didn't take threats, or ultimatums, from anyone.

* * *

 _ **Monday, August 30th**_

 _ **Manhattan**_

Mark's smile hadn't left his face all day either.

Even though it had been a crappy weekend, today had been amazing.

Abby was walking.

On her own.

Without any help.

Two months ago, he wasn't even sure Abby would make it through the week let alone ever walk again.

As thrilled as he was about Abby's success, she was even happier. She was giddy. And chatty.

Her hair had started to grow back too. She had more than just black fuzz now, but Abby insisted it was too short and made her look like a boy. So, the ferry boat scrub cap remained on her head.

A few weeks ago, they had finally reached a compromise that allowed Mark to wash it. When Abby took baths, the cap did too.

Abby's laughter interrupted his inner monologue.

"Daddy be so happy!" she clapped, her eyes lighting up as she managed to walk the length of his apartment unassisted.

She fell down sometimes, but she just grinned and got right back up.

Kids were so resilient.

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, Mark checked his phone.

Mike Gaston had called him late Friday afternoon. Something had happened, he didn't know what, but his boss told him that Mark needed to stay in New York with Abby until further notice.

Mark hadn't found the heart to tell Derek yet, though he knew he would have to if Gaston didn't call him back soon.

What could possibly have happened?

The doorbell ringing made his stomach lurch. No one was supposed to be coming over.

The only thing that kept him from falling over when he opened the door were the smiles on their faces.

Erin Williams, Derek's lawyer, and Mike Gaston were at the door to his apartment.

"Dr. Sloan," Erin said, her smile broadening as she handed him papers.

As he read them, his breath hitched and his eyes started watering.

Custody of Abigail Mackenzie Shepherd has been awarded to Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd.

"The hearing ended an hour ago. I just found out about it this morning," Mike said, "I'm sorry if I worried you Friday, no one told me anything."

"And I just found out last night," Erin said gently. "I haven't even called Derek yet."

"Don't," Mark said suddenly. "Don't call him."

Erin looked at him like he was insane.

"Tomorrow is his birthday," Mark said quietly.

"You want to just show up in Seattle and tell him in person?" Erin asked in disbelief.

Mike just grinned. "What a great birthday present that would be."

Seeing she was outnumbered, Erin huffed. "I'm only going along with this because you are his best friend, Mark."

Mark turned towards his living room where Abby had settled down to watch the Yankee game.

"Hey, Abby?" he called, walking over to her.

Mike and Erin entered his apartment, closing the door behind them.

"Shush!" she ordered. "Watching the game, Mark."

Abby Shepherd. Looked just like her father. Loved the Yankees. Had a thing for ferry boats. Wanted to be a brain surgeon. Chatty. Bossy.

"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you." Mark said gently, turning off the TV. "Because I just found an even better birthday present for your Daddy."

Abby looked intrigued. And then she caught sight of Mike. Her face fell and the tears filled her eyes before Mark could get a word in.

Mike jumped to Mark's rescue. "This is good, Abby. Really, really, really good. I promise."

Abby looked at Mark, still crying. Mike Gaston had never brought her good news. Not ever. Mike meant she was moving, leaving the house that she knew and going some place else.

"Do you know what this says?" Mark asked softly, showing her the papers Erin had just given him.

She shook her head, but didn't speak.

"This says that Abby Shepherd gets to go live with Derek Shepherd," Mark kissed the top of her head as her jaw dropped. "Forever and ever."

Just as quickly as the tears had come, they stopped. They were replaced with the biggest smile Mark had ever seen on Abby's face.

"I live with my Daddy?" she whispered, her eyes filled with hope and happiness.

"You get to live with your Daddy," Mike agreed.

Abby flung herself back into the couch as she laughed and laughed and laughed.

Mark knew his grin was bordering on stupid, but he didn't care.

His two favorite people in the world, his family, just got their biggest wish fulfilled.

He heard Erin on the phone in the background, booking plane tickets to Seattle for the morning.

"So Abby, we have to make a decision," he said seriously.

Abby sat up and nodded solemnly. "Okay. 'Bout what?"

"Do you want to call your Daddy right now and tell him? Or, do you want to surprise him tomorrow and tell him in person?"

"His birfday!" Abby squealed, starting to bounce. "Best pwesant ever, Mark!"

"I know," Mark grinned.

"Tomorrow," Abby decided. "I his birfday pwesant."

That night, as the clock struck midnight in Manhattan, while Mark stuffed as many of Abby's possessions into suitcases as he possibly could, he smiled.

Happy Birthday, Derek.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes:**

Things they don't tell you when you're a kid- being a grown up is way more exhausting then it seems.

When I started posting this, I really believed I would have the time for twice a week updates. I even surprised myself by pumping out 3, sometimes 4 in certain weeks. Last week, life got a little messy. This week, I got a promotion at work that has literally taken over almost every waking moment of my life.

(Side/Personal note- if you live in the US and use a retail pharmacy, PLEASE be nice to your pharmacists. We're doing the best we can. We're human too.)

As a result, I am SO sorry, but I can't see myself having time for more than 1 chapter a week. My schedule is still all over the place and I'm working 13 out of the next 14 days, but I am shooting to have Chapter 13 posted by next Friday morning. Maybe I'll get it posted earlier, but I definitely learned my lesson this week about being too ambitious about posting chapters.

This chapter was fun to write. It is shorter than the past few have been, and I apologize for that but I wanted it to be a happy, feel good chapter. I really needed some happy in my bubble this week, and that's all I'm going to say for the moment.

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Twelve**

* * *

 _ **Tuesday, August 31st**_

 _ **Seattle**_

"Is very wet," Abby commented, scrunching up her nose as she looked around in bewilderment.

Mark snorted. Very wet. Very astute observation, Abby.

It was pouring.

According to the weather reports, it would be pouring for days.

"It rains a lot here," Mark informed her, barely managing to step over a puddle that would have soaked him to the knees. "All the time, it seems."

Abby looked at him in disbelief. "All the time? And Daddy like it here?"

Mike Gaston just shook his head.

At least Mark thought he did. It was kind of hard to see anything outside his umbrella in this down pour.

"He does," Mark grinned. "I don't know why. It makes me want to stay in bed all day."

For some reason, that made Abby burst into hysterical laughter.

"You silly, Mark!" she exclaimed when she finally caught her breath.

"I think you're sillier," he grinned, tickling her as she shrieked. "Whoa, careful, you'll make me drop you."

"I walk." Abby demanded.

"You'll drown," Mark said drily. "You can walk when we get inside. Some of these puddles are as tall as you are."

"Mark!" She huffed, kicking him.

"I said no, Abby," he said, grabbing her leg as she tried to kick him again. "And kicking is not nice. We're almost at the door and I'll put you down."

"No!" Abby argued. "Down now!"

"Do you want a time out?" Mark asked sternly. "Is that how you want to start today? With a time out in your Dad's office?"

"No," Abby said quietly, burying her head into his neck. "Sowwy, Mark."

"You need to listen, Abby," he said quietly as he put her down inside the hospital. "This is a very big place with a lot of people. You need to hold my hand, and not throw tantrums if I have to carry you. Deal?"

Abby nodded, but Mark knew something had caught her attention. She'd probably only heard half of what he said.

"AWEX!"

Oh. Well, that was understandable. Abby loved Alex. It wasn't quite hero worship like with Derek, but Alex was a close second on Abby's favorite people list.

Alex looked up at the sound of his name, his eyes lighting up when he saw them.

Jumping out of the coffee line, he practically sprinted over to them, pulling Abby into his arms to hug her.

"Wex, it's my Daddy's birfday!" Abby exclaimed.

"I know," Alex agreed. "What did you get him?"

"Me!" Abby grinned broadly.

Alex looked at Mark questionably. "What?" he whispered.

There was no was Abby could say something like that to Derek. Not like that. Not when it sounded like...

"Derek has custody," Mark said quietly, smiling at Alex's dumbfounded expression. "Went through last night and Abby decided it was best to surprise him with the news today."

Alex was stunned.

"I think he's going to find it hard to keep the three of you out of surgeries now," Mark continued. "One week after Addison goes to Bizzy, this is all over? You, Grey and Yang going to LA made this possible, Karev."

He shrugged. "He's barely mad, just doing it so no one cries favoritism when it gets out that he's..." Mark's glare cut him off. Right. Abby didn't know her Daddy had a girlfriend. "Never mind."

"Addison really made a huge difference in this," Mike spoke up for the first time, grinning at Alex. "You and your friends really did help, Alex. Do you know where Dr. Shepherd is, by chance?"

"He's in surgery," Alex said. "Which is the only reason I'm even down here and out of his sight. I'm supposed to be in the gallery, actually, and I should get back before he notices I'm gone."

He cocked his head, a grin taking over his face. Crouching down, he looked Abby in the eye and said, "Want to watch your Daddy save a life?"

* * *

"Are you sure this is allowed?" Mark asked skeptically as Alex led them towards the Staff Only section of the surgical floor.

"No," Alex admitted. "But it's not like anyone is going to tell you no. If it gets bad, which it's a routine craniotomy so it shouldn't, we'll be able to get her out before she notices anything is wrong."

"Dr. Sloan?"

Alex groaned. "Well, Webber might tell us no."

"Dr. Webber," Mark smiled, shaking his hand. "It looks like I might be able to start sooner than expected, if you need me."

Webber raised an eyebrow. "Your foster parent application got approved?"

"I live with my Daddy now, Richard!" Abby informed him happily from her place in Alex's arms.

His jaw dropped. "Mark?"

"Last night," Mark grinned. "We were on the first flight out this morning."

"Dr. Webber, would it be okay if we sat in the gallery and waited for Dr. Shepherd?" Alex asked.

Webber smiled. "I think that would be a great idea. Abby, you want to be a brain surgeon, right?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Like my Daddy."

"Well, then you have a lot to learn. You should get going," he motioned towards the gallery door. "You won't want to miss anything."

Mark just shook his head at Abby's exuberance as he followed Alex into the gallery. What four year old wanted to watch a surgery for fun?

Webber's eyes followed the group as they entered the room, his smile growing.

Happy Birthday, Shepherd.

* * *

Meredith was getting worried. Alex had been gone a long time, and Derek was about to start the surgery.

He had maybe five more minutes before Derek would glance into the gallery and notice he was missing.

"Did he start yet?"

She looked up, surprise filtering through her eyes, as Alex walked into the gallery with Abby in his arms.

"Not yet," Cristina answered, not looking up from the chart she was working on. "Where were you anyway? You know, this whole being relegated to the gallery while he lets Bambi and Dr. Model scrub in thing is getting very old."

"Would knowing you made a huge difference with going to LA make it better?"

Meredith and Cristina both looked towards the door in surprise. What was Mark doing at Seattle Grace?

Last Meredith had heard, he was meeting Derek at his apartment.

"What do you mean?" Cristina asked him, narrowing her eyes. "Did something happen? How did you even find us here?"

"I got side tracked in the lobby. They came with me," Alex shrugged as he sat down, Abby on his lap.

Cristina's eyes widened. "Why did you bring her in here?"

"Webber said I could. She wanted to see her Dad, and since he's going to be in surgery all morning, I figured this could work."

"I need ta wearn," Abby spoke up. "I be brain surgeon too."

Meredith elbowed Cristina warningly.

"Of course you will," Cristina agreed, shocking both Meredith and Alex. "Are you here for your Daddy's birthday?"

"I his pwesant," Abby shot her a toothy grin.

Meredith froze. "You're what?"

"I live here now," Abby informed her. "With Daddy. In the wet."

Mark barely turned his laughter into a cough. In the wet. Oh Abby.

"Derek was awarded custody late yesterday afternoon," Mark filled them in. "He doesn't know yet, so don't get all whiny about him not telling you, Grey."

Meredith glared at Mark. "Rude, Sloan."

"I call it how I see it," Mark shot back.

Meredith watched Abby happily chattering to Alex about the plane ride and the rain, a small smile on her face.

"Suddenly," Cristina whispered to Meredith. "Being stuck in the gallery for two weeks doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world. She looks ecstatic."

Meredith grinned. Abby did look ecstatic. She could only imagine how thrilled Derek was going to be.

Best birthday present ever award went to Mark Sloan and Abby Shepherd.

A few minutes later, movement in the OR caught Abby's attention.

"Daddy!" she shrieked, pointing at him. "Wex, dat's my Daddy!"

The gallery was empty except for their little make shift family and a few other interns. Those that didn't know Derek Shepherd had a child were a little surprised. Cristina made a mental note to threaten them later. It wasn't likely Derek having a child would be a secret much longer, but he deserved to have the news out on his terms, not the hospital gossip network's.

"Really?" Alex teased. "How do you know?"

"Boat cap!" Abby clapped. "Now shush!"

"Abby!" Mark warned. "Be nice."

"I wearning," she said seriously, earning chuckles from all of the surgeons in the gallery.

Down in the OR, Derek was completely unaware of Abby and Mark's presence.

"Good morning," he said, taking his position at the patient's head. "Everyone ready? O'Malley?"

As everyone murmured in agreement, Derek grinned under his mask.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun."

* * *

"If Abby keeps this up, half the hospital is going to know before Derek does," Meredith warned Mark as they sat down in the cafeteria for lunch.

Derek had never noticed Abby's presence in the gallery, and when the surgery was over, told the interns to grab food before meeting him in his office.

"Let me know if you figure out how to shut her up," Mark said drily. "The amount of trouble her chattiness has gotten me into is unreal."

"Derek's pretty chatty," Meredith acknowledged. "I guess it only figures she'd be chatty too."

Mark snorted. Chatty was an understatement.

"How are you going to tell him, any ideas?" Cristina asked curiously.

Abby and Alex were busy talking to Dr. Bailey at the next table. Miranda Bailey had taken one look at the child in Alex's arms before starting to swoon.

"Abby's already decided," Mark informed them. "I wasn't allowed an opinion, though I do have to say I think it's perfect."

Cristina shook her head. Abby was this feisty little fire cracker of a child, and she amused her endlessly.

She never wanted kids. She didn't want a family.

But she could love Abby. For Alex, for Meredith, hell for the friendship she saw forming with Derek, she could love Abby.

How could anyone not?

She knew Meredith was panicking. Mer had expected more time, and way more notice as to when she was going to have to make a decision. In or out. Derek and Abby were a package deal, and she knew that. But knowing it in theory, supporting your boyfriend while said child is living on the other coast, is very different from living day to day life with a boyfriend and his child.

Derek was going to want an answer. Once he got used to having Abby here, he was going to want to talk to Meredith and figure out where they stood.

Cristina guessed she had a week, two tops, to help Meredith figure out what she wanted to do.

She hoped Joe was fully stocked with tequila.

Her musings were interrupted by the sound of pagers going off.

Meredith's defeated sigh told her they were their pagers.

Cristina groaned. "I guess we took too long to have lunch. Hey, come with us. Let her tell him so he's in a better mood for the rest of the day!"

Mark was about to disagree when Abby spoke up.

"Mark!" Abby shouted. "Wex get paged, we gotsta go."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. Abby was certainly something.

"Well, I guess I am coming with you," Mark sighed.

* * *

Cristina had barely opened the door to Derek's office when he started in on them.

"I said grab lunch, not go sit in the cafeteria and fool around for half an hour," he snapped. "I swear, it's like the three of you enjoy pissing me off. And Karev, don't think I didn't notice your late arrival this morning."

Meredith bit back her sigh. What had crawled up his ass now?

"Is there a problem, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, a bit defensive.

Derek sighed. "No. Yes. Burke."

"Burke?" Cristina asked in disbelief. "Burke's the problem?"

"I don't know. I can't talk about this here," he groaned. "Just, give me a break today, okay?"

"I'm sorry I was late," Alex said. "I got a little distracted on my coffee run."

Derek looked at Alex in disbelief. "Karev, define distracted."

Cristina bent over in her chair, laughing so hard she could barely breathe. It wasn't the craziest of assumptions she heard Shepherd make, but it was definitely up there.

Alex turned red. "I'm not Mark Sloan. Distracted doesn't equal a girl."

Meredith and Cristina exchanged smirks.

"Well, actually," Meredith teased. "You were distracted by a girl."

"Karev!" Derek hissed. "Seriously?"

"Shut up, Grey!" Alex snapped. "Fine, I was distracted by a girl this morning. I couldn't help it. And it's not what you're thinking."

"You were late because of a girl," Derek said evenly, trying very hard to control his temper. "Dr. Karev..."

A knock on his door cut him off.

"Now what?" Derek hissed, leaning back in his chair. "Grey, get the door please."

"This is what distracted me this morning, by the way," Alex informed Derek.

"What the hell are you..."

"Daddy!"

Derek's eyes lit up as he smiled. His grin grew wider as Abby walked towards him. He was on his knees in front of her in seconds, letting her happily stumble into his arms.

Abby was walking.

Two months ago, she had an 80% chance of dying and now she was cancer free, walking, and talking.

She was this happy little miracle. His miracle.

"You're walking!" he whispered, hugging her tighter.

Abby wrapped her arms tighter around Derek's neck in response.

The wrapped envelope containing the papers granting Derek custody was in the bag Mark used for Abby's stuff, also known as Abby's Big Girl Bag. He accidentally called it a diaper bag once. What a mistake. Abby had completely flipped, because 'I'm a big kid! No diapers!'

As he watched Abby hug her father for dear life, he thought back to one of the first conversations he had ever had with her.

 _"I wanna meet my Daddy."_

 _"No more cancer and meet my Daddy, dat's my birfday wish."_

Those papers represented two people's birthday wishes.

It was a present for both of them, even if one of them already knew what was going on.

Abby was clinging to Derek like she never wanted to let go.

The smile hadn't left Derek's face since they entered the room.

They deserved this. They both deserved this.

"Happy Birthday," Mark said quietly, handing Derek the envelope.

Abby glared at him, clearly irritated he was stealing her thunder.

"Don't make that face, Abby," Mark smiled softly as Derek tried to unwrap it with one hand. "It's a present for you too."

Abby's eyes widened, what Mark said really hitting her, before they filled with tears. Happy tears, but tears, as she buried her face into Derek's chest.

The cancer was gone. And she had her Daddy.

"Happy birfday, Daddy."

Derek kissed the top of her head. After another moment of struggling with the paper, he sighed and sat back, pulling Abby onto his lap. "Help me open it?"

Abby nodded vigorously as she ripped off the wrapping paper and took the papers in her hands like they were the most important thing in the entire world.

In many ways, they were.

"What is it, Abby?" Derek asked, absentmindedly, paying more attention to his daughter than the papers in her hands.

"Pwesant!" Abby informed him, "I read it."

Derek raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh yeah? You can read now too?"

Abby giggled. "Daddy! Shush!"

Derek snorted. "Okay, I'm sorry, go ahead, Abby."

"It says dat Abby Shepherd gets to live wif Derek Shepherd forever an' ever!"

He froze, his eyes widening as he stared at Abby like he had never seen her before. "What?" he croaked.

"See!" Abby shoved the papers in his face.

Custody of Abigail Mackenzie Shepherd has been awarded to Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd.

It was over.

All of the heartache and fear and anger of the past two months were over.

It was over.

Abby was his, forever and ever.

He wouldn't have to watch his daughter grow up over a computer screen or phone calls.

It was over.

Derek's hands were shaking as he placed the papers down on the ground. Abby turned around so she was facing him.

She frowned. "Why cry?"

Derek hadn't noticed, but there were tears streaming down his face.

He smiled, pulling her towards him. "Because I'm happy," he whispered into her ear. "Because I love you and you get to stay here with me. Because this is the best birthday present ever."

"I happy too," Abby said, resting her head on his shoulder. "I really happy, Daddy."

Alex motioned for Meredith and Cristina to follow him out of the office. This was between Derek and Abby. They would get all the details later.

Mark flashed them a grateful smile and settled down into one of the chairs, watching his two favorite people.

The hard part was over now.

Derek figuring out how to be her father wasn't going to be easy.

Mark adored her, but she was going to give Derek a run for his money.

But they were going to be okay. Derek would figure out how to be a father and Abby would figure out what it meant to have a Dad.

Of that, Mark was certain.

* * *

Derek handed Abby off to Mark when he spotted her.

"I'll be right back," he assured Abby before racing off after Meredith.

"Mer!" he called. "Meredith, wait!"

"Where's Abby?" she asked curiously when he reached her.

"With Mark for the moment," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her. "You should come over for dinner. Alex is coming, so it doesn't have to be as my girlfriend if you aren't ready yet."

Derek knew Meredith would need some time to adjust to the whole 'my boyfriend has a daughter' thing, no matter how amazing she had been so far. Abby being here was going to be challenging on their relationship. He hoped Meredith would be able to take it. He hoped beyond hope that Abby living with him wouldn't be the end of their relationship.

Because, no matter what, Abby was the real love of his life. She came first. And if Meredith, or anyone actually, couldn't accept that, then he didn't have room for them in his life.

"I..." Meredith took a deep breath. "Alex is a part of your family, Derek. He saved her life. Abby loves him. You should celebrate with your family. We can get dinner tomorrow. We have plenty of time, enjoy tonight with Abby, Mark, Amelia, and Alex."

"You're running," he said flatly, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"No," Meredith said firmly, grabbing his hand. "I'm not running, Derek. I need a day to wrap my head around this. But I am not running. I promise."

Derek didn't respond.

"I need that to be enough," she pleaded. "I need my not running to be enough right now, Derek. I know you want an answer and I'm honored that you want me to be there with your family tonight, but I want to be 110% sure that I can be in this for the long haul. Please."

"Okay," he swallowed. "I'll take not running."

Meredith beamed at him. "Thank you!" She kissed his cheek before racing off towards the pit. "Have fun!"

Once Meredith was out of sight, Derek pulled out his phone. There was one more thing he had to do before rejoining Abby and Mark.

"What's wrong?"

"Hello to you too," Derek said sarcastically.

She huffed. "Sorry. Hi Derek."

"Hi, Addison," he said. "Thank you."

In LA, Addison sat down on her desk, alarm bells blaring in her head. Thank you? What the hell was Derek trying to do?

"I have custody,"

Her eyes widened. "Oh my God!" she whispered. "Derek, that's..."

"It went through last night and Mark showed up here with Abby this morning."

She could hear him grinning through the phone.

"Bizzy had to have done something to speed it up. God, Addie, I can't thank you enough for going to her."

"You shouldn't be thanking me," Addison said softly. "This is partly my fault."

"You did everything in your power to fix it," Derek argued. "And that means a lot to me. I'm focusing on the future, remember?"

"Mr. Optimistic," she said fondly. Her eyes wandered to the calendar on the wall and her smile broadened. "I'm so happy for the both of you. Thank you for calling me."

"You deserved to know that Abby will be happy, safe, and loved," Derek said gently. "I'll let you go now, I just wanted to tell you."

"Go enjoy your Princess," Addison said. "Oh, and Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday."

* * *

It was still dark out when Derek felt the unmistakable shift in his mattress.

Abby was still on New York time.

"Daddy!"

Derek moaned as Abby's elbow crushed his stomach.

"Daddy, wake up!"

He thought dinner with his family would have worn her out more. He even managed to put his foot down on the junk food for the first time when Abby wanted a second piece of birthday cake. No one needed Abby on a sugar rush. She was hyper enough as it is.

Apparently he was wrong.

"What time is it?" he asked groggily, trying to sit up, a task made much harder by the 33 pounds of Abby sprawled out on top of him.

"Clock says two, four, and tree," she proudly told him.

2:43.

He was not getting up at 2:43.

"Abby, this is way too early to be awake," Derek said gently, rolling onto his side so Abby was laying in bed beside him. "We both need to sleep more."

"But I up!" her lip quivered.

Derek pulled the blankets over both of them, wrapping his arm around her.

"You'll fall back to sleep," he assured her. "Close your eyes."

"I don't wanna!" Abby shouted angrily. "Go play. Wake up!"

He propped himself up on his elbow, using his other hand to brush the tears from Abby's eyes. "You need to go back to sleep. We'll play in the morning, I promise, but right now I need you to lay down and try to sleep."

"No!" Abby rolled away from him and attempted to climb down from the bed.

 _"She's going to test everything you say," Kathleen warned him. "A no is going to elicit tears. Abby is going to want to see how far you can be pushed before you snap. She's going to try to see if you're in this all the way. You've done a great job of making her feel loved up to this point, but now she is your responsibility. Abby needs to learn to listen to you. And that's going to take some time."_

"Where are you going?" Derek asked sternly.

"Play."

He groaned and rolled out of bed, flicking on the light on his nightstand. Abby had climbed down off the bed and was angrily walking towards the door.

"No you are not," he said, crossing the room in two strides to block the door. "You are getting into bed and trying to fall back asleep. Playing is not a choice right now, Abby."

She glared at him.

Who taught his four year old how to give dirty looks?

"I play. Move."

Okay, now he was openly gaping at her. Abby was a little bossy and she was certainly feisty, but she had never tried to order him around before.

Derek bit his tongue. He couldn't yell at her. He would not yell at her. He would stay calm.

"I think we need to chat," he said quietly, sitting down on the floor in front of the door to the living room. "Sit down."

"I play," Abby repeated.

"No," Derek shook his head. "You're not going to play right now. Sit down, Abby."

"Don't wanna!" She protested.

"I'm not asking."

After a minute, Abby huffed and angrily sat down. "No wanna talk."

"Well that's good," Derek nodded. "Because I need to talk and you need to listen. You need to sit there quietly and listen to me. Can you do that?"

She nodded, her anger still clearly present in her eyes.

"Here's how this works," he said softly. "I'm your Daddy. I make the rules. Do you know why I make rules, Abby?"

"Mean," Abby glared.

"No," he said shortly. "Rules are rules because it's my job to keep you safe and healthy and happy."

"Your job surgeon," Abby argued.

Well, he couldn't fault her there. He was a surgeon. For the longest time, being a surgeon was his most defining characteristic. It was all that mattered. Being the best, the future Chief of Surgery, the God of Neurosurgery, that's what mattered.

Ever since he found out he had a daughter, he told anyone and everyone that those things didn't matter anymore. Abby came first. Abby was most important.

It had been easy to say that since coming back to Seattle. Abby was living on the other side of the country. It had been easy to be a good Dad. He called multiple times a day, whenever he had a spare moment, and they video chatted at night. Nothing had changed at work. He still worked crazy hours, did tons of research, and performed risky surgeries.

But now? Now he was faced with being a father every single day. Abby was his responsibility. He was a single father. He was it.

He adored Abby. He would move heaven and earth for her, do anything he could to be good enough for her.

That meant putting surgery second. That meant taking a step back in a career he had spent almost a decade building.

That terrified him. It honestly made him feel sick.

The custody battle was supposed to last months. He thought he had months to adjust to the idea that he had to step back.

Don't get him wrong, he was thrilled that Abby was here now. Seeing those papers was the best birthday present he ever received.

It was just that magnanimity of going from Derek Shepherd, God of Neurosurgery, to Derek Shepherd, Father, was hitting him far harder than he ever dreamed it would.

He was a surgeon.

But he was Abby's father first.

"I am a surgeon," he agreed. "But that's not my only job. In fact, that's not even my most important job."

Abby was brilliant, and that wasn't him bragging. She quickly caught on to where he was going with that.

"More important than surgeon?" she whispered.

"Yes," Derek said softly. "My other job is way more important than being a surgeon."

"Being my Daddy?" Abby's eyes filled with tears. "More important?"

"Always," Derek let out a sigh of relief as Abby crawled into his lap, resting her head on his chest. "Being your Daddy is my most important job. It will always be my most important job. You come first, Abby. So I have to make rules. And I need you to listen to me when I tell you something."

"What rules?" Abby questioned.

Derek squinted at the alarm clock. It was barely 3am. He couldn't discuss rules at 3am.

"I am really tired," he told her. "Really tired, Abby. Do you think I can sleep some more and then we can talk at breakfast?"

"I play?" Abby asked hopefully.

He must have looked as unamused as he felt because Abby quickly deflated.

"I sleep too," she muttered, not giving another word of protest as Derek moved her to his bed.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I love you, Abby. Get some sleep."

She snuggled up against him. "Luv you too, Daddy."

* * *

Sunlight, not a cranky four year old, woke Derek up hours later.

Abby was sprawled out next to him, sound asleep.

He nearly snorted. Yeah, she didn't need more sleep. Sure.

Getting up slowly so he didn't wake her, he tip toed into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and settled down on the couch. Nearly an hour later, the sound of little feet on the hardwood floor broke his attention away from the newest Journal of Neurosurgery.

"Good morning," he said smiling as Abby climbed up beside him.

"Hi!" she said, giggling as Derek kissed her forehead. "Dat a brain?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Good job, Abby. Are you hungry?"

"Rules talk?" she asked quietly.

"You want to talk first?" Derek asked gently.

When Abby nodded, he felt a sense of hope. Maybe this wouldn't be so terrible. Maybe some more sleep put Abby in a better mood.

"Okay. The biggest rule is that when I ask you to do something, I need you to listen. Got that?"

"Uh huh. I try, Daddy. I try hard." Abby promised.

"Thank you," he rubbed her back, laughing when she yawned. "Are you still tired, Abby?"

"No!" she shook her head. "I awake! More rules?"

"Why don't we start with listening to me," Derek suggested. "And if something else comes up, we'll chat again. I'm kind of new to this Dad thing, you know. I've never had an Abby before. Sound good?"

"Sound good," Abby agreed. "I hungry, Daddy."

Derek's heart swelled, as it always did, when she called him Daddy.

If he ever had to choose between surgery and Abby, he would choose Abby. He would always choose her.

"We'll eat in a minute," he said softly. "There's one more thing."

She looked at him curiously. "What?"

"Remember when I told you that being your Daddy was more important than being a surgeon?"

"Yep," Abby agreed.

"It's you and me, kid," Derek grinned as Abby laid across his lap and stared up at him. "We have Mark and Aunt Amy, but at the end of the day, it's just you and me. We're a team. You're everything, Abby. And I want to make sure you know just how happy I am to have you here."

Abby responded by sitting up and planting a slobbery kiss on his cheek. "I happy too. We a team! I got it."

Derek knew he was probably grinning like a mad man, but he didn't care. Abby was happy.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Abby?"

She grinned up at him, "Can I have pancakes now?"

* * *

Amelia Shepherd loved her family, and her brothers most of all. Derek and Mark were her favorites, and seeing them so happy made her all gooey on the inside.

Her brothers were her heroes.

She had that in common with her new favorite niece. Abby was a mini-Derek in both looks and temperament. And just like Derek and Mark, Amelia was wrapped around Abby's fingers.

Derek was born to be a father.

He was a natural and the love he felt towards a child he hadn't known existed three months ago slayed her.

He was going to have a hard time taking a step back at work, but that was a no brainer. You don't just flip a switch and ignore the last ten years of your life and everything you've worked for. It's not possible. His priorities have shifted, and he would do it. But it wasn't going to be easy.

Or would it?

She entered the apartment after her lunch date with Alex at the hospital (which of course, Derek knew nothing about) to find her neurosurgeon brother sitting on the floor with some of the many doctor kits the Shepherd sisters had bought Abby surrounding him.

One of Abby's dolls was naked on their coffee table.

From the looks of it, the doll was about to have brain surgery, performed by Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Shepherd.

"Now what, Daddy?" Abby asked curiously.

"Well, remember when you breathed in the mask and fell asleep?" he asked gently. "That's called anesthesia. We've got to make your doll sleep so we can operate."

"Why have to sleep?"

"I think being awake while we operated would be pretty scary for her, don't you?" he asked patiently.

"Oh!" Abby gasped. "Oh yes, has to sleep."

"Why don't you count for her?" he suggested. "Back from 10."

Abby could do that. She had most definitely inherited her parents' intelligence. Addison and Derek were two of the smartest people Amelia knew.

"Ten, nine, weight, even, five," Abby's eyes widened. "Oh no! Ix then five."

"That's okay," Derek reassured her. "I think she's asleep. What do you think we do now?"

"Cut!" Abby said eagerly.

Amelia took a closer look at the doll and gasped. It was an anatomically correct toddler, with a removable skull flap. Her brother was unreal.

"You're starting the neuro brainwashing already?" she asked in disbelief. "Where did you get that doll from, Derek?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "The medical school."

"Derek Shepherd!" Amelia laughed. "What on earth..."

"I told them I need it to teach," he defended. "And I'm teaching."

"I doubt they knew you meant your 4 year old," she rolled her eyes.

"Daddy, tell Aunt Amy she has to go," Abby insisted. "OR too noisy!"

Derek barely contained his laughter at Amelia's disgruntled expression. "Sorry, Amy. Dr. Shepherd wants her OR quiet. You have to leave."

"You can watch from gawrey."

"The gallery," Derek corrected, grinning smugly at his sister. "I think it's over there, Amy," he said pointing at the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd, the annoying resident is gone now." His smile grew larger at Amy's angry huff. "So now we cut?"

"Yes," Abby nodded. "Oh! Wait!"

"What's the matter?" he asked, taking Abby's plastic scalpel away from the doll's head.

"Is a beautiful day to save lives," Abby said seriously.

Derek's jaw dropped. Mark had told him they watched his surgery from the gallery yesterday, but he never dreamed Abby would pick up on that, let alone think to repeat it.

"Les have some fun."

She flashed Derek a breathtaking grin that was perfectly mirrored on his own face.

Ferry boat scrub cap? Check.

Derek's tag line? Check.

Abby Shepherd was going to be one phenomenal neurosurgeon someday.

Derek would make sure of it.

* * *

 **Author's Notes (Part Two):**

I know most of you wanted Meredith with Derek to celebrate the best pwesant ever.

I tried. I really, really tried to make it happen. But my entire view of Meredith Grey and Ellen Pompeo has been torn to shreds by the EW article that came out today. I loved MerDer for 10 years, and I didn't want to let my current thoughts, feelings, and anger be reflected in this story. Obviously, we are all entitled to our own opinions about PD, EP, Shonda, and whether or not we're watching season 12. I would never criticize anyone's thoughts or opinions. I personally won't be watching, and I am honestly incredibly angry by that article (if you haven't read it, please don't). I hope you can respect mine, and my need to distance myself from Meredith today.

I will find a way to retreat to my happy place and my little bubble and write MerDer again. I just couldn't do it today, and I have already kept you all waiting long enough for this chapter.

They do still end up together. There will still be a proposal and a marriage and MerDer babies. There will, there will, there will.

Abby will meet Meredith as her Daddy's girlfriend.

They will be happy.

Will there be ups and downs? Yes.

Will Meredith and Derek fight? Yes.

They aren't perfect. No one is.

I've said before that we have a long road to go before MerDer get their happily ever after. It's a long, long, long road, so hang in there. I am not abandoning this story.

Derek Shepherd deserved a lifetime. He gets that lifetime here.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes**

Happy Monday!

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed Chapter 12. I'm glad many of you liked it, even with the absence of much MerDer. I have to admit that over a week later, just thinking about Abby saying "Is a beautiful day to save lives," never fails to make me smile.

I would just like to reiterate again that this will be MerDer, and I have zero intentions of making either of them out to be an ogre. Derek and Meredith will both make mistakes, because neither of them are perfect. They are human. They have flaws. If at any point in time you think I am making them out to be horrible, remember that you're only seeing one side to the story. You'll hear everything eventually. It all works out in the end. I promise. This week, I finally figured out where this entire universe ends (I'd say story, but this might turn way too mammoth for just one) and my fangirl heart is over the moon about it.

Try to trust me :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

 _My mother was one of the greats._

 _She was cutthroat, brilliant, and one of the greatest surgeons of her generation._

 _She paved the way for women in surgery._

 _Ellis Grey is a surgical immortal._

 _That greatness, that reputation comes at a price. It requires sacrifice._

 _I was one of her sacrifices. Her marriage to my father was another._

 _Surgery came first. It always came first._

 _I came in second. Sometimes, I even came in third._

 _I wouldn't wish my childhood on anyone._

 _When I decided to go to medical school, when I made the decision to become a surgeon, I dismissed the thought of ever being a mother._

 _I had great one night stands, but never relationships. The thought of marriage never even crossed my mind._

 _Maybe marriage would be okay, with the right guy, some day far away._

 _But motherhood? No way. No way would I ever put a child through what my mother had put me through._

 _She never cared about me, at least not that she showed._

 _So I rebelled like hell for most of my teenage years._

 _I applied to medical school for the sole purpose of angering her._

 _Backpacking through Europe almost got me disowned._

 _A high and mighty psychiatrist once told teenage me that I acted out to try and get her attention. On some level, they might have been right. All I wanted was for my mother to be proud of me. Was that too much to ask?_

 _Apparently, it was._

 _She'll never be proud of me. She'll never tell me that she loves me._

 _My mother has Alzheimer's. I'm the one responsible for making all the decisions. And she doesn't want anyone to know._

 _I'm an intern. This is one of the hardest years of my entire professional life._

 _I do not need complicated._

 _My mother? Complicated._

 _Coming back to Seattle? Complicated._

 _The night before intern year started was supposed to be just another one night stand. It wasn't supposed to be complicated. And then it was. My one night stand was my boss. My boss's boss's boss._

 _We agreed it was inappropriate and that was supposed to be the end of it._

 _It was. Until he kissed me in the elevator._

 _I fell hard for Derek Shepherd._

 _I fell hard for McDreamy._

 _I couldn't get enough of him. I mean, have you seen him? I don't think there's such a thing as too much Derek Shepherd._

 _I, Meredith Grey, was in a relationship. Outside of the whole 'he's my boss' thing, it wasn't complicated._

 _Until Mark Sloan showed up with his daughter._

 _I love Derek, even if I haven't said the words yet. I adore how much he loves Abby. She is the center of his universe. His whole face lights up when he talks about her. Abigail Mackenzie Shepherd is the love of Derek Shepherd's life._

 _But, Derek having a daughter adds a whole new level of complicated to our relationship._

 _I'm an intern. My mother has Alzheimer's. Can I really handle this level of complicated?_

 _I want to. I want it so much, but the very thought of it terrifies me._

 _Outside of the additional complication Derek brings to my life, there is something else holding me back from giving him the answer I know he's desperate to hear. He hasn't forgotten the ultimatum he gave me, even if we haven't talked about it. Neither have I._

 _You see, I was raised by a single parent who was also a surgical God. And it sucked._

 _Derek talks a great talk about being a father first and a surgeon second, but he has yet to prove it. That's not his fault; he didn't have custody to be able to prove it. I know he'll try. For Abby's sake, he would try anything._

 _But he still talks about being Chief of Surgery and changing the face of medicine._

 _Derek Shepherd still has endless ambition and the cut throat competitive edge that made him the Head of Neurosurgery at 33._

 _He is well on his way to becoming as much of a surgical immortal as my mother._

 _Can he make the sacrifices my mother refused to even consider?_

 _A part of my heart says yes. The man I love would never raise his daughter the way my mother raised me._

 _He was ready to quit his job to move to New York in order to be near Abby._

 _I will never forget the look on his face when he told me he was falling in love with me, but he and Abby were a package deal._

 _Derek is so worried about being enough for her, that my heart says he'll make the sacrifices. He won't see any other option._

 _My brain and another part of my heart aren't quite as certain._

 _Experience has taught me otherwise. You can't have it all. Surgical Gods are surgical Gods, not parents. People with that much talent don't just walk away._

 _The thought of being with Derek and watching another child come in second to surgery makes me sick to my stomach. If Derek can't pull off being a father, I want no part of it. I will not be party to another child's broken heart._

 _The part of my heart that belongs to Derek Shepherd is fighting that thought with all it has._

 _He's not my mother. He's a better man than my father._

 _He's not Ellis. He's not Thatcher._

 _Abby comes first._

 _He has a family. Mark, Amelia, and Alex will help Derek and Abby however they can. Things won't be like they were for me._

 _Am I really going to walk away from this amazing man out of fear that he'll turn into my parents?_

 _Can I walk away from Derek Shepherd?_

 _Do I even want to?_

 _Life is messy, that's how we're made._

 _This is complicated. I have no idea how things are going to turn out._

 _What I do know is this: I am in love with Derek Christopher Shepherd._

 _So, I guess the real question is, is that enough?_

 _\- Meredith Grey_

* * *

 ** _Tuesday, August 31st_**

 ** _Seattle_**

 ** _The Emerald City Bar_**

"So what are you going to do?" Cristina asked softly.

"I don't know," Meredith groaned. "I love him, Cristina. I really freaking love him."

"And what do you think of Abby?"

Meredith smiled.

Jackpot, Cristina thought. It was virtually impossible not to love that girl.

"He isn't asking you to play Mommy, Mer," Cristina pointed out.

"I know that!" Meredith insisted. "That's not the problem."

"We figured we'd find you here," Alex said quietly, sliding into the booth next to Meredith. "I told Mark to order a round of tequila. He's paying."

"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

Alex was supposed to be at Derek's having dinner with his family. If today had shown her anything, it was that Alex was truly a part of Derek Shepherd's family. Abby adored him. Mark considered him a very good friend. And so did Amelia.

Alex was lucky. The Shepherds seemed like one great family to be a part of.

'So what's stopping you from being a part of it?' her subconscious screamed. 'You could have that too.'

Amelia smiled at her as she sat down on the other side of the table, next to Cristina. "We're giving Derek and Abby some Daddy/Daughter alone time. Hopefully he's fairing better than Mark's first time alone with Abby."

"This isn't Derek's first time alone with Abby," Alex pointed out. "And he's handled the other times just fine."

"You can pay for your own drinks, Amy. You too, Karev," Mark put the tray of tequila shots and a strawberry daiquiri down before sitting down on a stool at the end of the table.

"You called Lizzie like twenty five times that day!" Amelia protested. "You didn't handle it well."

"Sorry I was slightly concerned at what Derek would do to me if I messed Abby up somehow," Mark rolled his eyes. "So, Grey, you seem surprisingly sober."

"Don't be an ass, Mark!" Amy slapped his arm, earning her a grin from Meredith and Cristina.

"I'm entitled to have an opinion," Mark shot back.

Amy rolled her eyes. "Just ignore him, Mer. He's always been desperate for attention."

Alex snorted. "I can't say I disagree with him. I am a little surprised to find you sober too, Mer."

"You are so not getting sex this week," Amy glared at him.

Meredith greatly enjoyed watching Mark's facial expressions after that bomb dropped.

"What?" Mark sputtered. "I'm sorry, but what?"

Amelia paled. "Crap. You didn't hear that."

It took everything Mark had not to drag Alex out of the bar to threaten him properly. Amy was his sister. He liked Alex Karev, he did, but the thought of him with his baby sister didn't sit well.

Then again, the thought of any guy with Amy didn't sit well.

"Fine," he eventually muttered. "But I don't want to know anything about this. I want to be able to claim ignorance when Derek finds out and explodes."

Alex let out a shaky sigh of relief. "Thanks."

"I wouldn't thank me yet," Mark said darkly. "If Derek wants to kill you when he finds out, I'll be first in line to help him."

"I'm an adult!" Amelia protested. "Neither of you have the right to kill anyone. I can make my own choices, Mark."

"Yes, because you've made oh so many good ones!" Mark shot back. "You're our sister, Amy. Being overprotective is in our job description as your big brothers."

Meredith watched Amelia carefully as she thought over Mark's words. Everyone made bad decisions. Hell, Mark slept with his best friend's wife. What had Amelia done to deserve a comment like that?

"Well," Cristina cut in, wanting to avoid any more family drama. "Let's get back to Meredith."

"I second that!" Alex insisted. "So why hasn't dark and twisty drowned herself in tequila yet tonight?"

Amelia kicked him.

She liked Meredith Grey. She had ever since she moved back out to Seattle and gotten to know the intern. She was brilliant, kind, funny, and she loved her brother. She knew in time, Meredith would fall in love with Abby too.

Amelia could understand Meredith's doubts and fears. She was a young, twenty something who had just started one of the hardest years of her professional life. According to Alex, Mer had never been in a real relationship. Dating the Head of Neurosurgery at her hospital would be complicated enough, if not too complicated for most people. Add in a child and that would probably be a deal breaker.

It would for Amelia.

Regardless of Meredith's declining her brother's offer to come for dinner, which really, Amelia thought Derek was a moron for even making, she hadn't run away. He had given her the perfect out with the ultimatum, and Meredith's response had basically been 'this is crazy complicated, but I want to get to know you. I want to give this a shot.'

Meredith had been a God-send to Derek the past month. No matter how much they pushed him to come back to Seattle, Liz and Dan were worried about how Derek would handle being separated from Abby. The 'what's I love you mean' thing nearly broke him. Getting on that plane was one of the hardest things her brother had ever done. But Derek had fallen head over heels for Meredith Grey, and he was okay. He wasn't great, but he was okay and that was far more than any of them had expected.

Some members of their family (ahem, Nancy) believed Meredith was just a phase.

Amelia knew better.

She wasn't just a distraction. She wasn't just a fling. Derek Shepherd loved Meredith Grey.

Meredith Grey loved Derek Shepherd too, even if she hadn't said the words yet.

She never would have gone to LA if she didn't.

Just hours earlier, Meredith had swore to Derek that she wasn't running.

And she wasn't.

It looked like they had stumbled upon Mer and Cristina having a heart to heart, not a drunken 'my life is a mess' pity party.

"One more rude comment and you can both leave," Amelia snapped, glaring at Mark and Alex.

Alex held his hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, okay, I'll play nice!"

"I'm thinking," Meredith sighed. "My heart and brain don't want to agree on anything right now."

"I know this is complicated," Alex said gently. "But do you think you might be overcomplicating it in your head? You aren't marrying the guy. You aren't even moving in with the guy. From where I'm standing, the only thing that's different today than it was yesterday is now Derek has a four year old who wants his attention too."

"I just want to be sure I can commit to this!" Meredith insisted. "This can't just be some fling, not when Abby's been abandoned so much already. I've never even had a relationship before, how can I be so sure that I love him? I barely know what the word means. How can I be sure this is going to work out?"

"You can't," Mark said quietly. "None of us know what tomorrow is going to bring, Grey. Derek's not asking you to predict the future. You care about Derek. You're worried about this not working and inadvertently hurting Abby. That's all he wants. All he wants is for you to commit to not running the second things get hard. He wants you to try. That's all he's asking for."

"No one is saying you have to say yes today and meet Abby as Derek's girlfriend tomorrow. This isn't going to happen overnight. You can go as slow as you need to," Amelia encouraged her. "Mark's right, all Derek wants is for you to try."

"It's been years since I've seen my brother as happy as he is with you," Amelia smiled. "I know he makes you happy too. There aren't sides here, Meredith. It's not you versus Derek. I think we are all firmly on Team MerDer here."

"Team what?" Cristina asked as Alex barely contained his laughter.

"MerDer," Amelia repeated. "You know, it's their relationship name."

"This isn't some television drama," Mark said drily. "Why do they have a relationship name?"

"Because!" she insisted. "They do."

"What are you and Alex then?" Meredith giggled. "Or Burke and Cristina?"

"Amex," Amelia said grinning. "Burke and Cristina? Hmm, I don't know. We should think about that."

"Was there a point to this conversation?" Mark asked. "I can't remember."

"I get Amy's point," Alex spoke up. "No one here is taking sides. We all want what's best for both of them. Personally, I think Derek and Meredith should be together. Take the time you need, Mer, but actions speak far louder than words. You're all in. You've been all in for over a month."

"I second that," Cristina nodded. "Team MerDer."

"I think I'm far too old to be hanging out with you all," Mark rolled his eyes. "But, fine. I ship MerDer too."

That nearly stunned Meredith speechless. Mark Sloan was Derek Shepherd's person. For all that he picked on her, he really thought she was good enough for his brother.

Amelia and Alex high-fived while Cristina erupted into laughter all over again.

Meredith grinned at her person and her friends.

Her family.

Amelia Shepherd and Mark Sloan had been a part of Derek's life forever. If there were sides in this, they would be firmly on Team Derek.

After all that Derek had done for Alex, he probably should be on Team Derek too.

The only one here who was firmly on Team Meredith was Cristina.

But they weren't taking sides. As Alex said, everyone at this table wanted what was best for her and for Derek. They were both equally important.

Team MerDer.

She liked the sound of that.

* * *

 **Thursday, September 2nd**

Meredith had texted him last night, but he hadn't talked to her since Tuesday afternoon.

He knew she needed space. She needed to make a decision.

Him having a daughter wasn't just some abstract concept anymore. It was real.

Abby was here, in Seattle, living in his apartment.

She wasn't just here for a visit.

She wouldn't be going home with Mark.

As Abby said, she gets to live with him forever and ever.

Meredith had been his lifeline for the past month.

But she young and an intern and he was her first real relationship. Of course this scared her. It scared him.

Amy and Mark had reamed him for inviting her to dinner the other night.

It had been selfish, he could admit that now. Even the God of Neurosurgery had flaws.

He wanted Meredith to be a part of his life with Abby so badly that he ignored his brain and acted with his heart.

He was a brainless brain surgeon as his sisters liked to tell him.

The day after Meredith found out about Abby, he gave her an ultimatum.

They hadn't talked about it since.

Abby had seen them kissing. Derek managed to distract her and dodged the bullet of having to explain why he was kissing a girl, but Abby was smart. If Meredith had come over that night, Abby would have recognized her. Abby would have wanted to know why she was at a family dinner.

That would have been a disaster.

Meredith needed to make a decision and they needed to talk.

Then, if she decided she was all in, Derek would try and figure out how to explain the concept of dating to his four year old.

God help him.

Derek sighed as he parked across the street from Meredith's house. Bailey had volunteered to watch Abby for the morning so he could talk to her. He made a mental note to add that to the list of reasons the world was probably ending soon. Miranda Bailey was giving up sleep after working 36 hours to watch his daughter so he could talk to his girlfriend. Would wonders never cease.

"What on earth are you doing?" he asked in disbelief.

Meredith was underneath her car. From the looks of it, she was attempting to change her tire. Trying, was the key word there.

He could hear her huff angrily.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, fighting the urge to grin. "But now I think I can be more useful by changing your tire for you. Have you ever changed a tire before?"

She crawled out from under the car and scowled at him. "Why? I can't change a tire because I'm a girl?"

"No," Derek said drily. "Because the jack is in the wrong place. If you take the tire off like that, the car would crush you."

"Oh," Meredith said sheepishly. "Sorry."

"I have four sisters," he reminded her. "Who are all just as capable as I am at most things, including changing the tires on their cars. Girls can do anything guys can do. I wasn't knocking you. So, do you want help?"

Meredith stood up, wiping her eyes as she glanced at her watch.

She was crying.

He could not handle her crying.

"Mer," Derek pleaded desperately. "I can change your tire, or I can teach you how if you want to do it yourself. Why are you crying? Please don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" she insisted, as more tears leaked out of her eyes. "Damn it!"

Without another word, Derek moved closer, wrapping her in his arms.

"You're off today," he murmured. "Why are you so upset about this?"

"I have a meeting," she hiccuped. "And I'm late. George spilled coffee on me earlier so I had to change and now this stupid tire is flat and..."

"So I'll drive you," Derek offered. "Bailey has Abby until 1. We can grab lunch after, make a date of it."

For a moment, Derek thought she would disagree, but eventually she nodded.

Meredith gave him directions quietly, but didn't say much else.

What on earth was this meeting about?

She bolted out of his car as soon as he parked, leaving him to stare at the building in bewilderment.

Rose Ridge Nursing Home.

His jaw nearly hit the floor.

Suddenly, he doubted the rumors that Ellis Grey was traveling and writing were true. She was young, far too young to land herself in a nursing home if something wasn't seriously wrong. Ellis Grey wouldn't be in a nursing home unless she was incapable of taking care of herself. She would never allow it otherwise.

What had it been? A stroke? Advanced Parkinson's? A psychiatric disorder?

It was nearly an hour later that Meredith emerged from the building. She was shaking, and he could see the tears falling down her face from inside the car. Jumping out, he raced around the car to meet her.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, rubbing her arm gently.

Meredith took a breath as she met his eyes. "My mother has Alzheimer's."

Derek grimaced. He had been afraid of that.

Of all the neurological diseases, Derek considered Alzheimer's the worst. He couldn't imagine being robbed of his memories. He couldn't imagine forgetting Abby, his parents, his sisters, Mark, his nieces, his nephews.

One of the worst part of Alzheimer's, in Derek's mind, was the effect it had on a patient's family. The mere thought of his mother not remembering him made Derek feel nauseous.

Meredith was dealing with that. Not only had her mother ignored her for most of her life, made her feel inadequate, and never put her first, now Ellis probably barely remembered who Meredith even was.

Meredith had been a lifesaver to him ever since he came back to Seattle. He didn't know how he would have gotten through the past six weeks without her.

Derek wished she had told him earlier. He would have wanted to be there for her too.

"She doesn't want anyone to know," she continued. "You're the only person I've told."

God, he hated Ellis Grey. How could she expect Meredith to cope with this alone?

"Oh Mer," he said gently, "I'm so sorry. How can I help?"

"Just be here," Meredith whispered, leaning her head on his chest. "Just be you."

* * *

 **Friday, September 3rd**

Have you ever felt like someone was hiding something?

Not something minor, like a dented car bumper or spilled coffee.

Something big.

Something life changing.

Something important.

Alex had that feeling. He had it in spades. He couldn't imagine what it is or why she was hiding it from him.

His relationship with Amy had at first started just because she was there. They were friends first, something he couldn't say about any of his previous girlfriends. Alex knew many of her deepest secrets and her greatest fears. At least, she said he did.

But the questions had been building in his mind for a while now. There were things that didn't add up to the image he had of her.

At first, he had dismissed them. But now that he looked at all the little things that he had mentally questioned, he couldn't dismiss them any longer.

Derek's questions about why Amy had decided to go to medical school in Seattle didn't make sense. Derek was Amy's best friend. She told him everything and she worshipped the ground he walked on. Honestly, Amy's hero worship of Derek put Abby's to shame sometimes. They argued, but in the way siblings do. It was never mean or vindictive. Amy was one of Derek's best friends too.

From their childhood stories, it had been that way forever. So how on earth could Derek not know what brought Amy to Seattle?

There were other things too.

Mark's comment from Tuesday nights about her not always making good decisions. Everyone made mistakes, Mark included. Why say something like that to counter Amy's 'I'm an adult' argument?

Those comments from her brothers were two of the things that stuck out most strongly, but there was something else that had been bothering him for a while too.

He had never seen Amy drink. Ever.

When they went out together with his friends, she ordered for herself. They were usually virgin drinks, leaving Mer and Cristina oblivious, but he had overheard her order enough to know she never had anything alcoholic. When they were with her family, Derek or Mark paid for drinks. Without even asking, they brought her non-alcoholic drinks, even while they themselves got drunk.

She never objected. She never argued.

The Shepherds were drinkers, he had seen that enough in New York. Liz, Dan, Mark, and Derek liked to go to bars. Amy hated bars. She was fine in restaurants with bars in them, but a plain bar like Joe's? Tuesday night was the first and only time Alex had gotten her to agree to go there. He knew she only went for Meredith.

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Amy's lack of drinking had nothing to do with what seemed to be a several year falling out between her and Derek. Maybe it had nothing to do with Mark's comments.

Should he ask her?

He was her boyfriend.

They all hounded Meredith and Derek about communicating better. Shouldn't that rule apply here too?

She had her right to secrets, and if she didn't want to tell him he would drop it.

But she had told him other things, things he knew Derek hadn't shared with Meredith yet. Could this really be worse than those?

"Amy?" he finally spoke up.

The two of them had volunteered to watch Abby while Derek went in for an emergency surgery. Abby had worn herself out nearly an hour ago and was now sound asleep in her bed.

Now was as good of a time as any.

She looked at him questionably, exhausted herself. Apparently Abby hadn't just worn herself out, she had taken Amy along for the ride.

Maybe he should drop it.

No. He wanted to know.

"Why didn't Derek know you went to medical school in Seattle?"

She gulped and Alex instantly felt like crap. She hadn't told him for a reason. He should have just minded his own business.

"No, it's okay," she whispered at his attempt to apologize. "You should know. Derek knows I went to medical school in Seattle, but he didn't know back then. He only found out when he ran into me at Seattle Grace. Derek and I... We didn't really speak for a while, for years."

Alex had figured that part out, but it still floored him. You would never in a million years guess that by watching the two of them now.

"It was my fault," she continued. "Derek had every right to hate me. He had every right in the world to push me out of his life. He regrets it now, he's apologized a million times for it in the years since we made up, but I can't say I would have reacted differently if the roles were reversed. And if I'm being honest, Derek pushing me out saved my life."

"I was 5 years old when my father died in front of me," Amy whispered, tears falling down her face. "Derek didn't handle it, God how could anyone handle that, but he managed to hold himself together far better than I did. It's really hard, you know, being a teenage girl and listening to all your friends bitch and moan about their overprotective parents. How their fathers don't let them go on dates. How awful they are. I would have given anything, I still would, for my Dad to give me crap about dating and boys. I'm still not sure how it all happened, but I got introduced to drugs and alcohol towards the end of middle school. By the time Derek was an intern, I was addicted to oxy."

Alex pushed down his feelings. His father had been a drug addict too. He never wanted that in his life again. But Amy wasn't using now, she couldn't be. Derek would never let her within a hundred feet of Abby if she was. He had to hear her out.

Besides, she had told him that before. Now that he really thought about it, she told him she was a recovering drug addict the night of Abby's surgery. They never spoke of it again, and so he kind of forgot about it, but she had told him.

"I stole Derek's prescription pads," she admitted, sobbing now. "One night, I overdosed. I wasn't breathing when Derek found me. I was clinically dead. Derek did CPR until the ambulance came and he's the only reason I'm still alive. He was furious. I did this to myself, he said. He didn't speak to me again for years. Derek has always been my best friend and his words hurt. My Mom told me that the best way to try and win his forgiveness was to make something of myself. Prove to myself and him that I was more than just an addiction. So I did. I threw myself into school and went to medical school. I swore to myself that I would invite him to the graduation, that's when I would show him I was better. I think a part of me was afraid I wouldn't make it, and graduation seemed so far away. If I could make it that far, then I really made it and maybe Derek would see that."

She snorted. "I almost didn't make it. I was a med student at Seattle Grace and I lost my first patient. It wasn't my fault, but it was my resident's. We should have caught it, we all should have, and then maybe that man would still be alive today. It crushed me, and for the first time since I OD'd I seriously considered taking an oxy to numb the pain."

Alex's breath hitched.

"I was so close, I found a dealer and everything."

Amy smiled. Alex wanted to shake her. What the hell was there to smile about?

"I told myself I'd get some after my shift. I never did," she met his eyes, still smiling. "Because that morning, I crashed head first into the new Chief Resident in the lobby. I tried to run away, but he didn't let me. He chased after me, made me talk, and I realized that having him in my life was a way better coping mechanism than popping oxy."

He. Alex nearly gasped. It was Derek.

"My brother is my superhero," Amy said softly. "I've made some terrible decisions, I nearly killed myself, and yet I'm still here. I'm still here, I'm still sober because of Derek Shepherd."

"I'm still an addict," she informed him. "That's not something you just turn off. It's why I don't drink. It's a big reason why Derek and Mark are so overprotective."

Amy knew all about Alex's past. He had told her about his alcoholic father and the abuse he had lived through as a child. She wouldn't blame him if he walked out.

She wasn't expecting him to sit next to her and kiss her.

"Thank you," Alex whispered, leaning in to kiss her again. "Thank you for telling me."

"It doesn't bother you?" she asked, desperation in her voice.

"You told me you were a recovering drug addict months ago. Knowing the details doesn't change anything. I love you," Alex told her seriously. "And that's all I care about right now."

* * *

 **Sunday, September 5th**

"I've been stuck working overtime while Shepherd gets all this time off."

Cristina bit back her annoyed sigh.

"How do Shepherd's days off impact your schedule?" she asked. "Last I checked, you weren't a neurosurgeon."

He glared at her. "That's not the point."

"Well what is?" Cristina snapped. "God this pissing contest between you and Shepherd is getting old fast."

"He thinks he's God. He thinks he walks on water and Webber lets him! He's sleeping with an intern and Webber didn't even bat an eye."

"You're sleeping with an intern too," she said drily. "Shouldn't it be a good thing that Webber doesn't care?"

"Webber doesn't know about us!" Burke hissed. "Shepherd didn't tell him, he wants us to get caught so Webber reams me."

Her jaw dropped. Derek hadn't ratted them out? He voluntarily went to Webber about his relationship with Meredith, and he didn't take the opportunity to knock Burke down a peg?

Of course he didn't, her subconscious screamed. He found out about you and Burke because you're friends with his girlfriend. He found out because you're friends with him. Derek told Webber about him and Meredith to protect both of their careers. There was no underhanded reasoning, no attempt at sabotaging anyone.

Derek was cut throat, but he had one of the biggest hearts of anyone Cristina had ever met. He loved Meredith and he cared about Alex. She was their friend. She was a part of his make shift Seattle family too. Telling Webber about her relationship with Burke would have hurt Meredith, but it also would have hurt her. So he didn't.

If the roles were reversed, if she had let slip to Burke about Mer and Derek, he would have been the first to go running to Webber. She knew that.

When Mer told her about the fight she had with Derek, Cristina found herself silently taking Derek's side. He was right. Burke would jump at the chance to knock Derek down.

"Shepherd didn't tell Webber because Meredith asked him not to," Cristina said quietly, even though that was a lie. Mer never asked him to stay quiet. He'd done that on his own. But Burke would never believe that, and it wasn't worth the fight. "He had no other reasoning beyond that. Now can we please stop talking about Derek Shepherd? You're ruining the mood."

* * *

"I'm your person," Cristina said from the doorway of Meredith's bedroom later that night.

"Who did you kill?" Meredith groaned, rolling over to get out of bed. "Where's the body?"

Cristina snorted. "There's no body. But I need to talk to you. And you need to listen."

Meredith was worried. Cristina was being strangely serious, even for her. "What's wrong?"

"Derek was right," Cristina said the words she had been dying to say ever since Mer recounted their fight to her. "About Burke, Derek was right. He would have gone running to Webber if I had slipped up about you two."

"I don't want to talk about that stupid fight. I just want to pretend it never happened. Derek and I are doing a good job at pretending it never happened," Meredith sighed. "Derek wanted me to choose, and I won't choose. I can't choose between you two. You are the two most important people in my world. It would be like asking him to choose between Mark and me."

"Have you talked to him about this?" Cristina asked. "It sounds like he was just as hurt as you were, and really, Mer? You made that into a fight. All he was trying to do was protect the two of you from any consequences at work. He wasn't really asking you to choose at all; he was trying to make things easier on me if you think about it. How awful would I feel if I slipped to Burke and you both paid the price?"

Meredith's eyes widened. She hadn't thought about it like that.

"He's still freaking focused on his career!" she protested. "He has a child and he's still worried about Burke ruining his chances at Chief!"

"Liz Shepherd Kraft has a husband and four kids," Cristina pointed out. "And she's Chief of Surgery."

Meredith huffed.

"Look," Cristina said gently. "I don't want to fight with you. But you really need to talk to Derek. Really talk to him. Because otherwise, you'll just bottle all this crap up and it will explode over nothing one day. I like Derek. I like you with Derek. Don't mess this up, Mer. Not over stupid, pointless arguments."

"Why are you defending him so much?" Meredith asked curiously. "He told Webber about you and Burke. He did the same thing he was accusing Burke of doing."

She had been wondering that ever since the 'Team MerDer' conversation at Joe's last week. Cristina's love for her and Derek confused her sometimes.

"He didn't tell Webber about me and Burke," she said.

Meredith's eyes widened. She would have bet everything that Derek would sell Burke out. The two of them hated each other.

"Derek told Webber about his relationship with you. He never said a word about me and Burke. Your guy is pretty awesome, Mer."

Holy crap. Holy freaking crap.

She was an idiot.

They really needed to get better at this whole communicating thing.

But she couldn't help but smile. Cristina was right. Her guy is pretty awesome.

Derek Shepherd was her guy.

And she really liked the sound of that.

* * *

 **Monday, September 6th**

"You look like you just ran a marathon," Meredith teased as he entered the elevator.

"I feel like it too," Derek responded, wrapping an arm around her. "It's called the get Abby to daycare and to rounds on time marathon."

"Can't say I've heard of that one," she grinned. "But it sounds grueling."

"You have no idea," he muttered.

"Hey!" Meredith said as the elevator reached their stop. "Can we get lunch later? I've barely seen you all week."

Derek's face lit up. "Yes," he said breathlessly, a grin taking over his entire face. "Lunch sounds great. My office?"

"Sure," she agreed. "But we'll be eating. And talking. That's it."

"You say that now," he whispered in her ear as she snorted.

He was insatiable.

By the time they were finally able to sit down for lunch, Derek looked even more burnt out.

"Rough day?" Meredith asked, concerned for her boyfriend.

He just moaned and rested his head on his desk.

"Derek?" she repeated. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to do this," he said quietly. "I'm a surgeon. I've spent a decade building this career. How can I walk away from all of that? How do I take a step back?"

She didn't know what to say. This was her fear too. Derek had no idea how to step back.

"But I wake up to my daughter's laughter every morning and it is the best sound I've ever heard," Derek continued. "I became a father overnight. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I want so badly to be good enough for Abby, but I'm terrified that I can't be. I can say she comes first until I'm blue in the face, but now I have to prove that and I'm scared that I can't."

"Just the fact that you think about all of this, that you're scared of not being good enough, says you can," Meredith told him.

"I was paged on Friday night," he said. "And I came in. I was off and supposed to be spending time with my kid, and what did I do? I handed her off to Alex and Amy and came into work."

"There is a huge difference between asking your sister and Alex to watch Abby so you can come in for emergency surgery and leaving Abby with nannies so you can work 100 hours a week. Abby adores Alex and Amy, Derek. She was probably happy to spend time with them."

"But..."

"No," Meredith cut him off. "You cannot beat yourself up over Friday night."

"I still want to be Chief," he admitted. "I still want to be a Neuro God and cure diseases. I've wanted those things forever, and the thought of walking away from them makes me sick."

Meredith thought for a moment. "Would you still want them if it meant hurting Abby?"

"No!" Derek snapped. "How could you..."

"So there's no problem," Meredith felt a weight lift off of her as she said this. "You have to worry about figuring out how to handle being a father with the job you have right now. You can't think about what could happen several years down the road. And right now, you aren't Chief of Surgery. I believe you will always choose Abby. In time, you'll believe that too, I'm sure of it."

It was okay to have ambition. It was okay to still want to be the best.

That drive, that competitiveness and skill that made Derek Shepherd world renowned were the very reasons that Abby was even alive right now.

He wouldn't be who he was if he found it easy to turn those dreams off over night.

If Derek were offered Chief tomorrow, he would probably take it.

But the second he saw his job impacting his ability to be Abby's father, it would be over.

Derek Shepherd was a father first and foremost. And that fact made Meredith fall even more in love with him.

* * *

 **Tuesday, September 7th**

Meredith groaned as she saw Derek slam the door of his office shut.

"Abby's going to push him off the deep end," Mark said angrily, coming up beside her. "I barely recognize that kid these days."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What's she doing? She's only four, Dr. Sloan."

He scowled. "I thought the same thing last month, but I'm starting to think I was wrong. Abby knows exactly what she's doing. She knows her words are hurting him and she's saying them anyway. This morning, when he dropped her off at daycare, she told him that clearly he would rather be a surgeon than her Daddy."

Meredith grimaced. "Crap."

"You can imagine how well he took that," Mark snapped. "I don't get it. Shouldn't she be happy that she's living here now? Why is she pulling this crap with him?"

Meredith thought about it. If anyone could understand where Abby was coming from, it was Alex and her. Alex understood all about abandonment and foster homes. Meredith knew all about abandonment and surgeon parents.

Why hadn't Abby acted like this with Mark?

Meredith looked at the man critically. "You were fired from Sinai before Abby was discharged, weren't you?"

She'd caught him off guard. "The same day. Why?"

"All summer Abby lived with you in your apartment, right?" Mark nodded. "You never went to work because you didn't have a job. You were home and you played with her everyday. Abby knows you're a surgeon like her Daddy, but all of a sudden she's living with him and he has to go to work. She doesn't understand why you were home. So, if you are a surgeon and stayed home with her, why can't Derek?"

Mark gaped at her. "I never explained it to her," he said quietly. "It didn't seem important."

"And now, you shouldn't even bother to explain it to her," Meredith said. "She'll just think you're taking Derek's side. Derek should be the one to talk to her, but it sounds like she isn't listening to him."

"Oh she listens alright," Mark sighed. "She listens just enough to throw his words back in his face to hurt him."

"Abby is four!" Meredith shot back. "If she's saying things to hurt him, it's because she's hurt too. And she's scared that he is going to leave her too. You don't understand where she's coming from, Mark, so you don't get to judge her!"

"My parents never gave a crap about me, Grey!" he hissed. "I know all about being abandoned."

"You were raised a Shepherd," Meredith countered. "And that's completely different from having your Dad walk out on you and your Mom choose surgery."

"What makes you the freaking expert?" he demanded.

"Because I've been where Abby is," she glared at him. "Maybe not the foster home bit, but I know all about what she's feeling with Derek. And I know all about abandonment."

"So you talk to her then!" Mark snapped, his eyes widening as he said it.

Meredith froze. She should talk to Abby. Derek Shepherd was no Ellis Grey, and Abby needed to know just how much her father loved her. She needed to understand why he had to go to work. She needed to understand that Derek having a job did not mean he would rather be a surgeon than her father.

Kids scared her. She wasn't the mothering type.

But Abby was different.

She would never be her mother, but she could be her Dad's girlfriend.

Derek needed someone to reassure him that he wasn't failing as a father. Meredith had more than enough experience of her own to convince him he was doing great. And, if he happened to get too caught up in surgery every once in a while, she could tell him before Abby got hurt from his actions.

Abby needed someone to talk to, someone who understood what she was feeling. That need would only grow stronger as she got older. Meredith could be that person.

Abby and Derek were a team.

And there was nothing Meredith wanted more than to be a part of it.

* * *

"Derek!" Meredith shouted, chasing after him.

She had scrubbed in with him on a craniotomy this morning. And now they needed to talk.

"Derek, wait!"

He turned around, glaring at her. "Can I help you, Dr. Grey?"

She didn't let it bother her. Derek was having a hell of a day.

"I need to talk to you," she said quietly. "Your office?"

He scowled at her. "I'm a little busy today. Can this wait?"

"You had a crappy morning. Mark told me," Meredith whispered. "You're allowed to be an ass, but please don't snap at me."

Derek deflated, his regret obvious. "I'm sorry. Sure, we can talk. I just have paperwork to do for the rest of the day anyway."

When they reached his office, Meredith closed the door behind them.

"You gave me an ultimatum," she started. "The day after I found out about Abby, you said you were a team. You told me how you felt for me didn't matter, because Abby came first. I've never respected you more than I did in that moment. I'm young. My life is crazy complicated. I wasn't sure I could handle anymore. I asked you to wait. I told you I wasn't running."

Derek looked gobsmacked. He clearly hadn't expected their conversation to go this way.

"I've known what my answer was going to be for a while now, at least, my heart did," Meredith said softly. "My heart is what made me get on a plane to LA. My heart is what's made me stand by you through one awful August. Every conversation, every time we talked about Abby, your face lit up. She's your whole world and I found myself falling harder for you with every passing day because of that."

Derek's eyes were filled with cautious hope. They begged her not to crush him.

"I have no idea how this will end up. But I want to try. I'm on Team Shepherd. You and Abby are a package deal, and I fully accept that. I'm all in, Derek."

The smile on Derek's face nearly rendered her speechless. 'I'm in love with you,' his expression said. 'You're perfect.'

She grinned back at him. Suddenly, the words didn't seem so scary.

"I love you," Meredith whispered, rendering him speechless now. "And I am so glad I didn't run."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you to everyone who took the time to review Chapter 13! I'm so excited that Derek and Meredith are finally really together. He's going to need her just as much as she needs him in the coming chapters.

Real life is stressful, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to get this up sooner. I'm hoping to post Chapter Fifteen next Monday.

I will say that your reviews are what makes me want to churn out chapters and they seriously make my day. I love hearing what you all think. And even though I know where this story is going, I totally get ideas from your comments, so if you want to see something happen, leave it in a review and I'll see what I can do :)

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

 **Sunday, September 12th**

"Watch out, Abby!" Amy shouted. "Alex is catching up to you."

Derek and Mark grinned from their places at the kitchen island in Mark's apartment. Leftover Chinese food covered the counter in front of them. Mark swore it would get put away eventually.

Alex was on his hands and knees chasing a giggling Abby around the living room.

It had been a good weekend.

Abby had been thrilled to learn Derek had two whole days off from the hospital to spend with her and it showed. She was her usual bright and shiny self, her smile barely leaving her face. Derek's smile hadn't left his either.

"Have you talked to her yet?" Mark asked quietly.

Derek shook his head. Both Mark and Meredith had urged him to talk to Abby about why he had to go to work, but he was waiting for the right time. He tried to find the courage all weekend, but he couldn't bring himself to potentially ruin Abby's mood.

"Dude, she's going to flip out in the morning," he warned.

"I'm going to talk to her tonight," Derek insisted. "I asked Amy to hang out here for a while until I get Abby to sleep. She said she didn't mind. I hope that's okay with you."

Mark nearly snorted. Amy must be so put out at Derek encouraging her to spend more time in his apartment with Alex. What a hardship.

"Of course," Mark agreed. "How do you think she'll take it?"

"I'm expecting to hear the word hate come up again," Derek couldn't hide the hurt from his voice. "You know I called Kathleen about that? I mean, I can't have my 4 year old talking about hating people every time she gets upset."

"Definitly not," Mark nodded. "What was Kath's advice?"

"To explain to her what hate means. How do I do that?"

"Abby is a smart kid, Derek," Mark sighed. "She's a really smart kid. She'll get it."

"Daddy!"

Derek laughed as Abby ran into the stool he was sitting on.

"What's the matter, Abby?"

"Daddy, help me!" she shrieked in between her giggles. "Awex gonna get me!"

"Oh no!" Derek gasped, playing along. "Come here, I'll protect you."

Abby's laughter got even louder as Derek picked her up off the ground.

"Can't get me now, Wex!" she shouted happily, leaning into Derek's chest.

"Oh, come on, Derek!" Alex whined playfully. "You're ruining all my fun."

"Sorry, Alex," Derek grinned. "Abby asked for help."

"Sorry, Wex," Abby agreed.

Her eyes lit up at the extra fortune cookies on the counter. "Oh Daddy, I have anoder one? Pwease?"

"Sure," he helped her open one. "Want to know what the fortune is?"

"Uh huh!" Abby nodded as she chewed on part of the cookie.

"Are we supposed to talk with food in our mouths?" Derek corrected gently.

"Sowwy," Abby said as she swallowed.

"Thank you," Derek kissed the top of her head. "Okay, let's see."

His eyes widened a bit as he read the paper in his hands. Well, this certainly fit.

"Don't give up," he said quietly. "The beginning is always the hardest."

Abby had been living with him for less than a month. She had no frame of reference for what a normal family life meant. She had no idea what it was like to have a parent that loved her. Three months ago, Abby didn't even know what the word love meant.

Derek knew what it was like to have parents, but he had no real idea how to be one. He hoped he was doing okay. It had been a very tough few weeks, and things weren't likely to get easier anytime soon. There was a lot to get used to, for both of them.

And then there was the whole him having a girlfriend thing.

Meredith had spent hours with him trying to come with a way to tell Abby without sending her into a giant fit.

So far, they had come up empty.

Cristina's contribution was that Abby was going to pitch a fit no matter how they told her. She suggested they just rip the bandaid off.

Clearly, Cristina had never witnessed an Abby tantrum.

This was his life now. His daughter alternated between adoring him and hating him. He had to sneak around with his girlfriend like a horny teenager.

The beginning is always the hardest.

Things had to get easier. They just had to. None of them could keep living like this.

He thought about the fortune from the first cookie Abby had gobbled down earlier.

Good things come to those who wait.

Well, he could wait to tell Abby about Meredith. But he could not handle another 'I hate you, you don't love me' tantrum in the morning. He just couldn't.

"I think we should probably get going," Derek said, Abby held firmly in his arms as he stood up. "Thanks for dinner, Mark."

"I don't wanna go!" Abby protested. "I stay."

Derek fought the need to groan. "It's almost your bedtime, Abby. We have to go. Say goodbye to Mark and Alex."

"No," Abby pouted. "Stay, Daddy!"

"That's rude," he replied. "Bye, guys. See you all tomorrow."

"Mean!" Abby shouted. "I stay! No go!"

"Stop it," Derek said seriously. "I'm really not in the mood for your tantrums tonight, Abby."

"Don't care!" she kicked him. "You mean! Hate you!"

Mark's apartment went silent.

Amy had heard Abby shout that at Derek before, but it still sucked to hear.

Alex stared at Abby in shock. Where was the happy little girl who couldn't stop carrying on about her Daddy the superhero?

"Night, Derek," Mark said, moving to finally put the leftovers away. His heart broke for Derek, but he hoped he stood his ground. Abby was being a brat. She was saying things she didn't mean to get a reaction out of Derek. Unfortunately for Abby, it was working. Derek had just about reached his breaking point.

Derek was ready to snap by the time he got his door open. Abby continued yelling and kicking him the entire time.

Once he put her down in the corner of his office, though, her anger quickly turned into tears.

"No!" she cried. "No Daddy, no sit here!"

"Put your head down," he said softly, rubbing her back. "Just breathe, Abby. Once you calm down, you can come sit with me on the couch in the living room."

Abby hiccuped, tears streaming down her face as she buried her head in her arms on the Fischer Price table.

This was a Liz suggestion. Abby's 'calm down' corner had a table and chair in it. When Abby got too worked up, Derek asked her to put her head down and calm herself before she got up. He hadn't really enforced many actual time outs. Regardless of what the experts said, Derek didn't think they worked. At least not with Abby.

Liz said they didn't start working with Meg or her other kids until they were 5.

He leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, and watched Abby carefully.

If he left the room, he knew she would get up before she was really calm and just start fighting with him again. He had learned that lesson the hard way.

A few minutes later, Abby picked her head up, sniffling. "Daddy?"

"Are you better now?" Derek asked her.

"Yes," she nodded. "I come sit with you?"

"Yes, you can," he smiled. "Come on."

As he sat down on the couch, Abby quickly climbed up onto his lap and snuggled up against him. "Sowwy, Daddy."

"You need to stop this, Abby," Derek said quietly. "Remember my rule? When I tell you something, you need to listen. I said we were leaving. You can be sad, but you can't yell or kick me. Kicking is bad. That's going to be rule number two- no kicking, no hitting. Not me, not other kids in daycare, not anyone."

"Okay," Abby agreed. "I got it."

"Good," Derek rubbed her back. "I think we need to talk, kid."

"We talkin' now," she said, a puzzled expression taking over her face.

"What does hate mean?" he asked her.

"Oh. Dat kinda talk,"

Derek nearly snorted. Oh Abby.

"Yea, that kind of talk. Do you know what hate means, Abby?"

"Not like," she told him.

"Sort of. Hate means you really, really don't like something. Saying you hate something or someone is a very mean thing to say. When you tell me you hate me, it kind of feels like you're saying that you don't love me at all and wish I wasn't your Daddy."

Abby hugged him as hard as she could.

"Dat's so not true, Daddy. Not true, not true, not true!"

"I'm happy to hear that," he said softly. "Because I love you and I am so happy I'm your Daddy."

"I no say dat word anymore!" Abby promised. "Never ever."

"Thank you, sweet heart," Derek hugged her tight. "But why you said it in the first place? You knew it was mean, I know you did. So why did you say it?"

Abby shrugged. "I mad. You go work and not play with me."

"Do you know why I have to go to work?" he asked her seriously. "I have to go to work to save lives and because I need a job to pay for all your stuff."

"But I don't need stuff!" she protested. "I happy just wit' you!"

His heart swelled with happiness. He knew it wasn't true. Abby loved having toys to play with and new clothes to wear. But it was the thought that counted. Abby was happy. Somehow, he hadn't screwed this Dad thing up yet.

"We need to eat," he pointed out. "And it costs money to live here. Being a grown up means having a job and making money."

"Being a grown up no fun," Abby told him.

No kidding.

"Sometimes it is," he argued. "Being a grown up means I get to come home from my crazy day at work and play with this adorable little girl everyday."

Abby giggled. "Play with me fun?"

"It's my favorite thing," he smiled. "Remember that, okay? I love playing with you. I look forward to coming home every single day because I get to come home with you. Before you came here, I spent all my time at work. And that wasn't fun."

It actually had been kind of fun sometimes. But he would never admit that to Abby. At least, not until she became a surgeon and could see for herself what he meant.

"Daycare no fun," Abby told him. "I stay here and play and wait for you?"

"You have to go to daycare, Abby. That's how I know you're safe. Your teachers watch you for me."

"I no baby!" she protested. "I watch myself."

"I don't think so," he disagreed. "You aren't a baby, but four years old is still way too little to watch yourself."

Abby huffed. "Okay."

"Daddy?" she asked after a moment. "How come Mark didn't hafta work?"

Meredith was right. Abby was comparing living with Mark to living with him. He didn't blame her. It made sense. Mark was a surgeon and he stayed home and played with her all day. How come he couldn't?

Derek sighed. "Mark quit his job when you were in the hospital. Richard asked him to come work here, and he said yes but it took a while before he could move. He didn't have a job all summer, but luckily he had money saved to pay for everything."

"And now Mark works here?" Abby asked. "Cause his job here now?"

"Exactly," Derek agreed.

"Dat makes 'cents," Abby said quietly.

Derek grinned. He had one smart kid, even if she was too smart for her own good sometimes.

"So you aren't going to fight with me tomorrow?" he asked. "You aren't going to say mean things to try and get what you want? Because that's rule number three- don't say mean things to people. Words can be very hurtful, Abby."

"I no fight," she agreed. "And I go to daycare even though it boring."

Derek hoped against hope that Abby kept her word. He didn't have any energy for a fight at 5am tomorrow.

* * *

 **Tuesday, September 14th**

"No." Cristina said drily. "No way."

"Aww, come on!" Alex laughed. "I like it."

"Like what?" Meredith asked as she walked through the door. "Why are we hanging out here today?"

"Amy didn't want to risk Derek walking in on this conversation," Cristina informed her. "Because if he did, I would totally out Amex. Evil Spawn thinks my ship name should be Burka."

Meredith was very glad she hadn't taken a sip of the beer Alex just handed her. She probably would have choked.

"Burka?" she asked Alex in disbelief. "That's the best you've got?"

"Mer!" Cristina snapped. "Please don't encourage him."

"If you out us to Derek and I manage to survive that encounter, I'll out you and Burke to the Chief," Alex threatened. "And yes, Mer, Burka. I think it fits."

"What about Burtina? Burina?" Meredith speculated. "Something more 50/50 for each name?"

"I'm still partial to Prestina," Amy spoke up.

"Oh!" Meredith said. "I like that one. Wait, what about Bang?"

By the time Cristina finished glaring at Meredith, Alex was rolling on the floor laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

"Oh my God," he said, tears leaking from his eyes. "Bang is perfect."

"Vetoed," Cristina yelled. "I veto that."

"I didn't have a say in my couple name," Meredith retorted.

"Yours is normal!" Cristina fought back.

"Okay, okay, everyone calm down," Amy said grinning. "This is supposed to be fun. So, here's the list. Meredith, since you are Cristina's person, you narrow it down to 3 and then we'll all vote."

Cristina huffed.

"We have: Burtina, Burina, Burktina, Prestina, Criston, Bang, and Burka."

Meredith couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. No wonder Cristina was getting annoyed. MerDer was actually cute compared with all of those.

"I pick 3?" she asked grinning. "Okay, I pick Bang, Burka, and Prestina."

"Can I change MerDer or Amex to something awful too?" Cristina asked. "If I get a porny name, so do you guys."

"Which one is porny?" Amy asked curiously.

"You don't think Bang is porny?" Cristina asked in disbelief.

"I'm trying not to think about Burke having sex period," Amy informed her. "I honestly don't know what you see in the guy, Cris. He's more arrogant than my brother, and I didn't know that was possible."

"He's a cardio God," Cristina protested weakly. "He's allowed some arrogance."

"And Derek's a neuro God," Meredith said. "But he doesn't act like a stuck up prick all the time. When he does, there's usually some shit going on in his personal life, and he apologizes. When is the last time Burke apologized for being a jerk to you, Cristina?"

She had no response.

"He's your teacher," Amy said softly. "He's an incredible surgeon and he's interested in you. I get it. Just be careful, Cristina. Addie's slutty intern comment rings true here too. The difference is, Derek would make sacrifices for Meredith. I don't think the same is true of Burke."

"Derek risked a lot by going to the Chief," Meredith agreed. "He's an attending dating an intern. He's just as in the wrong as I am. Webber could have reamed him. I'm still surprised Webber was as okay with it as he was. If it came down to it, Derek would pick Abby first, but I think he would pick me second. Burke would pick surgery over anything, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"None of us do," Alex said quietly. "Derek and Mark hate the guy, Cristina. There's got to be a reason for that."

"I'll be careful," Cristina sighed. "I appreciate your worrying, but you don't know him like I do."

Amy, Alex and Meredith exchanged defeated looks. Burke was going to hurt Cristina. It was only a matter of time.

At least she had them to help pick up the pieces.

"So back to the couple name," Alex said after a moment, hoping to diffuse the tension.

As they all relaxed and began to joke around again, they missed something that would have definitely put a damper on their moods.

Izzie was glaring at them from the hallway.

Some secrets wouldn't be staying secret for long.

* * *

 **Wednesday, September 15th**

"Why aren't you sitting with them?" Derek asked, confused. "I thought we were having lunch with Mer, Alex, and Yang."

"They make me nauseous," Mark sighed. "Trust me, you do not want to be a fly on the wall to their conversation right now."

"What are they talking about?" Derek was curious. Very little could make Mark uncomfortable.

"Shipping," he said drily.

Derek looked at him like he had three heads. "Shipping? Like, shipping packages?"

"No," Mark rolled his eyes. "Like relationship shipping. Ship names. Couple names. The kind of ridiculousness that is classic Amy but I never thought Yang or Karev would participate in."

Derek honestly had no idea what Mark was talking about.

Mark sighed. Sometimes Derek was really clueless.

"Bailey!" Mark shouted, catching her attention as she walked past them. "I need your help."

Bailey narrowed her eyes. What did Sloan want with her? And why did Shepherd look so baffled?

"Can I help you, Dr. Sloan?" she asked, glaring at him. "I was hoping to enjoy a quiet lunch away from all you fools."

"Derek doesn't understand the concept of relationship shipping," Mark said. "And I don't know how to explain it to him."

"And why do you need to explain it to him?" Bailey asked with a sigh, sitting down at the table with her two attendings.

"Because the three amigos are having quite the in-depth conversation about it."

"Shipping is basically rooting for a relationship," Bailey said with a sigh.

"Right," Mark agreed. "And when you 'ship' a couple, sometimes they are given a ship name. Like Brangelina, for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie."

Derek looked even more confused. "I thought Pitt was married to that chick from Friends."

Bailey snorted. The man was brilliant, but he lived under a rock.

"He is," Mark agreed. "But there are rumors that he got involved romantically with Jolie on set of their last movie."

"So shipping involves ship names?" Derek asked. "I swear I'm not an idiot but this is blowing my mind a little. Why are they talking about this anyway?"

"Because Amy gave you and Grey one," Mark informed him. "And now they are trying to find one for Burke and Yang."

Derek kicked him as Bailey's jaw dropped.

Sloan had better be kidding.

"Yang and who?" she hissed.

Mark gulped. If Yang survived Bailey's rage fest, she was going to kill him. She knew where he lived. He made a mental note to barricade his door tonight.

"I have a ship name?" Derek asked in disbelief, trying desperately to change the subject.

"Yes," Mark grinned. "MerDer."

Bailey rolled her eyes.

Derek just gaped at him. "This feels like middle school."

"Welcome to my world," Bailey said, glaring daggers at her interns.

"Dr. Bailey," Derek said quickly. "I know you aren't happy with what Mark just stupidly said, but you need to calm down. Killing one of our best interns won't help anyone."

"Oh I'm not planning on killing her," Bailey assured him. "Poor girl is getting herself in over her head with that cardio jackass. She'll suffer enough in the long run without any help from me."

Derek sighed. "If I didn't think Meredith would kill me, I would talk to Cristina about that. Burke's not a good guy. And he's definitely not the right guy for her."

"Stay out of it, Shep," Mark warned. "You have a million and one reasons to dislike Burke, I know that, but Yang doesn't. She won't appreciate it and her person will take her side."

"Fine," Derek conceded. "I'll stay out of it for now."

"But the second I think he's going to hurt her, I'm speaking up," he said evenly. "And none of you can stop me from that."

"You can't save everyone," Bailey said softly. "Sometimes you need to let people make their own mistakes."

"I am well aware that I can't save everyone, thank you, Dr. Bailey. But that doesn't mean I can't try."

"Uh oh," Mark said quietly. "I think we might have a problem."

Derek glanced at him questionably.

"Stevens looks ready to pick a fight," he said.

Derek and Bailey looked towards the Three Amigos' table. Mark was right, Izzie Stevens was storming over to them, closely followed by George O'Malley. She looked ready to riot.

He stood up, but Mark grabbed his arm.

"I'll handle this," Mark told them. "I have a feeling this is about you and Grey. You shouldn't go over there."

"If it is about Shepherd and Grey, neither should you!" Bailey argued. "We all should..."

"Oh please!" Izzie's shouting cut her off. "It must be so tough for you, Cristina. Having to work so hard to get any recognition. It's not like you're mother is a surgical God or anything. But wait, that's you, Meredith. It's bad enough you get everything handed to you because you're Ellis Grey's daughter, but you're sleeping with the Head of Neuro too!"

Derek shrugged off Mark's grip and moved towards the table. He was not going to let Meredith have to deal with this alone.

Mark and Bailey were steps behind him.

"What I do in my personal life is none of your business!" Meredith snapped. "I'm Dr. Shepherd's girlfriend, yes. I'm Ellis Grey's daughter, yes. I'm not getting special treatment, so you're just going to have to deal with it!"

"You're not getting special treatment?" Izzie asked in disbelief. "Are you kidding me?"

"No!" Meredith nearly shouted, only calming down when she felt Derek wrap an arm around her back. "If I get good surgeries, it's because I deserve them. Maybe if you worried more about becoming a surgeon and less about other people's lives, you'd deserve more surgeries too."

Miranda Bailey smirked. Way to go, Grey.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "The three of you always get the best surgeries. But why should that surprise me? I mean, Meredith's sleeping with Shepherd, Cristina's sleeping with Burke, and Alex is sleeping with Shepherd's sister."

Meredith's jaw dropped. She glanced up at Derek, but he showed no reaction to Izzie's bombshell.

Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Are you questioning my judgement, Dr. Stevens?" Derek asked coldly.

Izzie jumped. She hadn't noticed Derek. But then her eyes hardened.

"You pick them for everything, you favor them!"

"I don't favor them, Dr. Stevens," he said. "I give them exactly what they deserve and nothing more. If they scrub in on good surgeries, it is because they were able to answer my questions during rounds and proved themselves. As Dr. Grey said, maybe if you focused a bit more on your own career and less on theirs, you could scrub in on exciting surgeries too. Instead, you'll be spending the next week in the pit. I do not tolerate gossip or making scenes, Dr. Stevens. This is not middle school. Grow up."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Of course you're defending them!"

"Drs. Karev, Yang, and Grey were sitting here minding their own business. I saw you barge in here and start yelling in the middle of a packed cafeteria. If this bothered you so much, you should have confronted them in the locker room, or I don't know, the house you share with Grey. You made a choice to make a scene and spread gossip. You wanted people to overhear and talk about them. Now you'll pay for it. Get to the pit, now."

Izzie looked around for someone who would back her. Her eyes lit up when she spotted Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey, I..."

"You heard Dr. Shepherd," Bailey said coldly. "The pit."

"Come on!" Izzie protested. "Meredith and Cristina can sleep with attendings and no one bats an eye. I call them on it and I get in trouble?"

"Dr. Webber has been aware of my relationship with Dr. Grey for several weeks now," Derek said icily. "He didn't seem to have a problem with it, so excuse me for not caring that you do."

Her eyes widened. "I... I hadn't heard anything about that."

"Because I know how to keep my personal life separate from my job!" Meredith snarled. "My dating Derek is none of your business, that's why you didn't know anything about it."

"Get to the pit, Dr. Stevens," Derek repeated. "That's an order."

Once Izzie raced away, Derek sat down next to Meredith.

"So, did you guys agree on a couple name for Burke and Cristina yet?"

Cristina just gaped on him.

Izzie just told the world Alex and Amelia were together, and Shepherd wants to talk about ship names.

"Uh," Meredith tried to pull herself together. "No, not quite. We were interrupted."

"What are the options?" he asked curiously. "I like ours, by the way."

Alex, Meredith, and Cristina felt like they had entered the twilight zone.

"How do you know about yours?" Cristina asked.

"Mark told me," he shrugged. "I have to admit I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about at first, but if this is actually a thing, I can get onboard with it."

"He had no idea what shipping meant," Mark informed them as he sat down too. "Bailey had to help me explain it to him."

"I don't have a life," Derek admitted. "Ever since Amy left for New York last year, I have no idea what's going on in the world. Did you know that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are now a thing?"

"Have you lost your mind?" Cristina demanded. "Did you not just hear a word of what Izzie said?"

Derek sighed. "I heard it. I'm choosing to ignore it. What's done is done. We can't do anything to change what happened, and we'll just have to deal with the blows as they come. You can sit here worrying about things you can't change, or you can choose to let it go."

"Don't let Stevens jealousy ruin your day," Mark advised them. "You three did nothing wrong, you should be able to enjoy the rest of your lunch. So, as Derek asked, what are the options?"

"We narrowed it to 3," Alex finally spoke. "Prestina, Bang, and Burka."

Derek and Mark shared a glance before bursting out in laughter.

"Oh God," Derek said weakly. "I vote Bang."

"Seriously?" Cristina demanded, ignoring Meredith's smug grin.

"I'm partial to Burka," Mark argued. "Though Prestina's good too."

"Come on, Bang could be a classic!" Derek told him.

"Bang sounds like the name of a porno," Mark said drily.

Alex sniggered.

"Thank you!" Cristina nodded. "I agree with McSteamy."

"I agree with McDreamy," Meredith grinned. "Bang's too awesome to pass over."

Mark looked thoughtful. "You know, I think Bang might be growing on me."

Cristina looked like she was about to protest again, but she deflated instead. "You all like Bang?"

"Yes," the table agreed.

"Fine,"

Meredith high-fived Alex as Derek and Mark began to laugh again.

"But I'm never referring to us as Bang," she warned them. "That can be your thing, so I hope you enjoy it."

She tried so hard to keep a straight face, but after watching her friends laughing around her for a moment, she started to laugh too.

Team Bang.

If someone told Cristina a year ago that she would be spending lunch with two attendings and her friends talking about couple names, she wouldn't have believed them.

This was her life now.

Somehow she had found herself a part of the make-shift Shepherd family.

She guessed that saying was true. Friends are the family you make for yourself.

And she wouldn't want it any other way.

* * *

"Keep an eye on Cristina," Derek whispered to Mark and Bailey. "Burke's not going to like what happened at lunch, and I'm worried about his reaction."

"I already planned on it," Mark said quietly. "He's going to be a madman."

Bailey felt her affection growing for both Sloan and Shepherd. The way they protected their make-shift family warmed her heart. Carolyn Shepherd had done one fantastic job raising them.

"I told them they could go home if they wanted," Derek informed them. "But they all said no. Alex said he wasn't afraid of a bit of gossip, and Mer and Cristina agreed with him."

Bailey was proud of her interns too.

Even if she did think Yang was an idiot for getting involved with Burke.

The Karev-Amelia Shepherd thing surprised her. Shepherd's lack of reaction surprised her more. From the look on Alex's face when Izzie said that, Shepherd had no idea. So why wasn't the overprotective brother in him going ballistic?

"How long have Alex and Amy been a thing?" he asked Mark curiously.

Maybe she spoke too soon.

Mark gulped. "I've known since your birthday," he admitted. "But apparently since Alex left New York."

"Huh," Derek said thoughtfully. "That explains a lot, actually. Hey, can you hang out in my apartment tonight once Abby's in bed? I promised Mer a late night pizza and a movie, and since we can hang out at her house now, that's probably better. The way our luck is going, Abby would walk out on us having sex on the couch or something."

"You have sex on your couch?" Mark asked, horrified. "I sit on that couch."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Welcome to my life. Do you remember college, Mark?"

Mark grinned. "Vaguely. Sure, I'll stay, I don't have any other plans."

"I'm a little surprised you're still being McChaste now that Abby doesn't live with you," Derek commented.

"Mc-what?" Mark stuttered.

"McChaste," Derek repeated. "You haven't slept with anyone since getting custody of Abby in May. I'm surprised you haven't croaked yet, actually. This has to be a first."

"You're both a bunch of fools," Bailey glared at them. "Grow up."

"You know we are your bosses, right?" Mark asked, raising an eyebrow at her while Derek smiled and shook his head.

"Just shut up, McSteamy," she sighed. "And watch out, here comes the Bang-fight."

Mark barely contained himself. How had they gotten Bailey to call Burke and Yang 'Bang'?

Derek watched from the sidelines warily as Burke cornered Cristina. He looked furious.

He couldn't hear what Burke was saying, so he kept an eye on Alex to judge when he should step in.

And he was very glad he did.

"Karev!" Derek shouted as he grabbed Alex and shoved him away from Burke. Alex was seconds away from punching him.

Derek had a lot of pull, but he didn't have enough pull to keep Alex in the program if he punched the Head of Cardio.

Mark helped Derek push Alex further back, while Derek turned on Burke.

"What the hell is going on here, Dr. Burke?" Derek demanded, glaring at both of them.

"He's..." Alex started.

"Shut up, Karev," Derek snapped. "You're in enough trouble."

Burke's eyes widened. "I was just talking to Dr. Yang."

"I'm sure you were," Derek said drily. "And I'm sure you were rationally discussing what happened in the cafeteria, recognizing that Cristina did nothing wrong. Secrets don't stay secret for long, not in this hospital. You were both wrong to keep this from the Chief, but what happened earlier was no one's fault but Dr. Stevens."

"Well, I..."

"I'm sure you weren't being rude or condescending to your girlfriend, Preston," Derek said warningly. "Because the one this could hurt the most is Cristina. You've already proven yourself to be an outstanding surgeon, Cristina's just beginning. And now she's going to have to do it with the whole hospital knowing about her relationship with you. That's going to suck, I know, because my girlfriend is facing the same thing."

Burke gulped. Derek could see the regret in his eyes. Good.

"I would never dream of saying or doing anything to make this harder for Meredith. I suggest you think hard about that. I personally think you're an ass, but Cristina swears it's because I don't know you. Don't prove me right, Burke." Derek hissed. "Because if you do hurt her, Webber is going to be the least of your problems."

"Now," Derek stepped back and looked at the interns. "Grey, Yang, go home. I don't need you to do anything else for me today."

Mark was still holding Karev back.

This was just what Derek needed today.

"Karev," he said, grabbing him by the arm. "Come with me."

"Dr. Shepherd, don't," Cristina tried to cut in. "Alex was just..."

"Go home, Yang," Derek repeated.

"He was defending me!" Cristina pleaded, "Please, just let this go."

"If you noticed, Dr. Yang," Derek said more gently. "I defended you too. And I didn't use my fists to do it."

* * *

Alex flinched as Derek slammed his office door behind them.

"Have you lost your mind?" Derek demanded.

"Dr. Shepherd, I..."

"You nearly decked the Head of Cardiothoracic surgery in the middle of a hallway!" he seethed.

"He was being an ass!" Alex protested.

Derek glared at him. "And what the hell was punching him supposed to accomplish?"

Alex hung his head.

"We've talked about your temper before, Karev. I told you that I wasn't going to tolerate it. I told you that I was going to make your residency a living hell if you ever spoke to another surgeon like you spoke to me."

"I didn't speak to him," Alex muttered.

"No," Derek snapped. "You just tried to hit him. You're welcome for stopping you, by the way. That would have been a one way ticket to instant termination."

"Am I suspended again?" Alex asked bitterly. "Stuck in the pit for months?"

"I don't know," Derek said, his frustration growing. "I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do with you."

A knock on the door prevented Derek from saying anything else.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Karev,"

"Dr. Burke," Derek was shocked. He hadn't expected Burke to talk to him. He actually expected the man to run and hide.

There was no doubt he was being a jackass to Cristina earlier. Karev had been doing a great job at controlling his temper lately. For him to lash out like that, Burke had to have said something awful.

"I didn't take what happened in the cafeteria well," Burke said quietly. "I lashed out at Cristina and she didn't deserve it. Dr. Karev was just trying to defend her. You shouldn't punish him, Shepherd."

Alex gawked at him. Burke was defending him?

"He tried to attack you," Derek said slowly. "He would have hit you if Dr. Sloan and I didn't get there in time."

"I would have deserved it," Burke admitted. "Just let it go this time, Shep. Please."

Derek didn't know what to say. Today was the last day of their post-suspension punishment. He had planned to let each of them scrub in on his surgeries tomorrow. There was no way he was letting Alex scrub in now, that would look like favoritism.

What the hell had the kid been thinking?

"He's on your service for the rest of the week," he eventually conceded. "What he does or does not get to do is up to you. Get out of here, Karev."

Alex didn't need to be told twice.

"Thank you. I should have gone to Webber," Burke informed him after Alex left. "If I had, Stevens flipping out today wouldn't mean anything."

Derek stayed quiet.

"You were right, this is going to affect Cristina and Meredith the most. Instead of trying to support her, I almost made it worse."

"I meant what I said," Derek said curtly as Burke turned to leave. "Cristina's a part of my family. Don't hurt her."

* * *

"You almost punched Preston Burke?" Amy shouted as Alex tiredly walked into the apartment. "Where have you been? Are you drunk?"

"Yes and yes," he groaned tiredly, collapsing onto the couch. "I went to Joe's after work. And cut the yelling. Your brother already read me the riot act."

"You're lucky he didn't fire you," she snapped. "Damn it, Alex. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that Burke had no right to accuse Cristina of whoring herself out for surgeries."

Amy's eyes widened. "He said what?"

"The guy's a jackass," Alex hissed. "And I'm stuck on his service for the rest of the week. He pleaded my case to Derek, actually, otherwise I think he was going to suspend me again. But I still hate the guy."

"I don't know why you're mad about this. It doesn't impact you at all. Besides, we have bigger problems," he said with a sigh as she sat down next to him.

"It bothers me because you're my boyfriend. You getting fired would impact me, thank you very much. Derek firing you would absolutely affect me. And bigger problems? Of course we do. We can never catch a freaking break. What now?" she sighed.

"When Dr. Model flipped out in the cafeteria, she informed everyone that I'm sleeping with Shepherd's sister."

Amy froze. Derek was going to flip.

"Oh God," she moaned.

"Your brother hasn't said a word to me about it," Alex informed her. "And that is scaring the crap out of me."

"He's going to kill us," Amy said fearfully. "He thinks since our Dad isn't here to threaten my boyfriends, that's his job now."

"He's not going to kill either of you," Mark said as he walked in. "He seems fine with it, to be honest. He said it explains a lot."

"I don't believe you," Amy argued. "Derek does overprotective brother like it's his job."

Mark shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, Amy. Derek seemed fine with it today. Don't give him a reason to flip out and I'm guessing he won't. Maybe he's waiting for one of you to tell him."

They both snorted. There was not a chance that would happen. Not in this lifetime.

"Oh and Karev, I overheard him talking to the Chief. Apparently he's going to make you attend anger management sessions or some crap. Don't argue, please. You're lucky two days with Burke and this are all you're getting."

"As long as I don't get stuck with a peer mentor, I'm happy," Alex nodded. "Actually, I'd even take a mentor as long as it's not Sydney Herron."

"Maybe it will be Derek. Derek had anger issues when he was younger," Amy said thoughtfully. "Didn't Rob make him go to anger management when he was an intern?"

"He did," Mark said. "Derek got in a fist fight with a senior resident in the lobby. He just barely managed to not get thrown out of the program. Rob was strongly considering it."

"Shepherd punched a resident?" Alex asked in disbelief.

"Derek got in a brawl with a resident," Mark corrected. "They were on the floor beating the crap out of each other. It took me, Rob, and Nancy's ex-husband to break them up."

Alex was stunned. Just when he thought he had Derek Shepherd figured out, he got slammed with another doozy.

Though, maybe it shouldn't be so surprising. Alex recalled his conversation with Derek the day after Abby's surgery.

 _"Sure, you have a temper and you don't listen and you piss me the hell off sometimes. I have a temper. Mark doesn't listen to anyone and he's been pissing me off since we were 5."_

 _"I've said plenty of stupid things to Webber in my day."_

"To be honest, Karev," Mark said gently. "There are a lot of things about you that remind me very strongly of Derek when he was younger. If you can figure out your temper and manage not to get thrown out of this program, you're going to make a phenomenal surgeon. I'm glad Derek talked sense into you and kept you from walking away."

He flung an envelope at him.

"Webber asked me to give this to you. It's your board results. You passed. Congratulations."

Amy squealed as a huge smile broke out on Alex's face.

Alex was glad Derek had talked to him too.

And he was so glad he didn't walk away.

* * *

"Get out!" Meredith demanded, throwing Izzie's duffle bag down the stairs.

"Come on, Mer!" Izzie argued. "You can't throw me out!"

"Watch me," Meredith hissed. "How could you possibly think I'd still let you live here after the crap you pulled today?"

"Meredith, maybe you should think about this," George tried to intervene. "Take a day or two and..."

"Burke was a complete jackass to Cristina afterwards. Alex nearly got himself fired when he tried to defend her. I don't need to calm down, George. I need her out of my house!"

She threw one of Izzie's books down the stairs next. It nearly hit Derek.

"What are you doing here?" she huffed.

"Abby's asleep," he said, his eyes widening at the scene before him. "We had a pizza and movie date, remember?"

"I can't tonight," Meredith said petulantly. "I'm kicking Izzie out."

"Mer," Derek said softly, stepping over a pile of who knows what to reach her. "You have every right to be upset, but are you really going to kick Izzie out onto the street at 9 at night?"

"Yes."

He raised an eyebrow. "Meredith."

"No," she sighed. Turning towards Izzie, she said, "Fine. But I want you out in 30 days, so I suggest you start looking for another place to stay. You were awful, Iz. Absolutely awful. We didn't deserve that. Derek and Dr. Burke didn't deserve their personal business shouted around the cafeteria like that."

"I was jealous," Izzie admitted. "I've had to kill myself to get here, and you've got this reputation already made."

"You think it's easy to be Ellis Grey's daughter?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "People expect me to be perfect, to be the second coming of her. I spend everyday hoping I don't screw it up or look like an idiot or come up short. You had a blank slate. No one expected anything of you. You didn't have huge expectations waiting for you. I would do anything to have that blank slate, Izzie."

"Everyone talks about you, Cristina, and Alex," Izzie said. "The three amigos and the the three best interns in the program. Do you know hard it is for everyone that isn't you?"

"Don't compare yourself to them, Stevens," Derek spoke up. "The only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday. That's who you're competing against. Not Meredith. Not Alex. And not Cristina. Don't think of it as a competition, because it's not. Your job is to become the best surgeon you can, not the surgeon Cristina can be. You're all different. You all have different talents and interests. Alex isn't as good as Cristina at cardio. Meredith isn't as good as Alex at pediatrics. Everyone is good at something, you just have to figure out what you want and go for it."

"Easy for you to say," Izzie scoffed. "You're the God of Neurosurgery."

Derek rolled his eyes. "So what? I was an intern just like you not so long ago. I had to fight and prove myself every single day to get here. I did it by minding my own business and worrying about myself, not what Dr. Sloan or Dr. Montgomery were doing."

"Look, this drama is getting old, Iz," Meredith told her. "I have enough actual crap going on in my life, I don't need the extra stress you bring. So you need to decide if you want me as your friend or not, and if you do, stop acting like we're a bunch of teenagers. I'm tired of it."

* * *

 **Friday, September 17th**

Blocks.

They want me to play with wooden blocks.

I spent most of the morning practicing writing letters like Aunt Amy showed me last week, but now these 'teachers' told me to play.

With blocks.

Don't they know who I am?

I'm not going to waste time playing with blocks like a baby.

I should be learning something!

I'm going to be a brain surgeon. What good is playing with blocks going to do me?

I like to play, but with fun stuff. I like to play surgery and Go Fish and with the dolly Daddy got me from the medical school.

Learning stuff is way better than building with pointless wooden blocks.

Give me a scalpel! Give me a brain! Or, at least, Play Dough to make one with. Uncle Mark showed me how to do that. That's fun. You make a brain and then you use the Play Dough knife as a scalpel and operate.

Daddy says I do a good job.

My Daddy gets to save lives and I'm stuck in this room with a bunch of whiny cry babies.

This is so not fair.

Maybe he needs help.

Maybe I can watch more surgery from the gallery.

Now that sounds like fun.

* * *

The words 'thank God it's Friday' were never more true.

Meredith had won the jackpot and had Saturday and Sunday off this weekend. Sure, her schedule next week would be a bit rough, but two days off in a row was so worth it.

Suddenly, something caught her eye. Her eyes widened and she did a double take. This couldn't be right.

Nope, she wasn't seeing things.

Abby Shepherd was strolling down the hallway all by herself.

Where was Derek?

Meredith glanced frantically up and down the hall, hoping Derek or Mark weren't far away.

What was Abby doing here?

Derek and Mark were both in surgery, she noticed, as she looked at the OR board.

Which meant Abby was definitely supposed to still be at daycare.

"Abby!" Meredith shouted, taking off after the girl.

From the way Abby walked and ran now, you would never know she was recovering from a brain tumor that had stripped her of those abilities for months. It was a remarkable recovery that spoke volumes for how good a surgeon Derek was.

But right now, Meredith hated how well Abby had recovered. It made it very hard to catch her.

"Abby, stop!" Meredith yelled as Abby neared the elevators. If Abby got on one, who knows where the hell she would end up.

"Hi!" Abby grinned up at her. She was trying very hard to look innocent.

"What are you doing down here?" Meredith asked. "Why aren't you in daycare?"

"I 'scaped," Abby smirked.

She actually smirked. What four year old knew how to smirk?

"You what?" Meredith asked, her heart hammering with fear. Anything could have happened to Abby. How incompetent was the hospital daycare that Abby had been able to escape?

"I looking for my Daddy," Abby informed her. "You Wex's friend, right?"

Meredith sighed as she picked Abby up. "Yes, I'm Alex's friend. Your Daddy is operating right now. We need to get you back to daycare so he doesn't get scared when he goes looking for you later."

"No!" Abby protested, trying to get down. "I bored. No go back!"

Derek was going to be furious when she told him about this escapade. Meredith didn't envy Abby tonight.

"Fine," she conceded. What was the point of bringing Abby back to daycare? She would probably just try and escape again.

Maybe this was a good thing. Watching Abby this afternoon would give her a chance to have that talk with her. Derek told her that Abby had been better this week, but they all knew that wouldn't last.

"How do you like Seattle, Abby?" Meredith asked her as they sat down in Derek's office. She figured this was as good a place as any to wait until his surgery was over.

"Daddy work lots," Abby said quietly. "He gots to save lives."

"He does," Meredith agreed. "He's very good at that. And he needs to work so he can buy you things."

"He said 'dat," Abby nodded. "But I miss him."

Meredith felt her heart break. She knew that feeling very well, and she hated that Abby felt like that.

"He misses you too," she said gently. "Your Daddy loves you very much. He talks about you all the time."

Abby's eyes widened. "He does?"

"Oh yes," she grinned. "You are very lucky to have him as your Daddy."

Abby didn't say anything.

"My Mom was a surgeon too," Meredith told her.

Abby gaped at her. "Like Daddy?"

"No," she shook her head. "Not like your Daddy. She was a general surgeon like Dr. Webber. But she wasn't like your Daddy in other ways too. She worked all the time. She never wanted to spend time with me, not ever. Surgery was her most important job.

All of a sudden, Abby looked guilty.

"Daddy say being my Daddy most important," she whispered. "He wuvs me lots. He plays with me all da time."

"Because being your Daddy is most important," Meredith said. "That's how it's supposed to be. He loves you so much, Abby. You are his whole world. He hates that he has to be away from you while he's working. And he hated when you were in New York and he was here. He is so happy to have you here. You should never, ever doubt that."

"People weave," Abby said seriously. "What if he weave me too?"

Forget broken. Her heart was shattered. She pulled Abby into her lap for a cuddle.

"He's not going to leave you," she said fiercely. "You're everything to him, Abby, absolutely everything. Has Mark left you?"

"No," Abby said. "Mark live 'cross the hall."

"Yes, he does," Meredith smiled. "What about Alex and Aunt Amy? Did they leave you?"

"No," Abby's jaw dropped. "Dey not weave eider."

"See? Everyone hasn't left you," Meredith said softly. "Maybe the people that left you before had to leave. If they hadn't left you, if you hadn't been with Mike at the hospital that day, you never would have met Mark. Look how great things have been since you met Mark!"

Meredith could tell that Abby was processing everything she said. She hoped it wasn't too much, that it hadn't gone right over Abby's head.

"It met to be," Abby whispered. "Daddy not gonna weave me."

"Yea, I think it was meant to be," Meredith agreed. "You're right, Abby. Your Daddy is not going to leave you. He loves you."

"Being my Daddy come first," Abby sighed. "I say bad things, Merdith. I hurt Daddy."

"Apologize," she said. "Everyone makes mistakes, just tell him you're sorry and try not to say those things anymore."

"Are you my friend, Merdith?" Abby asked curiously.

Well, this was one scenario Derek and her hadn't explored. Being friends with Abby would make it much easier to spend time with Derek for now, instead of having to sneak around. That was getting really old, really fast. It also bought them more time to figure out how to explain dating.

She liked the idea of being Abby's friend.

They had covered the biggest issue Abby had with Derek today, but this was far from the end of it. Abandonment issues didn't go away overnight.

Abby knowing she had Meredith in her corner could only be a good thing.

"Yes," Meredith smiled. "I am your friend. If you want me to be."

"Oh yes," Abby nodded. "I like friends."

"So why is daycare so boring?" Meredith asked curiously.

Abby huffed. "Dey want me to play with blocks."

Meredith didn't follow. "Is that bad?"

"Blocks boring," Abby told her. "Coloring, Go Fish, playing surgery, all dose much more fun."

"Blocks can be fun too," Meredith protested. "I love legos. Those can be challenging. I'll get us some to play with. I think you'll come around."

Abby giggled. Playing with Meredith did sound fun. Even if she wanted her to play with blocks.

"So you escaped daycare because it was boring?"

"Yep," Abby nodded, not picking up on the disapproval in Meredith's voice. "And to look for Daddy."

"Did you tell your Daddy you don't like daycare?" she asked, looking Abby in the eye.

"He said I gots to go," Abby said bitterly. "Cause he gots to work and I needs to be watched. I say I not a baby. He says four too little to watch myself."

That made this much easier, though, it made her much more sure that Derek was going to be quite upset with Abby tonight.

"Do you think your Daddy is going to like you leaving daycare?" Meredith questioned.

Abby's face dropped. "Uh oh. We not tell him?" she asked hopefully.

"Your Daddy's my boss," Meredith shook her head. "Not telling is just like lying, I can't lie to him."

"Lying bad," Abby echoed. "Daddy no like lying."

"No, he doesn't," Meredith glanced at her watch. Derek's surgery was just about finished. "We need to go."

She picked Abby up and headed towards the door.

"Where we go?"

"To find your Daddy, his surgery is over now."

Abby gulped. "He gonna be very mad at me."

"Probably," Meredith agreed. "Escaping daycare was not a good idea. But he loves you, okay? If he gets mad, it's because he loves you and he wants to keep you safe."

They didn't have to wait long outside the OR. Derek came out shortly after they got there.

"Hey!" his face lit up when he saw Meredith. "I thought you were done for the weekend? Figured you would bolt out of here."

Meredith motioned to the child in her arms.

Derek looked at her in confusion. What was Meredith doing with Abby?

"Daddy, this my friend Merdith," Abby told him.

He cocked his head, trying to figure out what he was missing. Abby was supposed to be in daycare. He had listed Meredith as an emergency contact, but shouldn't they have paged him first? His pager hadn't gone off during surgery, and neither had his phone.

"I know Meredith," he told her. "She's my intern and Alex's friend. You've met her before. How did you wind up with Meredith today?"

Judging on the look Meredith was shooting him, he was not going to like this story one bit.

"I found Abby wondering the hallway," she said quietly. "Apparently daycare was boring, so she escaped."

Derek didn't know what hit him harder- sheer terror or overwhelming anger.

Abby had been wandering the hallways. Anything could have happened to her. How the hell had she managed to escape daycare? How had no one bothered to notice or tell him that his child was missing?

And what the hell was Abby thinking? He had just explained the whole thing to her again this morning. She needed to go to daycare because four year olds weren't old enough to watch themselves. She told him she understood.

"Tell Dr. O'Malley to talk to the family," Derek said, barely keeping the anger out of his voice. "And to tell them that I'll be by the recovery room in about an hour to check in if they have questions."

He took Abby from Meredith's arms. "Thank you for watching her," he said sincerely.

"Anytime," Meredith said softly, squeezing his arm. Her heart went out to him. Abby was not making this crash course in fatherhood easy for him at all. "Bye Abby."

"Bye, Merdith," Abby said quietly. "Daddy, I..."

"Not right now, Abby," he said evenly. "We'll talk in a few minutes, but not right now."

"I sorry," she whispered, tears starting to pool in her eyes.

Derek sighed. "I love you," he reassured her. "But I'm very upset right now. You know better, Abby."

"I in trouble?" she asked.

"Oh yes," Derek nodded grimly. "You are in big trouble, Abigail Mackenzie. You are in very big trouble."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes:**

 **I am SO sorry this is posted so late. Life got behind crazy the past month** , and this chapter just didn't want to be written. I think I started over about 8 times before I got something I liked.

The next chapter should be posted by the end of next week. I have a really hectic work schedule between now and then, but I promise I am going to try to have 16 up much quicker.

Thanks for all the reviews of 15 and for hanging with me!

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

 **Friday, September 17th**

Abby knew her Daddy was mad at her.

She was supposed to stay in daycare. She promised him she would stay in daycare, but she didn't listen.

This was way bigger than throwing a tantrum or arguing her bedtime, and a part of her was scared.

Would he make her leave?

Meredith told her that he loved her, that he wasn't going to leave her.

But she had been so bad. What if he changed his mind?

Abby buried her head into Derek's neck, sniffling as her tears soaked his scrub top.

When she realized he was bringing her back to daycare, she began to really panic.

He was going to leave her. For good.

She hated herself.

She didn't listen. And now her favorite person in the world was going to walk away from her.

"You are going to stay here," Derek ordered Abby sternly as he put her down. "I have to finish working and then I will come get you. Why do you have to stay in daycare, Abigail?"

Abby's sniffles became crocodile tears and she grabbed onto his leg for dear life. He sighed, and crouched down so they were eye to eye.

"I know you know the answer," he said softly, lifting her chin up and brushing some of the tears from her cheek.

"I sorry," she whispered. "Pwease come back."

"Of course I'm coming back," Derek kissed her forehead. "Why do you have to stay in daycare?"

"Teachers watch me," she whispered. "I stay safe here when you save lives."

He nodded. "That's right. We are going to have a very long talk when we get home. I'll be back soon, okay?"

Abby nodded, burying her head in Derek's neck.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear.

"Even though I bad?" Tears began falling down her cheeks.

"I love you," Derek repeated. "Even when you don't listen to me and put yourself in danger. You are not bad. You made a bad choice, but you are not bad. Got it?"

"You come back?" she pleaded.

Derek was a bit alarmed now. "Abby," he said quietly. "Why wouldn't I come back?"

"Leaving daycare bad," she repeated.

"It was," he agreed. "And you are in a lot of trouble with me for it. But why wouldn't I come back? You're my baby. We're a team. I'll always come pick you up at the end of the day, remember?"

"I broke my promise," Abby whispered.

"You did," he hugged her tight. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to break mine. I am coming back, as soon as I can. Go play, Abby. I'll be back before you know it."

* * *

Derek wasn't sure how he managed to talk to his patient's family without breaking down.

His four year old daughter had walked right out the door of the hospital daycare center and no one had even noticed.

Anything could have happened to her.

She could have been kidnapped.

She could have fallen down the stairs or walked out of the hospital and hit by a car.

"What's wrong with you?" Mark asked worriedly.

Derek looked exhausted.

Derek looked terrified.

Derek looked like he was about to puke all over the nurse's station.

At the sound of Mark's voice, Derek put his head into his arms.

"Derek?" Mark asked again. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know how to be a father," he said brokenly, never picking his head up. "Social services was wrong to give me custody."

Mark's eyes widened. What the hell had happened now?

"No they were not," Mark said seriously. "You're the best thing for Abby, Derek. You deserve to raise your daughter and Abby deserves to be raised in a family that adores her. You give her that."

"What family?" Derek scoffed. "I'm an incompetent single father."

"We are a family," Mark argued back. "Amy, Alex, me, Grey, Yang; you and Abby, we are a family. We might not be blood, and we might not live under one roof, but we are a family, Derek. And speaking from experience, the family you choose is the only thing that matters."

"And why are you so convinced you're a failure all of a sudden? What happened, Shep?"

"Abby escaped from daycare today," Derek informed him.

Mark nearly fell over.

"She what?" he hissed. "What the hell was she thinking?"

Derek shrugged. "No idea. Meredith found her, thank God, but..." his voice broke. "I could have lost her."

"Derek," Mark said gently. "I know you could be the President of people with crappy lives and all, but I need you to look on the bright side here. Abby is fine. Nothing happened."

"But anything could have!"

"I know," Mark said softly, placing a hand on Derek's shoulder. "And I know that you've lived people's worst nightmares. You are imagining every worst case scenario in the world right now. I get it. Stop it. Because today, a good thing happened to you. Meredith found Abby. Abby is safe. Now, you have to be the Dad and make sure that Abby never ever pulls a stunt like this again."

Derek swiped angrily at the tears falling down the sides of his face. "And how the hell am I supposed to do that?"

Mark cracked a smile. "Are you really asking me for parenting advice?"

It took nearly a minute, but once he processed Mark's words, Derek burst out laughing. Mark quickly joined him.

"Okay, okay," Derek said, still grinning. "I guess McSteamy is not the parenting expert. Who do I call? Kath? Nancy will just lecture me about how much I fail at life. Liz?"

"Hmm," Mark speculated. "I don't actually think Nance would lecture you, but I also don't think she's in line for any mother of the year awards. Kath will keep you on the phone for hours with psych crap. Liz? Maybe. But I think I can already guess what her advice is going to be."

Derek looked at him quizzically.

"Call Mom."

* * *

Abby sighed loudly.

"What's wrong, Abby?" her friend asked. "You sad?"

"Dylan?" she asked quietly. "Does your Mommy ever use your middle name?"

Dylan gasped. Being middle named was bad. Poor Abby.

"He middle named you?" he questioned. "Really?"

Abby nodded. "You in big trouble, Abigail Mackenzie, he told me."

"Here," Dylan wiped his nose with his shirt sleeve, leaving a trail of snot down the side of his arm. "I think you need dese more."

"Tanks," Abby hiccuped as she took the box of tissues.

Dylan patted his friend's back in an attempt at comforting her. "Say your sorry, lots and lots. And don't fight more."

"I don't know what big trouble means!" Abby said worriedly. "He say he come back, so what's it mean?"

Dylan wished he knew. He had a Mommy his whole life, even though his Daddy died when he was a baby. But he didn't know Abby's Daddy. Every parent parents differently.

"Of course he'll come back," That he knew for certain. Parents didn't leave their kids. Not if they could help it. "Maybe he'll take some toys. Or make you sleep early. It will be okay, Abby."

"How do you know?" she wailed, her hiccups getting worse.

"Because I'm not new to being someone's kid," he told her wisely.

Abby sighed. Dylan was nearly 5. He was smart. He'd lived with his Mommy his whole life. Maybe he was right.

She really, really hoped he was right.

Losing some toys wouldn't be fun. Neither would going to bed early.

But she would gladly take either of those things any day over losing her Daddy.

That she knew for certain.

* * *

Derek had absolutely no idea what to do with Abby.

His mother had been less than helpful.

Maybe he should have called Kathleen. She loved telling him what to do.

He thought back on the call to his Mom as he walked towards the Daycare Center.

 _"It's not easy being a parent, is it, Derek?" Carolyn asked gently. "I can't tell you what to do here."_

 _"Why not?" he demanded. "You raised six kids!"_

 _In New York, Carolyn smiled. Six kids. Yes, she had raised six kids. She was glad Derek was finally admitting that again._

 _"I did," she agreed. "And I raised 6 remarkable children who are more than capable of handling whatever life throws at them. Abby is your daughter, Derek. It's your job to raise her, not mine. You can do this. It's not going to be fun, disciplining your children never is, but it is your job. I have full confidence you will do just fine."_

 _"What would you do?" he tried. "Mom, I have no idea where to even start here!"_

 _"Talk to her," Carolyn suggested. "Find out why she did it and go from there. It will come to you, I promise."_

 _"Thanks so much for your help!" Derek seethed. "I'll make sure to remember how utterly unhelpful this conversation was and save myself some time next time I need advice."_

 _"You want advice?" she said, a bit angry. "Don't take your anger at Abby and how helpless you feel out on the people that love you, Derek Christopher."_

 _He quickly deflated. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Anything could have happened to her, Mom!"_

 _"I know," Carolyn said softly. "And I know you're terrified. You're a good man and a good father. You'll figure out what to do. What would I do? I already told you. Talk to her. Find out what she was thinking. Do whatever you need to do to ensure this never happens again. There is a difference between testing boundaries and risking her life. Make sure she knows that."_

Make sure she knows that.

How on earth was he supposed to do that?

Abby nearly knocked him over when he entered the daycare.

"You back!" she exclaimed.

He also really needed to figure out why Abby was so convinced he was abandoning her.

"I keep my promisees," he told her, picking her up into his arms. Shooting one last glare at her teachers, he exited the room without a word.

Abby was quiet the entire ride home.

While completely out of character for his daughter, he enjoyed it today. He didn't want to talk about this in the car.

Once they arrived home, Derek settled down on the couch with Abby sitting next to him.

"Do you know why I'm upset, Abby?" Derek asked quietly.

"I no listen," she whispered.

He nodded, turning so they were eye to eye. "Why is walking around the hospital without a grown up bad?"

Abby sniffled. "You say no."

"Well, yes," he said. "But why? Do I make rules for no reason?"

She shook her head, shrugging her shoulders. "No know."

Derek considered his words carefully. He didn't want Abby to be afraid. He didn't want her to think the world was a terrible place. He wanted her to hang onto whatever was left of her innocence for as long as she could. But he also wanted her to be safe. He never wanted to lose her. If something happened to Abby, he would never recover.

"Not everyone is a good person," he said softly.

 _Ten year old Derek Shepherd held his hand over Amelia's mouth as a gun shot rang out._

"Some people are bad. Some people enjoy hurting others. Most people are good. Most of the people that work at the hospital are good people, as are most of our patients. But some aren't. Some people might see a little girl walking all alone and decide to take her. And then her family might never see her again."

 _Twenty five year old Derek Shepherd had tears streaming down his cheeks as he frantically performed CPR and prayed for a miracle. Amelia couldn't die. Not today._

His voice broke at the last part, and Abby picked up on it. She looked at him, her eyes wide.

"When you decided to leave daycare, you didn't listen to me. I don't make rules to be mean, I make them to keep you safe. And by not listening to me today, you put yourself in danger. That is never, ever okay. That is the most important rule- you are never allowed to put yourself in danger. If you do, you are going to be in a lot of trouble."

"That's why I'm upset," Derek pulled Abby into his arms. He needed to hold her. The what ifs were torturing him, he needed the physical reassurance that she was okay. Meredith had found her before anything could happen. She was safe. He hadn't lost her today.

"I scare you?" Abby whispered.

"Yes," Derek admitted. "I could have lost you, Abby. I don't ever want to live without you. Please listen to me from now on. Don't put yourself in danger. Because if you do, you are going to be in a lot of trouble."

"I listen," Abby said seriously. "And I be safe. I no leave you, Daddy."

Leave. Abby had used that word quite a bit today. He wanted to know why.

"Abby?" Derek said gently. "You know I'm not going to leave you, right? This isn't like before, with your other foster parents. I'm your Dad. You are staying here with me, forever and ever."

"Even if I bad?" Abby asked. "Even if I badder than today?"

"Even then," Derek nodded. "Though, please don't try and test me on that. The stress isn't good for my heart."

Abby giggled.

"I love you," Derek whispered. "And that's forever. There is nothing you could ever do that would change that."

Abby snuggled up to him. "I in big trouble? Now?"

"Yes," he rubbed her back comfortingly. "You are. Go get me your three favorite things- toys, clothes, books, whatever. Get the three things you would miss the most if you lost them, and put them on the coffee table."

"What you do with them?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm going to keep them," he told her. "For one week. This way, the next time you think of doing something dangerous, you'll remember what this week feels like. You'll think about how I'll feel if I lose my favorite thing, and hopefully you'll make a smart decision instead of a bad one."

"I your favorite thing?" Abby asked.

"Yes," Derek kissed her forehead. "You are my favorite thing in the whole world."

It took some time, but eventually Abby came back into the living room lugging her stuff.

Her eyes were red, her nose was puffy, and he was pretty sure she was hiccuping.

As much as it hurt him, Derek did his best to ignore Abby's tears. He needed to make sure this lesson got through to her.

With a sigh, he turned to the coffee table. As expected, her surgeon kit and the medical school doll were there.

The third item, though, caused a lump to form in his throat.

When he asked her to give him her 3 favorite things, this had never crossed his mind.

"Abby?" he asked, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards him. "Why is this here?"

"'Is my favorite thing," she whispered. "My favoritest favorite thing in the whole world."

He was speechless.

"Why?"

Abby looked at him like he'd grown a third head.

"This from before," she told him. "Before you knew I was your baby. Before we a team. You just Dr. Derek then."

"I know, but..."

"You love me," Abby told him seriously. "You save me and you love me before. Not cause you 'hafta."

"I'm not taking this away," he whispered, picking it up. "Go pick something else."

"No!" Abby shook her head. "You keep!"

"Abby," he said tiredly. "This makes you feel safe when you aren't with me. I won't take that..."

"You love me," she argued. "You no leave me. It's my favoritest favorite thing but you no leave so I be okay for one week."

Maybe Abby did get why he was so upset.

Maybe he was getting through to her.

Maybe she understood more than he realized.

Maybe he wasn't failing at the Dad thing as much as he thought.

"You are being very brave about this," he told her.

"I sorry, Daddy," Abby said quietly. "I no think."

"Will you remember to think next time?"

She nodded emphatically. "I no scare you again, I promise!"

"Thank you," Derek stood up and grabbed Abby's things off the table. "Why don't you go find Aunt Amy? She's supposed to be ordering pizza for dinner."

Abby grinned and ran off in search of her aunt.

He walked into his office and opened the closet door. For a moment, he stood there in silence.

Abby seemed okay with this.

She wanted him to keep it for a week.

If worst came to worst, he could give it back to her early.

Mind made up, Derek placed the surgeon kit, doll, and ferry boat scrub cap on the top shelf.

* * *

Meredith brought her hand up to knock on the door.

She was worried.

Derek had seemed so upset and angry.

She hoped he had managed to calm down before talking to Abby.

Derek and Abby both had tempers and were both incredibly stubborn. If they butted heads tonight, if Abby argued, they could both say things they would regret in the morning.

She had gone home from work, fully prepared to drink herself silly after an awful week.

She changed, popped in one of her mother's old surgery tapes, and sat back with a bottle of tequila.

She never drank a drop.

She couldn't get Derek or Abby out of her mind.

Abby's fears were heartbreaking and real and she knew how they felt.

She knew what it was like to be abandoned.

She knew what it was like to be the child of a single parent, hot shot surgeon.

She wondered if Derek knew the depths of Abby's fears.

"Are you planning on knocking, or are you just going to hang out in the hallway all night?"

"Dr. Sloan," Meredith said evenly, without looking at him. "Can I help you?"

"We aren't at work," he said drily. "And you're dating my brother. You can cut the Dr. crap, Grey."

"I'll call you Mark when you call me Meredith," she said, a smirk on her face. "Have you talked to him?"

Mark leaned against the wall. "Not since work. I'm sure they're okay, I haven't heard any screaming. Abby hasn't stormed across the hallway with a suitcase demanding to move in with me either."

"That's not funny," Meredith hissed.

He shrugged. "It kind of is, actually. Eric tried to do that to Liz once when he was younger. Her and Dan lived across the hall from me and Derek back when we were in medical school. We all got a laugh out of it."

"Who's Eric?" she asked. "And Liz as in Dr. Kraft?"

It hit Mark that Meredith didn't know the Shepherds. He was so used to being surrounded by Amy, Derek, and Karev that he completely forgot he had people in his life that weren't Shepherds or as good as.

Meredith had been a part of Derek's life for almost as long as Mark had been back in it.

He forgot how short a time that was.

"Yea, Liz Shepherd Kraft," Mark sighed. "Eric's her son. He was born when she was 19, her freshman year of college. You know, Grey, sometimes I forget that you and Derek are still new to this relationship thing. It feels like you've been around forever."

Meredith smiled softly. "Yeah? Like I've been around forever?"

"I don't think I could imagine Derek without you in his life anymore," Mark admitted. "You're way better for him than Addison ever was. He's in love with you, Meredith."

Meredith's small smile turned into a bright grin. "You think so? You approve?"

Mark laughed. "I don't think I have to approve, Derek's a big boy. But for what it's worth, yes, I do. I think Derek's lucky to have a girl like you."

"It's worth a lot," she said quietly. "To me, anyway. So, you think I should be here? Checking up on him and Abby?"

Him and Abby.

Mark's grin broadened.

Derek had hit the jackpot.

"I think you should knock on that door," Mark said. "I don't know what kind of shape either of them are in, but I think he'd love to see you. Even if it's just for a minute."

"You two can use my apartment to talk if you want," he said as he moved towards the elevator. "I got paged for emergency surgery and Karev's working the night shift. But," Mark grinned slyly. "Just talking now. I don't want any sex on my brand new couch unless I'm the one having it."

Meredith laughed, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

Moments later, it was flung open.

But no one was there.

"Daddy!"

Meredith laughed as Abby hugged her legs.

"Daddy, it's my friend Merdith!"

She looked up from Abby to meet Derek's eyes that were dancing with amusement.

"My friend Merdith?" he mouthed to her, a grin on his face.

"I see that, Abby," he chuckled. "Why don't we let Meredith in the door before you knock her over?"

Derek closed the door behind her.

"Is everything okay, Dr. Grey?" he motioned to Abby discreetly.

"I just had a question about a patient, is it okay that I stopped by?" Meredith asked, playing along.

"Sure," Derek nodded. "Hey, Amy, can you watch Abby for a bit? Dr. Grey needs some help with a patient."

"Can I learn?" Abby asked hopefully.

"I don't think so," Derek said gently. "No surgery for you this week, Dr. Shepherd. I think Aunt Amy needs some company, though."

"Come here, Abby!" Amy encouraged. "We can make cookies for desert, if that's okay with Daddy?"

"Daddy?" Abby asked. "Can we bake?"

"Sure," he mouthed a 'thank you' to Amy, before opening the door again. "Let's talk in the hallway, Dr. Grey. I'll be back soon, Abby."

"How did it go?" Meredith asked gently. "Are you okay?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I think I got through to her. It went okay. There was no yelling, if that's what you're worried about."

"Good," she let him wrap his arms around her. "I'm glad."

"So what did you two talk about while I was in surgery?" Derek asked curiously.

"My mother," Meredith said sheepishly. "And how you are definitely not my mother."

Derek's eyes widened. "What?"

"Well, she said that you work lots and she misses you. We got to talking about how much you love her and miss her too, and then I told her about my Mom. And how she definitely never missed me."

"Mer," he said softly. "You don't..."

"I do," she disagreed. "I do know that, Derek. My mother chose surgery over me. My mother chose everything over me. Abby needed to know how lucky she is to have a parent like you. And I think I got through to her. We agreed that being her Daddy is more important to you than being a surgeon. I'm hoping she'll be less upset when you go to work now."

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her gently. "God, Meredith, you didn't have to talk to her about that. You didn't have to entertain her. You could have paged Mark or me."

"I wanted to!" she insisted. "I've wanted to talk to Abby about that stuff for a while now, but wasn't sure how. And you heard her, I'm her friend Merdith now."

Derek grinned. "I did. Does that mean less sneaking around, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith giggled.

Derek loved that sound.

"I certainly hope so, Dr. Shepherd," she kissed him back.

"I mean it, Mer," he said sincerely. "Thank you for everything today. For finding her, for talking to her, for coming here tonight. You're amazing."

"There is no where else I would rather be," Meredith grinned.

And she meant it.

She loved Derek.

She loved Abby.

She hoped they figured out a way to explain dating to Abby soon.

She hoped Abby was okay with it.

Because that was the only thing she wanted more than what she already had.

Six months ago, the thought of being a part of a family would have sent her running.

But after the past few months with Derek, and after spending time with Abby earlier, she realized that maybe the idea wasn't quite so terrifying anymore.

* * *

"Aunt Amy?" Abby asked while the cookies were in the oven.

"Yes, Abby?" Amy asked, sitting down across from her at the kitchen table. "We've got about ten more minutes before the cookies are done baking."

"Did your Daddy ever get mad at you when you were little?" Abby asked curiously.

Amy froze.

She didn't remember the last time she talked about her Dad.

She had very few actual memories of him.

Most of what she knew came from stories, passed on to her from her mother and her siblings.

She only had one clear memory of her father.

It was a memory she wished she didn't have.

It was a memory she wished she could forget.

Having no memories at all had to be better than only remembering his murder.

But Abby knew none of that.

She wasn't sure if Abby even knew her grandfather was dead.

After all, it's not like she had any family experience that would make her ask Derek about him.

She was not prepared to talk about this.

How do you explain death to a four year old?

Abby was full of questions and she never let up. She wanted answers. She wanted them now.

Amy knew there would be no distracting Abby from this.

If she didn't answer her questions, Abby would turn on Derek the minute he came back in the apartment.

Derek had been through enough crap today.

Talking about their Dad was not something he needed tonight.

"I don't remember," she said softly. "I'm sure he did, but I can't remember the details."

Abby sighed. "You never got in big trouble?"

Amy did her best not to laugh. 'Oh Abby.' she thought ruefully. 'You have no idea.'

"Oh I did," she told her. "I got in big trouble with Grandma all the time."

Abby looked confused. "Where was your Daddy, Aunt Amy?"

She knew it wouldn't be that easy.

"My Daddy died," Amy tried to force away the memories.

 _"Go hide in the back," he told Derek. "Keep quiet, take care of Amy."_

 _Derek's hand over her mouth barely muffled her scream as a gun shot rang out._

"He died when I was five," she continued, forcing herself to focus on her niece and not the onslaught of horrible memories pelting her. "Your Dad was 10."

Abby looked horrified. "Daddy lost his Daddy?"

"Yea," Amy wiped away a tear. "Yea, he did."

"I scared him," Abby whispered. "He coulda lost me too."

Abby was smart, they all knew that. Sometimes, though, even knowing that, she still managed to blow Amy away.

This was one of those times.

For Abby to make that connection, it was almost unreal.

Derek had gotten through to her.

She was proud of him for that. He was one phenomenal father, regardless of his doubts.

Losing their father so young had drastically changed their lives.

They looked at things differently.

The world was a dark and dangerous place.

Monsters weren't imaginary, they weren't hidden under the bed or in the closet. They were real.

Amy hoped with everything she had that Abby wouldn't learn monsters were real until she was a grown up.

As much as Derek was an optimistic, glass half full short of person, he also had fears.

He feared loss, he feared people leaving him.

How could he not?

Their Dad. Addison.

'You.' her subconscious screamed. 'He nearly lost you too.'

"Are you sad?" Abby spoke up. "Did I make you sad? I sorry!"

"I am sad," she admitted. "Because I miss my Daddy every day. I wish I could tell him I love him and give him hugs."

"I do that everyday," Abby vowed. "I promise, Aunt Amy. I tell my Daddy that everyday!"

Amy smiled broadly. "I think he will love that, Abby."

* * *

Derek groaned as he felt his bed shift.

He hadn't been able to fall asleep yet. The thoughts of what could have happened to Abby today made him want to vomit. He knew they would haunt his dreams if he ever managed to fall asleep.

He was also worried that he hadn't done a good enough job at dealing with Abby earlier.

His mother had called Kathleen, who called him after Abby finally fell asleep.

He got an earful about not calling her first. She then spent 30 minutes going over everything he said and his decision to take away her three favorite things.

She didn't agree.

At least, he didn't think she did. He kind of tuned her out after a while.

Kathleen had been a God send many times over the past few months, and he was grateful for all her help and advice when he asked for it.

Key word being asked.

He was Abby's father, Kathleen was just an aunt she had met a few times. He knew his daughter far better than she did. And, if he was being honest, he was a little tired of his sister psychoanalyzing every parenting decision he made.

He loved his sisters, but sometimes they suffocated him.

"Daddy?" Abby whispered, shaking his shoulder. "Daddy, are you up?"

"Yes," he said quietly. "I am. What's wrong?"

He rolled over in time to catch Abby shaking her head.

"I fine," she told him. "I scared you."

Before Derek could reply, she continued. "I no sleep good when I scared."

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You came to check on me?"

She nodded. "I sleep here?" she asked. "So you no scared, cause I right here?"

"Abby," he said softly, pulling her close to him. "That's very nice of you, Bee. I would love that. Thank you."

Abby's eyes lit up and she grinned at him. "I help?"

"Yes," Derek smiled, pulling the blankets over Abby as she cuddled up to him. "This will definitely help."

Maybe he had managed to get through to her after all.

"Daddy?" Abby asked.

"Go to sleep," he said gently. "It's late."

"Soon," she promised. "Daddy?"

He sighed. "Yes, Abby?"

"You call me Bee," Abby said, smiling. "Is that just for us?"

Derek wracked his brain to figure out what Abby was talking about.

When it dawned on him, he smiled back at her. "Would you like that?" he asked. "If Bee's my new nickname for you?"

"Oh yes," she wrapped her small arms around him. "I love you, Daddy."

Derek knew he was going to fall asleep with a smile on his face. "I love you too, Bee."

* * *

 **Friday, September 24th**

"Abby got the scrub cap back today, I noticed," Amy said grinning. "It's been weird seeing her without it."

Derek sighed. "Tell me about it. Yesterday, it took me nearly a minute to spot her in daycare. I had a moment of panic that she'd escaped again."

"Well, I think she learned her lesson," Mark offered. "And she seemed okay this week, so it's not like you traumatized her."

"I think I'm far more traumatized than she is," he said drily. "She's perfectly fine. Nothing happened. So why do I have this giant pit in my stomach all the time?"

Mark and Amy exchanged sad looks.

"Because you know that this world sucks," Mark said softly. "You know that it's the nightmares that become reality."

"You're waiting for the shoe to drop," Amy leaned her head on his shoulder. "Because that's what happens to us. We think we're happy and then we're hit with a tidal wave of crap."

"You can't think like that," Mark continued. "You can't, that's no way to live. Maybe things will be good now, maybe the world's done crapping on you. You deserve a break."

"I've been thinking about Dad a lot," Derek admitted.

"Me too," Mark and Amy said.

Derek wrapped an arm around his sister's shoulders. "He would be so proud of you, Amy."

"Me?" she laughed. "He'd adore you, Golden Child."

"You've both done him proud," Mark said softly. "And I'm sure wherever he is, he is proud of you both."

"You too," Derek said. "You were a second son to him too, Mark. He'd be proud of you, probably give you some crap for being so vain and going towards plastics, but he would be proud of what you've accomplished too."

"Abby asked me about him," Amy said after a moment. "The night of the Great Escape. She asked if he ever got mad at me when I was little."

Derek's jaw dropped. "You never said anything."

She shrugged. "I figured Abby would ask you if she had any questions. I told her we lost him when we were kids. She promised to tell you she loved you and hug you every single day. That was about the end of it. There wasn't much to say. I don't really remember him."

"I remember some things," Derek said. "But a lot of the memories are a blur, like I don't know if they are real or if I'm just imagining them. Sometimes, I can't remember what his voice was like."

"Now that, I'll never be able to forget," Amy whispered.

Derek pulled her closer to him.

"I remember him being a great Dad," he said. "To all of us. He would have done anything for us. I..." his voice broke off. "If I can be half the father to Abby that he was to us, that's all I want."

"You are," Mark spoke up. "You are just as good as he was, Derek."

"I doubt that," Derek smiled weakly. "But maybe, all of us together, can give her everything she deserves."

"It takes a village to raise a kid," Amy agreed. "That's what Mom always says."

"Well," Derek said, his smile a little wider. "I've certainly got a great one of those."

* * *

 **Monday, October 18th**

Derek grinned broadly as he opened the door to the hospital daycare center.

Meredith had beaten him there and was helping Abby into her coat.

As usual, Abby was chatting her ear off.

He leaned against the door frame watching his two favorite girls.

If someone told him a month ago that this would be the result of Abby's Great Escape as Mark called it, he would never have believed them.

Abby loved her friend Meredith.

Meredith loved Abby too, he could tell. And he loved her even more for it.

He had gotten through to Abby that day.

There had been no repeats of Abby the Escape Artist.

And somehow, along the way, Abby seemed to become more comfortable with him. She didn't seem so terrified he was going to leave her anymore.

Things were good.

Things were great.

The world liked to crap on him whenever he thought he was happy. Something was going to come, and it most likely wouldn't be very good.

But, for now, he was going to enjoy his girlfriend and his daughter.

Not that Abby knew Meredith was his girlfriend. He still hadn't managed to figure out how to broach that subject.

"Daddy!" Abby squealed. "Daddy, Merdith said we go get costume today?"

Derek grinned as he took Abby's backpack from her teacher. "Does that sound fun to you, Abby?"

"Oh yes!" she nodded enthusiastically.

"Good night, Emma," Derek said to her teacher as Meredith and Abby walked out the door. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Abby!" Emma called. "Have a good night, Dr. Shepherd."

"Daddy, we go to costume store now?" Abby asked. "Me and Lyn played house today! We took 'da babies twick-o-tweet!"

"Did you?" Derek grabbed her hand as they stepped off the elevator on the ground floor. "That sounds like fun."

"Very fun," Abby informed him. "So we go?"

Ever since he explained the whole Halloween thing to Abby last week, it was all she wanted to talk about. She had already changed her costume plan about six times.

Thankfully, he saw that coming a mile away and refused to actually buy a costume until Halloween was closer. Today was that day.

"Well, have you decided what you want to be for Halloween? Remember, you can't change your mind once we buy a costume."

Cristina had told Abby she should be a surgeon, but Abby vetoed that. She wore scrubs and his scrub cap at least three times a week as it was. That wouldn't be a costume.

"I be Derek Jeter!" she exclaimed.

Meredith bit back a groan. She couldn't understand Derek, Mark, and Abby's baseball fascination.

Derek, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He had been anticipating hours of trying on princess costumes.

"We can make that happen," he told her. "You have a Yankee hat and a Jeter jersey, so we'll just need to get you pants, socks, cleats, and a glove."

"Cleats?" Meredith cut in. "Derek, she can wear sneakers for Halloween."

"But that won't look as real!" he protested.

"Yeah!" Abby agreed. "I need cleats!"

Derek smirked. "So we'll head to the sporting good store. Hang on, where's the closest one, Mer?"

"What makes you think I would know that?" she asked him in disbelief. "Do I look like I play sports to you?"

"I think there is one across the ferry," he mused.

"We get to ride a ferry boat?" Abby gasped. "Really, Daddy?"

"What do you say, Mer?" he asked, identical grins on both their faces. "Are you up for a ferry boat ride to the sports store?"

Meredith couldn't help the smile that took over her face. It was impossible to say no to faces like this.

She was so screwed.

"Why not," she said, taking Abby's other hand in hers. "A ferry boat ride sounds fun."

* * *

 **Saturday, October 23rd**

"Why the hell are we out here again?" Alex asked with a huff.

"I told you," Mark snapped. "Abby wants to learn how to use a baseball glove and Derek decided we should all play a t-ball game to help her learn."

"Where did we get the equipment for that?" Amelia asked in disbelief.

"Your brother bought out half the sporting goods store," Meredith glared at where Derek was teaching Abby how to hold her glove.

"He's going to spoil her rotten!" Mark sighed.

"Seriously?" Amelia and Meredith asked in unison.

"Mark, you bought out half of Manhattan when she moved in with you," Alex agreed. "I don't think you have much room to talk."

"What the hell is that, Karev?" Mark asked as Alex pulled a flask out of his back pocket and took a gulp. "Are you really drinking at a t-ball game?"

Alex smirked, handing off the flask to Meredith.

"Is that a problem?"

"Only if you don't share the goods," Mark shot back.

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I'm going to see if Derek needs help. Try not to get wasted in the outfield."

Two hours later, Abby was all baseballed out for the day.

Alex and Mark packed the equipment up into Derek's car before heading out.

"Are we leaving?" Meredith asked.

Derek shrugged. "I was thinking about showing Abby the rest of my land."

"Oh," Meredith said quietly. "I'll grab a ride with Amy then."

"I never showed it all to you either," he called after her. "You're welcome to stay if you want the full tour."

Meredith turned back to face him, grinning broadly at his outstretched hand.

"I'd love a tour," she said softly. "But I think we lost Abby."

He chuckled. "She's over there, I can still see her. Bee! Come back here, please."

Abby turned and ran back towards them.

Apparently, baseball hadn't used up all her energy after all.

"Daddy!" she said urgently. "I think someone is here!"

Meredith shot Derek a look of alarm.

"Why do you think that, Bee?" he asked softly.

"There's a car! Over there!" she pointed through the trees.

"Over there?" Derek questioned. "Are you sure it's a car? Let's go look."

"Derek!" Meredith hissed.

"It's my trailer," he whispered. "It's right through the trees over there, that's what she saw."

Right. The trailer. Meredith had forgotten about that.

"Is this it, Bee?"

"Yes," she nodded solemnly. "This no park, Daddy."

"You're right," he agreed. "This isn't a park, but that's not a car. That's called a trailer. Do you want to see the inside of it?"

Abby's jaw dropped. "Daddy! We can't do that, it's not ours."

Derek chuckled. "Actually, Bee, it is ours. Where we played baseball, over here, and all that grass up on that hill? It's all our land. I bought it when I moved out to Seattle years ago."

"All of it?" she gasped. "Daddy, you gots a forest!"

"I like it out here," he told her. "It's nice a quiet and there's so much space."

"We have a lot of grass," Abby said in awe. "So much room. Why we no live here?"

Derek's face lit up. Abby loved his land. Meredith squeezed his hand. He knew she loved it too.

His girls loved his land.

Just the thought made his heart melt.

"I used to live here," Derek opened the door to the trailer. "Want to see?"

"Here?" Abby's voice rose at least an octave. "You lived here?"

Abby scrunched her nose. "Daddy, it's teeny! Where I sleep?"

"Before you, silly!" he teased. "There's no room for an Abby here, that's why I got the apartment too."

"And you like this?" she asked him. "Really?"

"Yes," he admitted. "I did. Not anymore, though. There's no room for you, so that wouldn't work."

Abby tilted her head and thought for a moment. "Do dey make bigger traylers? Like houses? I'd like a house, Daddy."

Abby wanted a house on his land.

That was his dream.

The smile on his face was blinding.

"Maybe one day," he said softly. "I think the apartment is good for now, we have Amy and Alex and Mark there with us."

Abby seemed satisfied with that answer.

"Do you want to see more?" Derek grinned. "Hold Mer's hand, Abby!"

"Let's go, Merdith!" Abby squealed excitedly. "Are there fishies here, Daddy?"

He took them down towards the lake and the dock.

Meredith tightened her grip on Abby's hand so she didn't try to jump into the freezing water.

They stayed down by the dock for a while, just the three of them.

Derek watched the two most important people in his life playing. Watching Mer with Abby was one of his new favorite things.

She loved his daughter.

How on earth had he gotten so lucky?

Meredith had Abby in her arms, spinning her around and jumping in piles of fallen leaves.

Abby's laughter was loud. The grin on her face could light up a room.

That grin was replicated on Meredith's face.

He loved them both.

He let his mind wander, a small smile on his own face.

He imagined a house on this land.

He imagined building it from scratch.

He imagined floor plans and furniture shopping.

He imagined a house designed by him and Meredith. Their Dream House.

He imagined a house filled with chatty kids with perfect hair.

He imagined the house becoming a home.

He imagined a family.

He wanted it more than anything.

He wanted a house with Abby and Meredith on his- their land.

He wanted a lifetime.

And he wanted it with them.

* * *

 **Author's Notes, Part Two:**

I did a time jump. It was necessary in order to get somewhere with MerDer. Chapter 16 thru 18 are very MerDer centric, so I needed more time to pass in the relationship before I get there.

Have a great week!


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Notes:**

Thank you all for you amazingly kind reviews for chapter 15! I will not abandon this story, that much I can promise. I might not post as frequently, but this story is my bright spot, my sanity in the madness taking over my life. It's fun for me. I love these characters and this story. I'm not going anywhere!

Side note, there were supposed to 4 more scenes in this chapter, but these amazing characters wrote themselves and my word count skyrocketed. So, on the bright side, a large portion of chapter 17 is already written!

I am hoping to post 17 (which contains Thanksgiving) before Thanksgiving. Fingers crossed!

Enjoy :)

 **UPDATE:** so somehow, this posted wrong and a very large and important section of the first part got deleted. It's fixed now. Sorry!

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

Meredith and I have a lot in common.

Okay, well maybe a lot is an exaggeration, but you know what they say about opposites.

We love surgery.

We love Abby.

We love sex.

We love having sex with each other.

We don't love being interrupted every single time we try to have sex with each other.

Every time.

It's always something.

Amy will barge into the room ranting about the crappy neurosurgeons at Mercy West. She'll plop herself down on the bed and go on and on. Sometimes she realizes what she interrupted and tries to quickly leave. But more often than not, she remains oblivious and doesn't stop for air, not even when Mer groans in defeat and stumbles out of the room.

Alex, thankfully, does not barge in on us. He just stands outside the door and tries to get Mer to go into the hospital with him to prowl for surgeries and extra OR time.

Mark takes a strange sort of pleasure in cock-blocking every chance he gets. I think it's become his new passion. For the first time in our lives, I'm the one getting laid (well, trying to) and he's the one in a drought. And he doesn't know how to cope with that.

The worst interruption to date was the day I forgot to lock the door to the on call room. Amy agreed to pick Abby up from daycare for me and take her to dinner.

Abby hated being picked up from daycare by anyone that wasn't me.

Something had happened in her past that has made her so terrified, but I haven't managed to find out what.

She changes the subject every time I ask.

But Abby loves my sister.

Adores, really.

So I thought, and hoped, that Amy picking her up would be perfectly fine.

I hoped we could avoid a meltdown, that I would finally be able to have sex with my girlfriend.

I thought I had some time. I told Mer to page me when she had a moment. She did. We were so close. Little Derek was practically jumping for joy.

And then the door was flung open and my daughter jumped on top of me.

Thank God Meredith still had her clothes on.

Having to explain sex to my four year old was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. Ever. That conversation can wait until she's 30 at least. Maybe even 40.

My pager goes off at the worst times.

Meredith's does too.

My mother calls my cell phone.

Cristina calls Meredith's.

Abby knocks on my bedroom door.

George and Izzie knock on Meredith's.

We even tried going out to the trailer one night, but Abby saw us and insisted on coming. We played more baseball instead.

My name is Dr. Derek Shepherd.

I am the Head of Neurosurgery at Seattle Grace Hospital.

I am a single father.

And I am never having sex again.

* * *

 **Friday, November 12th**

 **Derek's Apartment**

Derek sighed. This was going to be a nightmare. A triple date with Meredith, Alex, Amy, Yang, and Burke was not his idea of a fun night. It was going to be a train wreck. Every time him and Burke were in the same room, they argued. It was the nature of the beast. He'd usurped Burke's heir apparent spot and Burke would forever hate him for it.

He was 99.9% sure he did not want to be the next Chief of Surgery. He had a child. He had a girlfriend. He wanted to build a freaking house for crying out loud. Where in the complicated mess of his life was he supposed to find time to be Chief? He was having a hard enough time balancing surgeon, boyfriend, and father.

But if the only other option was Preston Burke, Derek would do it. He would take Chief, he would somehow still manage to be a good father, and he would pray to the high heavens that Meredith didn't run.

He would never work for Preston Burke. And he had spent far too much time building up his reputation at Seattle Grace to leave because of Burke.

Yang dating the jackass was making his life complicated. Derek knew Meredith wasn't Burke's biggest fan either, but she put up with him for Cristina's sake. And that was fine. Meredith was an intern, Burke her attending. Meredith's ability to put up with Burke was vital to her success as a surgeon.

"You know, I really wish Amy was one of those girlfriends who hated me having female friends," Alex said darkly. "Then maybe I'd be spared this triple date fiasco."

Derek snorted. "You wouldn't touch Yang romantically if she was the last female on earth. There's not much there for Amy to be jealous of."

Alex grinned. "Very true. And, hey, thanks for not going overprotective big brother on me when Dr. Model outed us. I don't think I ever said that."

"Don't give me a reason to," Derek warned. "I like you, Alex, but if you hurt her I'll kill you."

"I don't plan to," Alex said softly. "I never want to hurt her, Derek. Never."

Derek clapped his back. "I know."

"Do me a favor," Derek said after a moment. "Don't tell Amy that we talked about this. She won't believe I didn't go parental on you and I'm too tired to fight with her over nothing."

Alex snorted. That was certainly the truth.

Amy was convinced that Derek was going to rake him over the coals one day.

Just the other day, she had ranted to Alex for nearly half an hour that Derek and Mark must be plotting, that they lulling them into a false sense of security before hitting them hard when they least expected it.

"But really, how does anyone think tonight is going to be anything other than a train wreck?" Alex asked.

"Beats me," Derek shrugged.

"You two are not getting out of this," Meredith said sternly, sticking her head out of Amy's room. "It's going to be fun."

"No," Alex disagreed. "It's gong to be a nightmare."

"I avoid Burke at work for a reason!" Derek shouted as she turned away from them. "Why would I want to hang out with him outside of the hospital when I run from him inside of it?"

"Oh shut up, McDreamy," Cristina rolled her eyes as she stood in the doorway. "Mer, what the hell are you and Dr. Shepherdess doing in there? We're going to be late."

"Dr. Shepherdess?" Derek asked, frowning. "Really? You're calling her that?"

"I like it," Amy informed him. "You can call me that anytime, Yang. Mer will be out in a second. Derek, she says you can't wear that shirt."

Derek grinned. "Oh I'm wearing this shirt."

"No," Meredith protested, hands on her hips. "You are not. You aren't getting laid tonight, Derek, and that red shirt makes me horny."

Alex and Amy pretended to gag while Cristina smirked.

"Who says I'm not getting laid tonight?" he huffed. "And welcome to my life, I've been horny for weeks! It's not my fault Mark refuses to let me have a sex life now that he doesn't."

"Can someone get on that, please?" Amy asked. "Because Mark doesn't do sex droughts. Lizzie and I are worried about him."

"Can we go?" Cristina interrupted. "Burke's going to beat us there if we don't hurry."

"You know what, maybe I will go change," Derek said drily.

"Derek!" Meredith snapped. "Stop being an ass about this."

"He's not as bad you think he is," Cristina said. "Maybe tonight will be a good thing. Maybe you'll begin to see the real Burke."

Amy shot Derek a warning look which he chose to ignore.

"I don't think I'm the one who needs to see the real Burke," he muttered.

"You can ride with Alex," Meredith snapped angrily. "Come on, Amy!"

Amy sighed. She was not going to get in the middle of her brother and his girlfriend. She was Team MerDer's loudest cheerleader, and she loved them both, but Derek was her brother.

"Why don't you go ahead with Cristina, Mer," she suggested. "Derek can change out of the sex shirt and we'll meet up with you there. Where are we going, anyway?"

"Joe's" Cristina and Meredith said in unison.

Alex sighed. He didn't want to go to Joe's. Bars were hard for Amy, and he knew Derek tensed up like a lamppost whenever he was with Amy in one.

Tonight was going to be stressful enough.

"Why don't we go someplace else?" Alex suggested, "We always go there."

"What's wrong with Joe's?" Meredith asked.

"Well, this is supposed to be a date and not a night at a bar. Why don't we go out to a real restaurant, act like real adults for a change?"

"Adulthood is boring," Cristina sighed. "But, fine. Burke would probably like that plan more anyway. He hates Joe's."

Meredith shot one last glare at Derek before leaving with Cristina.

"I'll text you where we decide to go," she told him coldly.

"Mer," he said. "Don't do this."

"She's happy!" Meredith snarled. "Stop crapping on Burke for ten seconds and let her be happy!"

"I am happy she's happy!" he protested. "But I would much rather spend tonight with just you. I don't get too many nights like this, Meredith."

"Oh and I do?" she glared at him. "I'm an intern, Dr. Shepherd! I barely get days off, and it's been weeks since Alex, Cristina, and I all had the same night off."

Derek chose not to remind her that it was their own fault their schedules had been changed.

He knew that would not go over well.

"I want to spend my night off with my friends," Meredith said coolly. "So I guess we're at an impasse, aren't we? Change your shirt, Derek. I'll see you at the restaurant."

Derek rested his head against the door as he closed it behind her.

Why didn't Meredith get it?

After days of begging, Mark had agreed to babysit so he could have a date night with Meredith. He wanted to spend time with her away from the eyes of his clever, overly observant four year old.

His usual babysitters were Alex and Amy, but they wanted a date night too. And they deserved it.

They were cute together, he could admit that. Alex loved her. Amy trusted him. He knew about her past and he hadn't run.

Alex cared about his sister. His suggestion of a restaurant over a bar tonight was one of many examples of how protective Alex had become of Amy. It was one of many reasons why Derek didn't mind them dating.

He had a babysitter tonight.

He wanted to spend it with his girlfriend.

He didn't want to be a third wheel to Meredith and Cristina.

Cristina was Mer's person, he understood that.

But was it so hard for her to choose him every now and then?

Apparently, it was.

"If it makes you feel any better, I spend practically every waking moment with them and I don't understand them," Alex said gently as he watched Derek from the couch. "Those two are attached at the hip, they have since they met at Sinai."

"Mark's my best friend, but I don't think the world revolves around him," Derek said. "I just don't get it. Amy's never been like this. Amy doesn't have a person."

"I most certainly do," Amy disagreed. "And my person had better hurry up and change out of that red shirt so we can get this show on the road. The sooner this night starts, the sooner it ends. So hurry up, Derek."

* * *

 **Friday, November 12th**

 **Seattle Restaurant**

"What the hell is his problem?" Meredith seethed.

Cristina sighed. Mer had been ranting about Derek from the moment they left his apartment.

"It's my night off! If I want to spend time with my friends, that's my right! He wants to spend time with just me, well that's just to damn bad. Bros before hoes!"

"Is Derek the hoe in your story?" Cristina asked drily.

"Sisters before Misters," Meredith continued on, ignoring her. "Friends are forever, boys are whatever."

"You know, if you were going to start drinking at McDreamy's you could have told me," she sighed. "Because I could really use something strong right now."

"I'm not drunk!" Meredith protested. "I'm annoyed. This is me being annoyed."

"This is you being dark and twisty and drunk," Cristina tried to grab a waiter's attention. "What are the chances they'll bring me a shot of tequila before any food?"

"Not very high. This is a classy place, Cristina. We're not at Joe's."

"Remind me to yell at Evil Spawn for that later. What's wrong with Joe's?"

"I thought we already established that?" Alex asked, shaking his head, as he sat down in an empty seat across from Meredith. "Burke's not here yet?"

"No," Cristina said curtly. "But he'll be here soon. He got held up at the hospital."

"Hmm," Alex said, grabbing a menu.

"What?" Cristina demanded. "Hmm what?"

"Nothing," Alex didn't look up.

"You think he's an ass for running late? He's a surgical God! He's saving lives!"

"Shepherd's a surgical God too, yet he managed to show up on time," Alex countered.

Cristina waved her hand at him. "Shepherd's surgical lore is going to go down the toilet if he keeps walking around the hospital with Abby's dolls and play dough brain models. The guy's whipped by a four year old."

Alex raised an eyebrow at Meredith.

"And yet, he's at a restaurant, about to have dinner with a man he hates because his girlfriend asked him to," he said evenly. "Instead of being at home with his daughter or enjoying some alone time with said girlfriend. You're right, Shepherd's the real jackass guy here. Burke should be nominated for sainthood. Boyfriend of the year!"

Neither Meredith or Cristina could think of a reply.

"The two of you are driving me insane. I really don't know why I put up with you."

"Well," Meredith grinned. "I guess you could become besties with George or Izzie if we're too much for you."

"Where are McDreamy and Shepherdess anyway?" Cristina asked curiously.

"They'll be in soon," Alex shrugged. "Amy wanted to talk to Derek privately."

Outside the restaurant, Derek stared worriedly at his sister.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. "Really, Amy, we can leave. We don't have to stay for this train wreck."

"I am fine!" she hissed. "I just need a minute."

"I never said you weren't," Derek pulled her closer to him. "I'm just saying that if you aren't fine, if you don't want to do this, I would have no problem going back to the apartment and having a movie night with you and Bee."

Amy leaned her head on Derek's shoulder.

"I hate him, Derek,"

"I know," he whispered. "I do too."

The two Shepherd siblings stood in silence for a while, leaning against the side of Alex's car.

"What if he says something?" Amy's fear filled question broke the silence. "To Alex. Or Cristina or Meredith."

"Alex knows," Derek rubbed her back. "And he hasn't run away screaming yet. If he tells Cristina? Well, I imagine he will at some point. So eventually, Meredith will find out too."

"I am so tired of being the failure," she whispered.

"You are not a failure," Derek said forcefully. "You are anything but a failure, Amy."

"You don't get it!" she argued. "You're Mr. Perfect. You're Derek Shepherd. The craziest thing you've ever done is screwed your intern, but even that's okay because you didn't know she was your intern at the time. You have no idea what it's like to be the subject of gossip! You have no idea what it feels like to have an entire hospital talking trash about you or giving you dirty looks."

"I am so far from perfect it's not even funny," Derek countered. "My first marriage fell apart. I pretended my best friend was dead for five years. I stopped talking to you for years. I ran away from New York, from my family, like a coward because I didn't want to face those dirty looks. I am an asshole. I'm arrogant as hell and there are days where I hate being a father."

Amelia jaw dropped. What?

"I miss the days where I could work for 72 hours straight and write nationally acclaimed research articles. I miss the days where I spent every second working towards becoming Chief of Surgery. I miss the days where my days off were spent fishing or researching, not making brains out of play dough or teaching a four year old anatomy. I miss having time to myself."

"Every time Mer and I get interrupted or have to sneak around, I wonder what our relationship would be like if I didn't have a daughter."

"I wouldn't trade Abby for anything," he said quietly. "She is the love of my life, and I feel like the worst, most vile person in the universe every time I find myself missing the life I lived a year ago. But there are still days that I miss that life. I am not perfect, Amy. Not even close."

"But at the end of the day, you go home to her," she whispered. "You go home and snuggle and play and love her. At the end of the day, you adore Abby and you love being her Dad."

"And at the end of the day, you go home sober. You won, Amy. You fought one hell of an uphill battle, and you fought most of it alone. You are not a failure, you are anything but."

She gaped at him, tears welling in her eyes as Derek spoke.

Her brother, her person, didn't think she was a failure.

Derek, who had seen her at her lowest low, didn't think she was a failure.

Derek Shepherd, Mr. Perfect, with his cocky brilliance, with his God like surgical skills and ego to match, didn't think she was a failure.

Derek stood up. "Human beings are a flawed species, none of us are perfect. Anyone who knows your past and calls you a failure, well, they don't deserve to be in your life. I don't think Meredith would judge you because you've made mistakes. I truly don't."

He gave her a minute to collect herself. "I mean it, we can go home if you want. You don't have to do this tonight."

"I don't want to see him, Derek," Amy whispered. "Not tonight, not ever."

Derek pulled his phone out so he could call Alex and tell him they were heading home.

"But I want to go on a date with my boyfriend. I want to double date with my brother and the love of his life. If that means I have to deal with Burke, I can deal with Burke."

"We're not perfect," she said, walking towards the front door of the restaurant. "But we aren't failures either."

And for the first time in nearly ten years, Amelia Shepherd started to believe that.

"Amy?" Derek called, as he quickened his pace to catch up to her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you moved back to Seattle."

Amy smiled brightly at him. "Me too."

Back inside the restaurant, Alex hoped Amy and Derek hurried the hell up. Burke had arrived nearly ten minutes ago. Derek was right, this was going to be a train wreck.

Meredith was pretty much white girl wasted already.

Cristina wasn't far behind her.

Which left him and Burke sober.

Where the hell were Derek and Amy?

"What did we miss?"

Alex let out a sigh of relief.

Derek watched Burke like a hawk. He planned to do so throughout dinner. And so, he easily picked up on the look of shock when Burke saw Amelia sit down beside Alex.

Alex saw it too, and he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend protectively.

"Preston," Derek said with a nod.

"You changed your shirt," Meredith observed.

"You told me to," he shot back.

Meredith's eyes widened- what the hell had gotten into Derek?

"Relax, Derek," Amy whispered. "I'm okay."

"You remember my sister, Amelia, don't you, Dr. Burke," Derek said coldly. "Amelia is a resident at Mercy West."

"I thought you went to Sinai?" Burke asked, surprise entering his voice. "How long have you been back in Seattle?"

"None of your business," Derek snarled.

"Derek! Stop it!" Amy hissed. "Seriously, stop it. I'm fine."

"Amy's my girlfriend," Alex informed Burke evenly. "She's been back in Seattle since July."

Meredith and Cristina exchanged surprised glances.

Derek had always insisted that his problems with Burke stemmed from his usurping the future Chief role.

Clearly, there was more to the feud than just that.

Dinner was tense, awkward, and every bit the train wreck Derek and Alex predicted it would be.

Not that Meredith would ever admit that it to him.

His ego was big enough.

The drama reached it's peak when Burke's pager went off halfway through the main course.

"It's the hospital," he sighed. "I have to go."

Cristina tried her best not to look relieved. This hadn't been nearly as fun as she had thought it would be.

"I didn't know you were on call tonight," Derek commented. "Is it serious?"

"I'm the Head of Cardio, Shepherd," Burke rolled his eyes. "I have them page me for all major cardio cases. It wasn't all that long ago, neuro worked that way too."

Alex flinched. Subtlety was definitely not Burke's strong suit.

Derek's eyes narrowed. "I still have my fellows page me. I just don't feel the need to drop everything and run to the hospital for every page. That's why I'm not the only neurosurgeon we have."

Burke rolled his eyes, said goodbye and hurried out of the restaurant.

"He's a real charmer, Yang," Derek said cooly. "Is this the real Burke I'm supposed to be getting to know?"

Alex shot her a warning look and she bit her tongue.

"He's thorough," she tried instead.

"He ditched you, Cristina," Amy shook her head. "What I don't understand is why you didn't go with him? Aren't you a surgery hungry intern?"

Cristina scowled. "I've hit maximum working hours this week. I doubt your brother would let me get away with scrubbing in tonight."

"Good decision," Derek smirked. "There's more to life than surgery."

Seconds later, Derek's pager went off.

One glance at it and Derek was on his feet.

"I have to go," he swallowed hard, kissed Meredith on the cheek and turned to Alex. "Can I have your keys? I'll pay for the cab ride home."

"You're going to work?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"I'm sorry," he said, his hand shaking as Alex dropped the keys in it.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked worriedly. "You're shaking."

"I'm fine," he brushed him off. "I just have to go."

"What a freaking hypocrite," Meredith scowled. "I need another drink. Cristina, come to the bar with me.

"Go drive him there," Amy told Alex once they were alone. "He can't drive like that. He looks like he's about to pass out."

"Call Mark," Alex suggested. "I'll drive him, but I have a bad feeling this is about Abby."

Amy's eyes widened. "I'm coming with you. Let's go. Now."

* * *

 **Monday, November 15th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital Daycare**

"I like your bandaid, it's a cool color." Dylan told Abby after lunch. "Does it hurt?"

"Thanks," Abby grinned. "It's -avy blue! No, Markie stitched it up real good! Daddy says I be good as new soon."

Dylan shot her a toothy grin. "The Red Sox cap's that color."

Abby looked scandalized. "You a Red Sox fan?"

Dylan's eyes widened. "Oh no! You like the Yankees?"

Abby put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Is dat a problem, Dylan?"

He thought for a moment. "I don't know. My Daddy was a Red Sox fan, but my Mommy doesn't understand it. I've got a cap though!"

Abby sighed. "You don't know baseball?"

"Not really," he shrugged. "Do you?"

"Oh yes," she nodded. "My Daddy teaching me. Maybe he could teach you too."

Dylan's eyes lit up. "Really? That'd be so so so cool!"

"He's a Yankee fan," Abby informed him. "Leave the cap home and maybe you can play with us."

"I'll ask my Mommy!" he said enthusiastically. "So she can ask your Daddy."

Abby grinned broadly. Ever since she'd moved to Seattle, she missed her friendships with her cousins. She missed Meghan and Eric the most, but she missed their brother Josh too. Dylan reminded her of Josh. He was nice and funny, and they liked the same things.

Dylan was a good friend.

Dylan was her best friend.

"I'll talk to my Daddy," she promised him. "We both can today! You can meet him."

Course of action decided, the two resumed playing Operation. Dylan usually won, but assured Abby she'd get better eventually.

Practice made perfect, after all.

"Abby?" Dylan said quietly. "Do you think your Daddy will ever get married?"

Abby glanced up at him. "He was married. Now he unmarried."

"I know," Dylan sighed. "I mean again. To another girl."

Abby's jaw dropped. "You can do that?"

"I think my Mommy's going to get married again," he informed her. "She plays with our neighbor all the time. I think she likes him."

"What that mean?" Abby asked him.

Dylan thought about it. "I don't really know. He makes her happy."

"Abby!" the teacher called. "Your Dad is here."

Derek grinned broadly as Abby barreled over to him. He had been absolutely terrified the other night when Mark had paged him.

His body shook the entire ride to the hospital. Thank God Amy and Alex could read him like a book and insisted on driving him. He probably would have wrecked the car if he had tried to drive himself.

Abby had been racing around Mark's apartment and ran head first into a corner, cracking her head open and requiring eight stitches. For the first time, Derek understood why you aren't allowed to operate on family. He hadn't thought like a neurosurgeon last night. He could barely think straight, let alone be a doctor.

Webber had reamed him for his insistence that Mark stitch up Abby's forehead. He was family too, and despite Derek being Head of Neurosurgery, he couldn't ignore the rules. Hospital policy stated that family could not treat family. Thankfully, Mark was having none of that and finished the eight stitches while Webber was still shouting at him in the hallway.

Having a plastic surgeon in the family came in handy some times.

"Daddy!" Abby giggled as he scooped her up into his arms. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too," he said, smiling as her laugh got louder as he began to tickle her. "Did you have fun today?"

"Oh yes!" she exclaimed. "Daddy, can you teach my friend how to play baseball?"

"Sure," Derek said. "Am I ever going to meet your friend, Abby?"

"Down?" Abby asked. The second Derek put her down on the ground, she took his hand and pulled him over to where Dylan was coloring.

"Daddy, this is Dylan."

Derek gulped as he was hit with emotions from all sides.

Abby had been talking about her daycare friend for weeks now.

Derek knew that her friend's Dad had died years ago, that her friend just had a Mommy. Derek knew that her friend liked surgery and brains and playing doctor.

Derek knew Abby's friend had been a surgeon for Halloween.

But there was one thing, one major thing, that he didn't remember Abby ever mentioning to him.

Abby's best friend was a boy.

He was so not ready for this.

* * *

 **Monday, November 15th**

 **The Emerald City Bar**

"God, I needed that. Get me another one, Joe?" Derek called towards the bartender after gulping down his first scotch of the night.

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Romance problems?"

"I wish," Derek wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Meredith problems would be a welcome distraction from this."

Mark waited patiently for Derek to continue. He gave him over a minute.

"So are we going to talk about this, or are you just getting hammered? Because I could go for either right now," Mark said.

"I met Abby's best friend at daycare today," he sighed.

"Okay," Mark thought for a moment. "Is that bad?"

"His name is Dylan," Derek snarled. "What the hell kind of name is Dylan anyway?"

Mark tried not to laugh, he really did.

Abby's best friend was a boy.

"She's four, Shep," Mark pointed out. "The kid's probably barely out of diapers, I think it will be okay."

"Dylan," Derek spat. "Is five. He's older and far too experienced for her."

"Experienced? Derek, you need to calm down. This manufactured stress and worry is not good for you."

"Manufactured?" Derek hissed. "My daughter is being taken advantage of by an older man!"

"Your four year old daughter is friends with a five year old boy," Mark said drily. "I don't think we've got anything sinister going on here. Abby's a tomboy. She likes baseball, blood, gore, and surgery. Most girls her age like princesses and…"

"Princes!" Derek growled. "Most four year old girls love princes. My kid thinks she found her very own prince charming!"

"Abby has no idea what prince charming even means," Mark waved Joe over to them for another round. "She can't be bothered to sit through princess movies because kisses are icky. She has no idea that in the real world, boys and girls fall in love, get married, or have babies because she's never been around that. She's being raised by a single father. Her parents are divorced and have been since before she was even born. There's no love or talk of marriage and babies here, Shep, so please calm down."

Derek's eyes widened. "Great, so I'm raising Abby to believe love and princes don't exist! This single parent thing is screwing her up. I'm fa…"

"Would you shut up!" Mark snapped. "You are worse than a pre-teen girl right now, Derek. Get it together."

"I'm not ready for Abby to have a boyfriend! I've barely even had the chance to get to know her myself, I'm not ready to share her with anyone else."

"No one is asking you to," Mark sighed. "Abby's friend has a penis. Great. He has no idea what to do with it and won't for at least another half a decade, and neither does Abby. She's not moving out anytime soon, Shep, I think you'll have plenty of time with her before she does."

They sat in silence for a while as Derek's brain processed everything.

"I… I just…" he huffed. "She's growing up too fast, Mark. I know that this whole mess is Bizzy's fault, I don't blame Addison, and maybe it was fate and all, but I, I wish I'd known her forever, you know? I wish I'd known her as a baby. I wish I knew her first word or watched her take her first steps."

"I'm sorry," Mark said quietly. "Really, Derek. Maybe it's not all Addison's fault, but your marriage crumbled because of me. You could have known Addie was pregnant from the get go. You could have known Abby forever if I had done what I should have and said no."

"I don't blame you either," Derek told him. "By the time you and Addie had the affair, I wasn't in love with her anymore. I was distant and deep down I knew we weren't going to last forever. You, on the other hand, were in love with her."

"I slept with my brother's wife," he shook his head. "It doesn't matter that I was in love with her, you should have come first."

"We all made mistakes," Derek eventually conceded. "And I don't know how much I've forgiven or forgotten, but I do know that I'm trying to move past it all. You saved Abby's life. That trumps crappy decisions from five years ago in my book."

"Besides," Derek added. "I'm in love with Meredith now. I'm happy."

"I know," Mark smiled softly. "I don't know if I've ever seen you happier. So don't let Abby's friend get you in a tizzy. She's four. You've got time."

"I want her to stay far away from anything with a penis," Derek protested. "Time or not, I'd rather not test fate. The only men in her life should be Alex, you and me. That's enough for her."

"Well, why don't you leave Abby and her friend alone until she starts talking about eloping? She won't understand why you're acting like an unhinged madman and she won't like it if you tell her she can't be friends with Dylan."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I wasn't planning on telling her not to be his friend. She's far too much like Amy for that to ever work. She'd probably marry him just to spite me."

That was certainly the truth. Abby was a mini-Derek in looks and a mini-Amy in actions.

"Friendly reminder that the sisters thought Amy and you were the same person for years," Mark grinned. "Abby's too much like you for that to ever work, not just Amy."

They made more small talk for a while before Derek remembered that Mark was the one who had wanted to grab drinks tonight.

He was being a selfish jackass again. Sometimes he wondered why Mark put up with such a one sided friendship. Derek silently vowed that he would try to be there for Mark more from now on.

"So, what's going on with you?" he inquired.

Mark shrugged. "Work, babysitting Amy and Karev, the usual."

"I won't tell Amy you said that," Derek laughed. "Don't you trust them?"

"Yes," Mark said with a tone of surprise. "I'm just as shocked as you, but I actually like them together. I think he's good for her."

"Agreed," Derek nodded. "Hey, we're at a bar, you should turn on the charm or whatever it is you do to get girls."

"What?" Mark asked in disbelief. "I thought we were talking about Abby and Amy and boys?"

"We were," he agreed. "But Amy and I have also been talking, and we think it's time for McChaste to get McLaid."

Mark's jaw dropped.

Derek and Amy had been talking about his lack of a sex life?

He hated them.

All those single children who wished for siblings? Yeah, well having siblings is totally not all it's cracked up to be.

Mark sputtered. "Excuse me?"

Derek grinned sheepishly. "Mark Sloan and sex go together like humans and water. Sex is like 95% of your life, and you haven't had any since you put your life on hold to take care of my kid. I think it's time McSteamy got some action."

"You just want me to stop cockblocking you and Grey,"

Derek shrugged. "That too."

Mark glared at him. "I can't believe you and Amy talked about my sex life!"

"Lack of a sex life," Derek corrected. "Now who's being dramatic? Look, Mark, I'm happy. Amy's happy. We just want you to be happy too."

"I met someone," Mark said quietly. "Last weekend, here actually."

"What?" Derek asked in disbelief. "Why is this the first I'm hearing of this? And why are you still hell bent on keeping me from getting laid if you're getting some now too?"

"I never said we had sex," Mark sighed. "I didn't go home with her."

Derek looked like a fish out of water. Who was this guy and what the hell had he done with Mark?

"Did you bring her home with you?" Derek asked.

"No," Mark finished another scotch. "This one's different."

Huh. Maybe Derek wasn't the only one who had grown up since meeting Abby.

"Have you seen her since then?"

"No," he shook his head. "But we've talked a bit over the phone, we're making plans for a date this weekend."

"Wow."

"What?" Mark snapped. "You don't…"

"Mom's right," A small smile formed on Derek's face. "Mom's really right. You are growing up. Good for you. I hope it works out."

A year ago, if someone had told Mark that the week before Thanksgiving, he'd be sitting at a bar in Seattle with Derek Shepherd talking about girls, he probably would have punched them. It would have been a cruel dream, a cruel distant memory of what used to be.

Derek seemed genuinely happy for him.

Derek and Amy wanted him to be happy.

"Me too," he admitted. "She seems pretty great. If things work out, maybe I'll join you on the next group date."

"Yeah, I don't think there will be a repeat of that fiasco," Derek said. "Meredith is still mad at me."

"I knew there were romance problems!" Mark said triumphantly. "Abby being friends with a boy wouldn't push you this far off the deep end."

"Whatever," Derek rolled his eyes. "She's mad I left in the middle because you paged me. It was sort of crappy timing because I'd just given Burke a hard time about it."

"She's mad you raced to the hospital because Abby cracked her head open?" He sighed. "You haven't told her yet, have you?"

"She hasn't given me a chance," Derek defended. "She just runs away or pretends she's busy every time I try."

"You both suck at communicating."

"You think? Come on, let's grab a cab. I promised Abby I'd be home to tuck her in tonight and it's getting late."

* * *

 **Tuesday, November 16th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

Meredith tapped her pen against the nurses station.

She could not believe how much of train wreck the other night had been.

The entire triple date idea was a mistake. Derek hated Burke. Burke hated Derek. And she was now almost positive that there was more to it than Derek being next in line for Chief of Surgery.

She hadn't expected Derek to be so… mean, though. She knew he wasn't thrilled about having to go, but he had been snappish and rude and impossible.

McDreamy had been a McAss the entire night.

He had given Burke hell about leaving for a page when he wasn't on call, only to do the same damn thing minutes later.

For Derek's sake, that had better have been one hell of a surgery. She had been swamped in the pit all day Saturday and was thankfully able to avoid him, and Derek was off on Sunday. He hadn't called her either, which was unusual for them.

But she was mad at him. Not calling could just be added onto the list of reasons why Derek was a selfish, arrogant, ass.

She really hoped she wasn't on his service today.

"Grey, you're with Sloan," Bailey informed her.

Well, crap.

The only thing worse than being placed on Derek's service was being placed on Mark's.

Derek typically tried to remain professional, tried his best to stick to the line theory.

Mark could care less what anyone thought of him.

And he always took Derek's side.

Which was fine.

Derek needed a person, he needed someone who would help him hide a body if he needed it.

Mark was that person.

Meredith didn't have the energy to put up with Derek's person today. She just didn't.

"You're a real selfish piece of work, aren't you, Grey?" Mark shot at her the moment they were out of Bailey's hearing range.

"Me?" she hissed. "I'm selfish? Are you for real, Dr. Sloan?"

"Yes," he snapped. "I think that's exactly what you are. Your boyfriend left that nightmare of a dinner shaking so badly Karev insisted on driving him here. Have you even bothered to ask him what happened?"

"He got a page, he answered it," she spat. "He's a surgeon, that's what surgeons do when they get paged."

Mark huffed, grabbing Meredith by the arm and pulling her into a supply closet.

"I paged him," Mark snarled. "I paged him because he wasn't answering his cell phone. Abby cracked her head open, Grey. I was driving his daughter to the hospital, his four year old daughter who had blood gushing like a freaking volcano from her forehead."

Mark might as well have punched her in the stomach.

She wished the floor would swallow her whole.

Something being wrong with Abby had never crossed her mind.

"What?" she whispered. "You paged him?"

"Yes!" he spat. "I'm so sorry he put his daughter over some stupid dinner date with you and your friends."

"I didn't know it was about Abby!" Meredith protested, tears forming in her eyes. "It was his pager, I assumed it was the hospital!"

"Well maybe you should stop assuming then," he seethed. "God, Grey, every time I start to like you, you do something that makes me wish Derek would wake the hell up and dump you. Two steps forward, a hundred damn steps back."

"I've known Derek Shepherd for most of my life," Mark said coldly. "He is my brother, and I want what's best for him. He's in love with you, and I never thought he would let himself fall in love again. I know you're young and all, but you need to stop jumping to conclusions. You need to talk to him. And you need to stop pretending you've got him all figured out."

"There is so much awful crap in Derek's past that I don't even know where to begin," Mark said, his voice softer now. "And that's all contributed to who he is. You aren't the only dark and twisty person with a crappy history in this relationship, Grey. Just because Derek does a better job at hiding his pain, at the whole being optimistic thing, it doesn't mean the pain isn't there."

"I know he hasn't told me everything," Meredith agreed. "I know there's tons I don't know, the same is true for me. I just, I'm new to this. I've never really been the girlfriend before. And I'm scared."

"Scared?" Mark scoffed. "Of what?"

"Of what falling in love with him means," she conceded. "I've got abandonment issues a mile long, and the thought of really falling for him and losing him too scares the hell out of me."

Mark leaned against the wall and stared at Meredith critically.

"Well," he said after a moment. "I'd say being scared is a good thing."

"What?" she asked him incredulously. "Why the hell is being so scared I continuously screw this up a good thing?"

"It means you think there's something to lose," he said quietly. "Look, you both suck at communicating. Really, really suck. Stop judging him, Grey. If he does something that pisses you off, stop overanalyzing why and just talk to him."

Meredith sighed. "How do I fix this?"

"Talk to him."

She stared at him blankly. He felt like he was talking to a wall.

"Go ask how Abby is feeling. Apologize. Do something other than find an on call room and have sex. Talk to each other. Figure your shit out."

Mark shook his head. These two were going to be the death of all of them.

"Go," he motioned towards the door. "Go find Derek."

"Now?" she asked in disbelief.

"Don't make me regret this, Grey," he said drily. "One night of brooding Derek is my weekly quota, and we met that last night. Go."

It didn't take Meredith long to find him.

Even with his back to her, she knew it was him. The ferry boat scrub cap was a dead give a way.

He was standing outside of OR 1, running through what to tell the patient's family with a resident she didn't recognize.

"Hey," she said softly when he turned around.

Derek's eyes widened.

"Are you on my service today?" he asked slowly. "I told Bailey I didn't need an intern."

"I'm on Dr. Sloan's," she told him. "Who told me to come find you."

"Why didn't he just page me if he needed a consult?"

Meredith bit back a sigh at the curt tone to Derek's voice.

"He doesn't need a consult, Derek."

"Then I don't know what you're doing here, Dr. Grey," Derek said, walking past her towards his office.

"How's Abby?" she asked.

Derek froze for a moment, "No."

"No?" Meredith tried to push down her annoyance. "I can't ask how my boyfriend's daughter is?"

"I'm not your boyfriend here!" he snarled, whirling around to face her. "And no! You can't. You only know to ask about Abby because Mark must have told you. My kid comes first, remember? Well, the other night, you proved that you don't get that!"

"I screwed up!" Meredith shouted. "I know that I screwed up, I get it, okay? The whole night was a bad idea. I was wrong to jump to conclusions. I'm sorry, Derek, I'm freaking sorry."

Derek groaned.

"I don't want to do this here, Meredith," he said tiredly. "We're at work."

"You don't want to talk period!" she hissed. "Mark says I'm the one who needs to get better at communicating, but honestly, Derek, at least I'm trying!"

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "Abby's fine. She's wearing her bandage like a war wound. She thinks it's cool."

"Good," Meredith said softly. "I'm glad she's okay."

"Me too," he sighed. "I should have told you what was going on."

"I should have asked," Meredith admitted.

"We really do need to work on the whole communicating thing," Derek whispered, kissing her gently on the lips. "I'm sorry I was an ass just now."

"Thank you," she whispered, leaning in for another kiss. "You were right, that triple date was a terrible idea."

He sighed. "I know you're an intern and you rarely get time off. I understand you want to spend time with your friends, but, Mer? You see Cristina every single day. You eat lunch with her, hang out in abandoned hallways or Really Old Guy's room with her."

Meredith paled. "We don't hang..."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Don't insult me. You three strategically monitor the OR board for when I'm in surgery and then rush to gossip. Whatever. Just don't let me catch you at it."

She grinned sheepishly. "Noted."

"I barely get any time alone with you," he said quietly. "Here we are always surrounded by your friends, Bailey, or other people. If I get lunch with you, it's you and Cristina. I wanted a night with just you. I don't make you third wheel with me and Mark, or me and Amy. All I wanted was one night, Mer. I get that your busy, but I am too. I'm not an intern, no, but I'm a department head and a father. I had a night off from both for the first time in weeks and I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend."

She felt like dirt.

She'd heard Alex's words at the restaurant, but they hadn't registered until now.

She had decided that Derek was being selfish, that he was trying to interfere with her friendships. But, he was right. They rarely ever had any time alone.

"I told you that I would suck at the relationship thing," she grabbed his hand, squeezing it as he stepped closer to her. "I'm sorry I couldn't see where you were coming from."

Derek blanched. "I... I'm sorry I didn't try harder to help you understand."

"We need to work on communicating better," Meredith said firmly.

"We will," Derek vowed, kissing her forehead gently. "We can do this."

Meredith bit her lip, nervously pondering if she should ask the question that had been driving her crazy since that night.

"What?" he asked, worry filling his eyes. "Mer, what's wrong?"

"Tell me to back the hell off if this is too personal," Meredith pleaded. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Derek tensed, but nodded.

"What really happened with you and Burke?" she asked. "There's more to it than you usurping him, isn't there? You hate him."

"Hate," Derek closed his eyes. "Hate isn't a strong enough word."

Meredith's eyes widened. Derek liked everyone.

Hell, he was even managing to stay friendly with Addison.

What on earth had Burke done?

Derek had looked ready to rip Burke's throat out when he talked to Amy.

Was there something there?

Amelia Shepherd and Preston Burke...

She mentally shook her head.

Amy would never have liked Burke. She never would have fallen for him.

"Did something happen with Burke and Amy?" she asked, concerned as Derek swallowed hard and closed his eyes.

Derek mentally counted to 10.

"Meredith," he eventually managed to whisper.

Meredith waited silently for him to continue.

"Back the hell off," Derek whispered, a pleading tone entering his voice.

"Okay," she whispered, stepping into his arms. "Okay, Derek. You don't have to tell me."

Derek wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you," he croaked. "I, I'll tell you someday. I just..."

"Shh," she pressed a finger to his lips. "It's okay, Derek. Really, it's okay."

He smiled shakily at her.

"You can show me your dark and twisty," Meredith said gently. "You don't always have to be bright and shiny, Derek. You don't have to hide your pain all the time, not from me."

Mark was right. Meredith wasn't the only one with a truck load of crap in her past.

Derek was entitled to a break down now and again.

Because, Mark was also right about that. Derek did a phenomenal job of hiding his pain from the world.

 _"But not from you."_ her subconscious screamed. _"He's not afraid to let his guard down around you."_

"I love you," Derek whispered.

Meredith responded by kissing him, gently, on the lips.

It was a quick, simple kiss.

It was like a habit.

It was like they would do it everyday for the rest of their lives.

Derek pulled away first, his eyes saying everything he couldn't.

 _"Thank you for understanding."_

 _"Thank you for being here."_

"I love you," Meredith told him, her smile widening as again, Derek spoke with his eyes.

 _"Thank you for loving me."_

They stood there for a while.

It was as if time stopped for them.

"So," Derek said, hating to break the silence. "Mark sent you here to, what? Talk to me?"

She nodded. "I think it was his way of staging an intervention."

Derek snorted. "He'll be very pleased with himself when he learns it worked."

Meredith giggled. "I feel sorry for you. He's going to be unbearable, isn't he?"

He grinned. "I can take it."

Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Hey," Derek shrugged. "It worked, didn't it? I can put up with his inflated ego for a day or two. But, you should probably go find him. You are on his service."

Now it was Meredith's turn to snort. "He doesn't have any procedures today. All I'll be doing is updating his charts or picking up his dry cleaning."

"So why are you on his service?" Derek demanded. "That's ridiculous, is that really what he makes interns do?"

"Only when he doesn't have anything else," Meredith said. "And, well, I'm pretty sure he got Bailey onboard with the 'Meredith and Derek need an intervention' plot. That's why I'm on his service today, I'm guessing."

Derek had to admit that Meredith was probably right. Bailey had been eyeing him suspiciously for the past two days. She wasn't one to intervene in people's personal lives, but when her boss and her intern were both moping? He wouldn't put it past her to join forces with Mark.

For the good of their patients, of course. And her sanity.

"I think we're both just cranky from lack of sex, and Bailey got tired of dealing with it," Derek commented as they stepped onto the elevator heading towards the pit.

"What?" Meredith asked, amusement trickling into her voice.

"Yes," he nodded. "It's scientific fact. Being horny for extended periods of time without relief leads to increased irritability and irrational behavior."

"Does it now?" Meredith smiled coyly. She glanced at her watch.

Mark had said no having sex in on call rooms.

This wasn't an on call room.

"Oh yes," he smirked. "It's definitely fact, sex droughts are bad."

"Hmm," she murmured. "Well then, I think you should pause this elevator, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith grinned, pulling off her white coat.

Derek pulled the stop button, his eyes widening as he watched her.

"Why?" he gulped. "Meredith? Is everything okay?"

Meredith pulled her scrub top off. He could see her bra clearly through the light pink undershirt she was wearing.

"What... what are you doing?" he croaked.

She flashed him a brilliant smile as she slipped her hands under his shirt.

"I thought we were working on communication," he whispered, his voice cracking.

This was a dream.

It had to be.

There was no way this was happening.

They were at work.

They were in an elevator at work.

Derek let her pull it off him, before wrapping an arm around her as she pushed him against the wall and kissed him.

Oh my God.

This was happening.

"We can work on that later," Meredith whispered. "Right now, though? You aren't the only one sick of this sex drought, Derek."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Notes:**

Yet again this chapter went and wrote itself. Thanksgiving is here... sort of. It continues into the next chapter, mostly because (again) this chapter would have been a monster if I included everything and work took over so I don't have it all written yet. This does end on a cliffhanger which I really apologize for, but it couldn't be helped. I am hoping (fingers crossed) to have Chapter 18 up by December 1st.

Thank you all so much for the kind reviews of chapter 16! We are a ways away from finding out Derek's beef with Burke, though. It just doesn't fit right now, and when it does come into play, it's... it's a pretty huge moment for everyone involved. I would give a chapter number, but my outline basically gets torn to shreds with every update. Don't get me wrong, I love where this story is taking itself, but things are not happening exactly as planned. Oh well, that's half the fun of it!

I hope those of you that are celebrating this week have a very happy, healthy and safe Thanksgiving filled with your family and fun!

As always, please review, tell me what you think, and enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

 **Monday, November 22nd**

 **Derek's Apartment**

Derek struggled to open the door.

His cell phone was seconds from hitting the ground as he did his best to use his head and shoulder to keep it up. A nervous resident babbled on and on about an 'emergency' patient, totally clueless to the fact that Derek was struggling like hell not to drop his phone, open his apartment door, hold a bag of groceries and keep an overly caffeinated four year old from breaking free and treating the hallway like a freaking race track.

"Damn it," he hissed as his keys clattered to the ground.

This parent thing was so harder than books and movies made it seem.

"Bad word!" Abby shrieked, belly laughing at the look on his face. "Daddy, you silly!"

"Look, Morris, can I call you back in a minute?" Derek snapped. "If it's so urgent, page Thomas. You know Thomas, right? My fellow and the on call neurosurgeon right now?"

The resident mumbled an apology and Derek slammed his phone shut.

Stupid, incompetent residents.

"Okay," Derek crouched down to grab his keys. "Abby, I have to teach a resident how to confirm a brain tumor. I need you to go inside and find something to do- color, play dough, a puzzle. Something you can do quietly."

"I don't wanna be quiet!" Abby protested. "That boring, Daddy!"

"Yes, well, I'm sorry, but I need to work for a bit longer and I need you sitting down."

"I run?" Abby suggested. "Pwactice sliding?"

"No," Derek said shortly. "Are you allowed to run around or play baseball inside, Abby?"

Abby huffed. "No."

"Why?" Derek asked pointedly.

"Cause I hurt myself," Abby sighed. "Fine. I'll color."

"Thank you," Derek said drily, finally managing to open the apartment door. "I have to call Dr. Morris back, I'll be in soon, okay?"

Abby grinned at him, flashing him a thumbs up.

"Tell the resident to be smarter," she suggested as she skipped into his office in search of a coloring book and some crayons.

Tell the resident to be smarter. He snorted. Abby was going to be the asshole attending when she became a surgeon, no doubt about it.

He closed the door and leaned up against the wall in the hallway. Taking his phone back out, he called the surgical floor.

"It's Dr. Shepherd. I need to speak with Dr. Thomas. No, not Morris, he's a moron. Get me the on call neurosurgeon."

Inside the apartment, Abby couldn't decide which coloring book to choose.

Should she color her sports book, her anatomy book, or her doctor book?

Such a tough decision.

A noise from elsewhere in the apartment broke her concentration.

Abby scrunched her nose and listened intently. Where did the noise come from?

Another noise, easily identifiable as laughter made her face light up.

Aunt Amy was home!

Maybe she could help her choose which book to color.

Maybe she would even color with her until her Daddy was done working.

Abby, who definitely had a cupcake too many at her friend's daycare birthday party, hummed and skipped down the hallway towards her favorite Aunt's room.

The door was open.

But despite the open door, Abby didn't enter the room.

Her eyes widened.

Her jaw dropped.

What was this?

It kind of looked like wrestling.

But her Daddy told her that wrestling was bad. She shouldn't let Dylan wrestle with her because he was a boy and bigger than her and he could hurt her.

And then there was the noise.

There was moaning, the kind of moaning that said 'this piece of cake was really, really good.'

And… eww. There was kissing.

And they didn't have any clothes on.

Abby was speechless.

Since when did her Aunt Amy like boys?

The blanket fell off the bed.

Abby scrambled to cover her eyes with her hands.

She wasn't supposed to look at a boy's private parts. Just like no boy was supposed to see hers.

She should probably go get her Daddy.

He was not going to like this.

Aunt Amy was wrestling with Awex with no clothes on.

Abby wondered if this kind of stuff is why the daycare had an eyewash.

Gross.

Eww.

Gross.

Eventually, she heard the front door open and close.

Thank goodness.

Her Daddy would stop this.

Derek loved his job most of the time. However, he hated it with a passion when he had to mentor residents that just didn't have what it takes. Those were terrible conversations to have, for him and for the resident.

He was going to have to have one of those conversations in the morning.

This day sucked.

The minute he closed the front door, he heard the unmistakable sound of sex.

His eyes searched the living room and office for signs of Abby.

He had a bad feeling she wasn't in his office.

Derek turned towards Amy's room and the pit in his stomach grew larger.

Abby was standing in the hallway, right outside the open door to his sister's room, hands covering her eyes.

His eyes widened as he processed what he saw.

Outside the open door to his sister's room.

Anger near a boiling point, Derek strode down the hallway and picked Abby up into his arms. She buried her head into his neck, muttering, "Gross, Daddy. So gross."

Well, thank God for that.

Confronting Karev and Amelia would have to wait.

He had to deal with his traumatized daughter first.

He carried her across the hallway, banging on Mark's apartment door.

Mark opened it, a confused expression appearing on his face as he took in Derek's furious one.

"Alex and Amy are immature morons," he seethed as he pushed past Mark into the apartment.

"Oh," Mark said dumbly. "Okay."

"Daddy, what were they doing?" Abby demanded. "Gross!"

"I know," Derek said soothingly, as he sat down beside her. "I am so sorry you saw that, Bee."

"What was that?" she repeated. "I saw Awex's boy thing." Abby's voice went about three octaves higher with that statement.

Mark nearly spit his coffee across the room.

"You're not serious," he said to Derek, utter disbelief in his voice.

Derek gave one curt nod in one response.

"Daddy," Abby said. "They were wrestling with no clothes on! And kissing! And moaning! Daddy, what was that?"

Derek was never one to turn to alcohol to deal with problems or take away the pain.

He'd seen first hand what relying on a drug to make you happy did to a person.

He hated tequila.

He was a single malt scotch type of guy. Maybe a good beer now and again.

But, damn did he want a shot (or ten) of tequila right now.

* * *

 **Monday, November 22nd**

 **Mark's Apartment**

Meredith raced off the elevator and down to Mark's apartment, her heart pounding in her chest.

She had been changing in the locker room when her phone beeped, a text from Mark saying "911, my apartment. D and Bee. 911, my apartment."

"I swear to God someone better be bleeding," Meredith grumbled as she reached the door. She knocked and waited.

Then, she heard it.

She spun around to face Derek's door, her eyes widening in shock.

Sex.

Really, really loud sex.

In Derek's apartment.

Her face drained of color.

"Mark!" she snapped, pounding on the door. "Let me in!"

Mark opened the door. "You got here quick," he said casually.

"Who the hell is making a porno in Derek's apartment?" she hissed.

"Karev and Amelia," Mark said coldly. "How did you…" His eyes widened. "Holy crap, they've gotten louder. Come on, get in here before Derek hears this."

"You said 911," Meredith said curtly, as she took of her jacket. "What's the emergency?"

Mark sighed. "Abby witnessed some of the porno making."

Meredith's coat and keys clattered to the ground.

"My thoughts exactly," Mark pointed his head towards his living room. "Abby will not stop asking Derek what that was. He's about to go off the deep end, and well, to be honest, so am I. I thought we could use some back up here."

Despite the utter absurdity of the situation, Meredith smiled. Derek was going off the deep end with Mark close behind, and Mark called her.

"I know Derek wants you here," Mark continued. "He's just… he's got his hands full with an inquisitive and grossed out four year old."

Meredith snorted. "That girl is too smart for her own good."

"I'm pretty neither of us will ever be able to forget hearing the words 'I saw Awex's boy parts' come out of Abby's mouth. They left the freaking door wide open. What the hell is wrong with them?"

Meredith didn't know.

"I could see that if they were over here," Meredith said slowly. "But to do… to have sex with the door wide open in Derek's apartment… what, did they lose their minds and forget a child lives there too?"

Mark shrugged. "Damned if I know. Last I heard, they were in a fight and ignoring each other. Maybe they got caught up in fighting and this was make up sex or some crap."

"They are adults," Meredith eyed Mark warily. "I know you two are overly protective of Amy, but she's been with Alex since July. It's nearly the end of November. They are both consenting adults in a relationship."

"Oh I could care less about them having sex," Mark waved off her concern. "I'm the last person that could ever judge someone for that. Is it weird, uh yes. I remember Amy as a baby. She's my kid sister, but she is an adult in a relationship with a guy Derek and I both happen to like quite a bit."

"Good," she smiled. "Because they are both terrified that one day you or Derek is going to catch them kissing and blow a gasket."

Mark thought for a moment. "You know, I don't speak for Derek here, but I think… I think if Amy was dating someone else, I would have a problem with it. But Alex? Alex has been a part of this family since May. He's a Shepherd for life now after what he did to save Abby's life. Amy dating Alex is different than Amy dating some random guy Derek and I know nothing about."

"Derek feels the same way," Meredith informed him. "We've talked about it, I'm just worried that this will change things."

"It does," he acknowledged. "Derek is going to go ballistic the first chance he gets. They screwed up here, big time. But it doesn't change that he likes Alex. It takes two to tango, Grey. Derek knows that. He's just as mad at Amy as he is at Alex. Don't worry about that."

"Good," Meredith repeated. "So, how much did she see?"

"Hey,"

Meredith turned to see Derek standing in the entrance to the kitchen.

"Hey," she said softly, smiling as he padded over to her. "I'd kiss you but I hear kissing is gross."

Derek closed his eyes and took a deep breath in.

"Mark called you here, huh?"

"I figured we needed some sanity in this madness," Mark shrugged. "I'm no happier about this than you are, Shep."

A pained smile, more resembling a grimace flashed across Derek's face.

"Sanity would be welcome here," Derek chuckled. "Abby wants to know why Alex and Amy were wrestling, naked, kissing, and why Alex is allowed to see Amy's girl parts."

Meredith flinched.

Blunt. Abby Shepherd was certainly blunt.

"What did you tell her?" Meredith asked quietly.

What do you say to that?

It would be one thing if Abby was older, a teenager.

But Abby was four.

How on earth do you explain that to a four year old?

"I went for distraction. We're streaming Derek Jeter's Yankeeography on Mark's computer right now." Derek shook his head. "It won't last long though. She's pretty put out that I won't answer her."

He ran a hand through his hair. He looked like a mess of anger, fear, and exhaustion.

"I… I don't know, what to tell her," Derek muttered. "Stuff like this puts kids in therapy, doesn't it? She's probably traumatized and…"

"Okay, let's back up," Meredith interrupted. "Abby is not traumatized. She's confused, and a little grossed out, but I think calling this a trauma is a bit preemptive."

"I'm traumatized just thinking about it," Mark muttered darkly.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

The Shepherd boys were far too dramatic for their own good sometimes.

"So Abby saw them kissing, wrestling, and naked," Meredith summarized.

"She heard moaning too," Mark added.

Another pained grimace from Derek.

"Does she understand that Alex and Amy are dating?" she asked. "Does she know what dating means?"

Derek shook his head. "No, she doesn't. It's never come up. Alex and Amy have always been friends so them being together all the time doesn't seem strange to her."

"Right," Meredith made mental notes. "So we start there. We explain dating and liking, and maybe falling in love if she asks. Then we explain that as what two adults who are in love with each other do."

Mark was positive Derek was thinking back to their conversation at the bar earlier that week.

 _"He doesn't know what to do with it, and won't for another half a decade, and neither does Abby."_

Well, Abby would know after today. Or at least have ideas.

What if Abby decided she loved Dylan?

Kids did crazy things.

The last thing Derek needed was a call from daycare informing him that Abby and Dylan were wrestling and kissing 'because they were in love' or some crap.

"I think we should mention that you are supposed to wait until you are married," Mark spoke up. "Just so she doesn't get any ideas."

"She's four," Meredith pointed out. "What ideas is she going to get?"

"Abby's best friend is a boy," Derek ground out.

Meredith blinked.

She looked back and forth between Derek and Mark.

She tried, she really tried not to laugh, but in the end she couldn't help it.

"You think this is funny?" Derek demanded.

"I'm sorry!" she wheezed. "It's just… oh, Derek. You should see how ridiculous you both look. Abby is four, Dylan is five…"

"You knew?" Derek hissed. "You knew about Dylan?"

"Of course I did," Meredith said slowly. "Abby's been talking about him for weeks."

"No!" Derek insisted. "Abby's been talking about her best friend for weeks. She never mentioned the best friend was a he."

Meredith raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, Derek. She did. Who did you think she was playing Mommy and Daddy to a baby doll with?"

Derek froze.

 _"My baby's name is Derek," Abby told him, smiling broadly. "Cause that's the bestest boys name."_

 _Amy rolled her eyes at the smug look on Derek's face._

 _"And the baby's Daddy's name is a D name too," she wisely told them. "So it all good!"_

He gulped. "I think I blocked that part out."

Mark snorted. "So you mean that whole breakdown in the bar last week was completely unnecessary?"

Meredith titled her head in thought. "There was a breakdown over Dylan?"

"Oh yes," Mark nodded. "Abby should stay away from boys, but Derek can't tell her to do that because she'd marry Dylan to spite him. And Dylan is older and taking advantage of her. You know, the usual protective Dad stuff."

Meredith rubbed Derek's back consolingly. "You were never friends with girls as a kid, were you?"

Derek opened his mouth, ready to defend himself, but quickly deflated.

"No," his shoulders slumped.

"This is normal, Der," Meredith said softly. "And if you want, we can tell Abby that sex is something that is supposed to happen when you're married."

Derek nodded. "Yes. Yes, let's go with that."

Meredith kissed him on the cheek as he wrapped an arm around her.

"I don't want to do this," Derek said with a sigh. "I don't like that I have to explain sex to my baby."

"This isn't going to be a sex ed class," Meredith teased him. "We aren't explaining anything in detail."

"Abby has anatomy books and anatomically correct dolls!" Derek protested. "What if she asks in depth questions?"

Meredith and Mark let out small chuckles.

"Well," Meredith said, "I never really had good examples of a parent, but I imagine that's when the lines 'When you're older' and 'because I said so' get used."

* * *

Abby eyed Derek skeptically.

"So that," Abby shuddered. "That gross is supposed to be a married thing?"

Meredith bit back a smile.

She didn't think Derek had anything to worry about. Abby was far too grossed out by this to think about doing it herself. They had years.

"Yes," Derek agreed. "It's what married people do to say I love you."

"Why can't they just say I love you?" she asked. "Why that?"

Derek was at a loss now.

"When you are a grown up, this won't be so gross to you, Abby," Meredith said softly. "It's bigger than just saying I love you. It's showing it."

Abby thought that over.

"Daddy?" she asked. "Did you do that with my Mommy when you were married?"

Derek's face drained of color and he sputtered.

Maybe he would rather explain sex in detail after all.

Abby patiently waited for her Dad to catch his bearings.

"Well…" he swallowed hard. "Yes. We did."

"Eww," Abby told him.

Derek grinned. "Well, you are not a grown up, and you aren't married, so I'm glad you think that's eww. You're supposed to."

"Are Awex and Aunt Amy married?" Abby questioned.

"No," Derek said drily. "They are not. I don't know why they did that, Abby. I'm sorry."

"Alex and Amy are dating," Meredith said quietly. "Do you know what that means, Abby?"

Abby shook her head.

Meredith grabbed Derek's hand. He rubbed the back of her hand, but didn't look at her. He was focused on his daughter.

"Dating is…" Derek paused. "Dating is like play dates. You go out and do things- see a movie, grab dinner or ice cream, maybe a coffee or lunch sometimes too. It's what a boy and a girl do when they are older, much older, and think they like each other."

"I think Awex and Aunt Amy confused," Abby said. "Daddy, you should tell them they dating wrong."

Don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh.

That was Meredith's mantra.

"Oh trust me, I will," Derek assured her. "So, dating is what you do to get to know someone and see if you really like them. If you do, it leads to a relationship. Alex is Aunt Amy's boyfriend. They like each other a lot."

"But boyfriend's not married?" Abby questioned.

"No, it's not," Derek agreed. "Once they are dating for a while, maybe they will decide to get married. That is the next step, but it doesn't always work out."

Abby tapped her chin in an adorable imitation of Derek's thinking face for a while.

"Dating when a girl and a boy like each other," Abby said slowly. "They get dinner, see movies, and eat ice cweam."

"That's right, Abby," Meredith said. "They spend time with each other."

Abby's eyes narrowed slightly and she looked back and forth between Derek and Meredith.

"Daddy?" Abby said, folding her arms across her chest. "Are you and Merdith dating too?"

Derek gulped.

This was it.

They were going to tell Abby, right now.

They had never expected to do so under these circumstances, never planned for it like they had talked about.

They both hoped Abby wouldn't riot over this.

"Yes," he said softly. "Meredith is my girlfriend, Abby."

Abby pursed her lips. "We talk later," she told him. "I need to think."

He nodded solemnly. "We can talk whenever you want, Bee," he whispered. "You know that."

Abby stayed quiet for a while.

Derek would have given up 10 years worth of his salary to get a peek into her mind, even for a second, to know what she was thinking.

"Daddy?" Abby asked after a while. "How you know 'bout this stuff?"

Derek wasn't really sure what she was asking.

Meredith on the other hand, had a hallow pit in her stomach. She knew where this was going.

When Derek didn't respond, Abby turned to Meredith. "How you know, Merdith?"

"My Mommy told me," she said softly. "And your Grama and Grandpa taught your Daddy."

Derek's grip on her hand tightened.

Abby crawled into Derek's lap, resting her head on his chest. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, planting a kiss on her head.

"Daddy?" Abby asked quietly. "Is that why Aunt Amy mess it up? Because your Daddy died when she was really little? Because he no there to teach her?"

Meredith met Mark's horrified gaze with a bit of confusion.

It sucked that Derek had lost his father so young. It really, really sucked.

But, and this had bothered her for a while now, why did everyone tense up when someone mentioned Christopher Shepherd?

"You should teach her, Daddy," Abby whispered. "'Is not her fault she no know."

Derek didn't have words.

He responded instead by tightening his grip on his baby girl.

Explaining sex and dating to a four year old should be enough drama for one day. But no, he had to tell his daughter that he was dating too.

And then she had to go and bring up his dead father.

If life could give him a break soon, that would be really great.

Because, quite frankly, his life being a comedy for fate's personal amusement was getting kind of old.

* * *

 **Monday, November 22nd**

 **Derek's Apartment**

The thing about kids and sugar rushes is that they eventually crashed.

Thankfully, not long after their talk, Abby had conked out on Mark's couch.

Derek braced himself and pushed open his apartment door.

For the first time that day, he caught a break and his sister and his intern were fully clothed in the living room and not having loud sex in her bedroom.

"Hey!" Amy smiled brightly at him. "You're home late."

Derek closed the door behind him, counting to 10 in his head.

If he yelled as loud as he wanted to, Abby would probably hear him and wake up cranky as hell from her nap.

That, or a neighbor would call the police on him.

"Where's Abby?" Alex questioned. "You didn't forget her at daycare did you?"

"Abby is passed out on Mark's couch," Derek said coldly, leaning up against the door. "We got home hours ago."

"Oh," Amy said, clearly confused. "Why did you go to Mark's?"

"Well, we didn't," Derek sat down in the armchair facing both of them. "We came here first. I took a call from a resident out in the hallway while Abby came inside to color. Imagine my surprise when I come in to find Abby standing in front of your open door, hands covering her eyes while the two of you went at it like rabbits."

Amy's stomach was in knots.

Alex was pretty sure he was about to puke all over Derek's leather couch.

"So then," Derek continued. "I had to listen to my four year old freak out about how she saw 'Awex's boy part' and ask endless questions about why you two were wrestling naked."

Alex really wished a sink hole would open up below him. Right now.

Amy was whiter than a ghost.

"Derek," she whispered. "I... I'm sorry. We're sorry. We lost track of time, we... I thought the door was closed. I never..."

"That was hell," Derek hissed. "And then I had to explain that you two were dating and what that all meant. I'm supposed to tell you that you're dating wrong, by the way. Which I have to teach you, Amelia, because Dad wasn't there too."

"Derek," Alex said quietly. "We should have gone to Mark's. We shouldn't have done that here."

"Damn right you should have!" he snarled. "A child lives here!"

"Derek, please," Amy begged. "I'm so sorry, I... I can explain to Abby if you..."

"No," he said shortly. "Meredith and I gave Abby the only explanation I want her hearing right now. You can apologize for grossing her out though. I'm sure Abby would appreciate that."

"I can stay with Alex, or if Mark won't let me, I'm sure Meredith will and..."

"Amy," Derek interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

Amy gulped.

Derek sighed. "You're my sister. I'm not kicking you out. Am I mad? Of course I am. There had better never be a repeat of today. Lock the bedroom door, or better yet, have sex at Alex's. I'm not a huge fan of listening to my sister have sex, to be honest."

Amy's eyes widened. "Really?"

Derek's anger lessened.

"You're my sister," he repeated quietly. "And you are an adult dating a guy I like. You're happy. After everything that happened, I never thought you'd be happy again. Alex isn't going to hurt you, Amy, we both know that. You are my family. You, Mark, Abby, Alex, and Meredith, you're my family. I don't think I could ever kick you out, Ames."

"What if I relapsed?" she whispered.

Alex wrapped an arm around her as Derek's eyes softened.

"You won't," Derek said firmly. "You've come so far, Amy, I can't see you choosing to go back to that now. But," he took a deep breath. "If something were to happen and you did relapse, as long as you were willing to get help, and as long as you kept the drugs out of my apartment and away from my daughter, I wouldn't kick you out. No."

"I'm still mad at you both," Derek said bitterly as Amy hugged him.

"No more sex where Abby can find us," Alex vowed. "We promise."

"Please," Derek said evenly. "I never want to hear about your boy parts again, Karev."

Amy couldn't help it. She burst into giggles.

Hearing Derek talk about Alex's 'boy parts' was too funny.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Real mature, Amy. Real mature."

* * *

Derek stared at the glass of scotch he had poured for himself.

He shouldn't be drinking right now.

Alex and Amy had gone out for a late dinner after their talk.

Abby, who woke up from her nap with a third wind of energy, was playing Operation with Mark in the living room. She was trying to hone her skills so she could beat Dylan in daycare soon.

She was going to have questions eventually.

If there was one thing about Abby he would never doubt, it was that she would have questions. She questioned everything. Why this? Why that? Why? When? How? Where? What?

Abby was one of the most inquisitive children he'd ever met.

She was brilliant. She was feisty. She was determined.

She was a force of nature.

She was unstoppable.

Nothing about today had gone as planned.

Meredith had better answers for Abby's questions than he had.

Abby was his baby.

And all of a sudden they were talking about sex and dating and marriage.

"Daddy?"

He looked up, smiling as Abby shifted from foot to foot in the doorway.

Derek pushed his chair back from his desk, his grin widening as Abby launched herself towards him and climbed up onto his lap.

"What are you doing, Bee?" he asked as she kneed his ribs in an attempt to get comfortable.

"Snuggle, Daddy," she whispered.

"Hmm," he brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I don't think this chair was made for snuggles, Bee. Couch, your bed, or mine?"

"You too big for my bed!" Abby laughed. "Your room!"

Derek loved that Abby let him hold her. She rarely ever protested when he carried her somewhere. She loved snuggles and hugs just as much as he did. He dreaded the day she decided she was too big for that.

Abby crawled under the blankets the second he put her down.

"Daddy?" Abby asked again once he was settled in next to her. "Merdith's your girlfriend."

"She is," he agreed.

"You like her a lot?" Abby whispered.

"I do," Derek nodded. "You do too, right? Meredith is your friend, isn't she, Abby?"

Abby shrugged. "You like her a lot. She your favorite thing?"

Derek felt tears form in his eyes.

Damn it.

They had tried so hard to make sure Abby would never feel like this.

"You are my favorite thing," Derek corrected. "You're my baby, Abby. Meredith is my girlfriend and I like her a lot, but that changes nothing with us. I love you, Bee. We're a team. We will always be a team."

She shook her head.

"Merdith your girlfriend. You gonna get married and have more babies. And they'll be specialer because they have their mommy and their daddy!" Abby was working herself into a panic attack.

"Woah," Derek sat up, pulling Abby up with him. "Look at me, Bee."

Abby glared at the blankets and shook her head again.

Derek saw the tears start streaking down her face.

"Abby," he tried again. "Abby, look at me. Please."

Abby sniffled as she swiped angrily at her tears.

"Abigail Mackenzie Shepherd," Derek said, his voice soft but stern. "Look. At. Me. Now, Abby, I'm done playing."

Abby could tell the battle was lost, but she still glared angrily at him when she looked up.

"Thank you. Now, who said Meredith and I are going to get married and have more babies?"

"Dylan's Mommy gonna," Abby choked out.

Derek's eyes widened, but filled with understanding. Abby and Dylan told each other everything. Of course, if his Mom was getting remarried, Abby would know. How much of Abby's fears right now were Dylan's he didn't know, but he made a mental note to tell Olivia the next time he saw her. She would be just as horrified as he was.

"First of all," Derek whispered. "I don't think Dylan's Mommy is getting married anytime soon."

He was pretty sure George would have mentioned something to Meredith if he had wedding plans.

Hell, George and Olivia had barely gone on five dates.

Abby hiccuped. "But Daddy, Dylan said…"

"I know Dylan's Mommy is dating," Derek conceded. "But I don't think she's going to get married. And I'm not marrying Meredith anytime soon either."

Abby looked like she didn't believe him.

"We're not!" he insisted, rubbing a hand up and down her arm. "You don't go on a couple of dates and just get married, Bee. That's not how it works."

Now Abby looked curious.

"How it work, then?"

"Well," Derek thought for a moment. "You have to date for a while, at least a year or two, many times people wait longer. You want to really get to know the person, you want to make sure you like them. You want to make sure you love them. Then, someone, usually the guy, asks the girl to marry him. If she says yes, then you're engaged. Then you plan the wedding- usually at least a year later."

Abby stared blankly at him.

"Engaged mean pretty ring?" she asked after a moment. "Like Aunt Lizzie has?"

"Yes," he agreed.

"Dating, engaged, married," Abby muttered. "And then babies."

Derek sighed. He didn't want to lie to her.

"Yes," he said quietly. "Most likely babies come once you get married."

"But Abby?" Derek made sure to look her directly in the eyes. "If Meredith and I get married and have babies, we will both still love you the same. Our hearts can grow, Bee. We would love your little brother or sister just as much as we love you. I promise."

"Merdith loves me?" Abby asked in disbelief. "Really?"

Derek grinned. This was an easy answer. "Oh yes," he assured her. "Meredith loves you very much."

"How you know?" Abby asked skeptically, in a way that only a child who had been repeatedly abandoned time after time could ask.

"How do I know?" He took a deep breath. "Do you remember the first time Mark brought you to the hospital to visit me?"

Abby gasped. "You kissed her! You kissing Merdith, Daddy!"

"That's right," he smiled. "I was kissing Meredith. She didn't know about you then. We hadn't known each other long and I hadn't told her yet. The next day, when Alex brought her and Cristina over for breakfast, we talked. Do you know what I told her?"

Abby looked at him questionably.

"I told her that you were the most important person in my world," Derek whispered. "I told her that we were a team, and that I wouldn't date her if she didn't want us both. And you know what, Abby? She chose us. She chose you and me, or Team Shepherd as she calls it."

"Merdith my friend," Abby informed him.

"That's right," Derek kissed her forehead. "Meredith really likes being your friend, Bee."

"She chose us," Abby whispered. "You chose me and Merdith chose us."

 _"You saved me and you loved before. Not cause you 'hafta."_

"I chose you," he nodded. "I will always choose you. You are my favorite thing."

Abby yawned. "I sweep, Daddy," she whispered.

"Okay," he said softly as she crawled back under the covers. "You want to sleep here?"

"Uh huh," Abby yawned again. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Bee?"

"I okay," she forced her eyes open to look at him. "Merdith and you can date, I okay. Just no babies yet, puh-wease."

* * *

 **Tuesday, November 23rd**

 **Meredith's House**

Meredith rubbed her eyes as she hurried down the steps.

She had left Derek with Abby and Mark shortly after their discussion ended.

She heard from Alex that Derek hadn't completely lost it on them, but she hadn't heard from Derek.

She wondered if Abby talked to him.

She hoped Abby was okay with her being Derek's girlfriend. She really, really hoped Abby was okay with it. She didn't know what they would do if she wasn't.

The knocking on her door got louder.

"I'm coming!" she snapped.

It was one in the morning. Who the hell was banging on her door at 1am?

As she reached the door, her heart broke.

Derek looked like exhausted.

"Hey," she said softly, opening the door and taking his hand. She pulled across the threshold and into the living room.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked as she sat down beside him.

He put his head in his hands.

"Abby is okay with us dating," Derek said quietly.

"Oh!" Meredith was surprised. "That's great."

Derek didn't respond.

"That's great, right?"

He shook his head. "Yes, of course it is."

"Then what's wrong?" Meredith pressed.

"You said I could show you my dark and twisty," he said softly. "That I didn't need to hide my pain from you."

Meredith was shocked. She hadn't expected the conversation to go this way.

"Yes," she whispered, rubbing his back gently. "You can trust me, Derek. You don't have to hide your crap, not from me."

"Mark said…" Derek trailed off. "Mark said you saw his face when Abby mentioned my Dad."

Meredith's breath caught in her throat.

"I miss him," his voice broke.

"Oh Derek," Meredith wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry."

"I want to be the Dad he was, but... I barely remember him somedays," he whispered. "And then…" Derek trailed off.

Meredith waited patiently for him to continue. This was hard for him.

He rarely talked about the things that hurt him.

And yet, he was here. Talking to her.

"My Dad died when I was 10," he said, breathing heavily. "In a robbery."

Meredith's eyes widened. She had known Derek's father was dead, but she had no idea he had been murdered. Oh my God.

"Amy and I hid in the back of his store while it happened."

It was as though she forgot how to breath.

She wanted to puke.

No child should ever see their parent murdered.

Ever.

She closed her eyes.

If Derek had been 10, Amy had only been 5.

The urge to vomit increased.

'No!' she fought with herself. 'Derek needs you. You can't fall apart right now.'

Meredith ran a hand through his hair, relief flooding her when rested his head on her shoulder.

"I… I thought you should know," he croaked. "It… it changed me, forever. Amy too. And Abby just brings him up out of no where. She's done it to Mark, to Amy, and now to me. And she's a kid, she doesn't know better, but it kills me. I... I need you, Mer. When she wants to talk about him, I need you."

"And I'll be there." Meredith whispered. "Thank you for telling me."

"Amy told me," Derek said after he pulled himself together, "that you're scared of kids, of being a Mom. And that's fine, I mean, Addison is Abby's mom and I'd never ask you to take her place, but..."

"Derek," Meredith grinned. "You're rambling."

He blushed scarlet, a small smile blooming on his face.

"I wonder where I learned to ramble," he teased, leaning over to kiss her gently. "Thank you for being there today."

Meredith kissed him again. "Team Shepherd," she nodded. "I'm all in, remember? And if all in means helping you explain sex to Abby, then so be it."

"How did I get so lucky?" Derek whispered.

Meredith's heart was so happy it ached.

"Well," she straddled him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You found a girl who found your crappy pick up line charming."

She giggled at the affronted look on Derek's face.

"That was not crappy!" he protested. "That was gold!"

"Is this a good place to hang out?" Meredith mocked. "Oh yes, pick up line of the year. And, I'm some you have to get to know to love? Cheesiest line ever."

His eyes narrowed and before Meredith knew it, their positions had been reversed and she was lying underneath Derek on the couch.

"Crappy and cheesy?" Derek glared. "That hurts, you know. And here I thought you found me charming."

"Hmm," Meredith smirked. "As you said, you got lucky. And well, your lines might be crappy and cheesy, but you are very dreamy. That helped you out quite a bit I think."

Derek grinned. "McDreamy, right?"

"Oh yes," Meredith agreed. "You, Dr. Shepherd, are my personal McDreamy."

Derek moaned as Meredith's hands slipped under his shirt.

"There are no kids in this house," Meredith whispered.

"There aren't any kids in this house," Derek grinned. "But I do have to get home before Abby wakes up. And we need a condom. Abby's okay with us dating, but only if we don't have any babies for a while."

Meredith blinked. Then giggled. The giggles turned into laughter.

"Abby said no babies?"

Derek nodded. "Not for now. And not until we're married."

Meredith swallowed.

For a moment, Derek feared he pushed too hard.

Marriage and babies were so far outside Meredith's comfort zone.

She sat up and he shifted so he didn't crush her legs.

"Well," Meredith's eyes sparkled.

Maybe he hadn't pushed too far.

"We aren't married," she grinned. "Not even close if my ring finger is any indication. So no babies for us yet. I'll go grab a condom from my drawer."

Meredith slid off the couch, kissing Derek's cheek before racing upstairs.

Derek sat back on the couch, a huge smile on his face.

Yet.

Meredith had said not yet.

God, he was the luckiest guy in the world.

Even if he did apparently have crappy, cheesy pick up lines.

* * *

 **Tuesday, November 23rd**

 **The Emerald City Bar**

"Mom's pretty annoyed we aren't heading back for Thanksgiving," Derek informed Mark with a sigh. "Mer's an intern, there is no way she could get time off, and I used up most of my leave this summer. Webber would never agree to give me a week off to go back to New York again."

"She's just disappointed," Mark shrugged. "To be honest, I'm a little disappointed too. I'll miss Mom's cooking."

"It's been a long time since I went to a Shepherd Thanksgiving," Derek sighed. "Would it have been fun, sure, and Abby would have loved to see Meg and Eric again, but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Well," Mark said. "Hopefully next year Grey will be able to get time off, and you'll have leave again. You can go then."

Derek hummed. "Maybe. Are you working Thanksgiving?"

Mark shook his head. "Nope. You're off too, right? Abby's been talking non-stop about watching the parade with you."

"Yea, I'm off. She's been going on about that to everyone," Derek chuckled. "She's most excited about me letting her out of bed before the sun's up on a no-hospital day."

"Hey," Alex slumped onto the bar stool next to Mark.

"You look beat," Mark observed.

"How was the pit, Karev?" Derek smirked. "I heard Bailey had you on rectal exams all day."

Alex glared at him. "You know, this isn't fair. You can't punish Amy like this!"

Derek held his hands up in mock surrender. "Don't put this on me. Dr. Bailey assigned you to those. All I did was explain that I was tired because my four year old caught you and your girlfriend in the throes."

Mark gaped at Derek. "I didn't know you had it in you! I'm impressed, Shep."

"Thank you," Derek took a bow. "Oh calm down, Alex. You're on my service tomorrow and I'm doing a hemispherectomy."

Alex's jaw dropped. "Can I scrub in?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "No, I'm telling you about it because I want to torture you. Yes, you're scrubbing in."

"No one ever gets this excited to scrub in with me," Mark said drily.

"Yes well, you don't remove half of a man's brain," Alex said. "This is cooler than plastics."

Derek laughed at the look on Mark's face. "Careful, Alex, you might find yourself living in the frat house soon if you keep antagonizing Mark."

"We're all off in time for dinner Thursday," Alex replied instead. "So which one of you hot shot department heads is cooking us a turkey?"

"Derek."

"Me," Derek grinned. "Mark would probably burn the building down. "We're still having it at my place, right? Or did Mer decide to have it at her house?"

"Your place," Alex said, nodding at Joe in thanks as he slid him a beer. "Mer says that house is too Ellis Grey to celebrate the holidays there."

"Are you bringing your girl from the bar?" Derek asked Mark curiously.

Alex snorted.

Mark fidgeted. "Umm… No, I'm not."

"What?" Derek asked in disbelief. "Come on! Why not? It's just dinner at my place, nothing crazy. I would understand not bringing her to New York to meet Mom after three weeks, but to meet me? Your brother? I'm offended, Mark. Deeply."

"It's not about you," he snapped. "And just drop it, okay? I'm not bringing her to Thanksgiving."

Alex and Derek exchanged startled looks.

What the hell?

"Mark?" Derek asked quietly. "Is everything okay? I thought things were going well with her?"

Mark groaned, running a hand through his hair.

"Why can't things ever be simple?" he asked. "Why is there always a freaking complication or disaster standing in the way of being happy?"

Derek thought for a moment. "What's so complicated?"

"Mark!"

Alex's eyebrows shot up.

The girl that rushed over to Mark and kissed his cheek looked like a child. A fetus.

Maybe she turned 18 last week.

Maybe.

Derek's jaw was on the floor.

Mark swallowed hard.

"Hi!" the girl said enthusiastically.

There was something eerily familiar about her, though Derek couldn't place it.

Was this the complication? That the girl wasn't legal?

That would be such a Mark thing.

"Derek Shepherd," Derek grinned, shaking her hand. "I'm Mark's…"

"Brother," the girl filled in. "You're Abby's father, right? Mark's shown me pictures, she's so adorable! I'm so glad she's living with you now, that must have been awful."

Derek's grin widened. He liked her. She was sweet.

As she talked to Alex, Derek turned to Mark mouthing, 'I like her.'

Mark's smile was more of a grimace, catching Derek off guard. What was going on?

"You're an intern at Seattle Grace?" she asked Alex curiously.

"Uh, yeah," Alex said. "Derek and Mark are attendings there too."

"I'm applying to the program for next year," she told them excitedly. "I graduate in May."

Not a minor then.

So what was the complication that Mark was a mess over?

"Congratulations," Derek said sincerely. "It's a great program."

Mark snorted. The program had been pretty stagnant until Derek came out to Seattle. It shot to the number two teaching hospital in the country in the years that followed, and Derek had played a huge part in the restructuring that helped get them there. Of course he thought it was a great program.

"What did you say your name was?" Derek questioned, ignoring Mark.

"Lexie," she smiled.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Derek saw Mark flinch.

"Lexie Grey,"

Alex's beer shattered when it hit the ground.

Derek did his best not to gape.

Grey.

Well, that was certainly an unexpected complication.

"Oh I'm not related to Ellis Grey," Lexie hurried to assure them.

Derek let out a sigh of relief that was cut short by Mark's subtle head shaking and his mouthed, 'Wait for it.'

"Though my father was married to her, had a daughter with Dr. Grey actually, though I've never met her. She's an intern at Seattle Grace right now, actually. My sister, I mean, my half-sister, not Dr. Grey. Though, I guess my sister is also Dr. Grey…Oh!" She mistook Derek's look of shock for being overwhelmed. "Am I rambling?"

* * *

 **Thursday, November 25th**

 **Thanksgiving Day**

 **Derek's Apartment**

"I'll tell her before Christmas," Derek promised Mark. "You can bring Lexie over then."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Why? Because Meredith will run and it won't be an issue?"

"Oh shut up," Derek sighed. "She'll take some time to adjust to the idea, sure, but Meredith will warm up to her. I'm positive."

"Don't bet on it," Alex said darkly. "Mer is going to flip. Her Dad left them and started another family. He never looked back. Wouldn't you be pissed? My Dad was a spineless piece of crap and I'd be pissed."

"I agree with Alex," Mark said. "Meredith is not going to take this well. Which is why I didn't invite Lexie over for dinner."

"Who's Lexie?" Amy asked curiously, coming into the kitchen with Abby on her hip and Meredith steps behind her.

"Mark's girlfriend," Derek and Alex said in unison.

"Oh!" Meredith grinned. "I can't wait to meet her."

"She's not coming today," Mark said quickly. "She has…"

"Actually she is," Meredith said sheepishly.

Derek nearly cut himself with the turkey carver. "What?"

"Well," Meredith fidgeted. "She called the landline last night looking for you, Mark. We talked for a bit and I invited her. She seems nice, and you shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving. Not when Amy and Derek have Alex and me."

"Abby's my dinner date," Mark grinned, taking his favorite niece from Amy and tickling her. "I'm not alone. I'll call her and tell her to forget…"

"No!" Amy insisted. "We want to meet her. We'll be nice, I promise."

"Meredith, I don't think…"

"Well, she'll be here in 15 minutes," Meredith informed them. "So it's too late to cancel now, Mark. You'll just have to deal with her meeting us. Are we really that scary?"

With that, Meredith walked back into the living room.

"Crap," Mark whispered. "Crap, Derek."

"I know," he muttered tightly. "This… I'm going to go talk to Meredith," he sighed, heading towards the couch.

"Someone want to tell me what that's all about?" Amy asked curiously.

"Mark's girlfriend is Meredith's half sister," Alex said. "That she doesn't know exists."

"Are you serious?" she asked. "Mark?"

"Seriously," Mark said drily. "I found out last week, Derek and Alex met her Tuesday night. She knows about Meredith, but we're almost positive Meredith knows nothing about her."

In the living room, Derek sat down beside Meredith who was now engrossed in a phone call with Cristina.

"Mer," he interrupted. "We need to talk."

"Hold on," Meredith told him. "Wait, what kind of surgery? Seriously? Derek, this turkey better be good. I'm missing the best surgeries right now."

"Meredith," he insisted. "We need to talk."

Meredith huffed. "Cristina, I have to go. Call me later."

"What?" she asked. "Cristina was just…"

They were cut off by the sound of the doorbell.

Derek let out a stream of mental curses. This was going to be a nightmare.

"I got it," Amy rushed towards the door. "I guess Lexie's early… Derek?"

Amy's voice rose. She sounded panicked.

"Derek!" She was nearly shouting now. "Get over here."

Derek jumped up, Meredith grabbing his hand, and walked over to the front door.

"What's wrong…" his eyes widened and he felt Meredith's grip on his hand tighten.

Of all the ridiculous things…

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

The woman laughed. "Is that anyway to treat your favorite sister?"

Derek scoffed. "You're the last one I'd call my favorite, Nancy."

"Uncle Derek!"

As mad as he was, he couldn't help but grin as Brenna and Ethan latched onto each of his legs. Abby would like having kids her age to play with, he couldn't deny that.

"Can I come in?" Nancy asked sarcastically. "Mom will be up in a minute."

Meredith froze.

"Mom?" Amy gasped out. "Mom's here?"

"We're all here," she smirked at the look of horror on Amelia's face.

"Define all!" Derek snapped. "I live in an apartment, Nancy, we don't have room for everyone!"

"Well you should have come home then, shouldn't you?" Nancy said. "If you had, Mom wouldn't have dragged the whole family across the country to see the Golden Boy on Thanksgiving."

The Shepherds had descended on Seattle.

Meredith had unknowingly invited her half-sister to dinner.

What a Thanksgiving this was shaping up to be.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Notes:**

Soo... is anyone still here?

I know it's been ages. I am very, very sorry about that. Unfortunately, real life got overly complicated in ways I never expected.

I wish I could say that things have died down and I go back to weekly/biweekly updates, but I can't make that promise. I am going to shoot for one chapter a month, but please hang with me if I can't. I will not be abandoning this story, not ever. It's way too much fun of a story to write to ever even consider walking away from.

A couple of things in regards to reviews from chapter 18:

1) "You clearly still hate Meredith.": When did I EVER say I hated Meredith? There are things about Mer that drive me nuts. But I can say the same about Derek. Did I start watching Grey's over a decade ago because I thought PD was dreamy? Yes, I did. I love Derek. I love Derek happy, and Meredith Grey is the love of Derek Shepherd's life. I started watching because of PD, but I kept watching for MerDer. And to be honest, to hear that I hate Mer after a chapter where MerDer freaking talk kids and Team Shepherd and being all in? I was a little blown away. I guess I just can't see it. Maybe that makes me crazy or oblivious or wrong. I'm allowed to have my own opinions about the characters and Ellen/Patrick, but that doesn't change that I love Meredith and Derek. I always have. I'm nearly 100% certain I always will.

2) There will never be a chapter in this entire story where its 100% Meredith and Derek. I just can't imagine it. That's not how life works. There are other people in our lives that help shape us into who we are. The other characters are helping to shape Mer and Derek into who they are, and I don't think there is a way to tell this story without that.

On that note, here is chapter 18. Enjoy:)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

 **Thursday, November 25th**

 **Derek's Apartment**

Derek was overwhelmed.

He had always known his family was huge.

Three of his four sisters had large families themselves.

Kathleen and Rob have five kids.

Nancy has four and husband number two.

Lizzie and Dan have three and number four on the way.

That's 18 people right there.

Plus his mother.

And Amy.

Add in him, Abby, and Mark and the freaking Shepherd family army was 23 people strong.

Meredith, Alex, and Lexie made twenty six people.

He loved his large, loud, crazy family.

But having all of them in his four bedroom apartment...

Well, he hoped there wasn't any sort of fire today, because they were shattering occupancy guidelines here. They would all burn to death before they even had a chance to get out.

The only comfort he could take from this mess was that Mark looked just as overwhelmed as he did.

"We need a plan," Mark informed him. "We don't have enough food."

Derek rolled his eyes.

Leave it to Mark to worry about food.

"We don't have enough of anything," Derek sighed. "Tables, chairs, plates, space. I cannot believe they did this."

"Oh don't look so put out, DerBear," Liz teased him. "Mom's been planning this for weeks. Mrs. Webber helped her, she's got everything loaded up in her rental car."

"Adele and Richard knew about this too?" he asked incredulously. "Are you kidding? And none of you felt the need to warn me?"

Liz smirked. "I'm nearly seven months pregnant. You should be grateful I lugged myself all the way out here to see you."

"You came out here to see Abby," Mark argued. "And to meet Meredith."

She shrugged. "Well, sure, them too."

"It's fine, Mark, just stand there," Dan groaned as he appeared in the doorway holding an overflowing box. "Rob, Kev and I can get everything out of the car by ourselves. We're fine!"

"Do you need help, Dan?" Derek asked, a small grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Oh no, we're good," Dan huffed. "You are one crappy host, Shep."

"It's not his fault," Rob tried, coming in behind Dan. "We did spring this on him."

"We didn't do a damn thing," Dan protested.

"You're right. Kev and I did nothing." Rob agreed. "You? You left the girls and Mom alone to come watch football at my house last month."

"So this is my fault?" Dan asked in disbelief.

"Yes," Derek, Mark, and Rob said in unison.

"You should have known better, Uncle Dan," Kevin smirked, high-fiving Mark. "Leaving the sisters alone is never a good idea."

Dan glared at him. "I'm not helping you get into law school, Kevin Robert."

"That's fine," Kevin shrugged. "Who wants to be a boring lawyer anyway?"

* * *

Chaos.

Complete and utter chaos.

That was the only possible way to describe the scene in Derek's apartment as the entire Shepherd family arrived.

Sisters.

Husbands.

Kids.

Kids were everywhere.

She should have volunteered to work like Cristina did.

Then, her biggest worry would be competing with her person for the best surgeries.

But no.

She just had to listen to Derek.

It will be fun, he said.

Thanksgiving is meant to be spent with family, he argued.

He was her family now.

Derek, Abby, Mark, Amy, and Alex.

Maybe it was happening too fast.

After all, as Cristina frequently pointed out, she had only been dating Derek since mid-July.

In a little over five months, Derek Shepherd had turned her life upside down.

She went from the new intern who screwed boys like whores on tequila to Derek Shepherd's family. It wasn't just sex. It definitely wasn't to get ahead.

Meredith Grey loved Derek Shepherd.

She had never planned on falling in love.

She had never wanted to be that family; you know, the one with the house, white picket fence, three kids, and a dog.

She had never dreamed of weddings.

She still didn't dream of weddings.

But she did dream of spending forever with him.

Derek was a family man.

Family was everything to him.

So, if she really wanted forever with him, meeting his family was inevitable.

That didn't mean she was ready for it.

She might never be ready for it.

She definitely wasn't ready to meet Derek's mother today.

Meredith was torn from her panicked thoughts by a tugging on her leg.

"Merdith?" Abby whispered, her eyes wide as she took in all the people. She held her arms out, clearly wanting to be picked up.

After a quick glance around the room found Derek looking just as overwhelmed by the front door, Meredith picked Abby up, a small smile forming as Abby buried her face into her neck.

Apparently, all it took was an army of people she barely knew to send Miss Chatterbox into hiding.

Meredith bounced Abby on her hip, whispering soothing words in her ear.

She knew exactly how Abby felt.

"Is she okay?" Alex asked, making his way through the throng of people to Meredith's corner.

Meredith shrugged.

"Are you okay?" he mouthed.

The panic in Meredith's eyes answered that.

"Wex!" Abby whispered, shyly looking up. "Loud."

Alex's face softened. "Why don't we go play in your room, Abby? It will be quieter in there."

Meredith let out a sigh of relief. Alex was her freaking superhero.

Abby nodded and the three of them snuck off into Abby's room.

Alex closed the door behind them as Meredith sat down on the bed.

"Who are they?" Abby demanded. "Did Daddy tell you they coming, Merdith?"

"I don't think he knew, Abby," Meredith said softly. "They surprised him too."

Alex went to take Abby's doctor kits out of the closet, but stopped short at a knock on the door.

Meredith bit back a groan. She had hoped their hiding spot would go undiscovered for at least half an hour.

"Knock knock!" a male voice called from the hallway.

Abby's face lit up. "ERIC!" she shouted, racing over to her bedroom door and flinging it open.

"Hey there!" Eric twirled Abby around as she giggled.

"Dizzy, Eric," Abby laughed. "Down!"

"All right, all right, hold your horses, Missy." Eric put Abby down and grinned broadly as Abby raced back over to Meredith's lap.

"You must be Meredith," Eric said, holding out his hand. "I'm Eric, one of the few boys in the Shepherd Grandkid Army."

"Eric is Liz and Dan's oldest," Alex informed her. "And Abby's favorite cousin."

"And proud of it," Eric nodded.

"I've heard all about you," Meredith smiled, tickling Abby. "Abby seems to think you are the greatest older cousin in the universe."

"He is!" Abby nodded seriously. "Eric is the bestest bestest cousin ever."

Eric turned slightly red. "Aww, gee, Abby."

He shook his head, clearing it. "So, I take it you three are in here hiding from the masses? I can't say I blame you."

"Thanks for the heads up, Dude," Alex said sarcastically. "You couldn't have texted Mark or Derek a warning?"

"Nope," Eric said with a smirk. "If I had, I wouldn't have been able to meet Meredith. Uncle Derek seems to be hiding you away from us, Dr. Grey."

"Eric, who are they?" Abby demanded. "Too many."

Eric snorted. "That's actually why I came in here," he looked at Meredith. "Aunt Amy sent me to find you three. We've got a white board and Uncle Mark's girlfriend in her room. You're about to get the SparkNotes Guide to the Shepherds."

Alex tried to hide his flinch. 'Uncle Mark's girlfriend.'

Lexie was here.

As he followed Meredith, Abby, and Eric down the hallway, he silently hoped this wouldn't be as bad as he imagined. Derek would throttle him.

"You do know it wouldn't hurt to actually use your brain and think every once in a while, right?" Alex whispered sarcastically in Amy's ear.

He watched Amy's face harden. "Wow," she said coolly. "You're rocking the supportive boyfriend thing today, Karev."

"Do you listen to a word any of us say?" He discreetly motioned to the bed where Meredith was introducing herself to Lexie. "Lexie Grey, Amelia. Grey."

Amelia's eyes softened as she waved him off. "I told her Mer knows nothing. Lexie wants to keep it that way, wants Mer to like her or dislike her for who she is."

"If this blows up in our faces, I'm telling Derek and Mark that this was all you."

"Well lucky for me, this is not going to blow up in our faces!" Amy huffed and turned to face her audience. "Alex, sit on the bed. You've got a lot to learn too. Eric, come help me."

"Of course," Eric took a bow. "Now, Class,"

Alex snorted.

"Welcome to The Shepherds 101. I'm Professor Kraft. Joining me today is an expert in this particular field, Dr. Amelia Shepherd."

Meredith couldn't help but giggle. Abby grinned toothily at her as she climbed onto her lap.

"Eric funny, Merdith," Abby whispered.

"Yes," Meredith agreed, pulling Abby closer to her. "He is. Sit still, Abby. We've got to learn about all your cousins."

"Kay," Abby nodded. "Go 'head, Eric."

Eric opened his mouth to start his lecture, but before he had a chance to speak, Abby cut him off.

"Wait!" She shouted, elbowing Meredith in the stomach as she turned to the stranger sitting beside them. "Who you?"

"Me?" Lexie stuttered nervously.

"Yeah, this is going to go so well," Alex mouthed at Amy.

"Uh huh," Abby stared at her expectingly. "Why you here?"

"Abby," Meredith rubbed her back soothingly. "This is Lexie. She's Uncle Mark's girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Abby squeaked. "Why he have one of those?"

Amy nearly choked.

"Well," Meredith began, shooting pleading looks at Alex and Amelia.

"Girlfriend not married?" Abby asked.

"Oh no!" Lexie was beat red. "We just started dating a few weeks ago. We are definitely not married! No, no way. We haven't even talked about that; haven't even thought about marriage or..."

"So you no see his boy parts." Abby said firmly.

Eric's eyes bulged out of his head. "What?" he croaked. "Abby!"

"Abigail Shepherd!" Meredith whispered. "You are not being very nice right now."

Abby shrugged her off.

"Aunt Amy saw Wex's," Abby informed Eric.

"What?" His voice rose several octaves as he turned on Alex and Amelia. "How does my baby cousin know about your boy parts, Alex?"

"I saw 'dem," Abby continued, ignoring all of Meredith's attempts to quiet her. "Daddy says dat gross is sposed to be for married grown ups. Daddy say Aunt Amy and Wex dating wrong. You not supposed to see boy or girl parts until you married. No babies either."

Lexie looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"You know what," Meredith stood up, Abby held firmly in her arms. "Let's go find Daddy, Abby. I'm sure your aunts and uncles want to see you too."

"But Merdith!" Abby whined. "I wanna stay here!"

"Hmm," Meredith looked pointedly at her. "Then you probably should have listened to me when I asked you to stop."

"But I did see dem!" Abby protested.

"Yes, ok, we are going to find your Daddy now," Meredith closed the door behind them, leaving a mortified Alex and Amelia alone with Eric and Lexie.

Eric looked back and forth between his favorite Aunt and her boyfriend for a minute.

"Wow," he whistled. "Abby caught you two having sex and you're still breathing, Karev? Having a kid really turned Uncle Derek into a softie."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Amelia demanded.

"I think I've officially decided on going to college in Seattle," Eric mused. "Seattle is way more fun than New York. Nothing like this ever happens at home."

Alex sighed and turned to face Lexie. "Well, welcome to the family, Grey."

"Grey?" Eric's jaw dropped. "Like Meredith?"

"Keep this to yourself, Kraft," Alex demanded. "Lexie is Meredith's half sister. Meredith has no idea she even has half-sisters."

Eric dropped the white board marker that he'd been holding.

"I think we should just give up on the Shepherds 101 lecture, Aunt Amy." Eric shook his head. "This is getting too complicated for me to even understand, let alone teach!"

* * *

Derek leaned back in his office chair. After being kicked out of his kitchen by Kathleen and his mother, he and Mark had wandered in there to escape the madness.

He wasn't sure where Mer or Abby disappeared off to, but considering Amy, Alex, and Eric were also missing, he had several guesses.

"Did Lexie ever show up?" Derek asked Mark. "I never saw her come in."

Mark sighed. "I think so? I'm pretty sure I saw Amy drag her off somewhere the second she got here."

"Who's Lexie?" Dan asked curiously.

"Mark's girlfriend," Derek smirked.

"Girlfriend?" Rob's eye brows shot up. "Since when do you have relationships, Sloan?"

"She's nice," Derek offered. "A little young and she rambles quite a bit, but she's nice."

"How young are we talking, Shep?" Dan smirked.

"She's in her last year of medical school," Derek ignored the glare Mark was shooting at him. "So what is she, Mark, 25, tops?"

"Grey's a little young too!" Mark protested.

"Meredith is 27," Derek countered. "Which is still older than Lexie thank you very much. Lexie's practically a child, Mark."

"She's 23," Mark conceded with a sigh. "She skipped a grade in elementary school and graduated college in 3 years."

Rob whistled. "Eleven years younger. Wow, Mark."

"Shut up," Mark snarled. "No one asked you, Thomas."

"Are we interrupting?"

Derek's head swung towards the door, his eyes lighting up when he saw Meredith and Abby.

"Hey," he said softly, standing up and walking towards them. "There's my two favorite girls."

"Hi Daddy!" Abby giggled as he wrapped his arm around Meredith.

"You doing okay?" he whispered, stroking Meredith's cheek gently and gently placing a kiss on her forehead.

"Great," Meredith smiled.

It wasn't the grin he was used to, but considering the circumstances, the fact that she was still here and making an effort to smile was more than enough.

"Mer," Derek motioned to the unfamiliar faces in the room. "These are my brother-in-laws, Dan and Rob. Dan is Liz's husband. Rob is married to Kathleen."

"Lawyer and former Chief of Surgery, right?" Meredith asked.

"Wow, she's good, Shep," Dan grinned. "It took me years to get the family down and she's done it a day."

Meredith immediately liked Dan.

"I think I've got the sisters down," Meredith admitted. "The nieces and nephews? Not so much."

Rob chuckled. "I don't blame you. I've been around since before the army was born and I still get it mixed up from time to time."

"And that," Derek said pointedly, "is why I'm the favorite uncle."

Rolling his eyes, Dan looked at Abby. "Say, Abby, who is your favorite uncle?"

Abby tilted her head in thought for a moment. "I don't got one," she said. "I can't choose."

"Typical," Dan mumbled. "The perfect son has the perfect child."

Mark snorted. Abby was far from the perfect child. Derek was convinced she was giving him gray hair. Not that Derek had any gray hair yet, but he had always been a drama queen.

"Daddy!" Abby said suddenly. "Uncle Mark's got a girlfriend!"

"Yes, I know," Derek looked at Meredith, confused by her smirk.

"Daddy?" Abby whispered. "Do they know how to date right?"

Eyes wide, Mark began to sputter.

"Yes," Derek said quickly. "They do, Abby, don't worry."

"Phew!" Abby exclaimed.

"Date right?" Dan mouthed at Rob.

Rob shrugged, shooting a questioning look towards Mark. The look went ignored.

"Daddy, we play surgeon now?" Abby asked hopefully.

"I have a better idea," Derek grinned. "Why don't we go find Aunt Lizzie and Gramma?"

* * *

Meredith found Amy, Alex and Lexie right where she'd left them. Eric had wandered off to hang with his other cousins.

"I could really use a drink right about now," she groaned, collapsing onto Amy's bed.

"That bad?" Alex asked worriedly.

"No, but I've barely met anyone yet. Just Dan Kraft and Rob Thomas. It's knowing what's coming that makes me want tequila."

"They can't be that bad," Lexie said encouragingly.

Amy snorted. "They're worse."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Don't mind Dr. Pessimist over there, Lexie."

"They are!" She insisted. "You'll be fine, Alex, because I'm the black sheep. They don't care about me anyway. But Mer? You're dating the golden boy. No one has ever been good enough for Derek in their eyes, not even Addison and he was married to her."

"Gee thanks, Amy," Meredith sighed. "That made me feel loads better."

"Well," Lexie said after a moment. "I don't have any tequila, but I did bring a bottle of wine."

"Derek's got wine glasses in the cabinet across the hall," Meredith said with a grin as Alex jumped up to go grab some.

Amy laughed as Lexie nearly spilled the wine in her hurry to pour Mer a glass and pulled a box of chocolate out of her closet.

"Do you want some, Amelia?" Lexie asked.

"Oh no," Amy waved her off, "I'm all set with this. Hands off, Alex!"

Alex held his hands up in mock surrender and all four of them fell into hysterical laughter.

An hour later, a knock on the door interrupted their third game of cards.

"Well aren't you all having fun," Derek grinned at the sight.

Meredith looked happy, genuinely happy. He felt a rush of gratitude towards his sister for helping with that.

Alex, Amy, Meredith, and Lexie were all sprawled out on Amy's floor, surrounded by cards, candy wrappers and wine glasses.

"Can we help you?" Amy teased. "We are having fun thank you very much. Now please leave before you ruin it."

He stuck his tongue out at her. "Fine, starve then. I'll just tell Mom you turned down her cooking."

"I'm up!" Alex jumped to his feet. "Sorry, Amy, nothing beats your Mom's cooking."

"Daddy!" Abby raced up behind him. "Gramma says come now."

"I'm working on it, Bee," he said, exasperated. "Mer and Aunt Amy are taking too long."

"I hungry, Merdith!" Abby protested. "Come on!"

"I'm taking too long, am I?" Meredith smirked slyly. "Well, we'll see about that."

She took a laughing Abby from Derek's arms and bolted down the hall towards the living room.

"Hey!" Derek shouted as he chased after her. "That's not fair! Meredith!"

"All's fair in love and war," she grinned. Derek huffed and went to sit down beside her. "Oh no you don't," Meredith shook her head. "This seat's reserved for my number one girl. You'll have to sit on the other side."

"Sorry Daddy," Abby said cheekily, struggling to carry her booster seat over. "That's my chair."

Sighing dramatically, Derek helped Abby climb up onto the chair and into the seat. "Well all right then. I can see when I'm not wanted."

"You sit next to me, Daddy!" Abby insisted.

Across the table, Liz nudged Dan, a small smile on her face. She was thrilled for her brother. Meredith clearly loved Abby. And Abby? Well, she clearly adored Meredith too. After all the crap Derek had been through, he deserved happily ever after.

"They make a cute family," Dan whispered, squeezing her hand below the table.

"They certainly do," Liz whispered back, resting her head on her husband's shoulder and one hand on her bulging stomach. She had been a little more than hesitant about coming out to Seattle and surprising Derek like this. Their family was loud and overbearing. From the little she knew about Meredith Grey, she knew the poor girl would not appreciate the wolves descending so early in her relationship with Derek. However, so far, things had gone relatively well.

"Amy, are you coming or what?" Derek called out.

"Yes, Derek, I'm right here," Amelia rolled her eyes and sat down in the empty seat on the other side of Meredith.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Nancy snapped, eyes narrowing at her.

Derek looked up sharply as Liz glared at her.

"Can you go one night without making a scene, Nancy?" Liz growled. "It's Thanksgiving. It's the first Thanksgiving where Mom has had all six of her kids at the same table in years. Whatever your problem is, save it."

"You know, Amelia, everyone kept saying that you had finally managed to get your life together."

Alex wrapped an arm around her protectively.

Meredith and Lexie exchanged shocked looks. What on earth was going on?

"But as usual, you proved me right."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Derek demanded, but he was ignored.

"Isn't it bad enough that you nearly ruined Derek's career? That you stole his prescription pads..."

"Nancy that's enough!" Mark snarled.

"That you almost got him fired when he was Chief Resident..."

"Nancy!" Carolyn slammed her hand down on the table. "Stop it.'

"He got you a job out here, let's you live with him for free. For reasons I can't even begin to understand, he lets you around his daughter. And this is how you repay him? By drinking again?"

Meredith gasped. She had left her glass of wine on the floor when she came out for dinner. Amy had brought it out with her.

"That's not Amelia's drink," Meredith spoke up. "That's..."

"No one is talking to you," Nancy didn't even look at her. "Stay out of this, this is family business and you are not family."

"Nancy, you are way out of line here," Kathleen cut in. "You are in Derek's apartment, you have no right to talk to Meredith like that."

"This is my drink," Meredith repeated. "Not Amelia's."

"I'm not drinking again," Amelia hissed, tears sliding down her face. "I've been sober for years, Nancy."

"Right," she scoffed. "You really expect me to believe that?"

Meredith had reached her breaking point. She didn't know what was going on. She didn't have many good family experiences to go on, but she knew that this was wrong. Nancy was humiliating Amelia. Amy had been a good friend to Meredith for as long as she'd known her. She had stood up to Mark for her. Hell, Amy had even played mediator between her and Derek when they fought from time to time.

If what Nancy was saying was true, if Amelia had struggled with drinking before, she needed friends. She needed allies.

Meredith could be that.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Meredith spat, standing up to glare at Nancy.

"I told you to stay out of this!"

"You also said this is family business!" Meredith fought back. "And whether you like it or not, Amelia is my family. Derek is my family. So this is my business. You can't come into Derek and Amelia's apartment and make a scene like this. Whatever problem you have with Amy, you have no right to act the way you are acting right now."

"You may think you're Derek's family," Nancy sneered.

"She is my family," Derek interjected firmly.

Nancy rolled her eyes and continued, "But you are certainly not mine."

"Good," Meredith said curtly. "I wouldn't want a bitch like you as my family anyway."

* * *

Lexie stood nervously outside the door to Amy's room, praying the three plates of food she was holding didn't shatter to the ground.

She kicked the door once to try and get their attention.

After a minute, she tried again.

"Just go on in, Lexie," Liz said quietly, walking up behind her. "Here, let me get the door."

"Hey," Liz said gently. "Can we come in, Amelia? It's just me and Lexie, and we have food."

Amelia sat on the floor wrapped in a blanket, tear tracks down her face and Liz's heart hurt for her.

The four ate in silence.

When they were done, Meredith spoke.

"Do you want to talk about it, Amy?"

Amy shook her head. "No," she croaked out.

Meredith sighed and sat back. She had tons of questions, but they could wait for later. They could wait until she was ready to talk.

"Do you want me to get Alex?" she whispered. "Would you rather talk to him?"

"I can go," Lexie offered. "I know I'm not family, if you'd rather talk to Meredith and Liz..."

"You're Mark's girlfriend," Amelia hiccuped. "That makes you family."

Lexie blushed. "We've only been dating for a few weeks, it's nothing really."

"Mark doesn't date girls," Lizzie informed her. "He has one night stands with girls. I've known Mark Sloan since he was 5 and I can count on one hand the number of girls he's cared about enough to actually date. Sure it's new, sure you have no idea how it will end up, but right now? In this moment? You are our family."

"You don't have to be blood to be family," Meredith said. "I used to think that, but, Derek's shown me otherwise."

Amy rested her head on Meredith's shoulder. Meredith was her sister. Lizzie knew it all anyway. What was the harm in talking about it?

"I don't want to talk about it," she said softly. "But I will."

"When I was in college," Amy began slowly. "I became addicted to drugs. I started small at first. Just some weed my roommate had laying around. Before long, I'd tried nearly every drug in the book. And my drug of choice was oxycontin."

Meredith's eyes widened.

 _"Isn't it bad enough that you nearly ruined Derek's career? That you stole his prescription pads..."_

"The street price of that is insane," Amy wiped at her eyes. "The easiest way to get your hands on the real deal was through forged prescriptions. So, I stole Derek's prescription pads. Hit nearly every pharmacy in the city under different names. Always paid cash, so I had to go to a different one every time. The "my insurance isn't active until next week" excuse only works so many times."

"When I was 20, I overdosed in Derek's car. He found me, saved my life that night, and refused to talk to me for years after. Everything I'd done, every lie I told, it all came out. He told me he'd never forgive me for what I'd done. That I could have ruined him, his reputation, and he was right."

Liz handed Meredith a box of tissues, her love for the girl growing as she used one to wipe Amy's nose.

"Blow," Meredith said firmly. "Breathe, Amy. That's all in the past now, right?"

Amy nodded frantically. "I haven't touched anything since then. No drugs, no alcohol, nothing. I went to rehab, I got sober. I've been sober. I almost fell off the wagon a time or two, but I didn't."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Meredith asked quietly. "We've gone to bars, we drink around you all the time."

"Because I can handle it," Amy said seriously. "I never ever want to be back in that place again. And that's enough. I don't want Derek to look at me like that, like I'm a failure, ever again. That's what keeps me sober. Having Derek in my life, having Abby and you, Mer? I could never do anything to risk losing that. I'm happy, happier than I ever remember being since the morning my Dad died. I'm not the failure anymore." She laughed. "I'm a doctor. You would parental disappointment disappears with a doctorate degree, but apparently that's not true for me."

"Mom doesn't think you're a disappointment, Amelia," Liz argued. "Screw Nancy. The rest of us? We know how far you've come, how hard it's been for you to make it this far. You're a doctor, Amelia. You're going to give Derek a run for his money one day for the title of best Shepherd neurosurgeon, I'm sure of it. We are proud of you. I'm sorry we don't say it enough."

"How did you almost get him fired?" Lexie asked after a moment. "Nancy said you almost got Derek fired."

Amy took a breath. "When I was a medical student, we had a case come in. I did the family interview, asked all the right questions, but it was the kid's sister and she didn't know everything. He had overdosed on heroin, but they discovered a heart defect while he was in the ER. The cardio fellow decided to operate, even though Derek told him to wait for the kid's parents to arrive."

Meredith's breath hitched.

The cardio fellow.

"Moron," Liz hissed. "If the defect isn't going to be immediately fatal, you wait until you get a full medical history. He should have waited for the parents."

"That's what Derek said," Amy brought her knees to her chest and stared at the ground. "He tried to argue that the kid's sister couldn't possibly remember everything, even if she did know it. That she was not a reliable source in her shock. She had found her brother unconscious in the bathroom. Derek was adamant that we wait for the parents, they were only an hour away, but the fellow wanted no part of it. It was a night shift and there were no other cardio surgeons Derek could plead his case to. I don't know how exactly, but Derek wound up telling the fellow that he knew exactly what the sister was going through. It still didn't matter"

"Turns out, he was allergic to the anesthesia they used. He had an anaphylactic reaction, which, added onto the respiratory depression he was experiencing from the overdose, wound up killing him."

"The next night, I was waiting for Derek at Emerald City Bar. We were going to have dinner early and then head back out to his trailer. The cardio fellow happened to wander in. He ordered two drinks, tried to give me one, but I refused. Unbeknownst to me, the Chief was in the bar. He saw the fellow hand me the drink. So the next day, when the fellow was asked to explain the kid's death, he blamed me."

Meredith felt sick.

"He told the Chief that I'd been drunk that night, and since I was impaired, I didn't ask the right questions during the history. He set me up to take the fall for him, even though Derek had warned him to wait. The Chief, having seen me in the bar with a drink, believed him. Derek didn't. Derek fought for me. Derek knew I hadn't been drunk that night. I'd been with him the entire day. But it was his word against the fellow's. And the Chief didn't believe him."

"Derek was suspended because he refused to change his story. He refused to lie, refused to let the fellow throw me under the bus..."

"Burke," Meredith spat. "You keep saying the cardio fellow, but it was Burke. Preston Burke was the cardio fellow."

Amy was silent for a moment. Burke was the Head of Cardio at Seattle Grace. Meredith had years of working with him ahead of her. Hell, Burke was dating her person.

If Amy admitted that it was Burke, it could change everything.

At this point though, Meredith already knew. She'd figured out that the fellow was Burke. If Amy didn't admit it, Derek would.

"Yes," she said quietly. "It was Burke."

"Eventually, the Chief realized that Derek wouldn't really jeopardize his entire career if he wasn't certain I'd been sober. So, he started asking questions. Other interns and orderlies came forward and told the Chief that Derek had fought with Burke that night, that Burke had ignored him. The bartender admitted I refused the drink, that he had never once seen me drink. In the end, Burke admitted he lied. Derek's suspension was removed from his record. Webber's spent the years since trying to make it up to him. But he's hated Burke with a passion ever since."

* * *

"You have some nerve!" Derek yelled.

"Stop being dramatic," Nancy sighed. "It's getting a little tiresome, Derek."

"You can't do this," Mark stood next to Derek, arms folded across his chest. "You can't come crashing into our lives and rip them apart. You don't have to like Meredith or Alex, hell you don't even have to like Amy. But they are our family. That's our choice to make, not yours."

"Amelia has worked harder than anyone to get to where she is today," Derek snarled. "You had no right to pull that! You've never been there for her a day in her life; you've never tried to help her or understand her, so you have no right to judge her!"

"I don't understand you, Derek!" Nancy fought back. "Amelia nearly ruined you. When she overdosed, you swore you were done!"

"Things change," he said coldly. "Maybe if I'd been a little less wrapped up in myself, maybe if I'd been there for her more she never would have gotten mixed up in all of that in the first place. I knew what she'd been through, I should have helped her more."

"We all lost Dad, Derek," she said, her tone matching Derek's.

"We did," he conceded. "But you weren't there, Nance. You didn't watch. You didn't see his body. Amelia did. I did."

"I would give anything to change that!" Nancy said. "You think I like that my baby brother and sister had to watch that? I can't change it, and you can't keep holding the fact that you were there and I wasn't against me."

"I'm not holding anything against you," Derek said tiredly. "I just... Amy's come along way. You were wrong tonight, dead wrong. If that's the way you're going to be with her, I don't want you in my apartment. I don't want you in Seattle."

"She's an addict, Derek."

"She's been sober for years, Nancy,"

"Can you two just stop?" Carolyn demanded. "Nancy, you have no right to criticize the choices Derek makes. He's a big boy. It's his choice to trust Amelia. Let him."

"Mom, I..."

"You need to make a choice, Nancy. If you want Derek and Mark in your life, you are going to have to bite your tongue and be civil to Amelia. You are going to have to accept the fact that Derek and Addison did not work out. You need to accept that Addison does not want to raise Abby. And you need to accept that Derek loves Meredith. Meredith is his family now. What you said to her tonight wasn't right."

"And what she said to me was?" Nancy asked in disbelief.

"Meredith was standing up for her sister," Liz said evenly from the doorway. "Derek's her family and Amy is too. You were attacking her sister, Nancy. She was just trying to stop you. Just like Kathleen was. Just like I was. If you'd stopped to listen, if you for one second looked at Amy as your sister and not an addict, it never would have blown up the way it did. You were wrong. Just admit it."

* * *

"What a day," Meredith sighed, leaning against the wall outside Derek's apartment.

"I can't believe that bitch is actually related to Derek," Lexie shook her head in disbelief.

"Neither can Derek sometimes," Meredith chuckled. "You did good today, Lexie. If I were you, I would have run as far away from this crazy family the second Abby started talking about boy parts."

"When Alex told me it was sink or swim, I didn't realize he meant that literally. I feel like I just swam the Atlantic."

"Hey, at least you managed to swim," Meredith grinned. "My first introduction to the Shepherd family had me downing shots at a bar."

"Really?" Lexie asked. "You've met them before?"

"Well, no, not the whole army," she smiled softly. "Did Mark tell you how I met Derek?"

When Lexie shook her head, she continued. "He was a one night stand."

Lexie's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Oh yes," Meredith's grin widened at the shock on Lexie's face. "The night before intern year. Imagine my surprise when I show up to work and find out he's Head of Neuro."

"Oh my God," Lexie breathed. "Meredith, that's..."

"Crazy? Unbelievable? Yes, well, the best things in life tend to pop up when we least expect them. At the time, neither of us knew about Abby. He went to New York on a consult and was gone for two weeks. When he came back, we fought a bit, but in the end he flirts a lot and I found him very dreamy. We wound up making out in an elevator and started dating. One night, we were walking out of the hospital when Mark showed up with Abby."

"I would have wanted tequila too," Lexie sighed. "So, how did you go from there to here? How did you figure out he's your family?"

Meredith thought for a moment. "It happened slowly, but over time I just fell more and more in love with him. And I love Abby. One day, I realized that even though this was scary, even though I have no idea how this will end, I wanted the chance to find out. I decided I was all in. I love Derek, Lexie. I fall more in love with him every single day."

"Doesn't that scare you? It seems complicated"

"Scare me? I'm terrified," Meredith squeezed her hand. "I've never had a real relationship before Derek. And now? Now I'm the intern sleeping with the attending, who also happens to have a four year old daughter. Now I just found out that my best friend's boyfriend tried to ruin Derek's life; tried to ruin Amy's life. Complicated isn't a strong enough description. But it's worth it. All of it, the ups, the downs, and everything in between. Because at the end of the day, I've got this incredible family to come home too. And that? That's worth fighting the fear."

"They seem really great," Lexie sighed. "You're lucky, Meredith."

Six months ago, Meredith would never have described herself as lucky.

She had a crappy childhood.

Her father abandoned her and started another family.

Her mother never gave a damn and now had Alzheimer's.

She was alone. She didn't have a family.

She wasn't alone anymore.

As she'd told Amy earlier, it wasn't blood that made you family. It was the people who knew your secrets and loved you anyway.

Derek had taught her that.

Derek had also taught her that you don't turn your back on family. She knew that he had once. She knew he never would again.

"Enough about me," Meredith said. "I want to hear about you."

Lexie paled, but recovered quickly.

"I don't have much family either," Lexie admitted. "My mom's great, but my Dad is an alcoholic and they've been fighting a lot recently. My sister Molly lives with her husband about two hours from here. She got married at 18, which pissed my parents off so she barely speaks to any of us now."

Damn it.

Meredith counted to 10 in her head and thought back to the conversation she just had with Derek.

 _"Nancy's still here?" Meredith hissed._

 _"Mer, please," Derek groaned. "I can't fight with you right now."_

 _"How the hell can you let her stay here? After what she said to Amy? How could you?"_

 _"She's my sister, Meredith," He ran a hand through his hair. "I turned my back on my sister once and I swore I would never do it again. She's just trying to protect me, Mer. I know it doesn't make any sense, none of us really understand it, but in her own way, Nancy was doing what she thought was best."_

 _"Are you kidding me?"_

 _"You don't turn your back on your family, Mer," he said softly. "She's my sister. She's going through some crap herself right now. Was she out of line, yes, she was. But at the end of the day, she is my sister. And that means something."_

"I'm sorry," Meredith said gently. "I didn't realize Thatcher was drinking again."

Lexie sputtered. "What?" she nearly screeched.

"I've been wondering all day," Meredith explained. "When I came out to Seattle in the spring to set things up for my internship, I... well, I looked him up. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why he abandoned me. He mentioned that I had step-sisters. Molly and Lexie."

"Meredith, I..."

"Look," she sighed. "I have a family now. I'm not sure how I feel about this and I'm not sure how I feel about having a sister I never knew. You need to give me some time, Lexie."

"Okay," Lexie said quietly.

"You're Mark's girlfriend," Meredith continued. "So we'll see each other a lot. I don't know if you've noticed, but Mark and Derek are kind of close."

Lexie let out a shaky laugh. "I have."

"I don't know that I can be your sister yet," she said. "But I can be your friend. You'll need friends when you start your internship next summer. Trust me, friends are the only way you'll ever survive a day."

* * *

"Meredith,"

Meredith froze.

After saying goodbye to Lexie and a very shocked Mark, she just wanted to climb into bed. She hoped Abby was already out for the count so she could just spend the night instead of driving home.

She did not want to speak with Derek's mother.

"Mrs. Shepherd," she gulped. "Hi."

"I'm sorry we haven't had much time to get to know each other," Carolyn said gently. "It's been quite the day."

"Yes," Meredith agreed. "It has."

"Derek told us you don't do families," Carolyn smiled. "That you came from a pretty terrible one. I'm so sorry to hear that."

"I've made my own family now," Meredith said quietly. "Thanks to Derek."

"So I see," she chuckled. "My granddaughter adores you, my sons love you. One thinks of you as another little sister and the other thinks the sun rises and sets with you. Amelia loves you more than she does some of her biological sisters."

"I wanted to thank you," Carolyn continued. "For what you said at dinner. For standing up for Amelia."

"She's my family," Meredith whispered. "Derek, Amy, Mark, Abby and Alex, they're my family."

"Well, you are my family too now, Meredith," Carolyn said softly. "I know I can't replace your childhood or give you better parents growing up, but I can be here now."

Meredith was stunned speechless.

"Tell Derek my flight doesn't leave until tomorrow night if he has time to grab lunch," she squeezed Meredith's shoulder. "Have a good night, dear."

"Good night, Mrs. Shepherd."

"Meredith?"

Meredith turned to the door, where Derek's mother was heading out of the apartment.

"Call me Carolyn."

* * *

Meredith smiled as she looked through the door of Derek's bedroom.

Derek was sound asleep on top of the covers, his shoes still on.

Abby was curled up beside him in her PJs.

Shaking her head, she pulled Derek's shoes off.

"Derek," she whispered. "Derek, you have to get under the covers."

He groaned, but allowed her to pull the blankets out from underneath him so she could cover him.

She kissed him gently on the forehead, running a hand through his hair, before leaning over him and doing the same to Abby.

When she went to get up, his grip on her hand stopped her.

"Hey," he mumbled sleepily.

"Hey," Meredith sat down on the side of the bed.

"'Is late," Derek rubbed one of his eyes and squinted at his alarm clock.

"I know," Meredith agreed. "I've got to head home, Derek. I'll see you tomorrow, I'm working noon to midnight."

"Stay," he whispered, waking up a little more. "Abby and I don't take up the whole bed. There's room on the other side."

Meredith froze. "Derek..."

"Abby won't mind," he stroked her palm with his thumb. "We like it when you're here."

She bit her lip and thought about the offer.

Derek lived about twenty minutes from her house. By the time she got home, it would be nearly 2am. It had been one hell of a day. She just wanted to sleep.

"Abby won't mind?" she asked worriedly.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I know she won't. I bet she'll like it, honestly. If you're here, you can bring her to daycare later tomorrow. She'll love that."

"Okay,"

Derek smiled at her, that McDreamy smile that never failed to take her breath away.

Climbing into bed, she turned towards Derek.

"I love you," he whispered.

Meredith smiled back at him.

She fell asleep snuggled up to Abby, with Derek's arms around them both.

As they drifted off to sleep, they both thought the same thing.

They wanted this. Forever.

* * *

 **Friday, November 26th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

No matter how much we try and fight it, change is inevitable.

It's constant.

It's scary and confusing, but there is no stopping it.

People change.

Friendships form.

Friendships crumble.

Priorities shift.

You learn things about other people that just can't be unlearned.

Some things just can't be forgotten.

Some things just can't be forgiven.

Good things fall apart.

One door closes and another door opens.

Life is full of change.

After all, it's how we grow.

As Meredith walked into the locker room that morning, all she could think about was how much had changed in a day.

Her eyes lit up, though, when she opened her locker.

Someone had posted a picture of her, Abby, and Derek sleeping the night before.

It was her new favorite picture.

Turning it over, her smile grew larger.

 _Mer-_

 _Amy took this earlier. I wanted to give it you myself, but I got pulled into a surgery. Thanks for everything yesterday and for letting us be a part of your family. We love you._

 _-Alex_

She placed the picture back on the door of her locker, her heart close to bursting.

She had a family now. No matter what was going to come, she would never have to face it alone.

Which was good.

Because in one crazy Thanksgiving, _**everything**_ had changed.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes:**

Quick notes/reminders- Everything happens for a reason. You might not understand it, but I promise that everything that happens will only wind up making MerDer stronger in the end.

There wasn't a lot of comments about the 'Burke thing.' If you skimmed through it, or don't quite remember the details, I would go back and read that part again. I've said before that when it does come into play, it's a pretty huge moment for everyone involved. It changes things.

The title of this chapter, in my notes/outline, is "Something Seismic Starts to Shift." MerDer and co are in for a bit of a tough ride for the next few chapters, but this isn't just drama for drama's sake. Things change and it's all important. After all, change is how we grow.

So, hang in there, and as always, thank you to everyone who read and reviewed chapter 18!

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

 **Previously...**

 _Mer-_

 _Amy took this earlier. I wanted to give it you myself, but I got pulled into a surgery. Thanks for everything yesterday and for letting us be a part of your family. We love you._

 _-Alex_

She placed the picture back on the door of her locker, her heart close to bursting.

She had a family now. No matter what was going to come, she would never have to face it alone.

Which was good.

Because in one crazy Thanksgiving, _**everything**_ had changed.

* * *

 **Friday, November 26th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

Alex grinned as he spotted Meredith by the OR Board when he came out of surgery.

Mark had actually let him scrub in for once, instead of relegating him to the gallery. He didn't actually get to touch anything, of course, but being able to watch from up close had been incredible.

"Hey."

She didn't notice him.

"Meredith!"

Alex's eyes narrowed. Either she had gone deaf in the past twelve hours or she was completely ignoring him.

He huffed and nearly shouted. "Earth to Dr. Grey."

As he walked up next to her he noticed the phone in her hand and the small smile on her face. "Quit sexting Derek, Mer."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not sexting Derek, Alex."

Alex grinned as he reached around her to place a chart on the counter. "Sure you're not."

"For your information, I'm not even texting Derek," Meredith stuck out her tongue. "So there."

"Let's see then," Alex went to swipe her phone, but Meredith ducked and darted to the other side of the hall, giggling.

"I'm texting Amy," she informed him. "Thanking her for that picture."

Alex smiled softly. "It's a great picture. You three are adorable."

Meredith grinned broadly. "I know."

Alex stared at her for a minute before bursting into laughter. "I know? Did you really say that? I think Abby's rubbing off on you."

"She might be. Just a little," she laughed. "Though, if I was Abby, I would done a hair flip and a twirl too."

"What a crazy holiday," Alex muttered. "I thought holidays were insane in my family, but the drama of yesterday might have surpassed some of them."

Meredith snorted. "We never celebrated holidays. Ellis was always working. The surgeries always trumped family to her."

"Well, I'm pretty sure Derek is a 'let's celebrate every holiday on the calendar' type of guy. You'll get your holiday memories now." Alex said sympathetically. "Even if the Shepherds are there very own brand of crazy. I give Mark and Derek credit for surviving a house full of those girls."

"I give them all credit for surviving Nancy," Meredith sighed. "She's awful, huh?"

Alex shrugged.

"According to Eric, she's probably getting divorced again soon. Her kids aren't very happy about it. I'm not defending her, but she's going through her own crap too."

"That's no excuse for how she treated Amy!"

"And you'll never hear anyone say it is," Alex nodded. "You know, a part of me is slightly offended that you found out my girlfriend's deepest secret before I did."

Meredith's eyes widened. "You didn't know?"

"Nope," Alex grabbed her coffee and took a gulp. "I knew about her history, but I never knew about the Burke thing. She told me last night."

"I don't know how I'm supposed to work with him and not punch him in the face."

"You?" Alex asked incredulously. "I've already nearly punched the man and that was before I knew what he did to Amy and Derek. Say, do you think Bailey knows? Maybe she could keep us off his service."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "And where are our cardio hours supposed to come from?"

"There are other cardio attendings," Alex pointed out. "But do you think she knows?"

Bailey had been a resident when Derek was Chief Resident. She had been his intern the year before. At the very least, she must have known about his suspension. But did she know the reasons behind it?

Meredith doubted it.

Bailey respected Burke tremendously as a surgeon, even if she thought he was an arrogant jerk as a person.

Bailey didn't strike her as the type of person who would still respect Burke if she knew the truth.

"Probably not," Meredith said.

"Hey!"

Meredith forced a smile on her face just in time.

"How was the Shepherd Family Thanksgiving Spectacular?" Cristina asked, rolling her eyes. "Was it as nauseating as I told you it would be?"

"Well," Meredith shared a grin with Alex, "Derek's Mom, sisters, brother-in-laws, and the army of nieces and nephews surprised us just before dinner. So, yes, I guess I did feel nauseas at times yesterday."

'Like when Amy told me what your stupid arrogant boyfriend tried to do to her and Derek.' Meredith thought furiously. 'No. Keep a smile on your face. She doesn't know what Burke did. Amy doesn't want her to know what Burke did.'

Cristina gaped at them. "Are you serious? Why didn't you bail?"

Meredith blinked. "What?"

"Mer, you totally should have faked an urgent page and came into work. There were endless amounts of cool surgeries last night."

"I told Derek I would do the Thanksgiving thing," Meredith said slowly. "I promised Abby I was going to have the turkey dinner with her. I couldn't bail."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Abby's only four, she would have gotten over it. Some of those surgeries though? We won't see stuff like that again until next year, maybe never."

"She would have gotten over it?" Meredith mouthed to Alex.

He squeezed her shoulder. "Let it go." He mouthed back. "She doesn't get it."

But… she couldn't let it go.

Not when Cristina was clearly judging her for spending her holiday off with Derek and Abby.

Was it a shock when the entire Shepherd family barged through the door?

Well, yes, of course it was.

It was a shock for Derek, Abby, Mark, Amy, and Alex too. They got through it, they survived, as a family.

Because that's what they were.

And, as she was slowly learning, because that's what families do.

Cristina was still going on and on about the surgeries when she noticed Meredith wasn't paying any attention.

"Earth to Mer!"

"Leave her be," Alex smirked. "She's gushing over Shepherd family pictures with Amy right now. Oh and here, Mer, give this copy to Derek for his office. I forgot earlier."

Meredith's heart swelled. Shepherd family.

"Let me see… oh," Cristina looked up in surprise. "You spent the night at Shepherd's last night?"

"Yes," Meredith brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "It worked out; since I had to come in later, Abby only has to have a half day at daycare today. She was pretty excited."

"You could have come in earlier, George is out with the flu."

"I heard, Derek called me. But we had already told Abby she didn't have to go to daycare until lunchtime so I decided to just stay home with her."

Cristina was speechless.

"You're putting a four year old, who isn't even your kid, over your career?" She asked incredulously. "Are you going to try and trade shifts for Christmas so you can help Derek play Santa too?"

"Oh!" Meredith's eyes lit up. "Do you want my Christmas morning shift?"

"Meredith!" Cristina snapped her fingers in front of her face. "Wake up. There will be other holidays, other Christmases. We're interns. The harder we work, the more opportunities we get. The more surgeries. Trust me, holiday surgeries trump Santa Clause. It's kind of like Santa Clause for adults."

"You're Jewish," Alex cut in. "What do you know about Santa Clause?"

Meredith leveled her with a cool glare. "Do you ever plan on having kids, Cristina?"

"What?" Cristina looked at her like she was crazy. "No! Are you kidding? Kids are career killers. I don't want to wind up on the vagina squad or stuck in derm. Cardio is too hardcore for all that crap."

"Don't tell Liz Kraft that," Alex muttered.

"Well that's good then," Meredith nodded curtly.

"What's good?" Cristina asked, confused.

"It's good that you don't want kids," Meredith crossed her arms. "Because I've never met anyone who sounded so much like my mother in my entire life. And I don't mean that as a compliment."

Alex sighed.

He'd tried to defuse the situation.

Tried and failed.

On the bright side, Meredith didn't say a word about Burke.

"Oh! Alex," Meredith turned back around, "Are you free tomorrow night? Lexie and Amy want to triple date. Derek and Mark already said yes."

Alex cringed as he watched the hurt flit through Cristina's eyes.

Meredith saw it too.

"Oh I'm sorry, Cristina," Meredith said, forcing herself to try and stay nice. "But you know how Burke and Derek don't get along. I think it's better we keep him out of this."

"Who's Lexie?" Cristina asked. "I've never heard you mention her before."

"Mark's girlfriend," Alex said quietly. "It's a pretty new development."

"Lexie's my sister," Meredith said.

Alex nearly choked.

"And that," Meredith grinned at him, "Is why you shouldn't steal other people's coffee. Let Mark or Derek know if you can come! I'll see you later, Cristina."

"What was that?" Cristina asked him once Meredith had left to find Bailey.

"Yesterday…" Alex hoped he pulled this off. "It was a little stressful. I think the front she put up to survive the day hasn't quite come down yet."

"Who's this Lexie girl?" Cristina demanded. "How is she Mer's sister?"

Alex had never been more thankful to receive a page than he was at that moment.

"Sorry!" he shouted as he ran backwards down the hallway. He held up his pager so she could see it buzzing. "I've got a 911. We'll talk later!"

He nearly ran into Mark as he turned the corner.

"Watch it!" Mark snapped. "You almost spilled the coffee I made Stevens get for me."

Alex rolled his eyes. "You paged?"

"On a scale of 1 to 10," Mark started with a sigh. "How bad is it that Bailey just put Meredith on Burke's service?"

"Right," Mark sighed at the look of complete horror on Alex's face. "That's what I thought."

* * *

Meredith silently fumed as she raced down the hall towards Derek's office.

Of all the attendings in the whole freaking hospital, she had to be put on Burke's service today.

She knocked on Derek's door, pleading with fate to let him actually be there.

"Come in!"

Meredith said a silent thank you and pushed the door open.

"Hey!" Derek smiled brightly as Meredith entered his office. "Abby didn't give you a hard time this morning, did she?"

"No," Meredith forced a smile and hoped Derek didn't notice. "She was great. She says hi."

Derek did notice, but tried his best to hide his frown.

"Whose service are you on today? Anything good?" he asked curiously. The noon to midnight shift was always interesting. The interns coming in late had already missed rounds, but sometimes they got newer, more exciting cases as a result.

"Burke's," she said stiffly. "Which I actually wanted to talk to you about."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "Okay…"

"I mean," she huffed. "I want to talk to Dr. Shepherd about it."

He sat up a bit straighter. Meredith never came to him as Residency Director. Ever.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

"Can I be reassigned?"

This had to be a joke.

"Dr. Grey," he said slowly. "Is there any particular reason you can't work with Dr. Burke?"

"He's an ass,"

"Meredith," Derek groaned. "I can't just reassign you because Burke did something to piss off Cristina. That's not how this works."

"He didn't do anything to piss off Cristina," Meredith said shortly.

"Then what's the problem?" he pressed.

"He tried to wreck my boyfriend's career. He tried to ruin my sister's to cover up his own idiocy."

Derek's eyes widened. "Mer,"

"I can't work with him, Derek! All I can think about is punching him in the face."

"Meredith,"

"Don't Meredith me! I mean it, Derek, I won't work with him. The man ignored your advice and then tried to ruin you when he screwed up."

"Meredith, sit down for a min…"

"Accusing Amy of working while drunk? She could have been thrown out of school for that. She could have lost everything. I refuse. There are other cardio surgeons, I'll work with them, but I will not work with that bastard."

"Dr. Grey. Sit. Down." Derek snapped, losing his patience. "Now."

Meredith glared at him, but sat down anyway.

"I take it this is what Amy talked to you and Liz about last night?" Derek sighed. "She told you?"

Meredith nodded.

"I can't take you off his service, Mer." He held a hand up to silence her. "Let me finish. He is the Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery in this hospital and a talented, well respected surgeon. There is a lot you can learn from him, a lot you will learn from him. You are an intern here, you do not get to pick who you work with. Hell, I'm the Head of Neuro and I don't always get to chose who I work with. If I have been able to work with Burke for the past 3 years, you most certainly can work with him too."

Meredith glared at him. "I hate him."

"I know," he sighed. "You've got to push that aside, Meredith. You can't let that impact your interactions with him while at work. You just can't. This is your future. Don't let my past with him affect your future in this hospital."

"And how exactly am I supposed to do that?"

Derek stood up and walked over to the couch. "Come here, Mer."

She let him wrap an arm around her, pulling her closer to his chest.

"How do you work with him?" Meredith whispered. "How can you come here and be civil and work with him on cases? How do you move past what he did?"

"How do I do it?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded.

"Well, I focus on the outcome. He didn't ruin me. He didn't wreck Amy's future. In the end, that's what cost him his spot as Webber's Heir Apparent. I won. It sucked and I hate him for what he tried to do, for what that did to Amy, but in the end, I won. I still work here. I'm one of the youngest department heads ever. Amelia won. She's thriving at Mercy West. That could have pushed her to relapse, but it didn't. She won."

"I hate what he did," Derek said quietly. "I despise him. I haven't forgotten it and I'll never forgive him for it. If I dwelled on that though, I'd never be able to work with him. And not being able to work with him would only hurt me, my patients, and my career. I won't give him that satisfaction. You shouldn't either."

* * *

"Dr. Bailey," Derek knew something was off with the resident, but he couldn't place quite what it was. "Are you all right?"

"Me?" she looked flustered. "I'm fine."

Derek raised an eyebrow.

"I don't like it when people take me for a fool, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey chose to ignore him.

"What's going on with Grey and Karev today?" she asked instead.

Derek fell into one of the empty chairs at the nurses station, resting his head on the desktop.

They both knew?

It couldn't be a coincidence. If Amy had told Meredith last night, it only made sense that she would tell Alex too. Alex was her boyfriend. What happened all those years ago was an important part of Amelia's past, an important part of her story. He should know about it.

Derek just wished someone had warned him that they knew.

"Is it possible to keep them both off of cardio for a while?"

Bailey froze. "Excuse me?"

Derek sighed.

Bailey had been around for everything, but how much did she really know?

He wasn't in the mood to go into all of the gory details with anyone today.

"So Amelia finally told them?"

Derek's eyes widened. "How much…"

"Look," Bailey waved him off. "I don't know exactly what happened, nor do I really want to know. But I do know that whatever happened hurt you and hurt your sister. Grey and Karev are loyal to a fault. I'll do what I can, but if Burke catches on…"

"He'll run right to the Chief," Derek muttered bitterly. "And Webber will put a stop to it."

"Have you tried to talk to the Chief about this?" Bailey asked.

Derek laughed bitterly. "I don't talk to the Chief about Burke."

"What…"

"Not everything is what it appears," Derek muttered. "Me being Heir Apparent is the Board's decision, not Richard's."

Bailey's eyes widened.

"Burke is still his favorite, always has been and always will be. The only reason Richard tries so hard to give me whatever I want is because he knows if I ever walk, he'll be out of a job. And he hates that, loathes how much power I hold over his job. I'm the hospital board's golden child. Sure, he acknowledges that I'm one of the best, he recognizes that I know how to run a department and a residency program, but he doesn't like me."

"He hates that I want a family and a career," Derek sighed. "He doesn't think I can have it all. Addie was always his favorite out of the three of us, and I think that the divorce is another strike against me. When I first came out here, he tried to get me to forgive her. He thought we'd get back together. When I told him I filed for divorce he didn't speak to me for close to a month."

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey said gently. "I don't think…"

"Preston was being groomed to replace him. He views him like the son he never had. Have you ever once heard Richard criticize him? Because I never have. Not once. Not even when he tried to ruin my sister's career, not even when he tried to ruin mine."

"Okay," Bailey nodded. "We'll keep this between us."

"Thank you," Derek breathed. "Knowing Alex, he'll wind up getting arrested for assault if he's left alone with him."

Bailey snorted. "That or murder, if he's left alone with Burke long enough to finish the job."

Derek knew it was inappropriate, but he chuckled anyway.

"Enough about my family drama," Derek shook his head. "Really, Miranda, are you okay?"

She took a deep breath and smiled wryly at him. "Chief Webber is anti-family, right?"

"Yes," Derek said immediately. "Always has been. It's always surprised me that Adele was so okay with it, honestly. She struck me as the mothering type."

"What's his opinion on residents that get pregnant?"

* * *

"Good work today, Dr. Grey," Burke praised.

Meredith shot him a dirty look out of the corner of her eyes.

"I really appreciate you volunteering to come in and check on the patient in the morning," Burke continued. "Since you're doing that, you should head out now."

"I'm scheduled until midnight, Dr. Burke," Meredith said cooly.

"You are," he agreed. "But you should go anyway. Coming in tomorrow could push you over maximum work hours for the week if you don't."

Meredith sighed.

Leaving now meant she could probably still catch up with Derek and Abby. The three of them hadn't managed a night alone as a family in weeks. Amy and Alex were out on a date. So were Mark and Lexie.

She grinned.

Yeah, leaving now sounded great.

"Thank you," Meredith said. "I'll do that then."

She turned towards the doors to the main hospital, ready to go find her two favorite people in the world.

"Hey, Grey?" Burke called after her. "I'm meeting Cristina at Joe's. You should come."

Meredith met Alex's eyes at the other end of the hallway.

They begged her not to make a scene.

But…

"No thanks," she said quietly.

Looking up and meeting Burke's eyes dead on, she spoke lowly and deliberately.

"I wouldn't want you to think I'm an alcoholic and blame me for your next screw up."

Burke's eyes widened.

In his shock, he took a step back, nearly tripping over a supply cart.

"Have a good night, Dr. Burke." Meredith smirked, walking through the set of double doors and exiting the surgical floor.

Damn. That felt really, really good.

* * *

"Meredith!" Alex shouted, chasing after her. "Mer, wait up!"

Meredith stopped short with a huff. "What do you want, Alex?"

"What the hell was that?" he hissed, dragging her into the nearest supply closet.

"I have a boyfriend, Evil Spawn," she teased.

"Meredith!" Alex snapped. "What the hell were you thinking?"

She waved him off. "You're being ridiculous, Alex. That was nothing. It's fine."

Alex scowled at her.

She was being impossible.

"I thought Derek told you not to let his past with Burke impact your future in this hospital?" Alex asked.

Meredith looked at him, confused. "I never told you I talked to Derek."

"Mark and Derek gave me the same speech," Alex sighed. "Mer, haven't you ever heard that saying about not poking the bear?"

"Just drop it, Alex," Meredith insisted. "Fine, I won't pick fights with Burke again. Do you want me to pinky promise, or is my word good enough?"

"Whatever," Alex rolled his eyes.

As they waited for the elevator, he quickly thought over what he wanted to say.

"You can't avoid Cristina forever," he said quietly.

Meredith visibly tensed. "I'm not avoiding Cristina," she insisted, a fake smile on her face.

"You are," Alex argued. "You've found every excuse in the book not to talk to her today. What's the harm in stopping by Joe's tonight before you go home? Grab a drink with her? Burke won't be leaving for at least half an hour because he has to talk to the patient's family. You can leave before he even gets there."

"I am not avoiding Cristina," Meredith repeated. "I'm just not in the mood to go to the bar tonight. I want to get dinner with Derek and Abby."

"She's your person, Meredith."

"I'm not avoiding her!"

"Yes, you are!" Alex pulled the stop button.

"Oh for the love of… did Derek teach you to do that?" Meredith glared at him. "I'm claustrophobic."

"Right," Alex mocked. "That's why you and Derek had sex in here."

Meredith blushed. "That's none of your business!"

"Hmm," he grinned. "Come on, Mer. Let's stop at Joe's. You can still be at Derek's in time for desert and Abby's bedtime story. Those are her favorite parts of the night anyway. Stop avoiding Cristina. She's your person."

"And you're my family!" Meredith shot back.

Alex stared at her pointedly. "Not avoiding her my ass."

Meredith rolled her eyes, leaning against the wall of the elevator as she became more annoyed by the second.

"Look, Mer, this is why Amy didn't want to tell you. She's known about this all along and it hasn't changed how she feels about Cristina."

Meredith sighed. "It doesn't change how I feel about Cristina either, but I can't stomach Burke and I don't know to be the supportive friend while she's dating the bastard."

"Mer…"

"Look, Alex," Meredith fixed her bun as she spoke. "Sometimes people change. Priorities, goals, what matters. When Cristina and I first met, I drank a lot, was anti-relationship, and never wanted to settle down. We got along because we wanted the same things."

 _"Mer, you totally should have faked an urgent page and come in. There were endless cool surgeries last night."_

 _"I told Derek I would do the Thanksgiving thing," Meredith said slowly. "I promised Abby I was going to have the turkey dinner with her. I couldn't bail."_

 _Cristina rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Abby's only four, she would have gotten over it. Some of those surgeries though? We won't see stuff like that until next year, maybe never."_

"We don't want the same things anymore," Meredith said quietly.

"Mer," Alex said softly. "Just because…"

"She's the second coming of my mother," Meredith said bitterly. "She can't understand why anyone would want kids or a husband or a family. She knocks people for wanting those things."

"Meredith, you still want to be an incredible surgeon. You both still want that."

"I do," Meredith agreed. "But I want my life to be more than surgery. I want a family, Alex. I want the house on Derek's land, I think I might want more kids eventually. I want happily ever after, and my happily ever after includes being an amazing Mom and an amazing surgeon. Cristina won't support me in that."

"You should talk to her and…."

"I thought," Meredith sighed. "I thought maybe she would at least humor me, pretend to support me, but she just doesn't get it! She doesn't get it at all and she's not even trying."

"Maybe she'll come around to all of it, I mean, eight months ago, you didn't believe it was possible to have it all either."

"That's not true," Meredith disagreed. "I was at Sinai. I saw Liz have it all…"

"But you didn't really believe she had it all," Alex pointed out. "You only realize that she does now because you're a part of her family. Because you've met her kids, because you've met her husband."

Meredith glanced at her watch. "Can you start the elevator again? Derek will be leaving any minute."

"I do hear you," she said quietly as they stepped off. "I just don't know what to think right now. Between the Burke thing and the Ellis-like comments this morning, I… she's my person, but things are changing. I'm happy. After Cristina and Derek, you're my best friend. You're happy for me. I know you are. I just wish I knew she could be happy for me too."

"Merdith!"

Alex watched Meredith's whole face light up as Abby barreled over to, a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth.

"Abby, don't run!" Derek shouted, trying to catch up to his overly exuberant four year old. "Abigail Mackenzie…"

"I've got her, Derek," Meredith got his attention as she stood up, Abby held firmly in her arms.

"Hey," he said leaning in to hiss her cheek to cries of "Eww, Daddy, kissy gross!"

Derek rolled his eyes. "Are you going somewhere?" he asked, eyeing her bag. "I thought you were working until midnight tonight."

"Burke asked me to come in tomorrow morning to check on our patient," Meredith explained as Derek took her hand and they started walking towards the door. "So he told me to leave early tonight."

"I heard Yang and O'Malley were headed to Joe's, are you meeting up with them?" Derek asked curiously.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I have to be back early in the morning, I'm not drinking tonight. I was hoping I could crash your Daddy Daughter Date and grab dinner with you two."

"Yes!" Abby shouted happily. "Yes, come please!"

Derek didn't remember ever feeling so happy.

He had never really let himself hope that things would turn out like this. He never dreamed that he would ever find someone who loved Abby just as much as he did.

Meredith Grey was the love of his life. Of that, he was certain.

* * *

 **Saturday, November 27th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

Meredith pulled off her white coat as she entered the lobby.

It had been a rough morning.

Her patient had coded twice over night.

Burke was probably going to have to go in and operate again.

Luckily, she had hit the work hours limit and was able to go home.

She didn't want to spend anymore time around Burke than she had to.

Especially after he confronted her earlier that morning.

 _"Dr. Grey!" he called, sticking his head out of his office. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"_

 _Meredith bit back a groan and followed him in, butterflies in her stomach as he closed the door._

 _"Last night you mentioned…"_

 _"I won't tell Cristina," Meredith cut him off. "If that's what you're worried about, don't be. I'm not going to tell her."_

 _Burke looked relieved. "You're not?"_

 _"No," she shook her head. "Amelia and Derek don't want everyone knowing their personal business. I'm going to respect their wishes to limit who knows. They don't want Cristina finding out, so I'm not going to tell her."_

 _"Meredith, I…"_

 _"It's Dr. Grey, Dr. Burke," Meredith said curtly. "I'm your intern, not your friend. Please remember that."_

Meredith was surprised to see Derek walk through the doors of Seattle Grace just before noon.

He was supposed to be off today.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, handing him the coffee she had just bought from the cart. He looked like he needed it way more than she did.

"Emergency craniotomy," he sighed. "Sixteen year old went flying through the windshield in a car accident."

Meredith flinched.

"That's why we always wear our seatbelt, right, Abby?" Derek said, squeezing her hand. "So Daddy doesn't have to find a surgeon to put your brain back together again."

"Right," Abby nodded. "Seat belt on, then vroom."

"Mer," Derek said slowly. He motioned to Abby, "Could you take her?" he mouthed.

"Yes," she mouthed back. "Always."

"What are you going to do while Daddy fixes a brain, Abby?" Meredith asked gently.

Abby scowled. "Daycare on a a playday."

"Oh no!" Meredith frowned. "That's no fun. Say, why don't you come hang out with me?"

Abby's jaw dropped. "Oh! Oh Daddy, can I please go with Merdith?"

Derek kissed the top of her head. "Of course you can, Bee."

He handed off her bag to Meredith, pulling her into a hug.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I hate doing this to her."

Meredith squeezed his hand. She knew he did.

"All right, go on," Meredith shooed him towards the elevator. "Go be the Great God of Neuro. Abby and I are going to have a girls day. Say bye to Daddy, Abby."

"Bye Daddy!" Abby giggled, hugging his legs tightly. "We have a girls day!"

As Meredith buckled Abby into her car seat, she thought back on the past few months.

She remembered worrying about how Derek would balance being a world class surgeon with being a father.

Sure, he struggled. Every parent struggled, never mind single parents.

But at the end of the day, Derek put Abby first.

At the end of the day, Derek would always put Abby first.

She vaguely remembered someone telling her that a man should put his girlfriend first.

Meredith knew she was up there, but she wasn't Derek's first priority. She never would be.

Glancing in her rearview mirror, she laughed. Abby was dancing and lip syncing to the radio.

It didn't bother her one bit that she wasn't Derek's first priority.

If it came down to it, she'd pick Abby over Derek any day too.

Derek Shepherd proved to her every single day that he was no Ellis Grey.

It was one of her favorite things about him.

He proved one of her strongest beliefs wrong. You can be a great surgeon and a great parent.

"Merdith, this is your house?" Abby asked, eyes wide as Meredith parked in front of it. "Why we not live here?"

Meredith laughed. "I have roommates, Abby. I don't think your Daddy wants to live with my roommates."

"Hey, Iz," Meredith smiled as she walked into the living room.

"So big!" Abby looked around in awe.

"Izzie, you've met Abby before right?"

Abby and Izzie quickly became friends. Meredith couldn't help but giggle as she watched Abby help Izzie make handmade Christmas decorations. Derek was going to hate this friendship.

An hour later, the door swung open.

"Mer!"

Meredith swallowed hard. "We're in the living room, Cristina!"

"Oh thank God you're here! I have so much to tell you." Cristina moaned, collapsing into the couch beside her. "I saw McDreamy went in on his day off. So you finally get a break from him and the mini-Shepherd today? Good. We should start drinking."

"The mini-Shepherd is right there," Meredith said through gritted teeth, pointing to wear Abby had just knocked a tub of glitter over. "It's okay, Abby," she called out. "I think the rug looks better with all those colors anyway."

Cristina gaped at her. "What happened to you?"

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're an intern. You get one day off a week, if that, and you're spending it playing Mommy to another man's child?"

"Derek is my boyfriend, not some random guy," Meredith whispered. "And lower your voice, she's right there!"

"I feel like I barely know you anymore," Cristina whispered back.

"This is my life now," Meredith said, eyes blazing. "I'm happy, Cristina."

Cristina felt like the air was knocked out of her. "I can see that," she said quietly.

Meredith softened a bit. "We can still talk. Izzie seems like she's got everything under control here, we could go into the kitchen if you want?"

"No," Cristina shook her head as she stood. "It doesn't matter. I should go. I'm scrubbing in on one of Burke's advanced procedures Monday, I should study up. Make sure I'm ready for it."

* * *

 **Monday, December 20th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

"We have to warn Meredith," Izzie whispered to George in the locker room that morning. "We have to. She needs to know about this."

"Warn Mer about what?" Alex asked, his eyes filling with worry. "What's going on?"

Izzie and George exchanged nervous glances.

"Apparently," George started.

"Burke and Webber have been talking to the Board," Izzie said quietly. "About Shepherd running the Residency Program and dating an intern being unethical."

Izzie might as well have just punched him in the gut.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. "Who did you hear this from?"

George grimaced. "Cristina."

Alex's eyes widened. "Why the hell would Cristina tell you two but not tell Meredith?"

Izzie sighed, meeting his eyes knowingly. "You know why, Alex."

And he did.

He did know why.

The past three weeks had been torture.

Meredith and Cristina were barely speaking.

When they were forced to work together, Cristina made snide comments about Derek and Abby until Meredith snapped and stormed off.

Cristina hated Meredith and Derek being together now.

She had liked them, before Abby came out here, back when 'MerDer' were new and Meredith still put Cristina first. But once Abby moved in with Derek, once Abby found out about Meredith and Derek dating, things had changed.

Meredith fell head over heels in love with Abby.

Meredith and Derek became a family.

Meredith had hit the nail on the head a few weeks ago in the elevator. Cristina couldn't understand the choices she was making.

And, although Alex couldn't know this for sure, he was nearly certain Cristina blamed Derek for all the changes.

Cristina blamed Derek for all of Meredith's "crazy" decisions.

"But what about Burke and Cristina? Isn't that unethical too?" he protested.

George shifted from foot to foot. "Burke and Cristina broke up last week. He's probably going to get the job if they take it from Dr. Shepherd, so he had to end it."

Alex gulped.

He felt sick.

"We have to warn Meredith," he said quietly.

"Karev,"

He turned to see an angry Miranda Bailey standing in the doorway. "Stevens, O'Malley. Find Grey and meet me in On Call Room 12."

Ten minutes later, they sat on the bunk beds, waiting not so patiently for Bailey to arrive.

"Anyone know what's going on?" Meredith asked curiously. "And where's Cristina?"

"Dr. Yang isn't needed for this discussion," Bailey said as she shut and locked the door. "Stevens, O'Malley, can one of you tell Grey what you've learned?"

Alex wrapped an arm around Meredith.

"What's going on?" Meredith whispered, eyes widening at Izzie's upset expression. "Alex? Iz? George? What's wrong?"

Izzie took a deep breath. "Mer, I'm so sorry," she said softly.

"Dr. Burke and Dr. Webber have a meeting with the Board in an hour. They… they are asking that Dr. Shepherd not allowed to continue as Residency Director since he's in a relationship with an intern." George said.

Meredith nearly forgot how to breathe.

"We only found out this morning," Bailey told her.

"Derek never said…"

"Derek doesn't know," Alex hugged her tighter. "They're ambushing him."

* * *

 _"You're my boss," she whispered, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. "This is inappropriate."_

 _"I know," Derek sighed, even though he wished things were different. "What happened cannot be repeated. You're my intern."_

 _"Exactly," Meredith nodded._

* * *

 _"I'm your boss's boss's boss," he agreed. "You report to Dr. Bailey, who reports to Dr. Hawkins, who reports to me."_

 _Meredith glared at him._

 _"Just stating facts," he said, holding up his hands in surrender._

 _"So you agree that this can't happen?" Meredith asked. "There can't be anymore. No more sex, no more flirting."_

 _"I kind of like the flirting," Derek admitted._

 _"I'm drawing a line," she insisted. "The line is drawn. There is a big line."_

 _"You're drawing a line?" Derek asked, in confusion._

 _"Yes," she nodded. "I'm drawing a line. We can't do this. Even though you're very dreamy," Her face reddened. "Even if I think I like you, even if I think I fell hard for you in the bar, you aren't just a guy and I'm not just a girl. We can't do this. We..."_

* * *

 _"I barely know anything about you. If we're doing this, breaking the rules like this, I think I deserve to know the guy I'm risking everything for."_

 _Derek sighed. "You aren't risking everything, Meredith."_

 _"Yes, I am!" she protested. "I'm the intern sleeping with an attending. You've already proven yourself, I still have to."_

* * *

 _"I know you had good intentions," he said quietly. "And there are a lot of people who think I should have just let this go, including Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Kraft, and Dr. Sloan. Letting it go, letting you get away with this never crossed my mind. I'm sure you're wondering why."_

 _"The truth is that my being friends with you is wrong," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Dr. Webber doesn't approve and I just got an earful about it from Dr. Bailey. People are going to cry favoritism. Other interns are going to say that you get in on all the best surgeries because you're friends with me, or, " he looked at Meredith, "because you're sleeping with me. Which is not only a false assumption on their part, but an insult to all four of us. I do have favorites, I'm not going to lie and say that I don't."_

 _"I told Dr. Bailey this morning that the three of you are some of the best interns in this program, and I mean that. My favorite interns and residents are the ones who work hard, who know their stuff, and who prove to me that they have what it takes to make it. They are in this for the right reasons. Alex, you've been my favorite intern since you stood in my office and told me not to let Mark sleeping with my wife be the reason a four year old died."_

 _Meredith and Cristina looked at Alex in complete shock. He had said that? To Derek Shepherd? After only being in the hospital for all of 36 hours? Holy crap._

 _"All three of you are incredibly talented, and I never want people to doubt that. You're here because you deserve to be here. If you scrub in on a surgery, it's because you've earned the right to be there."_

 _"Therefore, I can't let this go," he said evenly. "There have to be consequences. I mentioned this briefly last night and was accused of developing multiple personality disorder, but there is a line."_

* * *

 _"I have to tell Webber," he said bluntly._

 _Meredith's eyes widened. "What? Derek, no!"_

 _He sighed. "Yes. For the sake of your career and for mine, I have to tell Webber before he finds out from someone else."_

 _"Bailey won't tell him," Meredith insisted. "She worships you, Derek. And clearly Alex and Cristina won't either. We're hiding it from Izzie and George."_

 _"Cristina might not tell the Chief, but she might tell Burke," Derek said quietly. "And Burke will tell the Chief. He would view it as a way to knock me down and get a shot at Chief himself."_

* * *

 _"What really happened with you and Burke?" she asked. "There's more to it than you usurping him, isn't there? You hate him."_

 _"Hate," Derek closed his eyes. "Hate isn't a strong enough word."_

* * *

 _"Eventually, the Chief realized that Derek wouldn't really jeopardize his entire career if he wasn't certain I'd been sober. So, he started asking questions. Other interns and orderlies came forward and told the Chief that Derek had fought with Burke that night, that Burke had ignored him. The bartender admitted I refused the drink, that he had never once seen me drink. In the end, Burke admitted he lied. Derek's suspension was removed from his record. Webber's spent the years since trying to make it up to him. But he's hated Burke with a passion ever since."_

* * *

"I thought Webber liked Derek?" Meredith asked, tears pooling in her eyes. "Why would he do this?"

Bailey sighed. "The Board loves Derek, Grey. Webber tolerates him, acts like he loves him, but, well, clearly, that's an act."

* * *

People change.

Our priorities, our goals, our dreams, our friendships.

My priorities started to shift the day I met Derek Shepherd for the first time at the Emerald City Bar.

They irreversibly shifted the day I met Abby Shepherd.

Derek changed me. He taught me to believe in love, in family, in happily ever after.

He's helped make me a little less dark and twisty.

I have a family now.

I'm not just a girl from a broken home anymore.

I'm making a life for myself. I'm making a life I love for myself.

* * *

 _"Shepherd's a surgical God too, yet he managed to show up on time," Alex countered._

 _Cristina waved her hand at him. "Shepherd's surgical lore is going to go down the toilet if he keeps walking around the hospital with Abby's dolls and play dough brain models. The guy's whipped by a four year old."_

* * *

 _"But that's not enough," he said softly._

 _Her jaw dropped. Was he ending this?_

 _"It's not just about me anymore," Derek said seriously. "I like you, hell, I might even love you, but that doesn't matter."_

 _"What are you talking about?" she asked. He was confusing the hell out of her._

 _He pointed towards his apartment, "She comes first."_

 _Meredith's breath hitched. This was about Abby._

 _"It doesn't matter how I feel," he said, his eyes beginning to water. "We're a package deal. The reason I didn't tell you about Abby is because I never want to bring a woman around my daughter if I'm not sure it is going to last. She's been abandoned too much already, I won't put her through that again."_

 _She hated herself for every horrible thing she'd thought about him last night._

 _"I know I'm asking for a lot," Meredith heard the desperation in his voice. "And I'm not asking you to agree to marry me or anything, we've barely been together a week. But you need to make a decision on whether or not you are willing to be my girlfriend. You need to decide if you can handle the fact that your boyfriend has a daughter. Our jobs are time consuming, so most of my time off is going to be spent with her. You need to be okay with having a kid crash our dinner dates, and only having alone time once she's asleep."_

 _"You're so young," he said quietly. "And to ask this of you is so monumentally unfair. If I was a better man, I'd walk away. This is complicated and messy. You're an intern; you should be with a guy who can go out with you for drinks after work and take you on romantic dates on your days off. You deserve more than a single father trying to make up for four years of missed time."_

* * *

Relationships.

Family.

They required sacrifices.

Derek had already made more sacrifices than she could count to make sure he was giving Abby the life she deserved.

He shouldn't have to make anymore.

Team MerDer.

Team Shepherd.

They were a team.

If Derek could make sacrifices for the sake of their family and their careers, she could too.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked worriedly. "Mer?"

"I'm fixing this," Meredith told them, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Grey, I don't see how you could possibly do that," Bailey said gently.

"No, no I can fix this. I have to go."

She raced down the hallway, dodging orderlies, nurses, and doctors, hoping she could make it to the Chief's office before the Board did.

"Excuse me," Meredith asked Patricia, trying to sound braver than she felt. "Can I speak to Dr. Burke and Chief Webber for a minute? It won't take long."

"Dr. Grey, are you okay?" Patricia asked quietly.

"Yes, I'm fine," Meredith assured her. "I promise, this won't take long."

Meredith couldn't tell who was more shocked to see her, the Chief or Burke.

"I'm sorry to bother you," Meredith said curtly. "But I wanted you to know that you can call off the Board meeting."

Burke sneered at her. "And why would we do that?"

"Dr. Grey, this really doesn't concern you," Webber said evenly.

"This doesn't concern me?" She asked him in disbelief. "You're trying to take a job away from Dr. Shepherd, a job he's freaking good at, because he's dating me. How can you possibly say this doesn't concern me."

"Dr. Grey, if you are dating Dr. Shepherd then…"

"It doesn't matter," Meredith took a deep breath. She hoped she didn't puke. She felt like she was going to puke. "It doesn't matter that I am dating Dr. Shepherd. He's not dating a Seattle Grace intern, so his personal life is irrelevant."

Webber's jaw nearly hit the floor.

"What are you talking about, Grey?" Burke asked slowly, his own eyes widening.

"I quit," Meredith told them. "And since I no longer work here, Derek isn't doing anything unethical. You don't have a leg to stand on to try and take Residency Director away from him. So, like I said, you should probably cancel the Board meeting. I don't think they'd like being dragged down here for nothing."

Meredith walked out of the office with her head held high.

At least, she did until her legs gave out in the hallway.

Bailey, Alex, George, and Izzie were all waiting for her.

George and Alex managed to each grab one of her arms and keep her upright.

"What the hell did you just do?" Alex demanded, the worry plain as day on his face.

"I quit," she whispered.

Four shocked faces stared back at her. She'd rendered them speechless.

"And, umm," Meredith bit her lip. "Please don't tell Derek."


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Notes:**

THANK YOU to all the amazingly wonderful people who reviewed chapter 19! Seriously, you made my week.

And, you know, since actions speak louder than words, here's chapter 20, earlier than anticipated! Way longer than anticipated too.

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Twenty**

* * *

 **Sunday, January 9th 2005**

 **Derek's Apartment**

"You really wear these?" Meredith picked up the orange scrubs, scrunching her nose in disgust. "These are hideous, Amy."

Amelia shrugged. "Yes. Well, welcome to Mercy West Medical Center, land of the orange bugs."

Meredith snickered. "Don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful for all your help to get me into the program and all. But seriously, orange scrubs? I feel like I'm wearing a neon prison jumpsuit."

"You're an intern, Mercy West is a prison," Amelia smirked. "And there's no need to thank me. You are a great intern, Mer. You got in all on your own. I just pulled some strings so you could be my intern. Now, remember, sleeping with your boss is bad, okay?"

"Don't worry," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I learned my lesson on that count. Besides, I don't think my boyfriend would like it if I started sleeping with his sister."

"Probably not, no," Amelia grinned. "You know, I think I'm going to love having you at Mercy West. Finally I won't be the third wheel to the Seattle Grace crew. I'll have a Mercy West friend in the family too."

Meredith hummed non-commitedly and shoved the scrubs in her bag. "Thanks for grabbing them for me, I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're leaving?" Amelia asked in disbelief. "Derek should be home any minute."

"I know," she grimaced. "That's why I'm leaving."

"Wait," Amelia stood in front of the door. "You still haven't told him?"

"Bye, Amy," Meredith tried to push past her. "Seriously, Amelia, I don't need this today."

"Meredith, you have to tell him!" she insisted. "What, do you think he's just not going to notice you are never at work anymore? He's going to find out!"

"Not today he's not," Meredith sighed. "Look, I'm freaked out about tomorrow, all right? I can't deal with him blowing up tonight."

"He's only going to blow up because you've been lying to him, Meredith!" Amelia snapped. "And you're going to drag us all down with you. We've all been lying for you. You have to tell him before someone else does."

"Amelia, get out of my way," Meredith said tiredly. "I need to get home and to bed."

"Where is your home these days?" Amelia asked, hands on her hips. "Alex said George told him he hasn't seen you in weeks."

Meredith tried to stay calm. "Really? You have nothing better to do than gossip about me?"

"We aren't gossiping," Amelia sighed. "We're worried about you. Why aren't you staying at your house?"

"Amy," Meredith gave in. "I need space. I don't regret what I did, but I don't want Izzie and George breathing down my neck all the time making sure I'm okay. What's done is done. I made a choice and now I have to live with it."

"A choice you didn't have to make!" Amelia grabbed her arm. "Mer, he never would have asked you to make that choice."

"I know that," she agreed. "But he's worked too hard, far too hard, to be forced to step down because of his relationship with me."

"Derek loves you!" Amelia wanted to shake her. "He would have gladly stepped down. He would do anything for you, Mer."

"And then he'd resent me forever?" Meredith shook her head. "No thanks. My decision works out best for both of us. He doesn't have to make any more sacrifices."

"That's not a decision you should have made for him," she said quietly. "You should have talked to him first. If that really was the best decision for the three of you, you should have made that decision together."

"Look, I'm sorry I'm being so pushy," Amelia stepped forward, glad when Meredith returned the hug. "We're all just really worried about you, Meredith."

"Well you shouldn't be," Meredith smiled. "I'm fine. No need to worry."

"The moment you say you're fine is the exact moment we should be worried," Amelia moved aside. "Okay, fine, get home and get some rest so you don't kill my patients tomorrow."

"I'm okay, Amy," Meredith said quietly. "Really, I am. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am okay."

Amelia really wished she could believe that.

Meredith stuck her head back in. "I'm staying with Lexie. That's where home is for me right now. So… so tell Alex and George not to worry."

Amelia gaped at her.

Meredith was staying in her half-sister's apartment.

There were a hundred words Amelia could chose to describe how Meredith was at the moment.

And fine was not one of them.

* * *

As predicted, Amelia found Alex and George sprawled out on Mark's couch.

One of the biggest shocks of this whole mess was the budding friendship between Alex and George.

She'd never met two more different people in her life.

That said, she liked George. He was funny and sweet.

He cared about Meredith.

George was a solid addition to their friend circle, and a great accomplice in hiding Mer's secrets from Derek.

Which was good.

They needed all the help they could get.

"Meredith says she's fine," Amelia said worriedly, sitting down next to Alex at the kitchen table.

Alex wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

George's worried look deepened. "She's not fine."

Alex sighed. "Of course she's not fine. How could she possibly be fine?"

How could anyone be fine in a situation like this?

"She still won't talk to Derek either," Amy said. "I tried to get her to talk to him today, but she brushed me off. We can't keep lying to him for her."

"I don't understand why she's lying to him at all," Alex shook his head. "If she had gone to him in the first place, she might still work at Seattle Grace. We all know the Board will side with Derek over Webber. They'll definitely side with Derek over Burke."

The whole situation was a complete and utter mess.

"Lexie says…"

"How does Lexie even know about any of this?" Alex asked.

"She's staying with Lexie now it seems. But don't worry, she's perfectly fine! Anyway, Lexie says she doesn't want to tell him because he won't understand and throw a tantrum. She says he'll be mad that she did it, that he'll blow everything out of proportion.

Alex snorted. "She's worried about him being mad over her quitting but not worried about him being mad that's she lying to him?"

"She's not fine," Amelia repeated. "She's anything but fine. She's not thinking clearly."

"How do we fix this?" George asked quietly.

Alex sighed. "I'm not so sure we can."

* * *

 **Monday, January 10th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

"Dr. Bailey!"

Bailey closed her eyes, shaking her head.

When she got her hands on Meredith Grey, she was going to throttle the girl.

Asking them to keep lying to Shepherd like this... Stupid, fool intern.

"Dr. Bailey, wait."

"Can I help you, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked with an annoyed sigh.

Derek chuckled. "I'm so sorry to keep you from your lunch. It must be so tough having to deal with bothersome attendings like me."

"You have no idea," she glared. "What do you want?"

"I'm looking for Dr. Grey."

Of course he was, Bailey thought.

From her interns, she'd learned that Grey had been avoiding Shepherd like the plague since she got that genius idea in her head to up and quit her job.

"She already left for the day," she informed him curtly.

"Bailey, it's not even noon," he said in disbelief.

"She worked overnight last night, girl looked dead on her feet."

Derek's eyes narrowed. "Meredith worked overnight last night? On whose service?"

"In the pit," Bailey rolled her eyes. "Like most interns do when they work the graveyard shift."

"Really?" Derek asked again. "Meredith Grey worked overnight in the pit last night?"

"Did you go deaf all of a sudden?" Bailey asked, exasperated. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

Derek crossed his arms. "Well, if that's the case, I suggest you pay closer attention to what your interns are doing, Dr. Bailey. Because I was the attending in the pit last night and I can say with absolute certainty that Meredith Grey never once stepped foot in the ED the entire night."

Crap.

"I can assure you that I will speak to Grey about this," Bailey tried her best to sound mad.

"Please do," Derek said curtly. "How much longer is Grey on nights?"

"The rest of the week," Bailey said quickly.

"Back on days next week? Good. I want her on my service Monday."

"Next Monday?" Bailey swallowed hard.

"Yes," Derek said evenly. "Make sure that happens. Enjoy your lunch, Bailey."

And just like that, Operation 'convince Meredith to wake the hell up and freaking talk to Derek' had a deadline.

Derek shook his head as he walked off.

He had no idea what was going on with Meredith but he didn't like it one bit.

Taking out his phone, he dialed her number.

Disappointed, but not surprised, he listened to her voicemail.

"Meredith, it's Derek. Call me back when you get this. Please. You're scaring me. Whatever's going on, it'll be okay. We'll be okay. Just... call me. I love you."

* * *

 **Tuesday, January 11th**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

Meredith was exhausted.

She forgot how terrible starting over was.

It didn't help that half the hospital knew her as the intern from Seattle Grace who'd been screwing Derek Shepherd.

So far, the rumors about why she transferred ranged from her getting fired to her and Derek secretly getting married in a Vegas strip club.

Derek.

She missed him.

On average, he called her 12 times a day.

He left a voicemail each and every time.

According to Alex, Derek knew something was up with her, but he didn't know what.

According to Alex, Burke and Webber were staying as far away from Derek as they possibly could.

She was going to have to talk to him eventually.

Amelia was right about that.

Derek needed to know that she quit her job.

And he needed to hear it from her.

But... he was Derek. And this was big.

He was not going to like this.

Everyone agreed he was going to blow up.

She had to choose her words carefully, try to downplay it.

She snorted. Downplay it? Right. Because that was possible.

She would tell him. Soon. Maybe tomorrow, once she got a good nights sleep and could come up with a plan.

Or... maybe she should tell him over the weekend, so he had two days off from work to calm down.

Yes, maybe Friday night would work best.

"Meredith!"

Meredith groaned.

When she first decided to come to Mercy West, she had been happy to learn she would be Amelia's intern. Now, she wasn't so sure that it was a good idea at all.

Amelia was a pain in the ass.

A brilliant, brilliant pain in the ass. But still a pain in the ass.

Amelia's skill and knowledge were well beyond a normal second year resident.

Then again, most second year residents didn't live with the God of Neuro or across the hall from the best plastic surgeon on the west coast.

She was tough on her interns; Amelia made the Nazi look like a teddy bear sometimes.

She was a great teacher too, a lot like Derek.

Derek.

Why did every freaking thing always come back to Derek Shepherd?

"Meredith, wait!"

Closing her eyes and counting to ten, Meredith swung around to glare at her.

"What do you want now?" she hissed through gritted teeth. "You said I was done for the day."

"You are," Amelia said quickly. "But you can't go out this way."

She had to be kidding.

It had been a very long 36 hours.

All Meredith wanted to do was drive home and climb into bed.

She had no energy for Shepherds and their ridiculous habit of talking in circles instead of just saying what they freaking meant.

With a huff and an eye roll, Meredith turned back towards the front door and quickly made her way out it.

She heard Amelia shouting her name behind her, but she chose to ignore her.

Meredith was so stuck in her own little world that she crashed right into someone on the walkway to the parking lot.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Meredith gasped, grabbing the man's arm to steady him.

Their eyes met, and suddenly, Amelia's insistence she didn't use the front door made a lot of sense.

"Meredith?"

Her heart hammered in her chest.

Crap.

In her hurry to get home, she opted to stay in her scrubs.

Her bright orange scrubs.

Crap.

"Derek," she forced herself to smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he smiled at her, hugging her.

That big, perfect, McDreamy smile.

"What are you doing here? Why haven't you been answering my calls?" Derek whispered. "Are you okay? I've been worried sick..."

His voice broke off. He stepped back, held her at arms length and looked her over as critically as he would a brain scan.

Derek was silent for a moment.

And then...

"Mer? Why are you wearing Amy's scrubs?"

Crap.

Meredith gulped. "I…"

Derek's eyes narrowed. He reached out and pulled her name tag off the scrubs.

She wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

Seattle could have sink holes, right?

"Meredith Grey, MD," Derek read. "Surgical Intern, Mercy West Medical Center."

"Derek, I…"

"Mer? What... I don't understand."

Meredith stepped closer towards him, hoping he would let her hug him.

Hoping he would hold her and let her explain.

He didn't. Derek just stepped further away from her.

"I..." she tried to find the words.

"You work here now?" he asked incredulously, his voice turning angry. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Derek, please stop yelling," she pleaded. "You're making a scene."

Derek glared at her.

"What," he waved her name tag in the air and pointed at her scrubs, "is this shit, Meredith?"

"Please, not here," she whispered. "We can talk, but please not here."

"We can talk?" Derek asked in disbelief. "Really? We haven't had a conversation in weeks! I've barely seen you since Christmas and even then, you spent the whole day with Abby. You bolted the minute she went to bed."

"I know," Meredith felt the tears building in her eyes. "Please, Derek, I'm exhausted. We can talk, but not here. Not now. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"You told me you were working nights!" he snarled. "I texted you this morning and you replied that you were working a night shift tonight. Bailey, Karev, Stevens, O'Malley... half the damn hospital has been telling you were working nights."

"Derek," Meredith tried to grab his hand, but he pushed her away.

"You lied to me!" Derek was furious. "You've had your friends lying to me!"

"Derek, Mer's right, you're making a scene," Amelia said quietly coming up behind them.

"You knew about this too?" His whole face was turning red.

He was minutes away from exploding.

"Let's take this somewhere else," Amelia grabbed Meredith's left arm and Derek's right, dragging them towards her car. "Mer, text Lexie and tell her to leave so we can use your apartment."

"Apartment?" Derek hissed. "You moved out of your house now too?"

"Get in the car," Amelia ordered. "Right now, before you look like an even bigger abusive jerk, Derek, and someone calls the cops for domestic violence."

Meredith climbed in the backseat, cringing as Derek followed her through the door.

She really wished he would have sat up front.

She didn't want to be sitting next to him right now.

He was too angry.

"Oh fine, I'll drive. You two kids behave back there." Amelia tried to joke.

It didn't work.

"Meredith, text Lexie. You two need to talk and there's no where else to go. If we go to our apartment, your shouting match will scare Abby. If we go to the frat house, the entire fight will be all over Seattle Grace by rounds tomorrow."

"I just texted her. She's with Mark, we're good," Meredith said quietly, staring at her feet.

Meredith was living with Lexie?

Did Mark know about this too?

Derek felt sick.

He thought back on the past month, wracking his brain for when things had changed between him and Meredith.

How had they gotten to this point?

How had they gone from starting to become a real family at Thanksgiving to so many lies his head was spinning? Why had Meredith lied to him? When did the lies start?

Before he knew it, Amy parked the car in the lot of an apartment complex.

An apartment complex Meredith apparently lived in now.

"Derek," Amy said softly. "Hear her out. Please."

Derek glared at her.

Not only had his girlfriend lied to him, his sister had too.

He numbly followed Meredith into an elevator and up into the apartment.

Meredith looked just as upset, just as ready to vomit as he did.

"Why do you look like an orange bug?" Derek finally asked, after several minutes of silence.

Meredith was sitting across from him on another couch, arms wrapped around her legs.

"I…" She took a deep breath. "I left Seattle Grace. I work at Mercy West now."

"When?" he demanded, crossing his arms across his chest. "When did you quit your job?"

Meredith grimaced. "The 19th."

Derek's eyes widened. "Of December?"

"Derek, I…"

"You've been lying to me for over three weeks?"

"I didn't know how to tell you!" Meredith begged him to understand.

"So you just chose not to tell me at all?" Derek glared at her. "Were you ever going to tell me? Or was I just going to look like a moron one day at work when I asked the Chief to have you on my service?"

"That's why you're upset?" Meredith snapped. "Because not knowing might have made you look bad?"

"No!" Derek exploded. "I'm upset because my girlfriend lied to me. I'm upset because my girlfriend quit her job nearly a month ago, started a new job, and moved into a new apartment and never said a word to me about any of it! I'm upset because I look at you and I feel like I don't even know who you anymore, Meredith. I'm upset because apparently my girlfriend doesn't feel like she can talk to me."

"I knew you would blow up like this!" Meredith shouted. "There isn't a way for us to talk about this like rational adults."

"We're supposed to be a team!" Derek countered. "How could you decide that for both of us?"

Meredith deflated.

Derek was right.

He was 110% right.

She should have told him.

She should have talked to him before she decided to quit her job.

He should have known about everything.

He should have been the one she cried to.

Not Alex.

Not Lexie.

Not Amelia.

"I've told you that you can count on me," Derek's voice broke. "I thought you trusted me. You told me about your mother, about your childhood. You told me things you swore you had never even told Cristina. What did I do to change that?"

"What?"

Derek looked devastated.

And it was a knife to her heart.

"What did I do?" he asked. "What did I do that made you stop trusting me?"

"No! You didn't do anything, Derek." Meredith felt the tears start slipping down her cheek. "I do trust you. Nothings changed."

Derek shook his head. "If you trusted me, you wouldn't have lied to me."

Trust.

Meredith did trust Derek.

She did.

She didn't do a great job of proving it sometimes, but she trusted him.

But she had just spent nearly a month lying to him.

If she had to put money on it, she would bet that Derek didn't trust her.

Not anymore.

She felt sick.

"I can explain," she whispered. "Derek, please, let me explain."

Derek stood up, shaking his head. "I need some time."

"Derek," Meredith felt the tears start to fall harder.

He ran a hand through his hair, tears of his own beginning to fall.

"I don't know that I can be in a relationship with someone I don't trust."

Meredith felt like someone punched her in the gut.

"What?" her voice was barely a whisper.

Derek swiped at his eyes angrily. "I don't know what to think right now."

"So let me explain!" Meredith begged. "I shouldn't have lied, I should have told you, I…"

"Does this explanation justify all the lies?" Derek asked numbly. "Does it justify why you don't trust me?"

"I do trust you!"

"No," Derek shook his head, "No, Meredith, you don't. If you trusted me, we wouldn't be here now."

"Where is here?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know," Derek said softly. "I don't know what to think. I'm sorry. I need some time. I need some space."

"So is this it?" She hiccuped. "Are we over? Done? Finished?"

Meredith followed him to the door.

"Is this the end of us?"

Derek didn't have an answer.

Tears streaking down both sides of his face, he kissed Meredith gently on the forehead, resting his head on hers briefly as she clung to him.

"I have…" his voice broke as he pulled away. "I have to go. I promised Abby we'd get ice cream."

"Derek," Meredith pleaded.

He tried to brush some of the tears from her face. "Goodbye, Meredith."

The door wasn't even fully closed when Amelia and Lexie burst through, catching her before she could hit the ground.

"Shh," Amelia cooed, wrapping her arms around her. "It'll be okay, Mer. Derek loves you. You'll figure it out."

"He left," Meredith whimpered.

"He loves you," Amelia said confidently. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Derek loves you, and you love Derek. That's all that matters. He'll be back, I promise."

* * *

 **Tuesday, January 11th**

 **Derek's Apartment**

"Daddy?" Abby asked quietly after he finished reading her bedtime story.

Derek did his best to smile and brushed Abby's hair out of her eyes. "I think you're going to need a hair cut soon, Bee."

"Daddy, why you sad?"

"I had a long day," he said softly. "I'm just really tired."

"You look sad," Abby informed him.

"I'm just tired, Bee," he repeated. "Get some sleep, princess."

"Daddy, when's Merdith gonna come over again?"

Derek's breath hitched. He kissed Abby's forehead and forced himself not to cry.

"I don't know," He sighed. "I'm sure you'll see her soon."

Abby grinned. "Good. Night, Daddy."

"I love you," Derek whispered. "Good night, Abby."

* * *

 **Wednesday, January 12th**

 **Derek's Trailer**

Mark watched as Derek emptied another bottle beer.

Derek called out for a personal day today, after shouting at Karev and sending an unhappy Abby to daycare with Alex.

He was worried.

Derek was trashed. If he drank much more, he was probably going to black out.

Derek didn't do nearly black out drunk moping often.

In fact, he hadn't done it since Abby nearly died in his OR.

He didn't get drunk when he found out Abby was his daughter and he didn't really get drunk throughout the two month wait for custody.

So what the hell had happened?

Derek stood up, grabbed an empty beer bottle and chucked it as far as he could across the yard.

It shattered a good 50 feet away.

"Derek?" Mark asked hesitantly. "Do you want to talk or are you just going to drink yourself to death?"

Another empty bottle spiraled through the air.

This one almost hit Mark's car.

"Meredith quit."

"Quit what?" Mark asked, a giant mix of confused worry. "Smoking? I didn't know she smoked. Drinking? No... no, Grey wouldn't..."

"Don't be an imbecile," Derek snapped. "Seattle Grace. Meredith quit her job."

All Mark could do was stare blankly at him.

Which, was good. Because Derek had decided it was time to talk.

"She quit before Christmas," he snarled. "And she never said a word to me."

Mark grimaced.

"She lied to me, everyone's been lying to me. Bailey, Karev, Amelia..."

"Amelia knew and didn't tell you?" Mark asked in disbelief.

"Amelia got her a new job!" Derek's eyes were blazing. "Meredith works at Mercy West now, she's Amelia's intern."

Damn it, Amy.

"Derek..." Mark sighed. "Why did she quit?"

"Hell if I know," Derek huffed. "I only found out because she ran into me, literally, in those hideous Mercy West scrubs."

Mark blinked. "You haven't talked to her?"

Derek shrugged. "We yelled. I sort of ended things."

"You what?" Mark yelped. "Derek, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I won't be in a relationship with someone I can't trust. I won't date a liar. Not again."

"Derek, you..."

"No!" Derek shouted. "I won't do it, Mark. I've dated a liar before, hell I was married to one. And what did that get me?"

"Derek, stop," Mark said weakly.

"My wife had an affair with my best friend," Derek's eyes flashed. "And then never told me she was pregnant. I'm done dating liars, Mark."

"Don't compare Meredith to Addison," Mark glared. "You don't have all the facts, you don't have any facts actually. Why didn't you talk to her?"

Derek kicked the empty box of beer across the deck. "She lied to me."

"Derek..."

"She lied to me. She quit her job, she moved out of her house and in with Lexie... I looked at her and I didn't see my girlfriend. I don't know who she is anymore."

"That's not fair," Mark said quietly. "Everyone makes mistakes, Shep. Just because she made a mistake, she's still Meredith. She's still your girlfriend. She's still the surgical intern from a broken home who fell in love with you. She's still the girl who helped you survive one awful summer, and she's still the girl that adores your daughter. She's still the girl who stood up to Nancy because she thinks of Amy as her sister. She's still your family, Derek."

Derek stood up and walked into the trailer.

He didn't slam the door though, and Mark took that as an invitation to follow him inside.

He found him with his head in the toilet.

Taking out his phone, he sent a text to Lexie. If Derek was right and Meredith was living with Lexie, she must know about this mess.

 _Won't make dinner. Derek's a mess. How's your sister? - Mark_

A minute later, she texted him back. _At least he got out of bed today. Mer? Not so much. - Lexie_

As he rummaged through Derek's practically barren cupboards looking for some ibuprofen, Mark thought everything over.

Meredith Grey loved surgery. She lived for it.

Seattle Grace was one of the best programs in the nation.

You don't just up and quit for no reason.

So what the hell were they missing?

* * *

 **Wednesday, January 12th**

 **Lexie Grey's Apartment**

"Get up," Lexie ordered. "Come on, Meredith. Get out of bed."

"I'm off today," Meredith moaned, trying to pull the covers back over her head.

"It's dinnertime and you haven't eaten in over 24 hours!"

Meredith peaked out from under the covers and couldn't help but giggle.

Lexie was tapping her foot with one hand on her hip.

"You look like such a Mom, Lex," she giggled.

Lexie sighed. "And you're still drunk from last night. Great. Get up, you have to eat something."

Meredith waved a hand at her. "I'm fine, not still drunk."

"I'm not going to be happy if you're still drunk on rounds tomorrow," Amelia commented from the doorway. "Get up and shower. Dinner's in thirty minutes."

"No!" Meredith snapped, slamming a pillow over her head. "Get out, Amelia!"

"Alex is bringing Abby," Amelia continued as if she hadn't heard Meredith speak. "So you might not want to smell like a drunk when she gets here."

Thirty minutes later, Meredith walked into their living room no longer smelling like a handle of tequila.

"I can't believe you're using Abby like this," Meredith hissed.

Amelia grinned triumphantly. "Got you out of bed, didn't it?"

Meredith glared.

"Abby's really excited to see you," Amelia said softly. "She's missed having you around."

Meredith swiped at her eyes.

She was not going to cry.

She refused to let Abby see her cry.

Things weren't over between her and Derek.

He just needed some time.

"Merdith!"

Her face split into it's first real grin in ages.

"Abby!" Meredith's smile widened as Abby jumped into her arms. "You've gotten so big!"

Abby giggled. "You saw me last week, Merdith! I not grow that much."

"Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that, missy," Meredith tickled her. "I'd say you're almost as tall as me now."

"No way!" Abby exclaimed. "Merdith, you're kneeling silly!"

Amelia and Alex exchanged grins.

Bringing Abby over to have dinner with Meredith was definitely one of their better ideas.

"How's Derek?" Amelia asked quietly Alex while they cleaned up.

Meredith, Lexie, and Abby were working on a puzzle in Lexie's room.

Alex sighed. "I don't know. He took a personal day today. I haven't seen him since he told me to bring Abby to daycare and threw me out of his apartment this morning. You haven't talked to him?"

"He won't talk to me," she muttered. "Every time I call it goes to voicemail and he hasn't returned any of my texts. Have you talked to Mark?"

Alex shook his head. "No. He took a personal day today too."

"This sucks," Amelia whispered. "This freaking sucks."

Alex hugged her, rubbing her back as she buried her head into his chest.

She was right. This did suck. This really freaking sucked.

* * *

Alex felt the dread start to build in his stomach as he approached Seattle Grace. Derek had apparently sobered up and gone in to work the pit as a distraction. At least, that's what the curt text message Alex had received said.

They had made it through dinner relatively unscathed.

In fact, since both Meredith and Abby laughed through most of dinner, he would say that on a scale of 1 - 10, dinner was about a 15.

It was the happiest he'd seen Meredith in weeks.

The whole thing went off without a hitch.

Meredith might have hugged Abby a bit tighter than usual, but she didn't break down when they left and neither did Abby.

Abby had no idea that her Dad and Meredith weren't speaking.

"Wex?" Abby squirmed in her car seat trying to get his attention.

"What's up, Abby?"

"Wex, how come Merdith and Daddy don't have grown up play dates no more?"

Crap.

He spoke too soon.

Alex sighed.

Kids were far too observant for their own good.

Abby Shepherd had taught him that.

He should be used to this by now.

After "Dr. Derek are you my Daddy?", nothing Abby said or figured out on her own should surprise him.

"Meredith started a new job," Alex said softly. "She's been pretty busy. Tonight's the first time she was free in a while and your Daddy had to work."

He could see that Abby didn't buy that explanation one bit.

Thankfully, they arrived at Seattle Grace before she could interrogate him further.

Derek could take over from here.

"Hold my hand, Abby," Alex reminded her as they walked towards the hospital.

They found Derek still in his scrubs in the pit.

"Daddy!" Abby called out.

"Hey!" he grinned. "There's my girl. How was dinner, Bee?"

"Yummy! Exy a good cook."

"Is she?" Derek pretended to be surprised. "Uncle Mark is lucky then."

"Yes," Abby nodded. "He very lucky."

Derek quickly finished writing in a chart and handed it off to one of the nurses before squatting down so he was eye level with Abby.

"And how was Meredith?" he asked softly. "Did you have fun with her?"

Alex let out a sigh of relief.

Derek asked about Meredith.

That had to mean something.

Abby's face lit up and she proceeded to tell Derek every single thing they talked about at dinner.

"How is she?" Derek asked Alex later that night, once Abby was in bed. After, of course, Derek read him the riot act for nearly twenty minutes over his part in the lies. "I'm sure she put on an act for Abby. How is she really?"

"She was still drunk from last night when Amy got there," Alex sighed. "But that was mostly because she hadn't eaten in over a day. She's a mess, Derek. What did you expect?"

"I still love her," he said quietly. "I just… I need some time. She lied to me, about practically everything, Alex, for almost a month."

Alex stayed quiet.

"Just… can you tell her that?" Derek asked hesitantly. "That I still love her? I… We're not over. I just need some time."

"Derek has some pretty big trust issues," Mark told Alex and Amelia the next night.

"So does Mer!" Alex protested.

"Derek found his wife in bed with his best friend," Mark pointed out. "Derek's ex-wife never told him she was pregnant."

"Fine," Alex sighed. "Derek has valid reasons for having trust issues."

"And I'm sure Grey has valid reasons for why she did what she did," he said softly. "Derek still doesn't understand what the hell happened because they still haven't talked about anything. Just… if you talk to her, which I know you do, could you try to explain why the lying bothered him so much?"

* * *

 _What if…_

 _Every single day, we make decisions that change the course of our lives. Those choices change the course of other people's lives._

 _One choice can change everything._

 _What if I'd chosen another life for myself, or another person?_

 _Derek and I might have never found each other._

 _What if I'd been raised differently?_

 _What if my mother had never been sick?_

 _What if I'd actually had a good father?_

 _What if Addison had never slept with Mark?_

 _What if Addison had never gotten pregnant with Abby?_

 _What if Derek had been married when I met him in the bar?_

 _What if Derek's father had never been shot?_

 _What if Amelia had never become addicted to drugs?_

 _What if Alex hadn't met Abby Shepherd at Mount Sinai?_

 _What if?_

 _What if?_

 _What if?_

 _The entire story changes._

 _You could spend a lifetime sitting there, worrying about the what ifs._

 _But why bother?_

 _There's no point._

 _Your life is a gift._

 _Accept it._

 _No matter how screwed up or painful it seems to be._

 _Because, at the end of the day, some things are going to work out as if they were destined to happen._

 _As if they were just meant to be._

* * *

 **Thursday, January 20th**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

"Meredith, right?"

Meredith turned towards the voice. "Yes."

"I'm Jackson," he stuck his hand out. "Avery."

Her eyes narrowed. "You're an Avery?"

Jackson grinned. "And you're a Grey. Look at all the surgical royalty in this room."

Meredith huffed and went back to stuffing her bag in her locker.

"You're Shepherd's intern, right?" he continued.

"I have a boyfriend," Meredith cut him off.

"I'm not hitting on you, Grey, calm down," Jackson sat down on the bench. "Cute kid. Is she yours?"

Meredith smiled. Amelia had decorated the entire inside door of her locker with pictures of Abby.

"No," she smiled sadly. "But she's as good as. She's my boyfriend's daughter. Her mother's not in the picture."

"Is that... holy crap. The rumors are true," Jackson's voice was filled with disbelief.

One of the pictures had fallen off the door and to the floor.

"What rumors?" Meredith asked harshly, snatching the picture back from him.

"You're Derek Shepherd's girlfriend," Jackson said quietly. "The rumors... Well, the rumors say that you got fired from Seattle Grace because of it."

"The rumors are false," she threw the picture in her locker and slammed it shut. "I wasn't fired. I quit."

Jackson held his hands up in surrender. "All right, all right, let's change the subject."

"Why don't we just stop talking?" Meredith suggested.

"You're on for the next 48 hours right? I am too. If you want, we can cover each other's pagers tonight so we can get some sleep." Jackson suggested.

Meredith stopped in her tracks. Turning back to Jackson, she looked him over critically.

"You don't have any friends here, do you?"

"What?" he sputtered, "Of course I do."

"You're an Avery," Meredith said softly. "Surgical royalty. I can tell you're younger than me... fine, I'm wrong. You have ton of friends. But if I'm right, you should know that if the other interns don't talk to you, it's because they're jealous."

"Jealous?" Jackson asked.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "You were born for this. It's in your blood. Forget about the pressure of living up to surgical Gods. Just worry about being you."

"Oh, and Avery?" Meredith called as she exited the locker room.

"Yea?"

"Find me later. We'll set up a sleep schedule over dinner."

* * *

 **Friday, January 21st**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

 **3pm**

"Tell me how the hell we both got stuck working 48 hours straight," Amelia grumbled. "That crap is for interns. No offense, Mer."

Meredith snorted. "None taken. You know, I still have no freaking idea where anything is in this hospital? It's like I just got used to Seattle Grace and now…"

Amelia wrapped an arm around her. "Have you talked to anyone yet?"

She shrugged. "Just Alex."

"Alex doesn't count," Amelia countered.

"Then no," she sighed. "Alex did tell me that Webber's still avoiding Derek and Mark like the plague. And Bailey's got Cristina trapped in the pit until she dies of boredom or old age."

"Would you be mad if I said I'm glad?" Amelia asked softly.

Meredith shook her head.

"She sold you out, Mer," Amelia looked at her sister sympathetically. "She should have had your back and she didn't. She should have told you about Burke going to the Board. Then, you could have gone to Derek and made a plan. I'm glad you're here, but..."

"I made a choice, Amy," Meredith sighed. "Derek warned me not to get involved, to leave the past in the past. He told me that I had to work with Burke. I'm the one that didn't listen. I'm the one that stopped speaking to my best friend to the point where I didn't even know she had broken up with Burke. Why would she have told me about them going to the Board? We hadn't spoken in weeks. I'm the one that picked a fight with Webber's freaking love child. That whole mess was my fault."

Amelia nearly gagged. "Webber's love child? Thanks, Mer, I'm going to have nightmares."

"What? You know Webber's only nice to Derek because the Board would have his head if he wasn't. Burke's his favorite. Clearly."

"I just think it's funny how perceptions change," Amelia climbed up on an empty gurney. "I mean, I knew all of this, knew that the Board forced Webber to back down and reverse Derek's suspension, but I still thought Derek was the Chief's Golden Child. I never imagined that it was all for show."

"Well, I'm just glad you're still speaking to me," Meredith said drily. "Derek isn't. Mark's only speaking to me through Lexie."

"Derek's working tomorrow if you want to come by and play with Abby," Amelia suggested. "She misses you."

Meredith smiled sadly. "I miss her too. I didn't realize how quickly I got attached to her."

Amelia's phone buzzed. "Oh my God. Look at this."

She handed her phone to Mer who couldn't help but smile when she saw the picture.

Lindsay Amelia Kraft had been born two weeks ago. Liz sent them a "Daily Dose of Lindsay" picture every single day.

Meredith shot off a "Love that outfit! She's adorable!" text to Liz and rested her head against the wall.

Amelia babbled on about how Lindsay was her new favorite niece for nearly five minutes.

"I would be careful who you say that to," Meredith cautioned with a smile. "Abby will riot."

"Second favorite," Amy quickly corrected.

Meredith lost track of how long they sat on the gurney.

Coordinating sleep schedules with Jackson had helped, but she was still exhausted.

She was jerked out of her musings by the sound of Amelia's pager going off.

"Oh crap," Amelia's eyes widened. "We've got to go. Now."

She took off at a run.

"Wait! Amelia! Where are we going?" Meredith shouted, jumping down and chasing after her.

"The helipad."

"We have a helipad?"

"Come on, hurry up, Grey." Amelia whipped open the stairwell door and bolted up the steps two at a time.

"Amelia, what the hell?" Meredith huffed as they reached the roof. "Doesn't this place have elevators?"

Amelia grinned at her. "Consider it your exercise for the day. It's good for you."

Another resident was already up there conferring with the paramedics.

"Dr. Torres, what do we have?" Amelia asked curiously.

The paramedic answered. "Katie Bryce, fifteen-year-old female, new onset seizures, intermittent for the past week, ID lost en route, started grand mal seizing as we descended."

The resident Amelia had called Dr. Torres started barking orders, "All right, get her on her side, Shepherd, ten milligrams Diazepam. Shepherd's intern, shot gun her. That means every test in the book…"

"This isn't my first day as an intern, Dr. Torres," Meredith defended herself. "I know what that means."

"This is Meredith Grey, Callie," Amelia spoke up. "The transfer from Seattle Grace."

Callie's eyes widened. "Oh! You're Derek Shepherd's girlfriend."

"Was," Meredith said shortly.

"Are," Amelia countered, rolling her eyes as they rolled Katie's stretcher down the hall. "You and Derek are ridiculous and stubborn and driving me crazy, but you're still his girlfriend. Come on, draw some blood and get it down to the lab, then meet me at CT."

"I don't know where any of that is!" Meredith protested.

"Figure it out," Callie told her. "Come on, Dr. Shepherdess, we've got to find neuro."

* * *

 **Friday, January 21st**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

 **5:30pm**

"Any ideas?" Amelia asked, opening the door to the conference room Callie, Meredith, and Jackson had been camped out in for nearly two hours.

"None," Callie groaned. "We've checked everything!"

"Her labs are clean," Jackson sighed.

"She doesn't have anoxia, chronic renal failure or acidosis. It's not a tumor because her CT's clean," Meredith put her head on the table.

"Infection?" Amelia speculated.

"There's no white count, she has no ceteal lesions, no fevers, nothing in her spinal tap." Callie frowned. "What about an aneurysm?"

"No blood on the CT, and no headaches." Meredith shook her head.

"There's no drug use, uh, no pregnancy, no trauma…" Jackson said wearily.

"Wait!" Meredith sat up. "Katie competes in beauty patents. Her talent is… rhythmic gymnastics, at least, I think that's how you say it. She fell, a few weeks ago, while she was practicing. No visible bumps or bruises. It was considered so minor and insignificant that the other hospitals didn't even include it in the patient history. What if…"

"What if she got an aneurism from a minor fall?" Callie asked skeptically.

"The odds of that are one in a million," Amelia said. "Literally. There's no way neuro will buy that."

"So what?" Meredith snapped. "We're just supposed to let her die? Do nothing? Right now she's this snot nosed, pain in the ass kid who competes in beauty pageants. She's so brainless and clueless that she told me she can't sleep because her head's all full. I told her that's called thinking and that she should go with it."

"Great bedside manner there, Grey,"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Avery. But seriously, she's just never going to get the chance to turn into a person. The sum total of her existence will be almost winning Miss Teen whatever. We have to do something."

No one spoke for several minutes.

If they didn't come up with something, Katie was going to die.

This freaking sucked.

Amelia thought it over.

The odds were one in a million.

The on call neurosurgeon had already told her he wished they'd sent Katie to Seattle Grace while she was still stable enough to be moved.

Katie had three more seizures since she'd been here.

There was no way they could transport her now.

But... what if...

Amelia's eyes lit up. "Grey, come with me."

"Where are you going?" Callie called after them. "Neuro's going to laugh at you!"

"Where are we going, Amy?" Meredith asked breathlessly. "Crap, you move faster than Bailey. I'm not in good enough shape for this."

"If you and Derek could get over your shit, I bet the sex would help you get in shape faster."

"Amelia!" Meredith blushed. "He's your brother. I'm your intern. This is inappropriate!"

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, where did Katie's parents go?"

"Why are we looking for Katie's parents?"

Amelia smirked. "We are looking for Katie's parents because I have a recommendation for them."

"You have a recommendation for them?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "And what is that?"

* * *

 **Friday, January 21st**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

 **7:30pm**

"You told them to what?" Callie hissed. "Dr. Shepherd!"

Amelia and Meredith were eating dinner in the cafeteria when Callie sat down next to them, curious for an update.

"This is going to get confusing," Amelia sighed. "Last time we worked on a case together, I was just a medical student."

"What's going on? Did you figure something out?" Jackson raced up to the table and pulled up a seat.

"We're trying to see if Katie is that one in a million," Meredith informed him.

"Neuro said no," Jackson said slowly.

"Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey convinced Katie's parents to request the Chief call Derek Shepherd in for a consult." Callie shook her head in disbelief.

"So we are transferring Katie to Seattle Grace?" he asked, somewhat disappointed.

If Katie did have an aneurism, well, it would have been pretty cool to see the case through to the finish.

"No," Amelia smirked. "Derek Shepherd is coming here. Katie's too unstable to move right now."

Jackson's jaw dropped. "You're kidding."

"They aren't kidding," Callie groaned. "I thought you two wanted neuro? You know the department will blacklist you for doing this, right?"

"The Head of Neuro is retiring next month," Amelia informed her. "After that, we'll have someone new and everything will be all sunshine and roses again."

"Until the next time you call your brother to solve some medical mystery," Jackson teased.

"Honestly, they never should have brought Katie here," Meredith countered. "Seattle Grace is by far the superior hospital in the city and has the superior neuro department."

Jackson glared at her.

"You do know you work here now, right?" he asked. "If Seattle Grace was so damn wonderful, you should have stayed there."

"Hey, hey, hey, children stop it!" Callie stepped in between them. "I know you come from a line for gifted, competitive surgeons and that the fighting's in your blood, but crap, stop trying to rip each other's throats out. You're on the same damn team!"

"Derek's here," Meredith muttered to Amelia.

Derek was the best bet Katie had. Meredith knew that.

She just really didn't want to see him.

"I should..."

"Don't you dare, Grey," Amelia ordered. "You're on this case. This was your idea. You're not going anywhere."

Meredith watched as Derek's eyes wandered over the room, looking for Amy.

"Derek!" Amelia shouted, waving her arm in the air. "Over here!"

"Mark says he hates you," Derek informed her, sliding into a seat at the table next to Callie. "And thanks for ruining his date night with Lexie."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Lexie loves Abby."

"I know," Derek grinned. "Lexie loves Abby more than Lexie loves Mark."

Meredith snorted, catching Derek's attention. His eyes narrowed.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said cooly.

He ignored her. "Torres, what's…"

"Oh no!" Callie held her hands up. "This was Amelia's brilliant idea. I'm not getting blacklisted. I'll watch from the gallery if you operate but I'm staying out of this."

Derek shook his head. "No sense of adventure," he mocked. "Fine. Amy, what's going on?"

"We think Katie has an aneurism," she informed him. "She twisted her ankle a few weeks ago while practicing for her pagent."

"Katie competes in beauty paegents," Jackson said, handing Derek a copy of Katie's chart.

"That's great. We have to save her life anyway," Derek flipped through the chart pages. "There is zero indication of an aneurism, and no mention of a twisted ankle. Is she on crutches?"

"No, but she fell. When she twisted her ankle, she fell." Meredith said. "It was no big deal, not even a bump on the head, you know she got right back up, iced her ankle and everything was fine, it was a fall so minor her doctor didn't even think to mention it when I was taking her history, but she did fall."

"She has no headaches, no neck pain, her CT's clean, there's no medical proof of an aneurysm but what if she has an aneurysm anyway?"

Derek stared blankly at her for a moment. "Amelia, please inform your intern that the chances that a minor fall could burst an aneurysm are one in a million."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "First of all, I already did. But I think Dr. Grey is on to something. Come on, Derek, what is the harm in checking?"

"I think you're wasting my time," Derek yawned. "Telling the patient's parents to request me as a consult to test your insane theory is completely out of line, Amy."

"We've ruled everything else out, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith argued. "There aren't any indicators for anything, no reason at all that she's seizing… Shit."

"Shit what?" Derek jumped up and followed her out of the cafeteria. By the time he reached Katie's room, Meredith already had the paddles out.

Once they got Katie back, Derek ordered Meredith and Amelia into the nearest conference room.

"Why was no one monitoring her?" he demanded. "That's what interns are for, Amelia. You should have had Grey monitoring her! That's her job. She is your intern, not your friend. She shouldn't be goofing off with you in the cafeteria."

"She is right here, Dr. Shepherd!" Meredith snapped.

"I'm aware of that, Derek!" Amelia snarled. "One of Callie's interns was supposed to be monitoring her. Grey and Avery were not because they've been trying to help me and Callie figure out what the hell was wrong with her. Stop being a jerk, you're not my boss."

"If Katie is your patient, you should have made sure someone was monitoring her," Derek was livid. "You called me here, Amelia. I'm the attending on this case now. What I say goes. I don't care who was supposed to be monitoring her. Grey's not leaving her side for the rest of the night."

He turned to Meredith. "Is that clear, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith glared at him. "Crystal, Dr. Shepherd."

"No," Amelia argued. "Dr. Grey's helping us figure this out, Derek. She's put in a lot of work and..."

"Katie has had four seizures since she's been admitted here," Derek cut her off. "She just coded. We're lucky Grey was able to get her back. The intern who you claim was supposed to monitor her is no where to be found."

"I want Dr. Grey monitoring her because I'm pretty confident Katie won't die from negligence on her watch."

Amelia deflated. "Oh."

Meredith, on the other hand, felt the tuggings of hope on her heart.

Derek still trusted her on some level.

Maybe not personally, but he still trusted her abilities as a doctor.

That... it was a start.

Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You've excluded everything else?"

"Yes," Meredith and Amelia said in unison.

"We spent nearly three hours in here working through everything," Meredith said. "We've ruled out everything. Except a burst aneurism from the fall she took a few weeks ago."

Derek stood up. "Amy, come with me. Grey, stay here. If your eyes leave Katie for even a millisecond, I will use every bit of pull I have to make sure you never see a neuro case again."

Meredith glared at him. Screw hope. And screw her stupid heart for letting her.

Determined not to mess this up, Meredith didn't even look away at the tell tale signs of Jackson Avery sitting down beside her.

"Shepherd's kind of an ass," he said quietly.

"Yea," Meredith sighed. "Yea, he is."

He stayed quiet for a moment. "Hey... Meredith? Why did you leave Seattle Grace?"

Meredith chuckled drily. "I was sleeping with my boss. That's sort of frowned upon."

"You were dating your boss," Jackson corrected her. "Grey, you're locker is covered with pictures of his kid. I think you and Shepherd are a little more than friends with benefits."

"I love his kid," Meredith sighed. "Derek's my boyfriend, he has been since the end of July."

Jackson whistled. "You hid your relationship for 5 months? When you worked at the same hospital? That's impressive."

"We didn't hide it, actually," Meredith hummed. "Derek told the Chief, and at the time, he was fine with it. I'm still really not sure what changed, but last month, the Chief and Head of Cardio were going to talk to the Board about our relationship... how it was inappropriate for him to be in charge of residents and interns while dating one."

"Ouch," Jackson cringed. "So... what happened? Because... well, Shepherd's been nothing but a jerk to you since he got here."

"I quit. Got a job here. Derek's not in any trouble."

Jackson raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

Meredith huffed. "You do realize we're not friends, right?"

They sat in silence for a bit.

"I didn't tell him," Meredith whispered. "I didn't tell him anything. He had no idea, still has no idea I don't think, that they were trying to ambush him."

"So, he thinks you just up and quit your job for no reason?" Jackson asked, slightly incredulous.

"I didn't tell him about that either," Meredith closed her eyes and took a breath. "I kind of lied a lot. And that's why he hates me."

Outside the room, Derek stood frozen.

 _"..._ _how it was inappropriate for him to be in charge of residents and interns while dating one."_

 _"I quit. Got a job here. Derek's not in any trouble."_

Amelia studied Derek's face.

"You know, I think the two of you might just be the most stubborn human beings on earth," she commented.

"Amy," Derek whispered.

"That girl loves you, Derek," Amelia met his pain filled eyes. "I don't entirely understand why she lied to you, but I do understand why she quit. I don't totally agree with her, but I understand where she was coming from. Meredith did what she thought was best for her family, Derek. That's you, that's Abby."

Derek didn't know what to say.

"Mark said you don't want to be with a liar again," Amy said softly. "And I get that. But, Derek? Meredith quit her job for the sake of your family... she made a sacrifice because she didn't want you to have to take a step back in your career. So, before you start calling Mer the second coming of Addison, remember how different they are. Addie made sacrifices for her career. Meredith made them for you."

After taking another minute to pull himself together, Derek pushed the door open.

"Huh," he commented. "So apparently it's not just Seattle Grace interns that prefer gossiping to practicing medicine. Interesting."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

Jackson jumped up, mumbled some slight apology and bolted out of the room.

"Any changes?" Derek asked her curtly.

"No," Meredith's tone matched his. "None, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek was torn. On one hand, there was no medical indication for an aneurysm. On the other, this was the only idea they had. If Meredith and Amelia were wrong, it was back to the drawing board. And they were running out of time.

"Let's go," Derek said suddenly. "Grey, help me move her. Katie," Derek's voice softened. Katie was starting to wake up a bit, though she was still very groggy from her near death from the last seizure. "It's okay, we just need you to come with us."

"Where are we going?" Amelia asked, annoyed.

"Now you know how I've felt chasing you all day," Meredith muttered, earning a snort from Derek.

"Let's go see if Katie is one in a million."

Twenty minutes later, Derek stared at the image in shock. "I'll be damned."

"Is that Katie's scan?" Callie asked in disbelief from the doorway.

"It's minor, but it's there. It's a cerebachnoid haemorrhage. She's bleeding into her brain."

Amelia high-fived Meredith.

"Crap, you were right, Grey," Callie grinned. "That's impressive."

"So you're not calling me Shepherd's intern anymore?" Meredith asked with a smile of her own.

"Nope. Once you solve medical mysteries, I consider you an actual person. Avery's still got some work to do in that category."

Jackson huffed.

"Amy, go find Katie's parents. I need to tell them she needs surgery. Torres, Avery, get me an OR stat." Derek demanded.

Amelia, Jackson and Callie hurried out of the viewing room leaving Derek and Meredith alone for the first time since their blow up after the holidays.

"This was your theory?" Derek asked quietly.

"Yes," she nodded. "Well, Katie having an aneurism was my idea. Having her parents request you as a consult was Amy's."

Derek snorted. "I had no doubt whose idea that was."

They stood in awkward silence for over a minute.

"I should go see if Torres booked an OR yet," Derek said, walking towards the door.

"I miss you," Meredith said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Derek stopped in the doorway. He looked over his shoulder, a sad smile on his face. "Come on, let's go save Katie's life."

Meredith just looked at him, the small sliver of hope completely disappearing.

He still wouldn't talk to her.

"Your thoroughness caught a nearly undetectable aneurism," Derek said softly. "That means you get to scrub in. Let's go. You can help me prep Katie for surgery."

* * *

 **Friday, January 21st**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

 **9:30pm**

"I wonder how the pageant committee will feel about a bald gymnast," Derek mused. "Oh well. At least she'll be alive to... what is rhymthic gymnastics anyway?"

Meredith shrugged.

Her pager beeped. "Callie got us OR 4. It's all set up, so whenever you're ready."

"Great," Derek put the electric razor to the side as the orderlies arrived. "Perfect timing. Okay, let's go."

"Derek..."

"Let's go save Katie's life," he repeated. "That's what matters right now."

Meredith sighed, but led him towards OR 4 and into the scrub room.

"I took tomorrow off since I figured I'd be here all night," he told her as they scrubbed their hands. "When you get off, come by the apartment. And when Abby's napping, we can talk."

That hope she felt earlier? It was back. Her heart hammered in her chest. "We can talk?"

Derek nodded. "I think we need to. And... talk. I won't yell."

Meredith raised her eyebrow and he chuckled. "Well, I'll try not to yell."

He squeezed her hand. "I miss you too, Mer."

Derek tied on his ferry boat scrub cap and grinned. "Ready?"

"Ready." she nodded

From the doorway, Amelia watched her brother and Meredith with a smile on her face. Helping solve a medical mystery and helping her moron brother get his head out of his ass in one day?

She deserved a medal.

Derek walked into the OR and he motioned for Meredith to stand beside him.

"All right everybody, it's a beautiful night to save lives. Let's have some fun."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Notes:**

I'm not the world's biggest angst fan. However, angst happens in real life. People go through challenges and face bumps in the road every single day. If everyone was happy all the time, if nothing bad ever happened, we would all just stay the same. No one would ever change. Life is not butterflies and rainbows all the time. And that's not the story I want to tell.

While Meredith had the best of intentions, I don't think this is something they can just talk about and get over. Derek's got a truckload of trust issues. Meredith has a truckload of abandonment issues. They both have a lot to work through. It's going to take time. In the end, though, they are both 100 times better for it, both individually and as a couple.

That said, Wowza. THANK YOU for all the reviews/love for chapter 20! Every time I received an email notification for another review, all I could think was "Whatttt?! Another review?! Whoa people really like this story so much?! *SQUEAL*"

I hope those of you who celebrate had a great Easter!

Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Twenty-One**

* * *

 **Saturday, January 22nd**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

Derek sat on a bench in the lobby watching Meredith joke around with Jackson Avery and Amelia.

She looked happy.

Far happier than she had looked at Seattle Grace in December.

He didn't remember the last time she smiled that broadly.

A small smile tugged at his own lips.

Meredith was beautiful when she smiled.

He watched as she joked with Avery, as she teased Amelia.

She looked happy.

"Why are you grinning like a fool?" Callie asked him suspiciously. She followed his line of sight and rolled her eyes. "Geez, Dr. Shepherd. Stop undressing Grey with your eyes."

Derek looked affronted. "I am not."

She raised an eyebrow.

"This is inappropriate, Torres," he said evenly.

"Oh come on!" Callie teased. "There's never any good gossip here. Give me something!"

"That's probably why Meredith likes it here so much," Derek mused. "No gossip has to be a nice change from Seattle Grace Middle School."

Callie snorted. "Ain't that the truth. Grey coming here was the biggest bunch of gossip this place has seen in years."

"What do you mean?" Derek asked sharply.

"It's not a big deal," she reassured him. "There were just a lot of rumors flying around. Not many interns transfer in the middle of intern year. Most of the transfers we get are after intern year, like I did."

"What kind of rumors?" he demanded.

Callie eyed him warily. "What the hell is wrong with you, Shepherd?"

"What kind of rumors?" Derek repeated.

"Just that she was your girlfriend," Callie said slowly. "There were some crazy theories about why she left Seattle Grace, but no one pays much attention to them. What's wrong with you?"

Derek sighed. "I just don't want her career to take any more set backs because of me."

Callie stared blankly at him. "Look... I don't know everything that happened between you and Grey. What I do know? Meredith Grey is a strong and independent person with a huge heart and even bigger walls. She doesn't let people in easily. She's been here for weeks and Jackson Avery is the only person other than Amelia I've seen her talk to about anything other than her job. Whatever happened, Meredith made a choice. You have to respect her choice."

"She made a choice because of me!" Derek argued.

"Dear Lord, you're arrogant," Callie glared at him. "Did you hold a gun to her head?"

"What?" Derek snapped. "Of course not!"

"Did you give her ultimatums?" Callie pressed. "Did you tell her if she refused to quit her job, you were done?"

"No!" he hissed.

"Then you didn't force Meredith to make that decision," Callie said forcefully. "It's not your fault, Shepherd. And believing that it is just makes you a stuck up, arrogant prick."

"Meredith quit because Webber and Burke were going to the Board about our relationship. That's my fault!"

"Did you force her into a relationship with you?"

"No!"

"Did you ask her to quit?"

"I would never have asked her to do that!" he growled.

"Then get this through your thick head," Callie hissed. "Meredith made a choice. You didn't ask her to do anything."

"She's going to resent me!" Derek snapped. "One day, she's going to resent me for this."

"Open your eyes," Callie said, a bit gentler. "Does that girl look miserable? Does she look like she resents you? Because to me, Meredith Grey looks happy. Maybe it's the lack of gossip, maybe it's being known for her impressive skills as a doctor and not just because she's your girlfriend. Maybe it's having a great resident that pushes her and believes in her like your sister does. Whatever it is, Grey is happy here, Shepherd."

Derek couldn't help but agree.

"The only thing that would make her happier," Callie said softly. "Would be the two of you talking and fixing things."

Callie was right.

Meredith seemed happy.

She had seemed happy when he got here.

She saved Katie Bryce's life.

He knew she'd be riding that high for days.

Interns didn't solve medical mysteries.

Meredith hadn't taken no for an answer.

She fought for her patient. She convinced other doctors to believe her theory and to fight for her patient too.

Maybe Meredith working with Amelia wasn't the worst thing in the world.

Maybe they could get through this, be okay again.

* * *

 _Trust is a fragile thing._

 _Some say trust is earned._

 _Some say trust is given._

 _Whatever you believe or whatever the reasons you decide to trust someone, I think we can all agree on this:_

 _Once you mess it up, once you break that trust..._

 _It can be nearly impossible to get it back._

 _Lies... Secrets... no matter how good your intentions may be..._

 _They can shatter trust in an instant._

 _How do you come back from that?_

 _I know Meredith had good intentions._

 _I don't think she lied to hurt me._

 _If I had to guess, I'd say that she lied to protect me._

 _I know my siblings are right. Meredith isn't Addison._

 _Meredith would never have an affair with my best friend._

 _Meredith would never hide a pregnancy from me._

 _I wish I was more certain of that._

 _Mark's lied to me too._

 _So has Amelia._

 _I have trust issues. I can admit that._

 _I trust her. I trust her. I trust her._

 _I want to trust her._

 _But I don't know if I can._

 _She lied to me. For nearly a month._

 _I'll admit, I should have noticed something was wrong sooner._

 _But I got caught up in Abby's first real Christmas and New Years._

 _Then Abby had an ear infection._

 _And I got the flu._

 _It took me nearly two weeks to even notice I hadn't seen Meredith at work for a while._

 _I love her. That I do know._

 _I want to trust her again._

 _I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it magically happen._

 _Unfortunately, that's not how it works._

 _It's going to take work._

 _Effort._

 _From both of us._

 _Communication._

 _From both of us._

 _If only we didn't suck so badly at the talking thing..._

 _\- Derek Shepherd_

* * *

"Hey," Meredith's hands were in her pockets as she shifted from foot to foot.

He hated this.

He hated, hated, hated how awkward they had become.

Derek took a step forward, letting out an internal sigh of relief as she didn't step away.

He held out his hand. "Ready to go?"

Meredith's eyes lit up as she took his hand. "Ready," she smiled softly.

They walked out of Mercy West in silence, both just happy for the others presence.

"Does Mark still have Abby?" Meredith asked curiously.

Derek shook his head. "No, he had to go in this morning. Said something about the hospital having a meltdown."

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "And they needed the Head of Plastics to fix it?"

Derek laughed. "I doubt he's doing much. Most likely they called him because Webber's too scared to call me."

"So who has Abby now?"

"Daycare," Derek sighed. "She's going to be pretty put out with me. It's been a rough few weeks, honestly."

Meredith squeezed his hand. "You're doing the best you can, Derek."

He shrugged. "Tell that to the four year old who has to spend Saturday morning at daycare instead of at home playing with her Dad like he promised."

Her heart broke. "Well, we'll just have to make it up to her then. What about a pizza, movie, and ice cream date this afternoon?"

"She's not going to want to take a nap now," Derek sighed.

"So we'll talk tonight then. Once Abby's asleep?" Meredith asked.

Derek looked frustrated.

"Relax," Meredith whispered. "I want to talk too, but Abby comes first. We agreed on that ages ago, remember?"

"I love you," Derek said quietly. "I don't know much right now... but..."

"You know that," Meredith bit her lip. "This... everything's a mess. But I love you, Derek."

They fell into silence again.

Meredith hated that they had become this. This awkward couple that walked on egg shells and didn't freaking talk.

She hated this.

They had to fix this.

They had to.

"Does Abby know?" she asked.

Derek looked at her questionably. "Know what?"

"About... well, us."

Derek didn't reply as he parked the car.

"She's noticed you aren't around as much," he said quietly. "And she knows I've been sad. But, no, she doesn't know we're fighting."

Derek noticed Meredith tense up as they walked through the front doors.

When they stepped into the elevator, Derek pulled her in for a hug.

"You okay?" he whispered, cupping her face gently.

"Fine," she whispered.

* * *

 **Saturday, January 22nd**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital Daycare**

 **12:30pm**

Abby was mad.

She was really, really mad.

This was the worst most terrible day ever.

She hated daycare.

It was the weekend.

She was supposed to be home in her pjs playing with her Daddy or Aunt Amy or Alex or Mark or Lexie or Meredith.

She hadn't seen Meredith in ages.

She missed her.

Abby knew her Daddy missed her too.

Grown ups were crazy, she decided.

She hoped she was never a grown up. It sounded terrible.

The door to the daycare opened.

She wondered who was picking her up today.

Her Daddy was supposed to yesterday, but Uncle Mark had to instead.

Daddy had to work, he told her.

Work was stupid.

"Abby," the teacher said softly as she squatted down next to her. "Look who's here."

She huffed as she looked towards the doorway, her jaw dropping when she did.

"Merdith!" Abby shrieked, darting across the room, squealing as Meredith picked her up.

"Looks like I'm the favorite, Derek," Meredith teased.

Abby swung her head around, her eyes widening as she realized what was happening.

Her Daddy and Meredith came to pick her up from daycare. Together.

"Hey Bee," he said softly, squeezing her shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to come to daycare today. But Mer and I are going to make it up to you now."

"Really?" she squealed.

"Oh yes," Meredith nodded. "We were thinking pizza and a movie and maybe some ice cream."

"And play surgeon?" Abby asked excitedly.

"Whatever you want," Derek grinned. "This is your day, Bee."

Maybe this wasn't the worst most terrible day after all.

* * *

 **Saturday, January 22nd**

 **Derek's Apartment**

 **11:30pm**

"Oh god, I'm exhausted," Meredith groaned. "Abby is exhausting."

Derek moaned from where he'd collapsed on the floor. "We're never giving her ice cream again."

Meredith rolled over so she was facing him and lifted her head. "Or maybe we should limit her to one bowl. Not four. And two brownies."

Derek laughed. "Slight overcompensation, huh?"

Meredith grinned. "Just a little."

Derek's eyes sparkled when he looked at her.

"No!" she sat up and shook her head. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" he asked, smirking.

"We need to talk," Meredith insisted. "And if you keep looking at me like that, we won't get any talking done."

"Come on down here," Derek urged. "We're both exhausted. We can talk in the morning."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!" Meredith whispered. "There's a child in this apartment."

Derek licked his lips.

"Derek! Think with your brain," she pleaded through her laughter as he climbed up on the couch next to her.

"We're good at sex," he whispered. "Not so good at talking, but we're good at sex."

"Not talking is what got us here," Meredith moaned. "No sex until... Oh God."

Derek was kissing her.

His tongue... in her mouth.

It had been over a month.

She hadn't had sex in over a month.

Derek hadn't kissed her like this in a month.

Derek's hand slid under her shirt.

"Der... Abby... next room," Meredith was barely coherent.

"Be very quiet then," he murmured, kissing her neck.

This was a bad idea.

This was a very, very bad idea.

Meredith knew that.

This was a bad idea.

Meredith was right.

They needed to talk.

Derek knew that.

He knew they needed to stop using sex as a bandaid for a bullet hole.

But... kissing her was like coming up for fresh air.

He missed this.

He missed them.

They needed to talk but he hadn't kissed her like this in over a month.

He hadn't had sex in over a month.

Meredith was kissing him back and God this felt so right and...

And then his pager went off.

"Seriously?" Meredith groaned, rolling out from under him and onto the floor.

"I hate my job," Derek groaned, collapsing onto the couch where Meredith's body had just been.

Down the hall, a door opened.

Derek's eyes widened as Amelia stumbled into the living room, pulling on her pants as she did.

"Oh good," Amelia nodded as she saw Meredith. "You're here. Hahn just paged me. We've got to go."

"What?" Meredith asked in disbelief. "Why do I have to go?"

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Because you're my intern and Hahn paged me requesting that I get an intern and meet her at Seattle Grace in 20 minutes."

"Seattle Grace?" Derek stood up, straightening out his clothes. "Why are you being paged to Seattle Grace?"

"Don't know. Grey, hurry up, we've got to go!" Amelia said as she put her shoes on.

"Hold up," Meredith protested. "Derek got paged too, we have to get Abby."

Five minutes later, Derek was breaking half the speed limits in the country to get them to the hospital.

Abby was sleeping in her car seat, not having woken up at all when they moved her.

"Derek..."

"I can't go any faster, Amy," Derek repeated. "I'm not in the mood to get us all killed tonight."

Amelia huffed. "Hahn scares me."

"Did you get any more information about the case?" Meredith asked curiously.

"Yes," Amelia read off the text from her phone. "Emergency heart transplant."

"Where's Burke?" Meredith and Derek asked in unison.

Derek parked in the ambulance bay, throwing his keys to Alex who was waiting for them. "Go park my car, Karev. Come here, Bee," Derek whispered as she started to wake up.

Abby just mumbled sleepily and buried her head in Derek's shoulder.

Meredith and Amelia took off towards the surgical floor in search of Dr. Hahn.

Derek noticed that they ran right past Cristina.

"I'm not on call," Derek said coldly to Richard when he found him.

"Are you planning on brining Abby into the OR with you?" Richard asked skeptically.

"I'm not planning on going into an OR," Derek glared at him. "What the hell is going on, Chief? Why is Erica Hahn performing a heart transplant at our hospital with a Mercy West resident and intern?"

Richard's eyes widened. "How do you know about that?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "Because Amelia and Meredith got paged here to help her."

At Meredith's name, Richard flinched.

"Burke was shot," Webber said quietly.

Derek froze.

He hated Burke.

But he had never wanted him dead.

"Is he..."

Richard sighed. "He was shot in the arm. His right arm, Shepherd. It's almost entirely numb. I wanted to see..."

"It's risky," Derek said curtly, taking the scans from Richard. "I don't know that I can do it successfully."

"You're the best shot he has," Richard pleaded. "I know you two hate each other, but this could be his career."

"Karma," Derek's eyes were blazing. "Chief. That would be karma."

* * *

"How did his condition worsen so drastically so quickly, Dr. Bailey?" Hahn asked coldly. "My patient has waited a long time for this heart. How did Denny Duquette's condition worsen? What happened to the LVAD wire?"

"He cut it," Bailey informed her, shooting daggers at Izzie and George out of the corner of her eye.

"The patient cut his own LVAD wire?" Amelia asked in disbelief.

Meredith's eyes widened and she bit back a gasp.

Her friends were idiots.

Judging from the look on Hahn's face, she thought so too.

"OR 5 is ready for you," Bailey said. "I can scrub..."

"No," Hahn said curtly. "I don't want a resident who sat back while a patient cut his LVAD wire in my OR. Shepherd and Grey will scrub in with me."

* * *

"Derek, you took an oath!" Webber argued.

"So did he," Derek fought back. "He took one too, but his God complex killed a teenager and nearly wrecked Amelia's career."

"You're really going to hold that against him forever?" Webber asked. "I thought you were a bigger person than that."

"I'm not on call," Derek hissed. "Page the on call neurosurgeon and have them attempt it. I want to get my sleeping kid home before she wakes up."

"Nelson isn't good enough!"

"Well, neither am I," Derek shrugged. "I won't do it. It's too risky. The risk outweighs the benefits. Tell Burke I'm sorry. Maybe reach out to Bradley at Hopkins in the morning. He might be willing to try if Burke promises not to pursue malpractice if he fails."

"Bradley's not my Head of Neuro," Webber seethed. "You are. You're the best in the country, Shepherd. You can do this, you just don't want to!"

"I have a child!" Derek snarled. "A child I had to drag out of bed in the middle of night and bring her down to the hospital because you paged me when I wasn't on call. Erica Hahn had to page my sister and my girlfriend to come assist her on a surgery in a hospital they don't work in. Mark's working, Alex is working. I'm out of childcare options, and I will not let my daughter spend another day in the hospital daycare that I promised to spend with her. I'm done, Richard. I'm done letting her down because of this hospital."

"You aren't letting her down, Derek. She's four..."

Derek cut him off. "Meredith was four when Ellis Grey repeatedly chose the hospital over her and she hasn't forgotten it."

* * *

"What the hell happened?" Amelia asked Alex as she scrubbed in. "Why did I need to drag Meredith down here if Hahn was going to let you stay on the case?"

"She's not," Alex muttered. "I'm going to go watch from the gallery, she said I can do that."

"Why would a patient cut his own wire?"

Alex clenched his eyes shut.

"Oh my God," Amelia whispered. "Stop!"

Alex had opened his mouth to begin to tell her.

"I don't want to know. If Hahn questions me, I want to be able to claim ignorance."

Alex let out a sigh of relief.

"Is Hahn going to actually have me do anything?" Meredith asked worriedly coming into the scrub room. "I've barely slept. Abby wouldn't take a nap so I never had a chance to rest."

Amelia smirked at her. "Looked to me like you and Derek had some down time but were choosing to spend it on things other than sleep."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "He went from not speaking to you to wanting in your pants?"

Meredith shrugged. "I solved a neuro mystery. Saved a patient's life. Played Mommy to his kid all day. It was easy to forget we had things to talk about. I mean, his tongue was in my mouth and..."

"And I'm going into the OR," Amelia interrupted.

"And I'm going to the gallery," Alex turned to leave.

"Hey, Alex?" Meredith called.

Alex looked back at her.

"I know this is going to be a cool surgery," Meredith whispered. "But if Abby wakes up in daycare again..."

Alex grinned at her. "She won't." He squeezed her shoulder. "She'll wake up with her favorite uncle Wex. Don't worry, I'll go find Derek and take Abby from him. You go kick some butt in there. Make Webber and Burke sorry they let you go."

* * *

"Dr. Bailey, have you seen Dr. Shepherd?" Alex asked when he found her in the hall.

"What do you need Shepherd for?" she asked, distractedly. "Your patient needs a new heart, not a new brain. Although, if he really cut his own damn wire, maybe he needs one of those too."

"Dr. Hahn won't let me in the OR. Mer said Derek got paged too, and I was going to punch out and watch Abby for him if he was okay with it."

Bailey's face softened. She adored Abby Shepherd.

"He should be in the pit with Chief Webber."

When Alex arrived in the pit, it was just as bad as he expected.

Shepherd and Webber were stuck in a near screaming match.

Abby was... no where to be seen.

"Sorry to interrupt," Alex said loudly. "Dr. Shepherd, where's Abby?"

Derek's face turned ashen as his eyes frantically searched the room.

"Daddy!"

Derek visibly flooded with relief, closely followed by confusion.

"Where were you?" he whispered.

"I had to go potty," she informed him. "'Ristina take me."

Alex gaped at Cristina, who had come up next to Webber.

"Daddy, why we here? Again?" Abby demanded. "Where Merdith?"

Derek crouched down so they were eye level. "Daddy might have to be a surgeon tonight, Bee. I'm so sorry."

"You always sorry," Abby scowled. "We 'sposed to play!"

"Hey, Abby," Cristina said softly, kneeling down behind her. Abby turned around as angry tears began to fall from her eyes. "It's not your Daddy's fault. He didn't want to come in tonight at all."

Derek was shocked.

Why was Cristina defending him to Abby?

"I called him," she continued. "Because my friend got hurt really, really badly tonight. I was scared and I knew he might need surgery, so I wanted the best."

Abby hiccuped. "Daddy the bestest."

Cristina nodded. "He is."

"Daddy, I sweep in you office?" Abby yawned.

"Sure," Derek picked her up, letting out a sigh of relief as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Let's go find you some blankets, Bee."

Once Derek had left with Abby, Alex and Cristina turned to Webber.

"Shepherd won't do it," Cristina said quietly. "He said no."

"He said no," Webber agreed.

* * *

"Derek?"

"Go away, Mark," Derek growled, pushing past him onto the elevator.

Mark shook his head and stepped back into the elevator.

Derek glared at him. "This is not going away."

"Why are you so snippy?" Mark asked in exasperation. "I ran into Amy, she said you and Grey were practically in the throes on the couch earlier. Oh, a cold shower after over a month of nothing? That's got to suck."

"I'm ignoring you," Derek said evenly, pressing the elevator button again.

"Why did you get paged?" Mark asked. "Was it to deal with the Duquette thing?"

Derek looked at him warily. "What Duquette thing?"

"Never mind then," Mark said quickly. "Why were you paged?"

"What Duquette thing? Denny Duquette? The patient Stevens fell in love with? Wait..." Derek's eyes widened. "Is he the heart transplant Hahn's performing?"

Mark looked everywhere but at Derek.

"How did he deteriorate so quickly?" Derek questioned. "He was on the list, but they put in an LVAD. There's no way he could have jumped to the top of the list already."

Mark didn't say anything.

Derek stopped the elevator.

"Mark, I swear to God I am not in the mood for games right now," Derek growled. "Why would Webber page me about Denny Duquette."

"Someone cut his LVAD wire," Mark said quietly. "He's saying he did it, but Bailey is convinced it was one of the interns."

"What?" Derek asked in disbelief. "You cannot be serious."

Mark sighed. "That's just what I heard, Derek, I don't have any facts. Just gossip. But if Webber didn't page you for that, why did he page you?"

"Burke," Derek spat, "was shot in the arm. He and the Chief want me to perform a risky surgery to ensure he retains all function in his hands."

Mark studied Derek closely. "So what did you say?"

"I said no," Derek said curtly. "It's risky."

"You live for risks," Mark interjected. "Derek, you're one of the best neurosurgeons in the country. If you can't do it..."

"Of course I can do it!" Derek snapped. "But I'm off until Monday. Nelson can't do it, so I told Webber to call Bradley and see if he'll do it as a consult."

Mark blinked. "You told Webber to call Stephen Bradley from Hopkins?"

"Yes," Derek started the elevator again. "I'm not operating on him."

"Shep, I know you hate the guy, but..."

"There's no buts," Derek said evenly as he exited the elevator. "If given the opportunity, he would wreck my career without a second thought. He's done it before and he tried to do it again last month."

"Last month?" Mark was confused. "What are you talking about?"

Derek sighed and ducked into a supply closet. "That's why Meredith quit. Something about Burke going to the Board because I was dating an intern."

"You and Grey talked?" Mark asked in surprise. "When did that happen?"

Derek paced the small length of the closet. "No, we haven't talked. We spent the day with Abby and once she fell asleep, we were both paged. I overheard her talking about it to another intern at Mercy West. So that's all I know, but it's enough. Why should I help him? As far as I'm concerned, this is karma."

* * *

Alex sat back in his chair, eyeing Cristina warily.

He had barely spoken to her since Meredith quit last month.

"Shepherd has to do this!" she raged, angrily wiping at her eyes. "He's a surgeon. Burke needs surgery. He has to."

"It's not life or death," Alex said quietly. "It is a risky procedure. If Shepherd doesn't feel he can do it, if he feels he might make things worse, he's actually obligated not to operate."

"You and I both know he can do it," Cristina said drily. "He's the God of Neuro. He can do it, he's just choosing not to because for some ridiculous reason he hates Burke."

"It's not a ridiculous reason," he snapped. "And Shepherd's reasons for hating Burke are none of your damn business."

Alex stood up. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to you shit on Shepherd. You have no idea what's going on."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Shepherd's just pissy because Mer doesn't work here anymore."

"And why is that?" Alex's eyes were blazing. "Why did Mer quit her job? Oh. That's right. She quit because your douche bag of a boyfriend was trying to wreck her boyfriend's career and ruin his reputation with the Board. Do not go there. You knew for nearly a week what Burke was planning. You could have told Mer. But no. You chose to keep it to yourself because for some insane reason, you think Derek has Meredith brainwashed or something. You were vindictive and cruel and don't think talking to Abby tonight makes up for any of it. You screwed up, Cristina. And yes, I'd bet what happened with Mer is playing a big part in Derek saying no."

Alex pushed the chair in and turned away. "So I guess the only person you have to blame for Shepherd not operating is yourself."

* * *

Dr. Hahn was a good surgeon.

Great really.

However, she was a terrible teacher.

Meredith and Amelia discussed that often.

Amelia joked that Liz should come apply for a job at Mercy West so they had a chance at a good teacher.

Not that either of them had any interest in cardio, but, well... you know.

Meredith was pulled from her musings by the OR door being pushed open.

"Dr. Hahn?"

Meredith froze.

What the hell was Cristina doing here?

"You're bothering me," Hahn said sharply. "Stop wasting my time, what do you want?"

"Chief Webber was wondering if he could borrow Dr. Grey for a few minutes?"

Hahn met Meredith's eyes questionably.

"You're not Webber's intern anymore, Grey," she said quietly. "It's your call. You're just watching here."

Meredith closed her eyes and sighed.

She nodded slowly.

"Fine," Hahn said curtly. "Grey, go see what Webber wants. Make him kiss your ass a bit, that's what I would do."

Amelia bit back a giggle as Meredith left the OR and followed Cristina out.

"So," Hahn said lightly. "What do we think that's all about?"

Meredith glared daggers at Cristina when she pulled her into the intern locker room.

"Where's Webber?" Meredith demanded. "You pulled me out a heart transplant because Webber needed me. So where's Webber."

"Burke was shot," Cristina whispered, sitting down on a bench.

Meredith blinked. "What?"

She knew he was incapacitated, that's why Hahn was completing the heart transplant.

But shot?

"He was shot in his right arm, Mer," Cristina leaned her head back on a locker. "He can't feel it at all. It's gone completely numb. They think there is nerve damage."

Derek.

This was about Derek.

This is why they paged him when he wasn't on call.

"What did neuro say?" she asked cooly.

Cristina looked at her, desperation clear in her eyes. "I know I've been a terrible friend," she said quietly. "I know I've messed everything up."

She took a deep breath. "Webber says it's risky but Shepherd could do it."

"So what's the problem?"

"Shepherd says he won't do it."

Meredith didn't speak for a moment.

"And what would you like me to do about that?" Meredith glared at her.

Cristina looked at her in disbelief. "Talk to him!" she argued. "Convince him to try! You're his girlfriend, he'll listen to you! You can reason with him."

Meredith laughed bitterly. "Derek and I broke up," she said drily.

Cristina's jaw dropped. "What?"

It was a lie. But it had almost happened. And Meredith had to admit, sticking it to Cristina felt pretty good right now.

"Over the whole me quitting thing," Meredith snapped. "We are barely speaking at the moment and that's your fault."

"Mer..."

"You should have told me!" Meredith exploded. "You're my person, Cristina! Burke going to the Board would have hurt Derek. Derek's my family. What hurts him hurts me. You should have told me and we could have had some time to figure things out. Maybe I wouldn't have quit. Maybe we wouldn't be broken up right now. You should have told me, but you were bitter or jealous of a four year old or whatever it was that you were. So you didn't."

"I trusted you," Meredith snarled. "And you didn't tell me. And now you want me to go talk Derek into performing a risky surgery? Are you serious?"

"Meredith, please..."

"I trusted you and you lied to me!"

Meredith's eyes widened as she heard her own words.

Crap.

* * *

 _Trust is a fragile thing._

 _I dropped the ball here. I know that._

 _I never should have lied to him._

 _Because I did lie to him._

 _And not just by telling him I was working nights._

 _The second I quit my job, I should have gone and found him._

 _I should have told him._

 _We should have talked about what to do next._

 _The second I decided to move in with a sister I barely knew, I should have told him._

 _The second I decided to start working at Mercy West, I should have told him._

 _Lies of omission are still lies._

 _Relationships are about trust._

 _I should have trusted him._

 _When we fought that night, he accused me of not trusting him._

 _And I argued that I did. That he was wrong._

 _As usual, Derek was right._

 _I didn't trust him._

 _I thought if I told him, he would freak out._

 _I thought he would do something rash._

 _I made decisions about his life, his career and our family for him._

 _What's that Harry Potter quote- what will come will come, and we'll face it when it does? Or it's something like that anyway..._

 _We should have gotten through what was coming together._

 _But I didn't trust him._

 _Why would I trust him to stand by me?_

 _Why would I trust him not to judge me or yell or tell me how much of a disappointment I am?_

 _Why would I trust him to show up?_

 _After all, my father let my mother take me and never gave a damn._

 _My mother never cared about me a day of my life._

 _And my best friend... my person... she knew. Cristina knew what Burke and Webber were up to and didn't tell me._

 _If I couldn't trust Cristina, how could I possibly trust Derek?_

 _I know. It's stupid._

 _Derek's not like my mother or my father._

 _Derek loves me._

 _I just really hope that loving me is enough to overcome this._

 _\- Meredith Grey_

* * *

"Alex!" Meredith shouted chasing him down the hall. "Alex, wait!"

"The transplant is done already?" Alex asked in disbelief.

"No," she shook her head. "I need to talk to Derek for a minute. Have you seen him?"

Alex looked at her like he'd never seen her before.

"He's in his office," he eventually said. "With Abby. Why?"

"Thanks," she said sincerely and took off towards Derek's office.

"Mer? What the hell?" Alex called after her, but she didn't stop.

Meredith skidded to a stop outside Derek's door.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed it open.

"Hey," she whispered, catching his attention.

Derek stood up and walked towards her.

"Abby's sleeping," he whispered. "I don't want to wake her."

Derek pulled the door shut behind him and they stood awkwardly in the hallway.

Meredith took a deep breath.

"Derek," she said softly. "Just how risky is Burke's surgery really?"

His eyes widened. "How do you know about that?"

She sighed. "Cristina told me. She said you're refusing to do it. Derek..."

"Stay out of this, Meredith," he said quietly. "Please. I know Cristina's your person, but... just choose me tonight. Please don't argue with me over this. I've made my decision."

"I am choosing you," Meredith insisted. "Derek... what if this was me? Or Amy? Or Mark? Wouldn't you want Burke to put things aside and help us?"

"I never tried to ruin Burke," Derek said coldly. "Cristina still works here. I never threatened to go to the board about them."

Her eyes widened. "What are you talking about?"

"I heard you," he sighed. "Talking with the Avery kid. Burke and Webber were going to the Board about us. That's why you quit."

"There are a lot of reasons why I quit," she grabbed his hand. "And a lot of reasons why I didn't tell you and lied to you. That was me, Derek. All me. You can't hold that against Burke. Yes, he was going to the Board, but he didn't make this mess between us."

"People make mistakes," Meredith said quietly. "We've all made our fair share of them recently. I know I have. Alex has. Amelia has. You have. We're human. Cristina made a mistake. Burke made a mistake. Don't add this to the list of yours."

"Meredith, it is risky," Derek said evenly. "If I screw this up, he'll sue for malpractice. He'll use it as a reason to hit my reputation."

"You won't screw it up," Meredith said confidently. "Because you are the best in the business, Derek. You are the best shot he has. Derek Shepherd doesn't walk away from people that need his help. And whether you like it or not, Burke needs a great neurosurgeon right now. If you can't do it for Burke, do it for the hundreds of thousands of patients that could die if he can't operate anymore. He's a great surgeon, Derek. Great surgeons save lives."

Derek swallowed hard.

Meredith was right.

"You can do this," she repeated. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't try, Derek. And I know you can do this. You do too."

He hugged her tight.

"Come with me to the pit to tell the Chief?" he asked.

"I'll come part of the way," Meredith agreed. "I'm missing one hell of a heart transplant and I'd like to get back to it at some point."

"Rumor has it he's not the one who cut the LVAD wire," Derek muttered to her.

"I kind of got that vibe too," Meredith rested her head on Derek's chest. "But I'm not asking any questions. I don't want to know."

"I wish I had that option," he said tiredly. "It could take all week to sort through that mess."

"All right," Meredith grinned at him when they reached the nurses station. "I'm going to head back into the OR. I'll find you when you're done being a Neuro God."

Derek leaned in for a kiss and she gladly let him.

"I'll call your cell when I'm done," he promised. "It could take hours though."

Meredith shrugged. "That's okay, Abby and I can get breakfast. Have some quality girl time."

"Sounds like a plan," Derek grinned. "Hey, Mer?"

She stopped and looked back at him over her shoulder.

"Thank you."

Meredith grinned back at him. "Anytime."

With a deep breath, Derek walked into Burke's room.

"This surgery has a lot of risks," Derek cautioned. "And there is no guarantee I'll be able to get you full function back. I will do everything I can, but if the nerves were damaged by the bullet, we might not be able to repair them."

Webber and Burke looked at him in shock.

"You're going to try?" Cristina whispered hopefully, squeezing Burke's good hand.

Webber's eyes looked beyond Derek, over to where Meredith was waiting for the elevator to the OR. They widened and looked at Derek in surprise.

Derek met his eyes and gave a curt nod.

"I'm going to try."

* * *

"Great surgery, huh?" one of the scrub nurses commented as Meredith scrubbed out. "Was this your first heart transplant?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "It was. It's incredible."

"Hey, Janet," one of the other nurses said sticking her head in. "Debbie said Shepherd bought 2 tickets to prom. Told her he had a date."

The scrub nurse, Janet, sighed in disappointment. "When? Maybe we can change his mind?"

"She said it was Friday morning, before he got called to Mercy West for a consult."

Meredith froze. Shepherd. Date. Prom.

"What's she talking about?" Meredith asked, fighting the feeling of nausea pooling in her stomach.

Janet looked gleeful at the chance to gossip.

"The hospital is having a prom for Chief Webber's niece. She has terminal cancer. Dr. Shepherd, he's the Head of Neurosurgery, and a total DILF,"

DILF. Meredith barely contained her laughter. She couldn't wait to tell Derek that one.

"And apparently he has a date to prom," she sighed with disappointment.

"When is prom?" Meredith asked, trying not to panic.

Maybe he'd bought a second ticket and planned to talk to her before the actual event.

"Sunday night... so tonight at this point."

Derek had bought the ticket before he went to Mercy West.

Before they had talked at all.

The ticket couldn't be for her.

But they almost had sex tonight.

He kissed her.

He told her he loved her.

But what if loving her wasn't enough to get past all her lies?

The second Janet left the room, Meredith threw up into the garbage can as tears streaked down her cheeks.

She had royally screwed things up.

And she hated herself.

* * *

Once Meredith pulled herself together, she went in search of Derek. Burke's surgery had just finished minutes ago, she saw that on the OR Board.

As predicted, Meredith found him in the scrub room.

"Hey," she said softly.

Derek's head snapped up. "Hey! How was the surgery?"

Meredith shrugged. "Good surgery. I hate being back here though."

He was quiet for a moment. "Why?"

Meredith eyed him warily. "We still haven't talked."

Derek sighed. "I know. Is… is that why you hate it?"

"The last time I worked here," Meredith said softly, "I thought I had the rest of my life figured out. And that was big for me, Derek, really big."

"I know," he said quietly.

Because he did know.

Meredith had come a long way from the girl who bolted at the sight of his daughter.

She had fallen in love with him, with Abby.

She became one of the most important parts of his family.

She still was.

Eight months ago, Meredith had no desire to settle down. Ever. And by Thanksgiving, she was so in love with him that she imagined forever and houses and babies with him.

And then this whole mess happened.

She lied to him.

He walked away from her.

They fought and yelled and stopped speaking. They nearly broke up.

"We should go get some sleep," Derek suggested. "We might even get Abby to nap if we make it a family thing. We can pawn her off to Mark or Amy later. We'll talk today, Mer. We have to. We'll get this figured out."

Meredith fidgeted. "It's nearly 7am. When do you have to get ready for the hospital prom?"

Derek froze, his eyes widening. "Meredith..."

"I heard you have a date," Meredith tried not to let her tears fall.

She could do this.

"Meredith, it's..."

"No, stop," she shook her head. "We were broken up, or sort of broken up. I completely understand you finding someone to take to prom. Who would want to go to something like that alone?"

"Meredith, just listen for..."

"It's okay," Meredith cut him off. "I get it, Derek."

Derek sighed. "Meredith, hear me out."

"No," Meredith smiled at him. "Maybe this is a good thing. You deserve a chance to see what dating someone else is like. It's only been Addison and now me. We were broken up, and everyone deserves some romance in their lives."

"We're not broken up!" Derek interjected. "Meredith, just give me a minute here."

"I respect you for trying to move on," Meredith was proud of herself for keeping her voice steady. "But you... you led me on a little tonight. So, before anything else happens, here it is. You have a choice to make. And it's simple, her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your bedroom window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you... love you. And I know we're fighting and we haven't talked yet and everything's a mess. But I love you, Derek. I love Abby. I'm still Team Shepherd. I want us to have another chance at being a family. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. George told me I can be his date to the prom tomorrow… but, if you do pick me, come find me.

* * *

 **Sunday, January 23rd**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

Meredith sighed as she walked into Seattle Grace for the second time in under 24 hours.

It was strange, how a place that had once been her home could feel so cold and foreign to her now.

She had gotten ready with Lexie.

Maybe she could still have some fun.

She hadn't seen all of her friends in weeks.

Who cared that Derek would be there with some other girl?

She was fine.

"Merdith! Markie, stop, it's Merdith!"

Meredith stopped and turned to face them.

"You look very pretty, Abby," Meredith said, smiling broadly as Abby twirled for her. "I like your dress."

"Me too!" Abby giggled. "Daddy say I really look like his pwincess tonight!"

"He's right," Meredith swallowed.

She was fine. She could talk to Abby about Derek. She was fine.

"I his date," Abby said proudly.

Meredith's eyes widened.

Abby was Derek's date?

That's why he bought two tickets?

Abby's the date the nurses told her about?

She shook her head, her eyes lighting up a little.

Of course Abby was Derek's date.

"He's a very lucky guy to have you as his date," they sported matching grins.

Derek's date to prom was his four year old daughter.

McDreamy indeed.

"Lexie is looking for you, Mark," Meredith told him, feeling a little giddy. "I think I can take this from here."

Abby was Derek's date.

There wasn't anyone else.

Mark looked at Abby questionably. "You okay if I go find Lexie, Abby?"

Abby huffed. "Shoo!" she told him, waving her hands. "Go, Merdith and I find Daddy."

Mark chuckled. "All right then, I can see where I'm not wanted."

"Buh bye!" Abby smirked. "Up, Merdith!"

* * *

"I give him another minute," Alex mused to Amelia. "Poor guy's nearly jumping out of his skin every time that door opens."

"I can't believe Meredith really thinks he has a date to this thing," Lexie shook her head. "When would Derek have time to date anyone else?"

"They haven't been speaking for over a month," Alex pointed out. "It is technically possible that Derek wouldn't want to come to this alone and asked someone else."

Amelia sighed. "The timing of this really sucks. They want to talk, they want to work things out, but they can't! First Derek gets paged, then Mer and I get paged, then we all get dragged into this stupid prom."

"It's for Webber's dying niece," George said. "You could at least pretend to have a good time. Don't girls like getting all dressed up?"

"Some do," Amelia said. "I'm not one of them. I'd rather be operating right now."

"And now you sound like Yang," Alex's laughter stopped at the angry look she shot him. "What? That's something she would say."

"Just because I would rather be operating right now," Amelia said dangerously, "does not mean that I think surgery trumps family. Nor does it mean that I don't want a family or kids or..."

Alex went white.

"... someday," Amelia continued. "Oh relax, Alex, I didn't mean right now."

"I think you just took ten years off my life," he muttered rubbing his heart.

"Hey," Derek cut in before Amelia could retort. "Have any of you seen Meredith?"

"Took him 5," Lexie whispered. "I win. Pay up."

Derek's eyes narrowed. "You were betting on me?"

Alex grinned while Amelia shrugged sheepishly.

"We haven't seen Mer at all," Lexie told him. "Where's your date?"

Derek tugged at his collar. "She's missing too. She was supposed to be with your date, Lexie. Where's Mark?"

"Dr. Sloan just walked in," George added. "But Abby's not with him."

"I'll be back," he huffed. "Mark!"

"Excuse me," a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks about ten feet from where Mark had planted himself at the drink table.

"Dr. Shepherd? I think I found your date."

Derek spun around, his eyes lighting up.

"Would you look at that?" he teased as he took Abby from her arms. "You did find my date."

"Hi Daddy!" Abby giggled, trying to place her princess crown on his head.

Meredith gently took the crown from Abby's hands. "I don't think Daddys wear princess crowns, Abby."

Abby tilted her head in thought. "You wear it, Merdith?"

"Sure!" Meredith bent over so Abby could place the crown on her head. "Thank you for sharing your crown with me."

"Now you a pwincess too!" Abby clapped. "Daddy's got two pwincesses."

"Alex, Amy, Mark, and Lexie are over there," Derek motioned to the back corner of the room. "Want to join them?"

Meredith nodded, her heart so happy it could burst, as Derek wrapped an arm around her waist and they made their way over to their friends.

"Well, well, well," Mark said with a smile. "I haven't seen all three parts of Team Shepherd together and smiling in a while."

Lexie elbowed him.

"Take a picture, Wex!" Abby demanded, her smile broadening as Derek and Meredith each kissed one of her cheeks. "Cheese!"

Meredith met Derek's eyes and felt content.

They would be okay.

They would come back from this.

They still loved each other.

They'd both made mistakes.

They had a lot to work out.

But they loved each other.

And they would be okay.

* * *

Derek grinned when he found his missing girlfriend.

Meredith had excused herself to use the bathroom. Apparently the line had been too long and she decided to use the bathroom in an empty exam room instead.

She was reapplying lipstick when he opened the door.

"So," Derek's voice broke her from her concentration. "What did you think of my date?"

Meredith's eyes twinkled. "I was right, she's pretty great."

"Mmm," Derek nodded, coming up behind her and kissing her neck. "She's certainly something."

"I want at least six copies of that picture," Meredith grinned.

"I was thinking at least ten," his eyes sparkled when they looked at her. "So... you told me to choose."

Meredith's face turned red. "I didn't know it was Abby!" she defended herself. "I know you'd choose Abby."

Derek grabbed her hand. "Yes," he said gently. "I would. But... that's not what you meant."

"Derek, I..."

"Shh," he placed a finger on her lips. "Just listen. When I found out that Abby was my daughter, that I had a child, I thought there was only one way you could love someone. I didn't realize that it's different, the love you have for your kids. That kind of love doesn't take up space in your heart. They are your heart. Permanent. Unwavering. Forever. Unconditional. That love, the way I love Abby? It's a part of me. It's like she's in my DNA now."

"It's different then anything I've ever experienced," he said quietly. "And it's taught me that there is more than one type of love. I don't have to choose between my daughter and the woman I want to marry. It's a different kind of love. Which is good. Because... well, Meredith? I love you. In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music kind of way."

Meredith felt tears begin to well up in her eyes. Derek's eyes... he was in love with her. She could see it.

"I love you," Derek whispered. "In the I want to spend the rest of my life with you kind of way. I know we haven't talked, and I'm still angry, but I know that. I know that you did what you thought was best for us. You weren't being selfish. I don't like that you lied to me or that you asked our friends and family to lie to me. We're a team, Mer. I want to trust you and I want you to trust me. I know we suck at communicating... we have to fix that. We have to start talking to each other. If this is going to work, and God do I want this to work, we need to stop sucking at communicating."

"We have to fix this. We have to talk. We have to do whatever it takes to fix this. I want forever with you, Meredith. So, that choice you asked me to make? It's the easiest choice I've ever been given. It's you. It's always been you. I pick you. I choose you. And I love you."

* * *

 ** _And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you._**

* * *

 **Author's Notes 2:**

In typical Grey's Anatomy fashion, when it rains, it pours. They didn't really talk this chapter, but the definitely do in the next one. I felt this chapter was important because it shows that even through all the crap, they still love each other. They still need each other. I think Meredith and Derek needed to realize that a little too before they talked.

For those of you wanting more Amelia and Alex, I'm sorry we haven't seen much of them. MerDer don't really want to share the spotlight with anyone else right now, but they've got some good stuff in the coming chapters. So stay tuned :)

Thanks for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Notes:**

Contrary to what I'm sure has become popular belief, I didn't actually fall off the face of the earth. Just... kind of dangled for a bit. I won't bore you with the details, but it's been an exceptionally tough few months.

This chapter is brought to you by a) the first vacation I've had in 18 months and b) my boyfriend who hid my work laptop and took my phone away so I could finally have some distraction-free time to write.

I'm super excited to be back posting and slowly getting back to what I hope will be a once to twice a month posting schedule.

This is the shortest chapter I've posted in a while, but I felt I've left you all hanging long enough. I like where it ended and (fingers crossed) I'll be able to post a longer chapter in a few weeks.

Enjoy!

* * *

 **Old Scars, Future Hearts**

 **Chapter Twenty-two**

* * *

 **Sunday, January 23rd**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

 _Knock_ knock.

"Is it safe to come in here?"

Derek rolled his eyes.

"All your clothes back on?" Meredith asked, glancing around the room. "Are we presentable?

"Yes, Mom," Derek teased. "Just, pull down your dress a bit."

Meredith stuck her tongue out at him and straightened her dress. "Yes, Lexie, come on in."

The door opened slowly. Lexie peaked around the door frame, sighing in relief when she saw that Derek and Meredith were both fully clothed.

"Lexie," Derek said, somewhat exasperated, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

The more time he spent around Lexie Grey, the more she reminded him of his sisters.

"Sorry, sorry!" Lexie grinned, putting a squirming Abby down. "Just wanted to make sure. Little eyes and all that."

"Hmm," Derek shook his head. "Little eyes belonging to my baby girl, Lexie. I think I know that."

The word 'baby' slipped out before Derek could stop himself. Over the past week or two, Abby had decided that she didn't like anyone calling her a baby.

Meredith bit her lip as Abby's eyes narrowed.

Putting her hands on her hips, Abby glared at Derek.

"Escuse you," she said firmly. "I not a baby."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "You're my baby."

Abby stamped her foot. "I a big kid."

Derek chuckled and knelt down in front of Abby. "You are," he whispered, planting a kiss on her forehead. "But you're always going to be my baby, Bee."

Abby sighed dramatically but grinned in spite of herself. "Yes, Daddy. "Forever and ever and ever."

Derek chuckled, "Thanks for humoring me, Bee."

Abby nodded. "Welcome. Even when you and Merdith has more babies, I your baby."

Derek's eyes widened and he glanced back at Meredith who looked paler than usual.

More babies.

They were barely in a relationship right now.

They needed to talk. Desperately.

He hoped there wouldn't be any more babies for quite some time.

Meredith seemed to be thinking the same thing.

On the bright side, at least Abby seemed to be willing to accept a baby sibling.

That would make things easier when the time came.

'If the time came' Derek thought to himself. 'If we can fix this giant mess and if we can make things work and if Meredith even wants more babies, at least Abby understands. In theory.'

"Daddy, what this?" Abby asked curiously. She had wandered off to the other side of the exam room while he was lost in his thoughts.

Lexie gasped, and backed up towards the door.

"I..." she sounded like she was fighting back laughter. "I'm gonna go. Yes, go find Mark. And Alex. Or Amelia... I'm just... I'm gonna go."

"Daddy? Merdith?" Abby sighed. "Are you wisening?"

Derek turned around. Meredith's jaw was nearly on the floor.

When he caught sight of the item in Abby's hands, he realized why.

"Pretty," Abby said, holding the item up in the air in front of her. "Hey!"

Derek gulped.

"This underwear!" Abby said proudly. "Too big for me!" she giggled, holding it up against her. "Merdith, dese fit you?"

Apparently, they hadn't quite managed to put all their clothes back on after all.

* * *

"You know she's going to tell Mark," Derek whispered to Meredith.

They were standing in the parking lot, outside of Derek's car. Abby was buckled into her car seat, still holding on to Meredith's panties.

"We can't tell her those are mine!" Meredith protested. "Then she'll really tell everyone. I can just imagine it. 'Wex! Daddy and Merdith played in a doctor room at the prom and Merdith lost her underwears!'"

Derek chortled.

"Abby saw Alex's boy parts," he grinned. "He doesn't have much room to mock us."

"What if she says something at daycare?" Meredith demanded.

Derek shrugged. "Then they'll know that Dr. Shepherd is very, very taken, won't they? Maybe I won't be hit on so much anymore."

"Derek! Your four year old found my panties!"

"She's very good at that, finding things people don't want her to find," Derek kissed Meredith. "It's almost too bad she wants to be a surgeon. Abby would make a good detective."

Meredith giggled. "Abby is four, Derek. She only wants to be a surgeon because that's what her hero does."

"Heroes," Derek corrected. "The other day she told me that she wanted to be the best intern and resident in the whole country, like Merdith and Aunt Amy."

She grabbed his hands, stepping towards him as he leant in to kiss her again.

"I love you," she whispered.

He kissed her deeper, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"We should go," Derek said, his eyes sparkling as they met Meredith's. "Before I lose my panties too."

Meredith laughed as she swatted him. "Derek Shepherd!"

"You're spending the night, right?" he asked hopefully as he opened the passenger door for her. "It's getting late."

Glancing at her watch, she groaned. "I have to be up in 5 hours."

Derek sighed sympathetically. "I don't miss being an intern. Does Amy have to go in then too? You two could carpool."

"She's my resident," Meredith said seriously. "Not my friend. A certain attending pointed that out Friday night."

"She's also your sister," Derek rolled his eyes. "You two can carpool to work. It's good for the environment."

"People at Mercy West don't know she's my sister," Meredith protested.

"Do they know I'm your boyfriend?" Derek asked her. At her nod, he continued. "Then they know Amy's your sister."

"You know," she looked out the window. "This time last year, I didn't have any sisters. Now I have three."

"Three?"

"Amelia, Lexie, and Liz," Meredith nodded. "I know you have Nancy and Kathleen too, but I don't really know them yet."

Yet. Derek bit back a grin. She wanted to get to know his family. Meredith still wanted a future with him.

"And what you know of Nancy, you don't like. I get it." Derek squeezed her hand. "How's that feel? Having sisters?"

Meredith's smile warmed his heart.

"You know how it feels when Abby squeezes you a little too tight? Like you can barely breathe and have never been happier all at the same time? Well, kind of like that."

"I'm really glad you get to have that now," he said quietly.

"Me too."

"Abby wore herself out," Derek commented, glancing at his sleeping princess through the rearview mirror.

"Being your date is pretty exhausting," Meredith did her best to keep a straight face, but ultimately failed.

Derek shook his head. "Speaking of sisters, how is living with Lexie?"

Meredith was quiet for a moment.

"Do I ramble as much as she does?"

Derek snorted. "I'm not sure that's possible, Mer."

"It's..." she sighed. "I'm trying, Derek. She's my sister and she's been amazing and... I'm trying. But she was raised by parents who loved each other. She's this normal, happy, bright and shiny girl. She's a child! You know she transferred her last rotations here for Mark, right?"

"She what?"

Meredith nodded. "Lexie goes to Harvard, Derek. Her last rotations were supposed to be at MGH and Brigham."

"She's home on break," Derek insisted. "Mark said..."

"She hasn't told him yet," Meredith said. "I tried to point out how well secrets worked for us, but she won't hear it. Claims there are other personal reasons, that she's not doing it for Mark. But seriously, other personal reasons? Please. She's doing it because she's a child and she's dating a manwhore and she's scared if she stays in Boston, Mark will find someone else or something."

"Lexie told you that?" Derek asked softly, making a mental note to talk to Mark as soon as possible.

Meredith shifted slightly in her seat. "Well, no, not all of that. But I can just tell."

Derek thought for a moment. "So where is she doing her rotations now?"

"Her next one is at Mercy West. Surgery. She's with Amelia, actually."

Derek felt sorry for their attendings.

"And then she's at Seattle Grace. For neuro. Would that be with you?"

"Probably," he nodded. "Well, I know Mercy West is no Mass Gen, but those aren't bad rotations to have. Even if she is just doing this for Mark, this won't hurt her career. Hell, a rotation with me right before intern year? She'll be way ahead of everyone else come July."

Meredith sighed. "She is a child, Derek."

"Abby is a child," The car accelerated and sailed under the light as it turned red.

"She is," Meredith rolled her eyes. "A child who hopefully will drive more cautiously than her father."

"I like to think I was a race car driver in another life," Derek grinned. "Definitely a Porsche driver."

Meredith rolled her eyes a second time.

Derek glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Abby is a child, Mer. Lexie is an adult. Not a child. She is an adult and she is allowed to make her own decisions."

"She's being ridiculous! You don't just up and change your life for a guy you've been dating for 3 months. You don't risk your entire future like that. Lexie's going to end up resenting him."

"I wonder where that came from," Derek said drily. "Must be genetic."

"What are you talking about?" Meredith snapped. "What's genetic?"

"LA," Derek said quietly.

"What?"

"According to you, Lexie shouldn't be risking her future for Mark because she's only been with him 3 months. You say she shouldn't be changing her plans for him. So what do you call faking sick and calling out of work less than 2 months into intern year to get on a plane to LA for a guy you were barely dating a month?"

Meredith's eyes widened. Their trip to LA seemed like a lifetime ago.

"What do you call quitting your job because of me?"

"Derek," Meredith whispered weakly.

He pulled into the lot of his building, squeezing the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Lexie's young," Derek said quietly. "But to be honest, Meredith, Lexie moving her rotations here, to Seattle, where she's going to be an intern in 6 months? That's not some crazy life changing thing. It's two rotations. She's not going to resent Mark for this."

"Derek, I…"

"Moving to Seattle six months early is not risking her future. Don't be a hypocrite."

Meredith gaped at him.

"A hypocrite? Seriously, Derek?"

"Yes," he nodded, opening the car door.

Meredith wanted to slam hers. She really, really wanted to slam the door shut and yell. But… Abby was sleeping with a wide smile on her face.

"You of all people should understand what Lexie's doing," Derek said. "Unless you resent me, which considering we just had sex in an exam room doesn't seem all that likely."

"I don't resent you," Meredith whispered. "I don't. I made those choices because… because I think you're it for me, Derek."

Derek eyed her warily. "So if you don't resent me, why do you think Lexie will wind up resenting Mark?"

"Mark's not you," she rolled her eyes. "I don't think you're going to start sleeping with random women just because. You're McDreamy, not McSteamy. You have a kid, Mark… Mark's Mark, Derek."

"Mark Sloan is a very different person than he was a year ago," he said quietly. "I don't think he's capable of being that guy anymore, or at the very least, he doesn't want to be."

"I don't resent you," Meredith repeated. "LA was... God, Derek, you got Abby because of that."

"And I'm very grateful for that, but you risked a hell of a lot more than Lexie is when you got on that plane."

"And I would do it again in a second," Meredith said forcefully.

"Quitting your job? Would you do that again too?" Derek asked.

"I like Mercy West," she replied.

"That's not what I asked," Derek glared.

"Don't use your Dad voice on me, Derek," Meredith warned. "I'm not Abby."

They stood in silence for a time before Meredith answered.

"Everything went to shit after I quit," she said quietly. "We were in this amazing place, talking about forever and houses and I met your family, and then it all went to crap."

"I hate that," Meredith bit her lip. "But... yes."

Derek's eyes widened.

"Would I quit again? Yes, I would. Webber and Burke were trying to destroy you, Derek. I'm an intern, I'm just starting out. You've worked so hard for years to establish yourself, I couldn't let you lose that."

"You should have come to me!" Derek hissed. "You shouldn't have made this unilateral decision about our lives without talking to me first."

"It was my life- my job, my career." she argued. "It was my choice."

"I don't want to fight with you tonight," Derek said tiredly. "But your choices don't just affect you anymore. You have to consider me and Abby before jumping the gun and rushing into decisions. You have to, Mer. If that's too fast or more than you are ready for, then sleep on the couch tonight and call me when you're ready."

Meredith watched Derek gently take a sleeping Abby out of her car seat and carry her towards the front door.

"I'll be up in a minute," she whispered.

She had considered Derek and Abby when she chose to quit.

She had.

She wasn't being selfish, she was thinking of their family.

She hid it from Derek because she knew he would get like this.

He didn't need to be her knight in shining armour.

Meredith found Derek laying on his bed, clothes still on.

"I hear you," she said quietly. "I've never done the family thing before. I was raised by Ellis Grey, I'm not used to having people. I don't know how to do the team thing."

"Come here," he whispered, propping himself with one arm. "Come to bed, it's late."

"I want to," Meredith said as he climbed under the covers. "I want to do the family thing with you and Abby."

"We want you to do the family thing with us," Derek wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. "Team Shepherd's missed you the past few weeks."

"Oh yeah?" she grinned, running her hand through his hair.

"Oh yes," Derek nodded. "I especially missed having you in my bed."

"Derek!" Meredith swatted him.

"I love you," he whispered. "Night, Mer."

"I love you," Meredith smiled as she closed her eyes.

She had missed being in Derek's bed too.

* * *

"Daddy!"

Meredith groaned, burying her head under the pillow.

"Daddy!" Abby shouted impatiently from outside the door.

"Come in, Bee," Derek pulled himself into a sitting position as she flung the door open.

"Daddy, we 'sposed to sleep in my castle!" Abby pouted.

Her castle.

Right.

His little tomboy had wanted no part of dressing up or wearing a princess crown to the prom. At least, she hadn't until Alex informed her that princesses live in castles.

When they finally got home, Derek had been so exhausted that he barely spared the pillow fort castle thing in his living room a passing glance.

He completely forgot that he promised Abby a princess sleep over.

Meredith grunted as Abby jumped up on the bed, landing on her stomach.

"Merdith!" Abby exclaimed. "You can sweep in my castle too!"

"Hey, hey, inside voice please," Derek said softly, pulling Abby off Meredith. "It's almost morning time now. We can have your princess sleep over another night."

"But Daddy you pwomised!" Abby yelled.

"I know," Derek agreed, "And we will have a sleep over in your castle, but not now. We'll do it tonight, this way we can have the whole night to sleep instead of just a few hours."

"You said tonight," Abby said angrily.

"Bee, you fell asleep in the car," he told her. "Things changed, but we will have it tonight."

"Pwomise?"

"I promise. What are you doing?"

"Sweeping here," Abby said, cuddling up to Meredith. "Is dat a pwoblem, Daddy?"

"No," he chuckled. "Not a problem, Bee."

"Good. Now shush, sweepy time, Daddy."

* * *

 **Monday, January 24th**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

"You look like crap," Jackson commented as Meredith ran into the locker room.

"Asshole," Meredith muttered under her breath.

"He's not wrong," Amelia grinned. "I heard Abby go barreling in around 3. Did you and Derek get any sleep last night?"

"Wait- Derek? You're back with Shepherd?" Jackson asked in disbelief. "When... how the hell did that happen?"

"We're not friends, Avery," Meredith said shortly. "Dr. Shepherd..."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "I'm not answering to that, Meredith."

Meredith huffed.

"Hey, did you know we have a student for the next month? From Harvard?" Amelia asked.

"Why would I know that?"

"Oh I don't know," Amelia crossed her arms. "Maybe because she's your roommate?"

"I thought you lived with your sister?" Jackson asked.

"I do," Meredith bit out. "Fine, yes, she told me. I figured the hospital would tell you, I didn't know it was my job."

"What's she doing here?" Amelia pushed.

"I already did this with Derek last night," Meredith snapped. "I'm not doing this with you this morning."

"Is she here for Mark?"

"Dr. Shepherd, I have patients."

"I asked you a question, don't get all snippy. She transferred rotations here for Mark?"

"Has anyone told you that you're very annoying?"

Amelia snorted. "Derek and Mark have mentioned that from time to time, yes. Fine, I'll drop the Lexie thing. But you have to be civil, okay?"

"I live with her, Amelia. I can be civil."

"Good. Come on, we've got to find Lexie. Hahn's out today and they've got a new cardio attending we're supposed to meet. Avery, you're with me today too."

"I heard about the new attending," Jackson nodded. "She's supposed to be pretty bad ass. Worked somewhere on the East Coast. Just moved out here a few weeks ago after giving birth. Apparently, she's just per diem right now, she'll go full time when the baby is a bit older."

"Who the hell moves across the country right after giving birth?" Meredith asked. "That seems way too stressful."

"Dr. Shepherd!" Lexie ran over to them.

"Don't call me Dr. Shepherd," Amelia waved her off. "Derek's Dr. Shepherd."

"Amelia, I just met the new cardio attending and..."

"Oh good, what did you think? Oh! Coffee. Grab one on me, all of you. I'm freaking exhausted from that stupid prom. Speaking of the prom, Mer, did you see Alex's text?"

"About Denny Duquette? Yeah, I did." Meredith sighed. "I was sort of arguing with Derek at the time, but I read it this morning. How's Iz? I tried calling but it went straight to voicemail."

"Who's Denny?" Lexie asked. "Isn't that the patient who cut his LVAD?"

"That one," Amelia said grimly. "He died out of nowhere last night. There's a huge investigation happening today. Alex said Izzie confessed and Webber fired her on the spot. Bailey's in some hot water too, from what I heard."

Meredith shook her head. Add avoiding this mess to the reasons she was grateful to be at Mercy West.

"Amelia, the new Cardio attending..."

"Avery was telling us about her. Sounds like a psycho. Moving across the country with a new baby and not taking full mat leave? What kind of crazy would do that?"

"Maybe it's ego?" Jackson suggested. "Or fear of being Mommy tracked if she's out too long?"

"Or Ellis Grey syndrome," Meredith snorted. "Hopefully, her kid's got a good Dad to compensate."

"I like to think my husband is a good dad, Dr. Grey, but I appreciate your concern."

Meredith froze.

Amelia's jaw was on the floor.

Lexie nervously shifted from foot to foot.

"Jackson Avery," Jackson introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you, Jackson," she said calmly, a small smirk on her face as she eyed Meredith and Amelia. "I usually let my interns and residents call me by my first name, so call me Liz. Grey and Shepherd on the other hand, can call me Dr. Kraft. I'll meet you for rounds in a few minutes, I have to pump real quick."

"She seems... okay," Jackson said cautiously.

"Well," Amelia grimaced. "We were definitely right on the psycho part. Do you think Mark or Derek know about this?"

"No way," Meredith whispered. "They would have told us, wouldn't they? Lexie?"

"No one said anything to me."

"I don't..."

"That's Liz Shepherd Kraft," Meredith told him. "Amelia's sister."

"Avery, you can go find Torres if you want," Amelia sighed. "Otherwise, you're looking at a long ass day stuck with the Shepherd sisters."

* * *

 **Monday, January 24th**

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

"Dr. Karev, are you saying that you played no part in the treatment of Denny Duquette?"

"I went to retrieve the heart, but that's all. Once I arrived back to the hospital, Dr. Hahn had taken over. She brought a resident and an intern with her from Mercy West, so I was taken off the case."

"Did you know that Dr. Stevens planned to cut the LVAD wire?"

"No," Alex said honestly. "None of us did. Izzie..."

Derek shot him a warning look.

"Dr. Stevens," he corrected himself, "called Dr. O'Malley, Dr. Yang, and I after the fact. I was already on the plane to retrieve the heart."

"Thank you," Webber sighed. "You can go, Dr. Karev. Dr. Shepherd will let you know our decision."

Derek sighed as the door closed behind Alex.

"What are we doing, Chief? Stevens already admitted she acted alone in cutting the LVAD. Any help from Yang, O'Malley, and Bailey after the fact are what kept him alive long enough for the donor heart to get here. You've seen the autopsy, he died of a stroke after developing a clot."

"A clot off of an incision he wouldn't have had if Stevens hadn't cut the wire."

"Which would have meant he never got the donor heart and would have died from heart failure," Derek argued. "The man was a ticking time bomb. Should Stevens have cut the wire? No. She's been disciplined already. Should Bailey have been monitoring her interns more closely? Probably. But, if you remember, Chief, you pulled Bailey to help with the shooting and the Burke situation. Stevens saw an opportunity and ran with it. This should end with Steven's dismissal."

"If we let Bailey get off with no consequences..."

"Fine, put Bailey and the interns on my service for a month. I'll take responsibility for them."

Webber eyes Derek warily.

"Karev's dating your sister..."

"Yes, he is. Karev also saved my daughter's life. Is there a point to this, Chief?"

"It could look like favoritism."

"To who? You? The Board? Burke?" Derek stood up. "Can I go now? I have patients and surgery."

"Appearances matter, Shepherd."

"So stop favoring Burke, Chief. I have to go."

* * *

 **Monday, Janaury 24th**

 **Mercy West Medical Center**

"She's Satan," Amelia groaned, collapsing into a chair next to Callie's in the cafeteria.

"Who?" Callie asked through a mouth full of food.

"The new cardio attending," Meredith answered.

Callie looked between them. "Isn't the new cardio attending a Shepherd?"

"She's a satanic demon psychopath," Amelia groaned.

"At least she's only per diem for now," Meredith reminded her. "We're really screwed once Lindsay is old enough for her to work full time."

"Maybe I should transfer to Seattle Grace."

"With Burke and Webber?" Meredith rolled her eyes. "There's dramatic and then there's just stupid. Don't be an idiot."

"Mark said it's a shit show over there right now," Lexie pitched in. "Derek and Webber aren't speaking, but I guess Derek won the argument over punishments."

"He did, thank God," Amelia sighed. "Alex says they were all just assigned to neuro until further notice. Webber apparently wanted to be harder on Bailey, but Derek refused to back him."

"You know, I was going to ask," Callie said warily, "but, I don't think I really want to know."

"Did you know that Grey and Shepherd are back together?" Jackson asked her.

Callie nearly choked. "What? When? How?"

"You know, I think I liked it better when I didn't have friends here."

"Are you officially back together?" Lexie asked. "I know you hooked up after prom and went home with him, but, are you really back together or just having sex?"

"What prom?" Callie asked.

"I went home with him after Katie Bryce's surgery. We've talked a bit this weekend. We want to be together, to be a family. We've got some work to do to get back to where we were. But we want to. That's what counts, right?"

"Absolutely," Amelia nodded. "I get the feeling you want dealing with Derek advice. Spit it out. What did he do?"

Meredith huffed. "He... he just doesn't get it. He keeps accusing me of not considering him or Abby when I quit Seattle Grace. I did think about them. I made the decision I felt was best for our family."

"Without talking to him," Amelia pointed out. "I understand why you quit and why you felt it was the only choice you had. And, knowing how fast everything happened, I understand why you didn't talk it over with Derek first. But, you didn't talk to him period. He found out by accident after you lied for weeks."

"If you had gone to him after you quit, would he have been upset? Yes, because neither of you should have been put in that situation. But I really think that if you had gone to him from the start and explained everything, he would have understood."

"He's hurt," Lexie said softly. "He feels like you didn't want his input or care about what he thought. He's already had one marriage where his wife made unilateral decisions about their lives, he doesn't want another."

"I'm not Addison!" Meredith snapped.

"No, you most certainly are not," Liz sighed. "Mind if I join you?"

"As our attending or as our sister?" Amelia demanded. "Because my attending is satan and I need a break."

Liz rolled her eyes. "As your sister. You're not Addison, Meredith. Derek doesn't think that for a second. My opinions of Addison have changed over the years, but she's a good person who had good intentions. She and Derek loved each other in college and when they got married. Has he told you much about our Mom or how we were raised, Mer?"

Meredith shook her head.

"We're Irish Catholic. Divorce... it's not accepted very well. The person Derek had promised to spend the rest of his life with hurt him in ways I can hardly begin to imagine. That's a part of his past and it's not going to go away. I'm not asking you to walk on eggshells, but you need to keep that in mind. When you lied to him and hid this massive thing from him, he felt like you didn't trust him. He felt like he did something wrong. And then he couldn't trust you. Derek runs from things that scare him. That's why he quit Seattle Grace last summer, because he was scared of raising Abby out here. That's why he left your apartment that night. Because he was scared."

"Addison made decisions and Derek went along with them," Liz said gently. "She claimed they were what was best for their family, but they never talked about anything. Derek never really had a say."

Meredith paled.

"Talk to him," Liz squeezed her arm. "Really talk. Dan will probably kill me for offering, but we can take Abby one night."

"Don't be ridiculous," Amelia shook her head. "Alex and I can watch her. Lex can stay with Mark and you two can have your apartment for a night. Liz is right, just talk to him. He loves you, Mer. His eyes freaking sparkle when he looks at you for God's sake."

"All couples fight," Liz told her. "You two will be fine. Just talk to each other."

* * *

 **Seattle Grace Hospital**

"Where's Yang?" Derek asked tiredly.

"Bathroom," George said quickly. "Her stomach's been acting up."

Alex raised his eyebrows.

"I'm here, I'm here," Cristina said, racing over to them.

"Yang, if you're sick..." Derek trailed off.

"I'm not sick, I'm fine."

He sighed. "Fine, but if you throw up again, go get yourself checked out. I can't have you around patients if you're contagious. All right, I'm leaving. Karev, head out soon, you've been here since Saturday morning. Yang, O'Malley, page me if you need me. Don't kill any of my patients, I'll see you in the morning."

When he reached his office, his smile widened.

"Hey," he kissed her cheek. "What are you doing here?"

Meredith grinned. "Well, my attending let me leave early. Amelia said she'll watch Abby. Lexie is staying at Mark's... I was hoping we could go to my apartment and have that talk."

An hour later, Derek sat on Meredith's bed while she paced back and forth in front of him. "Mer?"

"I'm... I'm thinking," she sighed. "I'm sorry."

Derek sat up straighter.

"I'm not sorry I quit my job," Meredith said quietly. "But I am sorry that I didn't tell you. I... I should have told you right when it happened. I shouldn't have lied to you."

"Why didn't you talk to me first?" Derek asked. "Before you went to Webber and quit, why didn't you come find me? We could have figured something out."

"I didn't think there was time. The Board meeting was minutes away and I just wanted to stop it."

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "When I saw you outside Mercy West that night, I barely recognized you."

"I know," Meredith sat down next to him. "You shouldn't have found out that way."

"I don't ever want to be the last to know again," he said seriously. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm sorry. I was scared," Meredith admitted. "So I ran. And then it just kept getting bigger and I just kept running."

"I know that feeling. I'm basically an Olympian at that," Derek flinched. "I don't think I've ever admitted that to anyone before."

"Admitted what? That McDreamy has flaws?" Meredith's giggles brought a small smile to his face.

"I don't want this to happen again."

"Me either," Meredith whispered. "So we'll make sure it doesn't. We'll talk, even if we're scared. Stop running."

"No running," Derek nodded. "If we're scared and want to run, we find each other and talk through it."

"Is anything else bothering you?" she asked.

Derek was quiet for a minute. "Yes," he said finally. "Last night, you said that it was your job and your life, so it was your choice."

"I remember."

"I know you've never been a part of a family before, but did you ever play sports?"

"Does Ellis seem like a soccer mom to you?"

"Umm... no. Okay, well have you ever heard that saying, there's no I in team?"

"I didn't grow up completely under a rock. Yes, I've heard it."

Derek took a deep breath. "Well, you're on Team Shepherd, right?"

Meredith nodded.

"There's no I in team. It's not just about you anymore. Abby worships you, Mer. And the past few weeks have been really hard on her. I'm not sure you realize it, but we had fallen into quite the pattern with her. We had minimizing her time in daycare down to a science and she loved it. Abby loved having separate time with each of us and then family time together. She might think she's this little grown-up, but she's not. Abby is four years old and up until last summer, she had been serially abandoned her entire life. One day, she sees both of us pretty much 24/7, and the next, her two favorite people in the world are barely speaking."

Meredith felt the tears well up in her eyes.

"I never even thought of it like that."

"It's not just your life anymore, Mer. Like I said last night, if this is too much, tell me and I'll figure something out with Abby, but..."

She cut him off with a kiss. "It's not too much," she whispered. "It's... a year ago, I didn't want any of this. But... now? Now I want all of it. I want it to be 'our' and 'we' instead of 'I' or 'me'. I don't want it just be my life anymore."

"God, I love you," Derek said softly. "Lexie is staying at Mark's tonight, right?"

"Yes," Meredith laughed as he pulled her back on the bed. "Derek, stop!"

"What? We are all alone in an empty apartment, on a very comfy bed. We don't have to worry about Abby knocking the door off the hinges. I want sex."

Meredith bit her lip.

"Mer?" Derek sat up. "What's wrong?"

"You promised Abby a sleepover in her castle tonight," she said quietly.

"Shit," his eyes widened and he quickly stood up. "Let's go."

* * *

The moment the elevator door opened onto Derek's floor, all they could hear was loud voices and laughter.

"I thought your neighbors moved out?" Meredith said slowly, looking around cautiously.

"They did," Derek's eyes were wide. "Which means all that noise is either from Mark's apartment or mine. Great. This should be fun. What time do you have to be at work tomorrow? I forgot to ask earlier."

"Seven. My attending is new so she doesn't have any scheduled surgeries yet."

"You have a new cardio attending?" Derek asked curiously. "What's her name? Where's she from?"

Derek's eyes widened as a teenager nearly ran them over on a skateboard.

"Sorry, Uncle Derek!"

"What the... Eric, do not let your brother on that skateboard!" Derek raced down the hall after his nephews.

"Hi, Aunt Meredith," Josh grinned at her. "Mommy said she works with you and Aunt 'Melia now!"

Derek froze. "Meredith? What is Josh talking about?"

Meredith grinned sheepishly. "My new attending is from Sinai."

Derek's eyes widened. "You can't be serious."

"Uncle Derek, Eric says he can skateboard down the stairs. Isn't the cool?"

"We're talking about this later," he told her. "Eric Daniel Kraft, don't you dare!"

"Merdith!" Abby squeezed her legs in a tight hug. "Come play in my castle. Meggy says it's the bestest castle ever!"

Meredith laughed and let Abby pull her into the living room, where Amelia was waiting with Meghan and Lexie.

Derek's apartment was in shambles.

The Kraft kids had come in like a wrecking ball.

"The kids burned Dan out today," Amelia offered. "Liz begged me to take them."

Of course, Amelia said yes.

Because the Shepherds were a family.

And saying yes is what families do.


End file.
